Bunny Plot by Ariel Dawn

Chapter #1 - Bunny Plot

Disclaimer: Joss owns them all, I’m only having fun. __________________________________________ “I’m just saying that maybe if you understood what it feels like to be a bunny you wouldn’t be so scared of them. They really are defenceless cute furry bundles of bunny joy.” “No!” “Anya...” “No, you are not turning me into a bunny!” screamed Anya. “No, no, no. And putting aside the fact that I will never let you do this what happens if you can’t turn me back? That Amy is still rat girl. Do you want me to be bunny Anya for your freak petting zoo?” “Hey! Amy turned herself into the rat.” “And the difference is?” “Willow?” asked Dawn as she entered the Summer’s kitchen. “Do you think this is blood or Pizza?” Dawn approached the red head pulling her blue sweater slightly ahead of her body. Willow peered at the brownish/reddish stain. “Pizza? Isn't that Buffy’s?” “Doesn’t matter anyway, I’m not wearing it now.” Dawn turned to leave. “If the stain was blood it would have made a difference?” asked Anya. Either the teen hadn’t heard or she ignored the ex demon. Anya did not however have time for indignation. Buffy took that moment to bound into the kitchen. “Ready for shopping goodness?” asked the perky slayer. “Bring on the mall!” declared Willow. “What’s with the bouncy Buffy?” asked Anya. “Did you finally take up my advice and start on Prozac?” Buffy gave a hard glare to Anya. “No! I’m not on drugs!” “Ok, then I suspect my first conclusion is correct.” “Huh?” “You are getting orgasms, much better than Prozac if you ask me.” Buffy blushed profusely. “I...I have no idea what you are talking about Anya. Let’s go shopping,” Buffy stammered before changing the subject. __________________________________________ Willow looked anxiously between her shopping companions. Anya was blabbering on about how Buffy was exhibiting so many clues that she was getting orgasms from a mystery man. Buffy was trying to keep Anya quiet and denying and blushing. Willow was beginning to believe Anya. How could Buffy have a new boyfriend with out telling her? Hello, best friend! “I don’t have a boyfriend Willow!” protested Buffy. I guess I said that out loud, thought Willow. “But if you had, you would tell me right?” “Totally. Right there with the tell-age.” And that seemed enough for Willow. Anya rolled her eyes, but wisely dropped the matter. It wasn’t wise to piss of the Slayer, especially if you are an ex demon and regardless of whether or not the Slayer was considered your friend. “Ooh! Pet Store!” said Willow excitedly, grabbing Buffy and Anya’s hands leading them into the store, “Miss Kitty Fantastico needs a new mouse.” Anya rolled her eyes. “Can’t Miss Kitty play with Amy the rat? Rats are like mice, only larger...” Anya trailed off as Willow gave her a look of death. “What?” “Oooh, hey, look at this, chicken flavoured toothpaste for dogs,” said Buffy. “Willow do you really think that Miss Kitty needs another mouse, that has got to be the most spoiled cat ever.” Suddenly there was a high pitched scream from the back of the store, and a rush of someone running really fast by them. Buffy and Willow turned to look at what could have startled Anya so. At the back of the store, along with the puppies and kitties, were bunnies. “She’s really got to get over this bunny thing,” said Willow. “Yes, Miss ‘I’m afraid of frogs.’” “Hey, not afraid of frogs...anymore...really...It was a high school fear.” __________________________________________ Xander rolled over in bed. He was warm and happy, his worry of the impending day hadn’t yet intruded on his consciousness. Life was good, he had a nice apartment, a good job, friends and a wonderful woman who in a few short weeks would be Mrs Xander Harris. Thinking of Anya, Xander felt a familiar response below, tenting the covers, even more. He reached over to her side of the bed, his eyes still closed. But her side of the bed was empty. “Ahn?” he asked opening his eyes. No response. “Anya?” he said louder. Still no response. Then he felt something touch his foot. Xander threw back the covers and screamed. __________________________________________ Xander opened the front door of the Summers’ home with his set of keys. It was 7 am, on a Sunday. He really didn’t expect anyone else to be up. But it didn’t seem like a big enough emergency. After all it could be that it was all a big joke, sure he couldn’t find Anya...She wasn’t at home, she wasn’t at the shop, frankly he was at a loss. He couldn’t think of where else she could be. Xander closed the front door careful not to drop the doughnuts or the brown paper bag that contained ...he shuddered.. Xander proceeded to the kitchen to get coffee for the waiting for Willow. Xander entered the kitchen set down the bag and the doughnuts before rounding the corner of the island. Xander screamed. __________________________________________ Dawn ran down the stairs at lightening speed. Xander screaming like girl tended to have that effect on people. Willow followed right behind her. Dawn entered the kitchen to see Xander mumbling incoherently and pointing at Buffy and Spike who were standing backed into a corner of the kitchen. “Xander? What’s going on?” asked Dawn with a yawn. “Buffy...Spike...touching...huh...wrong...why...Brain hurts.” “Huh?” asked Willow. “Let me try my hand at Xander to regular people translation. I think the Xan-man just caught the dynamic duo making with the smoochies,” said Dawn helping herself to the doughnuts. “What? Buffy? Spike? Smoochies?” asked Willow “When? Where? Huh?” “Oh nowish, on the kitchen floor,” said Xander regain his ability to speak. “What you couldn’t make it up the stairs?” asked Dawn just as she stuffed a doughnut in her mouth. Everyone turned to look at Dawn. “You knew!?!” exclaimed Xander. “You told me you weren’t with the boyfriend having!” shouted Willow. “You lied!” she gasped pointing. “I wouldn't call it lying, exactly, more like...Labels, I didn’t agree with your labels. You...Labeller!” deferred Buffy. “Huh? You lost me,” said Xander holding his head. “Spike is not my boyfriend. I mean can you really see him as a boyfriend...It’s such a teenage term.” Dawn rolled her eyes, then reached for another doughnut. “And what term would you use then?” asked Dawn. Buffy’s bravado was suddenly sucked out of the room. In the silence (Buffy avoiding and every one else , especially Spike waiting eagerly for her answer) Dawn became acutely away of the brown bag on the island and how it was moving! "It's alive!! IT'S ALIVE!" said Dawn dramatically pointing at the bag. "You've watched Young Frankenstein again, haven't you?" asked Buffy, infinitely glad that the attention was off of her. “Oooh! Oh! Anya!” said Xander. “Anya’s in there!” “Excuse me?” Xander opened the bag and pulled out a blonde rabbit. “Anya?” asked Buffy critically. “I didn’t do it!” protested Willow before anyone could accuse her. “So not with the accusing, Will. Just want Anya back to her human...h...Ex demony self.” “Are you sure that this is Anya?” asked Dawn. “Not entirely, finding her in my bed this morning, not as pleasant as one would think.” Everyone was stunned, no one exactly had any clue how this could have happened if Willow was not responsible. “Ok,” said Willow, taking charge. While Giles was gone Willow was research girl. “Things to do: tracer spell on the rabbit, must call Tara, Dawn get something for the Bunny to eat, lettuce, carrots, something, Xander go to the magic box and look for clues. Buffy...still mad. Spike...go away.” “Red, if that doesn’t turn out to be demon girl, I know a recipe or two for roast rabbit,” said Spike straight faced. “We are not eating the bunny!” screeched Dawn. “Do bunnies eat popcorn?” “Huh?” asked Willow. “Bunnies, Popcorn. We have no vegetables. They were eaten last night during the ‘Recovering from Shopping Extravaganza, but Buffy doesn’t want to gain any weight’ thing.” “You ate an entire head of lettuce?” balked Willow. “I was hungry! Hey I didn’t know we would need to feed a rabbit today!” “Don’t sweat it Buffy, I’m sure the bunny will eat popcorn,” said Dawn. "Ah yes. For as long as there is popcorn in the world, all shall be good," responded Xander. __________________________________________ The Scoobies went about their assigned task, Willow and Tara looked into the spell, flirting terribly. “Any progress?” asked Buffy as she came home from grocery shopping, to replace all those vegetables she ate. “None,” said Tara. “This spell wasn’t cast by a witch or a warlock, this is powerful magic. I don't know if I’ll be able to reverse it.” “Oh, but is the bunny Anya?” “Oh yes that’s Anya,” said Willow. Buffy looked around the kitchen puzzled by something. “Anya’s in the living room with Dawnie,” said Willow looking at her books. __________________________________________ Buffy walked into the living room only to have what she saw strike horror and fear into her very core. “Dawn!” gasped Buffy. “What?” asked the teen from the floor, pushing a small furry toy about in front of the bunny who would have none of it. “First of all, a bunny is not a cat and secondly...” “I’m doing anything wrong...” responded the teen. “You don't understand! They're evil and they should be shot! I'm telling you, Furbies are Satan in a toys body!!!” Dawn rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think you’re being a tad bit over dramatic?” Buffy shrugged. “Maybe, but then I’m not the one playing with a Furby.” Buffy picked up the bunny and headed back into the kitchen. Surely Dawn had something better to do than to amuse Anya with a crazed children’s toy. When did Dawn get a Furby? briefly flitted through Buffy’s mind. Buffy headed up to her room with the bunny in hand. With all the commotion this morning she had yet to have a shower and she still had ‘just had sex’ smell. Setting the bunny down on her bed, she pulled out her robe and a new set of clothes and set them on the bed. Buffy sat down and petted the bunny’s furry body. “You know, if you really are Anya, this will probably the longest we’ve ever spent alone together,” observed Buffy. The bunny didn’t say anything. “You know, you are right, why spend this time talking about unimportant stuff, after all...” Buffy stopped. “Ya, I got nothing.” Buffy picked up the bunny and place her inside the laundry hamper. Buffy peered down at the rodent and smiled. “Don’t go anywhere,” said the Slayer. __________________________________________ Buffy took her robe and headed into the bathroom. The mirror looked like someone had just used the shower. With so many people coming and going in her house lately she really paid it no mind. Stripping down and leaving her dirty twice worn clothes, clothes that had survived a romp with Spike, the Slayer of the Slayer’s clothes, Buffy pulled back the shower curtain and screamed. The strange figure that was standing in her bathtub, a towel hanging over its head looked up. “Bloody hell,” came the voice that belonged to the naked body. “Spike!” yelled Buffy, “What are you doing in my shower?” she asked, her hands on her hips, ignoring for the moment, the fact that she was naked. “What’s it look like I’m doing?” he spat. “It looks like you are pissing me off,” she retorted. “Ya, well, it doesn’t take much you know,” he answered, flinging the towel out into the main part of the bathroom. “Buffy?” Xander called through the doorway “I’m taking off. Magic shop clues and all.” “Alright!” called Buffy from inside the bathroom, attempting to sound happy. She waited to hear Xander walk away before she turned back to glare at Spike. “You are this close!” she hissed at the vampire who was still standing, nude in her bathtub. “Close to what Slayer? The pointy end of your stake? Sing me another one. Dawn’d be furious if you staked me and you know it. I was just takin‘ advantage of the running water is all.” “You are naked in my bathroom!” “So are you!” Buffy looked down at herself remembering that yes she was indeed naked. “Oh,” she said with surprise. She looked up at Spike again and set her jaw. “I was gonna have a shower.” “And I’m in your way...” he said cockily. “Just turn on the water Spike,” she said stepping into the tub with him. “You know you are a butthead.” “Did you just call me a butthead?” __________________________________________ Spike returned to his crypt confused, which to tell the truth was how he often felt after an encounter with Buffy. She ran hot and cold so much that he was certain she would catch a cold from it. Casting open his crypt door, he headed straight to his supply of whiskey and helped himself to a generous tumbler full. It was then that he noticed that everything was not as he had left it. It was a subtle difference, like someone had come in, stayed a while and then left. The cushion on his comfy chair was indented oddly, the remote to his TV had been moved, and there was and empty pack of Wrigley’s spearmint gum on the floor. Moving quietly, Spike stalked to the entrance to his lower level. He could smell the faint scent of a perfume that he hadn’t smelled in over a hundred years. With a growl Spike dropped to the floor of his bedroom and stepped menacingly towards the bed. “Cecily,” he growled. Lounging on the bed, was the one woman that he would have been happy to never see again. The Brunette batted her eyes at the vampire and smiled. “William, so glad you came back...” __________________________________________ Buffy emerged from her bedroom dressed and clean and eager to get on with the de bunnifying of Anya. She had discovered that Anya, the bunny had been removed from her room during the course of her ‘shower’ with Spike. She was loathe to find out exactly what Dawn was doing with the bunny now. Buffy pushed open Dawn’s door to see that the bunny, clad in a green scarf and fake flower was being photographed. “For posterity you know, maybe someday Anya will want to have photos of what she looked like while she was a bunny,” said Dawn. “Right...” said Buffy as she closed the door on the weirdness that was happening in Dawn’s room. Shaking her head sadly Buffy returned to her living room where the two witches were supposed to be checking on how to return Anya to her somewhat normal self. There were books and pens and Willow’s lap top out and distributed all over the floor but no Willow and no Tara. “Guys?” called Buffy out into the house. Buffy walked into her kitchen to see Tara on the phone, Willow eagerly waiting for her former girlfriend to be off the phone. Within a moment Tara had hung up the phone and had a brilliant smile on her face. “I called Miss Kitty’s vet, I took her in for some tests a couple of days ago...” explained Tara. “Is she ok?” asked Buffy. Tara nodded. “Miss Kitty’s gonna have kittens!” exclaimed Willow __________________________________________ “I bloody live here, course I’d come back. Question is, what are you doin’ here?” he asked. “I came to visit an old friend,” said Halfrek. “Surprised you’d show your face around here after what happened on the Slayer’s birthday.” Halfrek got up off Spike’s bed and walked towards the vampire. “That was just business, you know that William.” Spike took a step back from the Vengeance Demon. “What are you really doing here?” “I already told you, to visit you,” she said slightly angered. “Well,” he said, “Thanks for poppin’ by, it’s been a trip.” Spike motioned for her to leave. “Alright!” said Halfrek annoyed. “I need a date for Anyanka’s wedding, and I thought you’d like to go with me.” Spike stared at the brunette before him for a moment, before her burst out laughing. “Why, the bleedin’ hell did you think I would want to go as your date? You soddin’ ripped out my heart once upon a time.” “You’ve changed, you’re well, you’ve grown out of that unfortunate poetry phase...” “I’ve got my date for the wedding of the century thanks,” said the vampire. “Why don’t you get demon girl to set you up with some bloke, like that poor sap she and the whelp had over for the Slayer’s birthday?” “Oh Anyanka can’t help me right now, she’s in the middle of something,” said Halfrek. “Wait a soddin’ minute...” __________________________________________ Spike dragged Halfrek back to Buffy’s house through the sewers. With great difficulty and little flameage, Spike flung the Vengeance Demon at the witches in the living room of the Summers house. “You can stop looking for a solution, Halfrek here’s the one that did it,” said Spike smugly. “She’s the one that turned demon girl into the rabbit.” “Why?” asked Tara. “Why do you think?” asked Halfrek, “A wish.” “Who’s wish?” asked Buffy. “Now I really can’t tell you that, professional ethics and what not,” explained Halfrek. “Whatever just undo it!” said Buffy. “It will be over tomorrow morning, it’s a temporary thing.” “Undo it now!” ordered Willow. Halfrek placed her hands on her hips. “Oh no, you can’t order me around, little witch.” Willow was furious, Buffy could tell, Before anyone could stop her, Willow reached over to the Vengeance Demon and ripped off her pendant. “Hey!” yelled Halfrek. “Give that back!” “I smash it and Anya turns back right?” asked Willow. “Sounds about right Red,” said Spike. Willow put the pendant down on the floor and raised her foot over the jewel. “No!” protested Halfrek, “Ok, I’ll turn her back, geesh. __________________________________________ When the scream came from Dawn’s room, the Scoobies knew that Anya had been returned to her human looking self. They weren’t expecting Anya to come running out of the teen’s room, in the nude. Standing in front of the shocked Scoobies, naked, except for the green scarf that hung around her neck Anya was livid and clearly unashamed of her nakedness. “What do you mean leaving me with her all day! She’s sadistic!” complained Anya. “Anya? Maybe some clothes?” said Willow. Dawn came down the stairs with a robe and slippers for Anya to wear. Handing them to the ex demon, Dawn’s eye went wide as she saw Halfrek. “What’s she doing here?” asked the teen. “Oh she’s probably the one that’s gotten me into this mess,” said Anya putting on the robe. “She....Ahhhhhhhh!” Anya screamed and dropped the slippers on the floor and scurried behind Willow. The six people in the living room stood and stared at the slippers Dawn had given Anya. Bunny slippers. __________________________________________ the end Challenge #21 requirements: Has to include 4 of the following seven: 1. A blue sweater with a pizza stain 2. An empty pack of Wrigley's Spearmint gum in a crypt 3. Spike getting caught in the shower by B B / Buffy 4. Someone getting pregnant 5. A food fight 6. Someone catching Buffy and Spike making out on the kitchen floor 7. Anya gets a pair of bunny slippers has to include 3 of the following 10: 1. The color green 2. A random appearance of toothpaste 3. "You don't understand! They're evil and they should be shot! I'm telling you, Furby's are satin in a toys body!!!" 4. A toilet-papered house 5. "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner! for that is what I truly wish to be! if I were an Oscar Meyer Weiner! then everyone would be best friends with me!" 6. "Did you just call me a butthead?" 7. "Ah yes. For as long as there is popcorn in the world, all shall be good." 8. "I have a question: why do banks chain their pens to the counters and yet they leave their doors WIDE open?" 9. "It's alive!! IT'S ALIVE!" "You've watched Young Frankenstein again, haven't you?" 10. Xander screaming like a girl!!!