Lessons in Love by Spikez_tart

Chapter #1 - You Need a Plan

Chapter 1 – You Need a Plan Spike sat at the Bronze bar under the huge mirror and watched the room. Actually, he sat down at the bar so he could watch Buffy and those blighters she called her friends. As usual, Buffy was laughing and dancing and having a grand time for herself. She avoided Spike like the Bubonic Plague, which was also as usual. Buffy was dancing with Harris, in a way that Spike considered entirely too sexy for her to be doing with anyone but him. He’d have to give his slutty girl a good spanking when she showed up at his crypt. She could come over and say hello, considering. Considering they’d torn that abandoned house down having a shag fest. Considering they’d been shagging like maniacs for a month. Considering he’d told her about fifty times he loved her. But, she didn’t. So, he sat at the bar, getting pissed on Jack Daniels he bought with money he’d stolen from the Whelp earlier. Spike stopped by Buffy’s table and got chased off by Harris, so he felt it was right Harris should pay for his booze. Spike was about to give up on Buffy, while he could walk more or less straight, and go back to his crypt to wait for her to show up, when an attractive brunette walked up to the bar next to him and waved to get the bartender’s attention. He’d seen her around town, but couldn’t place her. Then, he remembered. She’d been the Whelp’s girlfriend a couple of years ago. She had terrible taste in men, but she’d be someone to talk to while Buffy ignored him. He remembered this girl was one of the few friends of Buffy’s who didn’t bother to sugar coat things and said what she thought. He also remembered she was surrounded by men of all ages and descriptions. She was attractive, but her good looks didn’t explain the powerful force she exerted on the opposite sex. “How about a drink, luv?” *** It wasn’t fair, Buffy thought as she stared at Spike’s back when Xander wasn’t eyeballing her. It wasn’t fair that Spike could stare at her in the mirror and she could only look at the back of his coat. It also wasn’t fair that she was dancing with Xander, her old friend, who’d been obsessing over her since the day they met in high school. Xander danced like a geek. She wanted to dance with Spike. Spike was way hot. He was crazy in love with her and a good dancer, too. She wanted to feel his hand on her neck, where he bit her last night. She touched her bite mark under her shirt and jerked her hand away as if she’d been burned. She had no one to blame but herself that Spike didn’t have his arms around her this minute. She was a coward. Buffy, the Chosen One. Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, who was strong as a regurgitating frolax, who’d taken on demons, vampires, the Master, a Hellgod, No-Soul Angel and any number of apocalypses without so much as turning a hair, well, maybe a few hairs, was afraid. She was afraid to tell her friends that she had a thing with Spike. And, she was being cruel, too. When Spike came over to talk to her earlier, Xander chased him off and Buffy did nothing to stop Xander. She saw the hurt look on Spike’s face and she did nothing. She did nothing, because she was afraid her stupid friends wouldn’t approve. *** Cordelia looked at the vampire with cotton-white hair who’d offered to buy her a drink. She’d never met him before, but she knew who he was. Spike. Spike - who’d messed up her romance with Xander. Spike - who’d kipnapped Willow and Xander, so Willow would perform a love spell on his psychotic vampire girlfriend. Spike - who Cordelia held personally responsible for her getting a metal stake through her belly when she went with that creepy werewolf character, Oz, to rescue Xander and Willow at that nasty burnt-out factory. The scar from being skewered with that metal stake messed up any possibility of Cordelia ever wearing a thong bikini again. Unforgivable. She hated Spike, but she had been out of town for months and none of her regular puppies were available to flirt with and buy her drinks. Buying her own drink was unthinkable. “I’m Cordelia,” she said. “You’re hotter looking than any of the men here, so I’ll let you buy me drinks until someone with a heartbeat comes along.” She didn’t say anything more, because in her scheme of male and female relationships, it was up to Spike to provide witty conversation since he didn’t have an interesting family trust fund. Spike slurped from his glass and pushed a few dollars to the bartender to pay for her drink. A young man approached Cordelia and asked her to dance. Spike snapped into his vamp face and told the punk to piss off. The young man scurried away. “Hey! I was thinking about dancing with that guy.” “Not thinking very hard, were you, luv?” He shook off his vamp face. She made a small smile calculated to encourage but not convey any real interest. “You’ve been gone a while,” Spike said. “Coming back to Sunnyhell for good?” “No. My mom is selling her house. I came back to get rid of my stuff.” She had no intention of telling this albino bloodsucker the whole story of how her mother was moving to Allentown, Pennsylvania. Mom wanted to be close to the federal prison so she could see Cordelia’s father, the tax evader, on visiting day. Allentown, PA was one place Cordelia never planned on going. Her father was number one on the list of people who’d ruined her life, followed closely by Captain Peroxide, here. Spike looked at the mirror again to see what Buffy was doing. Cordelia turned around to see who he was watching. He was staring at Buffy. Cordelia hated Buffy, too, for a variety of reasons. She’d kept Xander infatuated while Cordelia dated him and she allowed Angel to carry a torch long after their relationship was so history. Also, Buffy earned Cordelia’s enmity for choosing Willow and Xander and other assorted geeks to hang around with when she, Queen Cordelia, offered her friendship and acceptance into the cool crowd. Why was Spike keeping an eye on Buffy? Was he in love with her? “Are you mooning after Buffy?” “Bloody hell.” It was bad enough to be running after the Slayer like a whipped cur, but to have other people notice how wretched he was, that was too much to bear. Cordelia watched Buffy and sipped her drink. She caught Buffy sneaking a look at her and Spike every few minutes. Buffy was acting very much like she was jealous. Spike sat at the bar by himself watching Buffy in the mirror and Buffy, who could have been dancing with someone passable, danced with Xander and kept her eye on Spike. The situation suggested certain possibilities to Cordelia. “Are you sleeping with Buffy?” Spike choked on his drink. “What’s it to you?” “I find it interesting that the Chosen Slayer is having sex with a vampire. Again. It’s so star-crossed or something.” She found it interesting that Miss-High-and-Mighty Buffy was associating with Spike for other reasons as well. Spike snarled at Cordelia’s reminder of Buffy’s romance with Angelus. “Crossed is right. She won’t even tell her mates that she’s seeing me.” So, Buffy was still keeping secrets. Cordelia didn’t understand why Buffy was keeping Spike under wraps. She’d been open enough about her relationship with Angel until he got nasty and killed Miss Calendar, tortured Giles and opened up a hell dimension. Spike was a lot more presentable than Xander and a handsome guy like Spike could be used to lure other attractive candidates. Xander had no luring possibilities, as Cordelia knew. She considered the way Xander hid their relationship from the Scoobies. Not that she’d minded; dating Xander was one of the most embarrassing things she’d ever done in her whole life. At the time, she thought Xander hid their relationship because he lusted for Buffy and imagined one day Buffy might come to her senses and fall in love with him. *As if.* Cordelia heard through the grapevine Willow had done the same thing and hidden her relationship with Tara from the gang for weeks. “I get it,” she said. “Nobody’s supposed to know about the two of you. The Scoobies would be upset if they knew you and Buffy were getting all groiny. They always get upset when one of the gang has sex. I’m right, aren’t I?” Spike rolled his eyes and said nothing. Cordelia felt she owed Buffy some punishment for keeping Xander on a string and for ignoring her own overtures of friendship. She owed Spike some damage for what he’d done, too. “She doesn’t want any of her friends to know about you.” Spike sighed. “Worse than that.” “Oh?” “If you must know, I’m crazy about her and she won’t give me the time of day.” Cordelia laughed. Spike didn’t appear to have the slightest idea how much affect he had on Buffy. “She doesn’t care about you at all, which is why she looked over here fifteen times in the past minute to see what you were up to talking with me.” “She did?” Spike turned to see if he could catch Buffy spying on him, but Cordelia grabbed his arm and jerked him back to face the bar. “Don’t look at her, Mr. Lame. No wonder she’s giving you a hard time.” “Huh?” Cordelia sighed. “Haven’t you heard of playing hard to get? How old are you anyway?” “A hundred and … Hey, I was romantically involved with Drusilla ever since she turned me. I didn’t run around with other vamp girls. Well, not much. I didn’t have to play hard to get with Dru. She loved me.” It was Cordelia’s turn to roll her eyes. Spike was bragging about being the love object of a crazy female vampire. “Pathetic much? I heard about how much she loved you. She had sex with Angel and ran off with a Chaos Demon. Aren’t they the ones with the drippy antlers?” Spike made a face and ordered two more drinks. “Can we change the subject?” The bar was getting crowded and a number of acceptable male companions had come in while they were talking. Cordelia, seeing an opportunity to pay back Buffy and Spike and to accomplish something for herself, dismissed a couple of potential male prospects. “No, I like this subject. I can help you.” “Help me with what?” “I can help you with your Buffy problem. I can give you some pointers on how to get her to notice you.” “I’m not interested in playing games with the Slayer.” “No, you’d rather sit here at the bar and get drunk while you watch her dance with another man.” Spike growled. “That’s what I thought. You need a plan.”

Chapter #2 - What Don't You Like About It?

Chapter 2 – What Don’t You Like About It? Buffy gave herself a muscle cramp twisting her head around to see what Spike and Cordelia were doing. “Owwww,” she said, massaging her neck. Cordelia was *so* the boyfriend-grabby type. She’d moved in on Buffy’s boyfriends before, but Buffy couldn’t understand why she’d be interested in Spike. Cordelia hated Spike for being the motivating factor in the bust up of her affair with Xander. Cordelia waved off a couple of acceptable looking guys, so Buffy figured she must be up to something. When the band paused between songs, Xander looked around and saw Cordelia talking to Spike. “Do you see what I see, Buffy?” he said. “You mean Spike and Queen Cordelia acting all chummy?” “Yeah.” The band began playing again, and Buffy tugged on Xander’s arm. “Keep dancing and stop staring at them.” Xander moved around Buffy in his patented spaz-like manner, only now he fought with her to see who would be facing the bar and keeping an eye on Cordelia and Spike. “Cut it out, Xander. I want to see what Spike’s doing.” Buffy immediately regretted saying she was interested in what Spike was doing. To her relief, Xander was too busy spying on Cordelia to notice her remark. Xander pushed Buffy around again, so he could see. “He’s buying her drinks with the money he stole from me.” Xander stepped on Buffy’s foot, smudging the toe of her fashionable shoe. Shoe-smudging and toe mangling could not be tolerated. “Okay, Bigfoot, no more dancing,” she said. “Let’s sit down and we can both watch.” After they returned to their favorite booth, Xander leaned close to Buffy so Anya and Willow couldn’t hear him. “I don’t like it.” “Me, either,” Buffy said. “What don’t you like about it?” “You first,” Buffy said. “I hate Spike. I don’t want Cordelia involved with Spike. Also, I hate Spike. I think that covers it.” “Um.” Buffy didn’t want to admit she was not so hating of Spike these days as formerly or to explain why she didn’t think much of the idea of Cordelia hanging around Spike, so she said nothing. The two watched with growing aggravation as Spike and Cordelia went out to the dance floor and did a very sexy dance. *** “Hold me closer, you idiot.” Spike drew his arms closer around Cordelia’s waist, without actually bringing her body in contact with his. “Buffy’s not going to believe you’re interested in me if you hold me like I’m your Aunt Esmerelda. Get real.” Cordelia jerked Spike close and ground her pelvis into his. “I don’t have an Aunt Esmerelda, and Buffy’s not going to believe I’m interested in you, because she knows I love her. This is a stupid plan.” “Shut up and smile. Look into my eyes. Pretend I’m Buffy, if you must.” Spike looked into her dark hazel eyes. He smiled, but there was no pretending this girl was anything like the Slayer. If she had golden hair and green eyes and a cute ass … “That’s marginally better. Do you still have your lair in that disgusting factory?” “No, my *lair* is in a crypt over in the Restfield Cemetery.” Cordelia was certain her face must be turning chartreuse at the thought of living in a crypt, but Spike didn’t notice. Spike sighed. “I don’t see how dancing together is going to get Buffy to pay attention to me.” “Turn me around so I can see what Buffy’s doing. Good. She’s staring at us like she’s ready to drive a stake through somebody’s heart.” Cordelia laughed as if Spike had said something tremendously funny, for Buffy’s benefit. With great effort, Spike restrained himself from putting his hands around her throat and throttling her. If he didn’t have this damn chip in his head, he’d snap her neck for that phony laugh. He didn’t think about strangling her for long, because another problem presented itself. Spike frowned. “Could you not grind against me like that? You’re giving me a hard-on.” “Excellent! Let’s go talk to Buffy and let her see how much fun you’re having.” “You’re going to get me dusted,” Spike said under his breath, but allowed Cordelia to grab his hand and drag him to the booth where Buffy held court with her gang. “Buffy – Xander - Willow – Anya – Hi!” said Cordelia, her voice full of false enthusiasm. “Gosh, it’s good to see everyone. Mind if we sit down? I was catching up on old times with Spike.” Cordelia shoved her way between Buffy and Xander without waiting for an invitation and pulled Spike down beside her. Buffy looked at Spike’s jeans. He had a hard-on. Buffy narrowed her eyes and stared straight in Spike’s eyes. It was the same look she gave creatures of the night that didn’t cooperate when she killed them. “How much longer are you going to be in town?” Buffy said. She gritted her teeth and made a square smile, not unlike the one Cordelia was wearing. “Funny you should ask.” Cordelia squeezed Spike’s hand and gave him an enthralled look. “I planned a short visit, but I met Spike and I’m staying indefinitely.” Cordelia whispered into Spike’s ear. “Go along with me.” “Go along with what?” Cordelia closed her eyes. Men could be so stupid. She would have to carry the entire show. Fortunately, she was an excellent actress. “The Bronze continues to be a major bore. Spike, why don’t you take me to see your crypt?” Cordelia stood up and pulled Spike up after her. “My crypt, yeah. Let’s go.” He couldn’t wait to get out of the Slayer’s line of sight. In the past month, he’d gotten good at gauging how mad Buffy was at any given moment and at this moment, she was ready to blow up. Spike and Cordelia walked out of the back door to the Bronze, which was the shortest direction to Spike’s crypt, as Buffy knew from personal experience. “I can’t believe the words ‘take me to see your crypt’ actually came out of my orthodontically perfect mouth.” Cordelia said to herself. *** Buffy face wrinkled up into something resembling a 100-year old vampire with a hemoglobin jones. Spike was up to something. He was up to something and he had a Cordelia-induced hard-on. He always hung around Buffy no matter how hard the others tried to get rid of him. Tonight, he was anxious to leave. He was in such a hurry; he didn’t even steal the rest of Xander’s loose change from the table when he left. Buffy scooted across the leather booth so she was sitting next to Xander. “I don’t get it,” Xander said. “Me, either,” Buffy said. It wasn’t true she didn’t get it. Spike was punishing her for not talking to him earlier and for not telling her friends that she was seeing him. Cordelia was stealing another one of Buffy’s boyfriends without even knowing Spike was her boyfriend. She must be psychic. “What don’t you get?” “A – I don’t get the part where Cordy hangs around with Dead Boy, who she hates and B – I don’t get the part about Cordy going to visit a crypt. Any crypt. Ever. For any reason.” “The crypt part is way wiggins.” Buffy waited for a decent interval of forty-five seconds before she stood up to leave. “It’s time for me to patrol.”

Chapter #3 - Act Like You Mean It

Chapter 3 – Act Like You Mean It “Ewww, Spike. What can Buffy possibly be thinking?” Cordelia made a face and wiped her finger through the dust on top of Spike’s television. “What?” “This place. It’s a crypt.” “What’s wrong with it?” “That couch for one thing. That couch is gross. It looks like you hauled it out of the town dump.” Grrrrrrghh. What was wrong with getting your couch from the town dump? Buffy never complained about it. She’d helped him test out his couch more than once. Cordelia spotted the blanket he used when he went to Buffy’s house to filch her underwear. She lifted the blanket up between her thumb and forefinger and made a face. “Do you sleep on top of this stone coffin thing?” “I’ve got a bed downstairs,” Spike lit a cigarette and waved his hand towards the ladder that went to the lower level. He didn’t mention that when the soldiers were looking for him, he’d slept inside the stone coffin, along with the bones of the permanent occupant. “How romantic – a sewer-level hideaway. How does she stand it? Never mind. Let’s get down to business. I don’t want to spend all night in this hellhole.” Spike sat down in his chair and ignored his visitor and daydreamed about Buffy. When she was in a good mood, being with Buffy was easy. The last time Buffy visited, she sat next to him, perched on the arm of his chair and ruffled his hair. Like a fool, he insisted she tell her friends about them and she got mad and scarpered out into the sun where he couldn’t follow her. Being with Cordelia was not the least bit easy, in fact, Cordelia was driving him crazy. He regretted buying her that first drink, almost as much as he regretted letting her talk him into this bloody project to get Buffy to notice him. Cordelia flopped down on Spike’s lap, causing intense pain in certain parts of his anatomy where he preferred not to feel pain. She hiked up her short skirt, grabbed Spike’s hand and placed it between her legs. “What are you doing, bint?” Spike flipped away his cigarette to avoid setting her hair on fire. “Brrrr, your hand is cold. Buffy must be out of her mind. Put your arm around me and kiss me.” “I’m not kissing you!” “She’ll be here any minute to find out what we’re doing. Kiss me and act like you mean it.” “How do you know she’ll come?” “I told her we were going to your crypt, didn’t I? Where else would she go?” Cordelia barely had time to lock her lips on Spike’s mouth before Buffy kicked the crypt door open. She clutched Mr. Pointy in her right hand. “Don’t you knock, Buffy?” Cordelia said. “Spike and I are busy.” She kissed Spike again. Maybe Buffy wasn’t out of her mind after all. “So I see,” Buffy gave Spike a glare that would freeze blood. She ran out of the crypt, banging the door so hard it broke off its hinges. *** Who cares if Mr. Bleachhead Vampire is sleeping with Cordelia? Not me. Buffy sat on a tombstone waiting for a newly-turned vampire to pop out of his grave, and kicked tiny chips of granite out of the stone with her heels. Waiting for newbies was boring, and this one gave her too much time to think about Cordelia sitting on Spike’s lap with Spike’s hand up her skirt. The freshly-dead vampire burst out of its grave and morphed into vamp face. Buffy didn’t get up from her seat on the tombstone. She dusted the vamp with a lazy backhand stab. She didn’t have the heart to fight the vampire. Her lack of motivation for her work was all Spike’s fault. Spike ubersucked like every other man, dead or undead, she’d gotten involved with in a romantic way. He said he loved her, but he ran off with the first female who came along and waggled her retracting thagomizer at him. The Spike-Buffy sex-a-thon lasted thirty-two whole days before he found somebody new. She supposed thirty-two days was a record for her – Angel, one night - Parker, one night – Riley, ugh, too long - Spike, thirty-two days and nights of fantastic sex and, according to him, eternal love. She slid off the cold stone to chase after a ryzark demon. She didn’t mind killing ryzarks. They were vicious, but never slimy, like so many demons. Why did demons have to be slimy? She cut the demon’s head off with a neat slice of her sword before the ryzark could grow a second head and become troublesome. She heaved the head over the cemetery wall into a ravine and dragged the carcass behind some bushes. The ryzark had pretty green and yellow striped skin with lizard-like scales. Ryzark skin would make an attractive pair of high heels. She wasn’t jealous. Not one bit. She didn’t care if Spike slept with someone, not even if that someone was boyfriend-grabby-snooty-nose-bitch-from-a-hell-dimension Cordelia. Maybe, she cared about him sleeping with Cordelia a little, since sleeping with Cordelia was bad taste. The whole Cordelia thing annoyed her for other reasons. Cordelia hung on Angel and tried to steal him away from Buffy and now she was trying – no succeeding – in stealing away Spike. Cordelia always sniffed after Buffy’s boyfriends. Couldn’t she find a vampire of her own? Spike and I don’t have a romantic thing. We have mind-blowing sex. Spike could have sex with anyone he wanted and so could she. If she wanted. Buffy trudged out of the cemetery, walking the long way around to check for a light at Spike’s crypt. The door hung off its hinges, the way she’d left it, and the crypt was dark. They’d probably gone downstairs to Spike’s love nest where he kept his soft bed with the black, satin sheets and his romantic candles that smelled like roses. He always lit the rose-scented candles for Buffy when she came over to visit. He was probably kissing Cordelia and stuff right now. Cordelia was probably enjoying the best sex she’d ever had in her life. Buffy brushed away a tear and walked slowly home.

Chapter #4 - Haven't Seen You

Chapter 4 – Haven’t Seen You Three days later… Spike lit a cigarette off the butt of the one he’d finished smoking. His cigarette consumption had doubled since Cordelia had taken over his entire unlife. He didn’t know if he smoked more to relieve the irritation of being around Cordelia, or whether being Buffy-deprived caused sexual tension to build to unmanageable proportions. He leaned against the building that housed the Eternally Yours Bridal Shoppe, which was about the last place in this hell dimension he ever wanted to catch himself. If you allowed yourself to hang around places like this, you only had yourself to blame when you got caught and marched down an aisle. Not that it worried him much when Red put that sodding spell on him and Buffy. Cordelia had been staring at a wedding dress in the shop window for the past ten minutes and asking Spike stupid female questions that no man in his right mind would ever answer. “Don’t you think I’d look fabulous in this dress, Spike?” “Yeah, positively vestal.” “Was that an insult? Let’s go in.” “Let’s not. Hanging out on the street like a pussy-whipped bridegroom is not part of the plan, either. Speaking of which, when can I see some results? I haven’t seen the Slayer in three bloody days.” He hadn’t seen Buffy for more than a few minutes in days. He wanted to see her and kiss her until she gasped for breath and tell her he loved her until she melted into his arms. He wanted to stalk her, stand under her tree smoking cigarettes all night, steal her panties, leave chocolates (that somehow always got mashed up in his pocket) on her pillow and take her to the dog races. Not to mention, he wanted to drown her with more sexual pleasure than any normal human woman could hope to stand. That was the way to make Buffy love him. Instead, Cordelia ran him all over town and put on a show that hadn’t accomplished anything other than to make Buffy madder than a wet ryzark demon. *** Cordelia ducked down to see what kind of shoes the mannequin was wearing. Cream silk peu-de-soi with white-seed pearls. The shoes were attractive, but low heels were not flattering to the calves. Spike was about to renew his question, when she answered. “You’ve seen Buffy all over town and she’s ready to explode from jealousy. What more do you want in three days?” On the other hand, who would see your calves in a floor-length dress? Fortunately, there was plenty of time to think about all these details. “I would like to point out,” she said, tearing herself away from the shop window, “that you have not cooperated. I’ve had to do all the work. I arranged for us to show up wherever Buffy was expected and I handled all the details for setting up tomorrow night’s event at the Bronze.” Spike snorted. “I’ve had to explain to you once an hour that making Buffy jealous and limiting the amount of time you’re in her vicinity is necessary to the success of our project. And, I’ve had to constantly remind you to put your arms around me and kiss me and look happy.” Not that he ever looked happy. He must be in love with Buffy, the way he’d moped around for the past three days. “Frankly, I’m sick of hearing Buffy’s name. This is deja vu all over again. What is with the men in this town? Buffy this. Buffy that. Buffy. Buffy. Buffy.” “I want to see Buffy for more than three seconds. I miss her,” he said. Cordelia looked away from the display in the bridal shop window long enough to see a flash of blonde hair. That blonde hair belonged to Buffy, so she kissed Spike and stuck her tongue in his mouth. She watched as Buffy ran down the street in the direction of the Magic Box. “You’re going to see her in ten minutes,” Cordelia said and walked off. Spike wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and followed her meekly into a nearby print shop, where she picked up a bundle of rose-pink flyers. *** When Spike and Cordelia walked into the Magic Box together holding hands, Buffy stuck her nose in a thick, dusty Giles-book and pretended to be interested. Mating Habits of Seneschal Carnivorous Demons. Fascinating. She had no hope of fooling Spike that she was reading this dumb book. He knew very well she was not all Book-Reading Girl and never studied anything Giles recommended, but she couldn’t stand looking at the two of them any more. She’d seen them all over town – the Bronze – the Crispy Creamy Donut Shop – the mall. Every time she saw the two of them, Cordelia was laughing, talking, gushing, and teasing Spike and Spike was looking all sheepish and pleased that she was paying attention to him. Barf. Cordelia greeted Anya and came over to talk to Buffy, who was sitting at the reading table. Spike stood in the middle of the shop floor and shuffled his feet. “Buffy, hi! We saw you through the window and thought we’d say hello.” “Hi,” Buffy said without looking up. She was not going to let Cordelia see she hated her more than any other female, human or demon, on the planet. She was so not going to let Spike know she was Jealous Girl, which she was. Buffy blazed with jealousy after she saw the two of them standing outside the Eternally Yours Bridal Shoppe on Main Street, earlier that evening. It was the same bridal shop where she’d once admired a gown for her own wedding with Spike. The Spike wedding gown had been designed by Kevona Reveza. It was constructed of white satin, with a scalloped neckline, tight-fitting bodice of Bemburg lace, three-quarter length sleeves and a poofy skirt. She wondered if the shop still carried it. She wished Willow had never reversed that spell, at least the Spike-marrying part. Things were a lot simpler when she loved Spike. Tonight, Cordelia had been standing in front of the Eternally Yours’ display window, cooing over some outrageously expensive wedding dress, and Spike had been smoking a cigarette and ignoring the cooing. He stopped ignoring Cordelia and grinned when she kissed him and whispered something in his ear. Buffy should be the one kissing Spike and whispering in his ear. It didn’t matter if she was jealous. Being jealous was not the same as being in love. Jealousy was some evil emotion thing, no relation to love at all. Spike could date whoever he wanted. It wasn’t as if Buffy loved him, which was of the good, because Spike was Evil Dead and a Big Liar. He couldn’t possibly love her. He forgot all about her when Cordelia blew into town. “Anya, you don’t mind if I leave these flyers here, do you?” Cordelia waved a bunch of pink flyers with big hearts printed on them at Anya. “I don’t know,” Anya said. She paused in her hourly cash register money count. “This event you’re advertising won’t interfere with the shop making money, will it?” “No, it’s for a charity project at the Bronze tomorrow tonight.” Cordelia dropped the flyers on the table facing away from Buffy. Buffy peeked at the flyer from the corner of her eye, but she couldn’t read it upside down. She was burning with curiosity, but she kept her nose buried in her book. “I think this charity project is going to make people leave the shop early,” Anya said. “Besides, people who give away their money won’t have any money to spend in the shop tomorrow.” Buffy watched Cordelia in the security mirror Anya hung up to deter shoplifters, like Buffy’s sister. Although Buffy couldn’t see Spike, Cordelia and Spike were enjoying a bout of Public Display of Affection. In the mirror, Cordelia looked way stupid humping thin air and sticking her tongue out into nothingness. Buffy giggled. She stopped giggling when she saw the back of Cordelia’s skirt slide up all by itself. After she finished throwing herself all over Spike, Cordelia flounced around the shop hanging up flyers. While Cordelia plastered papers on the front window, Spike sat down at the table and stared at Buffy. “How have you been, Buffy?” Spike said. “Fine,” Buffy said, without looking at him. He only called her Buffy when they were alone or no one was listening. She loved the way he said her name, the way it rumbled in his chest. It was as if he invented her own name for her and no one should be allowed to say her name but him. She forced herself to be Casual Girl and not let him see how a little thing like the way he said her name made her quiver all over. “I haven’t seen you around the cemetery,” he said. “I thought you might like some help on patrol.” She didn’t understand why he expected to see her at the cemetery when every time she looked, he was chasing around town with Cordelia. Buffy flipped the page of her book though she hadn’t read a single word. The woodcut drawing on the next page showed a demon performing a highly embarrassing sexual activity with his mate, who appeared to be in a highly embarrassing state of liking that activity. She turned that page, too, to get back to the comfort of boring text. “I’ve been checking out some of the other cemeteries. I don’t want the vampires to think they have a safe spot,” she lied, hoping her voice sounded calm, if not indifferent. Spike placed his hands on the table and stretched out his fingers in Buffy’s direction. He looked like he wanted to say something to her, but Cordelia chose that moment to put her arms around Spike’s neck and give him a slobbery kiss on the ear. Humph. Spike hates getting slobbery kisses on his ears. “I think you should leave now,” Anya said to Cordelia. She closed up her cash register. “Spike is scaring away the customers in that creepy coat of his and I don’t think I like you any more because you’re stealing Buffy’s orgasm friend. Unless you’re going to buy something.” Buffy blushed. “Let’s visit a few more stores on the street and hang up some more flyers,” Cordelia said. Spike followed Cordelia out of the shop. Xander banged open the front door and bumped into the two love birds on their way out. He forgot to kiss his fiancée, in his hurry to find out what his former girlfriend had been doing with Spike. “Danger, Will Robinson,” Buffy warned. He circled back, kissed Anya with a proper measure of affianced enthusiasm, and came over to the reading table. Buffy riffled the pages of her book in a distracted manner that Giles would have found distinctly objectionable. Dawn came into the shop a minute later and stopped by the front counter, looking for a trinket to snitch. “What were they doing here?” Xander asked Buffy in an undertone. Buffy showed him a flyer. “Handing these out.” ************************************************* No date for Valentine’s Day? Quicky Dates! Expedite Your Love Life! Guys – Meet Girls Free! Girls – Meet a Great New Guy Every Five Minutes! $ 5.00 for Each Five Minute Ticket. The Man of Your Dreams Is Waiting for You! ************************************************* Dawn snatched the flyer from Buffy’s hand. “Cool. You should go Buffy.” “What is it?” “A whole bunch of guys you never met before sit at tables with clocks. You buy a bunch of tickets for $5.00 a piece and you pick out a guy to talk to and give him one of your tickets. You start the clock and introduce yourself and talk to a strange guy for five minutes. Then, you go on to the next guy.” “And, I would want to do this why?” “You should go because your social life has a non-existent Hellmouth quality to it. The money is for a good cause - the new high school gym. You owe Sunnydale a new gym after you blew up the old one. Spike’s going to be there.” Buffy opened her mouth to say she didn’t care where Spike planned to be any time in the next century, but stopped herself. “I have to patrol. Sunnydale can buy their own new gym with the money they saved from not having a mayor that’s a jumbo snake demon.” What outfit did she own that would cause maximum Spike droolage? And, where she was going to get enough money to make Spike keel over with jealousy while she talked to as many other guys as possible and ignored him? Working at the Doublemeat didn’t permit extravagances like paying to make Spike jealous, but she was desperate. “Xander?” Buffy asked, “Can I borrow thirty dollars from you until payday?” Xander ignored Anya’s frantic signals to prevent him giving Buffy a non-interest bearing loan and handed Buffy the money. Thirty dollars would let her flirt with six guys. That would show Spike. Buffy ran out of the shop and went straight home to patrol her closet. *** A few minutes after Buffy left the shop, Dawn went out to the alley. She flipped open her cell phone, which Buffy didn’t know she owned, and dialed a number. “She’ll be there,” she said and hung up.

Chapter #5 - In Case You've Forgotten

Chapter 5 – In Case You’ve Forgotten The following evening … Buffy’s feet radiated pain in her gold, strappy shoes with the five-inch heels. Her micro-mini, corpuscle-red satin dress didn’t allow her to bend over in any direction without exposing her black-lace panties. Dawn coerced her into teasing up her hair into a huge nest and putting on way too much makeup. Buffy was certain she looked like a slut bag. She was certain Spike would not be able to take his eyes off her, Spike being the slut-bag admiring type. It had been torture, but she’d waited until ten o’clock to make sure Spike arrived at the Bronze first so he could witness her entrance. She cut in front of the long line of girls at the door and stared down a couple of girls who protested. She plunked down Xander’s thirty bucks for tickets in front of Cordelia, who was collecting money. “Buffy, I’m so glad you could make it. There are a lot of great guys here tonight. Maybe you’ll meet somebody.” Cordelia fluttered her eyelashes and flipped her hair back over her shoulder. “Anything for a good cause,” Buffy said and curled up her lip. She restrained herself from rearranging Cordelia’s orthodontic work with her fist. She strolled into the bar where the dance floor was filled with tables decorated with pink crepe ribbons and hearts and red-foil Cupids. The Bronze looked festive, but they hadn’t bothered to do any real cleaning, like mopping the floor, which had reached a critical mass of stickiage. Spike lounged at one of the tables, smiling and enjoying himself. He was flirting with a pasty-faced, red-headed girl with a stick-thin body when Buffy came in. The girl handed him a second ticket and pressed the starter on the clock so she could continue talking to Spike. Buffy plopped down in a chair in front of the first available guy. She handed her ‘date’ a ticket and started the clock, but was she so busy watching Spike, she forgot to introduce herself. “Hi,” the young man said as he held out his hand. “I’m Brandon. Wow, I can’t believe a hot-looking girl like you is sitting at my table. Are you one of those Super Model girls like in People magazine who could never get a date in high school ‘cause guys are afraid to ask you out? Of course, you’re shorter. Than a Super Model, I mean. Would you go out with me so I can inflict some serious envy on my friend, Warren?” Buffy looked at her date, who she hadn’t bothered to check out before she sat down. Brandon was forty pounds overweight, had greasy hair, and a serious case of acne. He wore a pair of glasses with black plastic frames and thick, greasy lenses. The glasses sat on his nose at a tilt. Brandon was unlikely to excite any Spike jealousy. She was going to have to be more careful with the rest of her tickets. Buffy shook his sweaty hand to be polite. “Hi, I’m Buffy. I slay vampires. What do you do?” She wiped her hand on the tablecloth and craned her neck to look around Brandon’s head. Spike was laughing. He was laughing at something that skeevy, red-haired girl said. Buffy forgot about her plan to make Spike maximum jealous and jumped up. “Sorry, uh, uh, Bradley ... er Brandon. I just remembered, I have to talk to someone.” Brandon sighed. “It’s okay if you leave. I knew there was something wrong with you as soon as you sat down. Super Models, even short ones, are never interested in solid, serious guys like me. Are you sure you wouldn’t go out with me so I can make Warren like totally jealous? I wouldn’t tell him you’re crazy.” Buffy marched over to Spike’s table. She held her face in a rigid mask so Spike wouldn’t see her wince from the pain being delivered with each step she took in her fashionable shoes. Buffy tapped the red-haired girl on her shoulder. “Excuse me. I need to talk to Spike.” “Spike?” the girl looked at him, confused. “You said your name was William.” The girl turned back to Buffy. “I paid for extra time, so you’ll have to wait …” Buffy ended the conversation by slamming her fist onto the clock and shattering the crystal. The clock whirred and stopped. “Nice meeting you, Red,” Spike said as the girl stumbled away, her eyes wide with shock. Buffy jerked the chair away from the table and sat down. “Got a ticket, Slayer?” He gave her a nasty grin. This was going better than he’d expected. A few hours ago, he’d been ready to crawl back to her. Now, the Slayer was madder than hell with jealousy and he planned to make the most of it. He’d nearly caved yesterday when he saw her at the Magic Box. She’d looked so sad, he wanted to beg her forgiveness and haul her off to his crypt to show her how sorry he was. He would have, too, if Cordelia hadn’t dragged him out of the shop. He hadn’t believed Buffy would show up tonight either, though Cordelia promised him nothing would keep Buffy away. Buffy slapped her remaining five tickets down on the table in front of him with sufficient force to crack the top of the table. This was insufferable. She was paying to talk to Spike! She was paying to talk to Spike who never shut up for a single minute. Forgetting she’d broken the clock, she banged the top to start her time. The crystal, the hands and some other parts fell to the floor with a tinkle. “What do you think you’re doing?” she said. “I’m chatting up the birds. Cordy said it was for some charity.” “You’re a vampire, in case you’ve forgotten, and you’re not supposed to be ‘chatting up’ human girls.” Spike gave her his best snarky smile. Buffy never paid any attention to him talking to girls once the chip was implanted in his head. “Jealous, pet?” “I am not jealous. You can sleep with whoever you like, Mr. Liar.” “Liar! Who’s a liar? I never lied to you ….” Buffy leaped up and stamped her foot. Shooting pain bolted through her foot and up her calf. Once the pain subsided and she resumed normal breathing, she remembered Spike was a liar and she was going to tell him what she thought about his crappy lies. “I love you, Buffy. I love you forever and forever and ever. For exactly 32 days and three hours.” She made up the part about the three hours. Saying an extra three hours sounded precise. “I loved you for a lot longer than 32 days.” Spike felt pleased. Not only was Buffy counting the days and making up the number of hours they’d been together, but the Slayer was brassed off that he was talking to another girl that he’d met ten minutes ago. Cordelia’s plan was working. “Hah!” Buffy said. Hah wasn’t very clever, but she couldn’t think of anything witty at the moment because Spike made her so damn mad and her feet hurt. “You were the one who wasn’t interested,” he said. “You didn’t want to tell your git friends about us.” Boy, did Spike ever have a one-track mind. He was complaining about her keeping their affair a secret from her friends again. And, he blamed his bad behavior with Cordelia on her stupid friends, like it wasn’t all his fault that she was angry. “What was I supposed to tell them? Hey, Gang! I’m having sex with the Evil Undead!” she shouted. Buffy waved her hands over her head, hiking up the hem of her short dress and giving Spike a glimpse of her black-lace panties. She could see him sticking the tip of his tongue between his teeth, which made her even madder. Talking in the bar stopped and the entire crowd looked at Buffy. She looked around the room giving everyone she could see an ugly glare she reserved for frightening vampires. Quiet talking resumed. Her panties would make a nice addition to his collection. He was certain he could get them off her before midnight. Spike leaned forward. “When are you going to admit you love me, kitten?” Buffy raised her fist and brought it down hard on the clock. “I" Bang “Am" Bang “NOT" Bang “In" Bang “Love" Bang “With" Bang “A" Bang “Vampire!” Bang! Bang! Bang! Her fist crushed the clock through the table top and collapsed the table onto the floor. Should he continue poking up Buffy’s anger? He didn’t think she could be hiding a stake in that dress, but the Slayer was clever at concealing them. He couldn’t stop himself. “You should learn to control your jealousy. Look at all the damage you’ve caused.” Buffy couldn’t hold her temper for one single moment more. She launched herself across the broken table, ripping her dress and knocking Spike backwards out of his chair and flying into three more tables. She landed on top of him and raised her fist to punch him in the nose. The crowd cleared the room quickly. Regular patrons of the Bronze knew to leave when weirdness started. Weirdness and the blonde girl, Buffy, went together. “Not the nose!” Spike raised his hands to protect his face. Buffy’s fist hung in the air. Since her favorite target wasn’t available, she rolled off Spike and struggled to stand up, which proved impossible in her stiletto heels. She teetered on her high heels for a moment then fell back onto her butt into a puddle of beer. The back of her dress stuck to the floor. She burst into tears. Spike, sensing his nose was safe for the time being, sat up and pulled her into her arms. “Don’t cry, Buffy. I’m sorry. I wanted to make you jealous. You know I’m crazy in love with you.” She wiped the snot from her nose with the back of her hand and wiped her hand on her dress. She pushed on his chest without shoving him away. “You had sex with Cordelia to make me jealous and that’s supposed to make me feel better?” He hugged her tighter. “I didn’t have sex with Cordelia or anyone else since the last time you got mad and ran out of my crypt.” Buffy thought he was telling the truth. He was a pretty bad liar. “Yourself?” “Okay, myself, but I thought about you.” “You did?” “Yeah.” Buffy snuffled and allowed Spike to hug her and kiss her hair and her ear and her cheek and her mouth. And, then he kissed her in a very Spike-like manner that reminded her how much she’d been missing Lips of Spike the past few days. She pulled away so she could breathe. Not needing to breathe himself, Spike forgot sometimes she did and kissed her until her brain whirled. “I want to get back together, Spike,” she said in her best pouty I-Should-Get-What-I-Want voice. “There’s a condition.” “What?” He was going to make her say she loved him, which she did. If she wasn’t in love with Spike, she wouldn’t be acting like a complete moron sitting in the middle of the floor of the Bronze in a pool of beer, with her mascara running down her face and her butt stuck to the floor. Still, she didn’t feel like rewarding his bad behavior with Cordelia. “You have to tell your friends. No more sneaking around.” Buffy glanced up. Xander, Willow and Anya stood at the edge of the empty dance floor, and, from the looks on their faces, they’d been watching Buffy and Spike for quite some time. Xander slapped a stake in his hand. “I don’t think that’s going to be an issue,” she said as she renewed her struggle to get to her feet.

Chapter #6 - Who's Brave Enough?

Chapter 6 – Who’s Brave Enough? Dawn snuck into the Bronze in time to see her sister tackle Spike and wave her fist in the air in the vicinity of his nose. Buffy fighting with Spike was almost as good as Buffy being in love with Spike. She sat down next to Cordelia. “How’s the plan going?” Dawn asked. Cordelia looked over to where Buffy and Spike were sitting on the floor groping each other. “Fine, as you can see. It’s almost time to put the last part of my plan into effect.” Dawn played with the roll of tickets and tore off a bunch while Cordelia checked out Buffy and Spike. She pocketed the tickets to use as soon as Buffy cleared out. Dawn was supposed to be doing homework, but now that Spike had Buffy distracted, there would be time to meet a couple of guys before she went home. If Spike distracted her sister over to his crypt, she wouldn’t have to climb through her bedroom window to avoid being caught, either. “What’s the last step?” Dawn asked. She was miffed at Cordelia for expecting her help in reporting Buffy's every move, while refusing to reveal any of the particulars. “You know how when you have something, like a red Miata with vanity plates with your nickname on them? And, you don’t appreciate your red Miata as much as you should and you take it for granted?” What was Cordelia talking about? “Sort of?” “Then, when you can’t have something, like when your red Miata gets repossessed by the finance company and all you have left is your monogrammed Kenneth Cole keychain and you want your Miata back with every fiber of your being?” Dawn thought about a certain pair of Prada red high heels she’d seen at the mall the previous day. There wasn’t the slightest chance Buffy would let her buy them and she wanted them very badly. Red shoes were like a red car, weren’t they? “Yeah, I got it.” Cordelia opened her purse and took out her Maybelline compact and lipstick. She would have to change brands if the company didn’t stop using that blonde bimbo with the green eyes as their spokes-model. She handed over her ticket-selling duties to Dawn, who used the opportunity to steal some cash for her red high-heels fund. “First,” Cordelia said as she ringed her mouth with arterial-red lipstick, “Buffy needed to realize she couldn’t take Spike for granted and to learn to appreciate him. She needed to understand she wanted to be with Spike and if she wasn’t careful, she could lose him.” Dawn glanced over to see her sister sucking on Spike’s face in an enthusiastic manner. “I think she’s solid on the Spike Appreciation part.” “She might backslide, unless we put the final phase into effect.” Cordelia fluffed her hair and adjusted the neckline of her tee-shirt for Maximum Cleavage Exposure. “So, what’s the plan???” Dawn said. She was becoming more than a teensy bit aggravated at Cordelia for dragging this explanation out and treating her like a stupid kid. “I’ve arranged for someone she respects and cares about deeply to tell Buffy she can’t have what she wants and that Spike is bad for her.” “Who’s brave enough to tell her that?” *** Xander fondled his stake and rolled it between his hands. He was going to stake Spike. He’d been waiting for years to dust Spike and the happy moment was here at last. “So, what’s going on Buffy?” “I was talking to Spike?” Buffy said. She still hadn’t gotten her balance on her high heels so she could stand up. Spike, who was enjoying the way her dress rucked up in the back, did nothing to help. When she managed to get into a squat, he gave her butt a push with both hands, earning himself a Slayer-strength smack on the head. “Not exactly what it looks like, Buffster.” “Okay, okay, okay. Spike and I are … we’re …” Buffy looked down at Spike for assistance and received nothing more than a rude smirk. “We’re seeing each other, if you must know.” She attempted to flip her hair over her shoulder in a casual, Cordelia-like way, which proved impossible because it was sprayed and ratted up so much it wouldn’t move. “I thought you learned your lesson with Angel. Spike - vampire? Buffy - Vampire Slayer? Have you heard this material before? You’re supposed to be dusting Evil Dead, not boning his brains out.” Buffy became angry again, this time at Xander. “Fine words from someone who dated a preying mantis, an energy-sucking mummy and a vengeance demon. Besides, he’s got some brains left.” Buffy looked down at Spike, who was looking up her skirt with a dazed expression on his face. Maybe she was wrong? Maybe Spike was now brain free? “I can’t let you get involved with a vampire again, Buffy. It’s for your own good,” Xander said. “What’s for my own good? Spike isn’t going to lose his soul and go all psycho-wacky. He’s as bad as he’s ever going to be.” That got Spike’s attention. “Hey! I’m the Big Bad and you’d better not forget it.” Xander ignored her. “Get up, Dead Boy. Stand up like a man so I can stake you without getting dust all over my clothes.” *** “Who’s brave enough to tell her that?” Dawn asked. “I have just the person in mind and he’s on his way from Los Angeles.” Cordelia snapped her compact closed and tucked it back in her purse along with the money she’d collected. The stack of money seemed a bit thin. She’d thought she’d collected more. Dawn couldn’t imagine who Cordelia was talking about. Their dad lived in Los Angeles, but Dawn didn’t think Cordelia knew him and besides, he didn’t care what they did, and the only other person they knew in Los Angeles was … “Oh.” “He should be here any minute. Let’s visit the Ladies’ Room. I don’t want him to see me when he comes in.” “Cordelia?” “Mmmm?” She fluffed her hair again and admired herself in the bar mirror as they walked to the powder room. “What do you get out of this? You don’t like Buffy.” Dawn asked. “Other than helping those two crazy kids get together? Let’s say, I have some plans of my own.”

Chapter #7 - When It Comes To Men

Chapter 7 – When It Comes to Men A sleek, black limousine stopped in front of the Bronze. His demon chauffeur opened his door and Angel stepped out. He’d been drinking champagne on the trip to Sunnydale and was enjoying a pleasant buzz. It was always best to have an anesthetic before dealing with his grandchilde, Spike. He should never have allowed Drusilla to turn Spike, he told himself for about the two-millionth time since 1880. He broke through a long line of women who were standing outside the club and wondered why they were waiting. Some of them weren’t bad looking. He might be able to see some action tonight once he’d finished attending to Spike’s latest disaster. It didn’t take him long to find his grandchilde. Spike stood in the middle of the dance floor next to Buffy, surrounded by the wreckage of broken tables and chairs. Xander was waving a stake around, threatening Spike and arguing with Buffy. Buffy ended the argument by clipping Xander on the jaw. He dropped his stake and fell to the floor. Buffy didn’t allow the fact that Xander was out cold stop her from giving him a piece of her mind on the subject of Spike. “You do not get to dust Spike, Xander. We’re lovers and you’ll have to get used to it and … Angel, what are you doing here?” Buffy stared at Angel and the way he gelled his hair all up in jagged clumps. Had she ever thought Angel’s hair thing was attractive? Curly hair - way better. She realized that now. “Cordelia called me,” Angel said. “She said you were sleeping with Spike. Is that true?” “Piss off, Peaches. It’s none of your business,” Spike said. He put his arm around Buffy to confirm the rumor. Supporting Buffy while she argued with Angelus was the least he could do since she’d been so brave and told her friends about them and she’d decked the Whelp, too. Also, he wasn’t certain she could hold her own once Mr. Broody got going with his personal opinions on the Wickedness of Spike. Buffy was not quite ready to tell Angel to piss off, but she didn’t want to hear any lectures from the man – er - vampire who dumped her. Also, Buffy didn’t want Spike and Angel to get into a fight, which was bound to happen if Spike kept talking. “Spike, shut up,” she said. “Angel, my relationship with Spike doesn’t concern you. And, I’ve endured enough lectures for one evening about the Evils of Spike Dating.” “I’m worried about you, Buffy. You don’t know Spike like I do. He’s …” “Yeah, yeah. Your Companion in Scourginess – William the Bloody – yadda, yadda, yadda.” “Be sensible. He’s a vampire. You’re the Slayer. He doesn’t have a soul. That chip in his head could stop working any moment.” “Like your soul stopped working?” “That’s not fair, Buffy, it was the curse.” Angel didn’t like being reminded of his detour to the dark side. He preferred discussing Spike’s bad behavior. “The whole Vampire-Slayer thing didn’t worry you when you were running after me. I’m beginning to think the whole soul-having is overrated.” “What are you saying? Do you have any idea how many people he’s killed?” “Let’s see. He’s about half as old as you, so I’d say he’s killed about half as many people, which I admit is way too many, but he isn’t going to kill any humans ever again. Are you?” Buffy glared at Spike, who was sliding his hand up the back of her dress instead of paying attention to what she was telling Angel. “No, pet.” Angel wasn’t through pointing out the error of Buffy’s ways. “What can I say to convince you to stay away from him?” “Nothing.” Buffy crossed her arms. Spike and Angel stepped back. Cordelia swept onto the dance floor, walked up to Spike and slapped him hard on the face. “That’s for two-timing me, you big jerk. Go back to your precious Buffy if she’ll have you. See if I care, you big liar.” Cordelia sobbed and covered her face with her hands. Buffy reached out to pull Cordelia’s hair and scratch her eyes out, but Spike grabbed her hands and prevented her from doing any damage. “Angel,” Cordelia cried, “Thank goodness, you’re here. I should never have come back to Sunnydale.” She threw herself into Angel’s arms. Angel put his arms around Cordelia after flapping his hands around trying to find a neutral place to put them. He hated crying women – the shrieking, the tears, the sulking. You could never understand what they were crying about and whatever you said made things worse. Spike never minded howling females and they fell all over themselves chasing after him because he did. Angel considered asking Spike how he managed that particular trick, other than by being a cry baby himself. “What’s the matter, Cordy?” Angel asked, “What happened?” “Spike happened. I came back to town and he was all over me, telling me he loved me. Now he’s dumping me and going back to Buffy. He used me to make Buffy jealous!” Cordelia cried louder and peeked through her fingers to see how Angel was taking this news. Angel sighed and peeled Cordelia away. Angel didn’t think Spike was smart enough to come up with any plan to make Buffy jealous. Obsessive pestering, whining and unrelenting talking were more the Spike style with women. He suspected Cordelia was up to some trick, but he couldn’t for the unlife of him, figure out what it was. He had no choice. He’d have to hit Spike to get Cordelia to stop crying. He didn’t mind hitting Spike, he always deserved a good thrashing, but the hour was getting late. He’d wanted to get the fight over with quickly so he could hook up with one of the cute babes he’d seen earlier. “Spike, you bastard,” Angel said, with no particular animosity. Spike wasn’t about to take the lies Cordelia was telling about him. “This was all your idea! It was your plan to make ….” Spike didn’t finish his sentence because Angelus socked him in the nose and knocked him to the floor with one blow. Buffy kicked Angel to the floor with a roundhouse blow to the gut. “I’d appreciate it if everyone, who isn’t me, would not hit Spike for the rest of the evening,” Buffy said before she dropped down next to Spike. *** “Spike, are you hurt? Let me see your nose.” “Is it crooked?” he asked. “Owww, Slayer!” Buffy grasped his nose and jerked it hard to straighten it back into place, ignoring his cry of pain. She helped Spike sit up and wiped his nose blood on her dress, which was not only torn but decorated with blood, snot, stale beer and Floor of Bronze. This dress was so history. Cordelia’s crying bout hadn’t sounded all that heartfelt to Buffy, but she wondered what Spike had been telling Cordelia while he made her jealous. “Spike? Did you do all that stuff with Cordelia to make me jealous?” Spike touched his nose. It hurt like hell. “You don’t think I wanted to spend time with that dozy cow, do you?” Buffy didn’t think Spike wanted to spend time with Cordelia; she was too annoying for anyone to hang around her on an extended basis. One thing worried Buffy. Spike would do or say anything to get what he wanted. “You didn’t tell Cordelia you loved her or anything, like by accident?” Spike pulled her onto his lap and crushed her until she thought her ribs would break. “That’s three words I’ll never say to anybody but you.” Buffy laughed with relief. Spike gave her another oxygen-depriving kiss, until she struggled away. “Let’s go to your place.” She crawled off Spike’s lap and waited for him to stand up and give her a hand to avoid another incident involving his hands on her butt in public. She strongly considered giving these shoes to Dawn, who never found herself sitting in the middle of the floor at the Bronze or other embarrassing situations. Spike helped her up. Buffy squeezed his hand and headed for the back door. “Not so fast, Slayer.” “Don’t you want to go to your place and have wild monkey sex?” she whispered. “Don’t you have anything you want to say to me?” Buffy blushed. She’d planned on making the Big Romantic Confession while she and Spike were making love, not in the middle of the Bronze dance floor, surrounded by her nosy friends and the semi-conscious human and vampire she’d beat up. “Couldn’t I tell you later?” “Nope.” Buffy screwed up her courage. She looked around at her friends. They’d have to deal. Telling them - not as scary as lopping off the head of a ryzark demon, after all. She put her arms around Spike’s neck. “I love you, Spike.” He picked her up and twirled her around and mashed his mouth against hers. He tossed her over his shoulder, exposing her black-lace panties to everyone in the bar. “Let’s go, Slayer. I’m horny.” “Put me down, Spike! Everyone can see my panties!” “You weren’t planning on walking to my place in those shoes were you?” “No?” “I thought not.” Spike swatted her on the butt, and hurried out the back door, with his Slayer. *** Dawn, who had been lurking in the shadows so her sister wouldn’t catch her in non-homework mode, watched with satisfaction as Spike whirled Buffy around and carried her out the back door. Dawn hoped they would go to Spike’s crypt instead of her house. The two of them were bound to make a lot of noise while they were boinking and ewww. Cordelia was still sniffling and carrying on when Dawn walked up to her and whispered, “It worked.” “When it comes to men, I’m the Slayer,” Cordelia whispered back and winked. Cordelia helped Angel get up from the floor where Buffy left him. She put her arm around him and continued to snivel and wipe away fake tears as they walked out of the bar and got into his limousine to go home. Dawn looked around the room. A way-hot looking guy loafed around one of the tables in the back. He was tall, thin, and had blue-black hair and pale, white skin. She hoped he wasn’t a vampire. Or, maybe she hoped he was. She decided to talk to a couple of other guys with her liberated tickets while she checked him out. She sat down at a table, without looking to see who she’d be talking with, and handed over a ticket. “Hi,” she said, “I’m Dawn.” She twisted her head around to keep an eye on the cute guy with the black hair. “I’m Brandon,” her date said. “You’re really hot looking. You’re not insane or anything are you?” “No, I’m an ethereal key that opens up hell dimensions. I’m not human and in my real shape, I look like a green mist.” Brandon said nothing for a moment. “Are you related to Buffy?” The End (And No Sequels)