| Stargazing by Azelma |
| Chapter #1 - Stargazing |
| A/N: Written for larinzia's Happy Things Writing Challenge on LiveJournal. My prompt was scanning a star-filled sky on a still winter night. Originally I was going to write it after Lies My Parents Told Me, but I decided it would fit better between Showtime and Potential. Also, this one was SO hard to keep at 1,000 words. :( She finally finds him on the roof of the house, smoking a cigarette. Silver wisps of smoke encircle him and the red embers from the cigarette are bright – almost too bright – against the charcoal black of the sky. He’s breathtakingly beautiful and Buffy finds herself at a loss for words. He turns to look at her with the shy, vulnerable smile that makes her heart melt and her knees go weak. “Just wanted a bit of fresh air, pet. Hope you don’t mind.” Buffy shakes her head, moving to sit next to him. “You shouldn’t be up here, you know. You’re not fully healed.” “I’ll be fine.” “Are you sure?” He won’t be fine. She knows that and she’s sure that he knows it as well. They’ve both been through too much, emotionally and physically, to ever be fine. She sighs, shaking her head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner.” He turns to look at her, alarm flashing across his face. “Sorry? Not your fault the bloody First took me, pet. You have nothing to be sorry about.” She wants to tell him that he’s wrong. That she has so much to be sorry about – so much she regrets, wishes that she could take back – especially where it concerns him. She wants to tell him that she’s sorry for last year. That she’s sorry she used him, that she took his love for granted. She wants him to know that she does care about him, that he means something to her. That he’s the one constant in her life. Instead, all she can do is shiver and pull her jacket closer, trying not to look at him. If she looks at him, she doesn’t know what she’ll do. She fears what she might say – what he might say. She fears that she might actually tell him she loves him. It’s hard enough for her to tell herself that she loves him, let alone tell him. She knows that she’ll tell him eventually – when the world is falling apart and when she has no other choice – but she’s too much of a coward to say it now, and the words sound too foreign on her tongue. Out of the corner of her eye, she watches as he flicks the ash off the end of his cigarette. She wonders how he can be so graceful, even when he’s battered and bruised. The image of him in the First’s cave still haunts her and she closes her eyes in an effort to make it go away. “Pet? You okay?” Her eyes snap open to find him staring at her, his beautiful blue eyes full of concern. “I’m fine, Spike.” “Are you sure?” He repeats her earlier words and she manages a brief smile. He smiles back at her and she has to look away again, fearful of what might happen. She turns her gaze to the stars, and immediately finds herself lost in their bright, peaceful presence. “Beautiful, aren’t they? Never understood how something so small and far away could be so beautiful.” The soft timbre of his voice captives her and it’s as if she’s drawn into a trance, just by the sound of his voice. “Me and Dru used to dance under the stars. Loved the stars, she did. Used to think they were talking to her.” He smiles softly, and for a moment Buffy wonders if he’s in another world. In a world where he was happy, where he had everything he ever wanted. “Used to study the constellations when I was a boy. Was the only bit of science I liked in school.” Buffy smiles, nodding. “I hated science, too. But, I pretty much hated everything in school.” Spike chuckles, which makes Buffy’s smile grow wider. It’s so nice to hear him laugh, she thinks. Neither of them have laughed enough in the past year and she misses the sound. “Let me teach you a bit of science, pet.” She looks at him, startled. “Don’t worry, nothing big. See that bit of stars up there, the one right above us?” Buffy squints at the stars above them. “Uh, sort of.” He snorts and moves closer to her, picking up her hand. Buffy shivers at the touch and Spike immediately freezes, looking at her with wide eyes. “Buffy, pet, I’m sorry. Didn’t realize what….” He withdraws his hand, shrinking back as if waiting for a punishment. Buffy can feel her heart break as she reaches for his hand, lacing their fingers together. “It’s ok, Spike. Really.” He smiles hesitantly at her, clearing his throat nervously. “Oh. Well, alright, then.” He lifts their joined hands, pointing out a pattern of stars above them. She watches, amazed, as he traces a path between the stars. “See that pattern, there? That’s Orion. He was a great hunter, all fierce and powerful. He fell in love with this bird named Merope who didn’t want anything to do with him.” He pauses, gazing at her sadly. “He lived in torment until the great, sodding poof went and stepped on a scorpion, which killed him. The Gods went and put him in the sky after that, and you can see the constellation every January.” He sighs, looking at the stars wistfully. Buffy watches him, her heart aching to comfort him, to take him in her arms and never let him go. She wonders if he had chosen to tell the story because it is so similar to his life – to his unrequited love for her. She sighs, moving closer to him. Taking a deep breath, Buffy lays her head on his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck. He smells of whiskey and smoke, along with a scent that is so distinctly Spike. “Spike?” She smiles up at him tenderly. “Show me another one.” His smile is as bright as the stars and Buffy can feel herself falling in love with him all over again. She knows, at that moment, that there’s nowhere else she’d rather be. |