I liked the story but I really wished you had mentioned the non-spuffy ending a lot earlier than just before the 
epilogue. Honestly, I probably would not have read it but that is just my personal preference. Having said that, I think you are a very talented writer.

This was sad and sweet and just wonderful. I was crying last chapter because Spike and Buffy would have so little time together. Oz and Willow were so cute. It feels right to end it like this. Seeing Buffy deteriorate would break my heart. But I gotta ask now that Spike's back does Joy still go with Dawn when Buffy dies?

Oh God, thank you. That was an amazing epilogue and I kinda loved how it was a bit disconnected from the rest of the story, but summed it up perfectly at the same time. Also, love Oz. :)

And I'm glad you didn't go on showing every inevitable step of what's going to happen with Buffy now, that would just be over-angsting and feel a bit like exploiting people's emotions. Or something. I don't like stories that go on and on about every single excruciating and ugly detail of whatever nightmare is happening, unless there's a really good reason for it. And here I think you managed to make it all poignant and tragic and really touching without crossing the line. So yeah, great job and thank you very much for sharing this. :)

Thanks for this! It was very lovely. Spuffy stories are my favourite right before bed!

Wow! No, what I meant is WOOOOOOOOOOW!

I had planned to give you a review on each chapter but I couldn't stop reading, this was just so lovely!! The Spuffy reunion, Buffy's daughter, the cancer, and the Willow/Oz ending, you made me wail like a baby in lots of chapters, and I loved how you left Spuffy in the end. You should be really proud of this one, it's amazing.

Well, what can I say? Another great story. I loved it from start to finish, but I especially liked the moment when Spike realizes Buffy made the conscious decision to select a donor in order to have a child that looked like him and I absolutely loved the end (of ch. 7, the spuffy part so to speak)... I am not ashamed to admit that I've shed quite some tears over this one.

Last thing, the epilogue. You are the best! I like Tara, but I've always loved the Willow/Oz pairing much more! I'm so happy the ended up together in this story! Thank you so much for another great, great story!!!

~ Tanja ~

Great story. Nice way to distract from the sad ending in Spuffyville. I was fearful with your warning that you might break up Spike and Buffy in spite of her predicament - glad you left it where is was - I still think that was a sweet way to leave things with them. I was so pleased that she readily let him take on the fatherly role and even confessed about having him in mind. As a physician, I was particularly impressed with the idea of the cancer cells also having Slayer healing - You are brilliant! I didn't see that coming at all, but you are so right - it would make perfect sense. I initally had even said to myself - 'what about the slayer healing?' and your cleverness trumps any argument to the contrary. I am in awe. I love the way you didn't compromise the integrity of the Spuffy story looking for a cheap happy ending, but turned the focus a bit to end things on a happy note. Still in awe here.

the epiloque definitely lightens the tone. very good tale, very good read, thank you.

awwww...oz and willow back to the monkeys.... *sniff* honestly, love, that's a brilliant piece of detail there, bringing back their original conversation about the monkey pants :P great job ending this, perfectly done, love :)

Glad for Willow and Oz to have a chance at happiness. I loved them both for Willow, Tara and Oz. Glad she's ending with someone as well. With this the story you were going for, it was an excellent one, just made me remeber why I don't read these anymore. Thanks Eowyn.

Great chapter. Reallt funny when Oz said he'd tried to teach monkeys to play a Dingos song.

Awwwwwww!

That's so them. I like putting Oz and Willow back together in the future, too.

Pretty much ditto to everything Pfeifferpack said, except I would like to add a great bug:

AAAWWWWWW!! to the end of mine!

Very sweet! :D

I'm a bad, rude person to have waited till the end to review but better late than never I guess. This was a great story and I love how Oz turned up at the end. He was always one of my favorites on the show. Looking forward to your next fic.

Oh I am so Glad Willow got back with OZ, and that you didn't seem to have Buffy die.

I choose to think of it as a Spuffy ending (and mentally write in a miracle cure for Buffy *G*). The parallels are there in spades and so hopeful for Willow and Oz that I am emotionally allowing them to spill to my pairing.

I'm happy Willow and Oz found each other. I always though her love life was just that....about love, not gender. That's why Kennedy was just wrong on every level. I liked this ending.

In my fantasy world, Buffy lives in remission quite happliy as she and Spike raise their daughter. I'm happy.

Well written and like that you left it so easy to take it to that place.

Kathleen

An excellent ending.

wonderful way to end your story - life goes on and sometimes you even get second chances -

Very nice.

Great ending. I always like Willow with Tara or Oz, Kennedy just seemed like a wartime romance at best .

That was beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes. I always loved Willow and Oz together. Willow was lucky to have two such great relationships.

*cries* Beautiful, sad, sweet and perfect.

Okay, you did it! You are the first fanficcer to make me cry.

beautifully written sad read, thank you.

This is why I don't read post NFA, no future for them. Just Spike and who ever is left. doubt if I'll read another one after this, just to sad. Since I'm not one to quite a story, guess I'll just finish up.

Very Sad work but also so very like "Real Life" works - all those stupid mistakes and regrets - all of no use whatever in the face of death -

Not sure why Buffy would not go with a mystical attempt cure, as a mother that has a child to care for, it would seem like an option that would need strong consideration - Well, I will just have to wait for your epilogue see how you end this. Wonderful Piece

OMG, I think you just broke my heart. Beautiful story. I think I might have to go and cry for a minute.

awwww, so very sad :( it's sweet though that they're spending what's left of their time together...can't wait to read the epilogue, love :)

Well, that was just depressing. Very good, though.:) The ending was perfect.

Great story.

Excuse me while i wipe the tears from my eyes. This is a very lovely story and i'm glad you let us know in your A/N that we won't see her die in the epilogue,you see I lost my mom to cancer 7 yrs ago , believe me, I know there's no cure, and although I'm no kid it's always hard to deal, but this is a fantasy and a made up story I try not to look for RL in these fics but escape it for a little while but I understand an authors need to write RL issues sometimes , and you have done a great job with this, very sensitively done. do u get what I'm saying?.Looking forward to reading the end and more of yur fics , I loved everyone of them. Thank u for sharing your talent with us.

Awwww, how very very heartbreaking and sad, but sweet all at once. Could almost see that, Buffy waiting below the window for Joy to come down....only, she won't be ;_;

But she'll leave a part of herself for Spike to love. Poor guy, he messed up again by staying away, and I don't think he'll ever forgive himself for it.

Oh I feel so sad, I wish she would let him turn her then they would get a happy ending, but she is going to let herself die, at least he now has a daughter, wonder who will keep her now.

not Spuffy but not killing anyone huh? I'm not sure where you're going, then. :P

Nice touch, having the Slayer aggressiveness of her cells be just as potent with the cancer as everything else.

And little Joy just coming right out and declaring him her dad...Well, Spike would watch over her even if she hadn't been something for Buffy to remember him by. And I'm sure he'll be glad to be in contact with Dawn again. Spike's gonna need ties to the world after watching Buffy die *again*.

I just had to pick today to read this. ::wipes eyes:: You certianly hit the right emotions and brought forth some rather bitter sweet memories for me. You've done a good job and it's a lovely story.

Well I'm looking forward to the epilogue, seems a fitting end.

Guh.....heartwrenching! You're killin me here.

Such tender dialog between them...the regrets and the lost dreams, very tangible.

Joy is adorable and obviously has been raised to view her missing father in such a way that she has pegged Spike as that man. Methinks Dawn would have a lot of trouble taking Joy from Spike when the time comes. So glad Spike snapped to the deliberation in Buffy's choice for sperm donor.

Sorry this one is ending. Wonder how you'll manage to make it not only NOT Spuffy but not kill anyone?!!?!?!?

Kathleen

Well - first off. Beautiful, beautful story. So sad and heartbreaking.

Secondly. You're AN has me VERY freaked out. My first thought was 'oh god, I've missed a character death warning on the summary'. So, I went to check and... no warning. Which means, she doesn't die. Unless, of course, you forgot to add it, and if that is then case then, I'll try very hard yo forgive you, but that was a really mean thing not to put! :P

Howver, I then realize you say you arn't going to kill anybody. And now I'm REALLY confused, but you say the ending wont be Spuffy. A big 'huh'. Again, I check the warnings for 'Spike/Other' or 'Buffy/Other', but... again there is no such warning.

Basically, I can't cope with reading wtories where Buffy or Spike die OR where one of them ends up with someone else. If one of those things will be the epilogue, then I do NOT want to read it. I simply can't handle, and will view this story finished as of now.

So, I don't mean to be a pain, but... should I shouldn't I read the epilogue? Will I survive?

What to say? Beautiful, heartbreaking, karmic, and full of tainted hope and possibility for the future. I've always liked the idea of Spike with a child and seeing them grow and their children and so forth. I have to admit, I've seen many well written fic where Buffy has "come back wrong" and has achieved some sort of immortality, but none where she snuffs it just like any other normal human. It's tragic that our heroine should be fated to die an ordinary death, but fitting. She always wanted normal and this way they can never bring her back. It's a fail-safe. At last, she can rest in peace. She's certainly lead a full life. Bravo, my darling. A wonderful read indeed. I wanna know what you're going to start next!

Sad chapter. Thanks for the great read Eowyn.

Heatbreaking update. But it does show the difference between Angel and Spike. When Angel says he'll stay forever (at Joyce's grave) he's gone by morning, when Spike says it, he's planning on sticking around to raise her child.

Yup, that was much too good to be true. Eh... I get that back in a day Spike slaughtered enough people to populate a small country, but honestly, doesn't the guy deserve ANY kind of a break? And Buffy? The worst possible luck in the world, everything happening just a little to late and every other decision turning out to be one more thing to be regreted...

You're gonna make me cry, I can see that already. ;)

Oh, and BTW, that A/N at the end? That was EVIL. Bad, bad author. I'm really really glad I'm reading this now and not when it was first posted. ;)

*nods* Yep, you're gonna break my heart, I'm sure you are. I'm so glad they found each other though. *sniffles* Loving this story!

Those last paragraphs were so intense and then you ended it by saying "on a happy note"...I found it funny. I'd forgotten that Willow contacted him. Hope it's something that you're going to have a cure for. I'd hate to have him be left without her again. This time to take care of her daughter and not her sister. Hope you had a fun vacation.

One thing that does come to mind is the slayer healing and the cancer - would logic suggest would suggest that Buffy would end up in some type of loop with Cancer reaches certain stage, then slayer healing powers come back into play for temporary Healing Phase - then cycle starts again - eventually her healing powers decline with age - just thinking how this might work -

So a poignant piece, not only because of all the dreadful mistakes both made, but because in real life so many of us have suffered this horrible illness within our families and loved one. My own sister and our family is going through this same thing and I have lost several friends to cancer.

just wanted to say how much I have enjoyed reading your work - spent last several nights reading your stories - and have enjoyed all of them -

Like this "future life" story very much - a wonderful treatment of "lessons learned" for both Buffy and Spike - Like your mature Buffy very much - And nice to read a mature Xander as well -

Hope you have updates soon and that you have a wonderful vacation -

Now that cliffhanger was pure evil!!!

Have a great vacation (you lucky thing, you)!!!

Just what a girl needs to hear -- poor Buffy. At least she doesn't have to tell him herself.

And right now, Joy's gonna go "What's cancer, Mommy?"

I wonder who gets custody of Joy after....or is Buffy still hoping to beat it? You haven't mentioned if it's terminal or not.

enjoying the tale. you enjoy your vacation, come back refreshed and with more fine chapters to read.

Vacation? You don't need to go on vacation! You need to write me another chapter. lol

I'm loving this story. It's really nice and not at all like other Post Chosen/NFA fics I've read.

Gahhhhhh...okay we need a cure pronto. Hum, maybe Spike could turn her and Willow could make sure she kept her soul...yup that would work.

Excellent.

Have a nice vacation.

Kathleen

Vacation?! And they say Angelous is evil?

Ahaha, you heartless bitch. Love the author's note *squishes*. Mm, a good transitional chapter. I'm curious how you're going to wrap this up in a chapter or two given that I'm sure you're not done with the heaping amounts of sorrow you want to throw on them.

I was charmed by the spatula bit, I won't lie. I'll never look at them the same way again. Loved Spike calling Joy Bit, as well as her head tilt when she looks at him. Maybe she got a bit of Spike in her via osmosis or something. And of course, the menton of the other women I recognized.

This is an interesting verse for me just because it's so domestic. If I were to compare this to Clocks, where it's crazy action and adventure, this seems like a much calmer world where everyone has matured a great deal. You don't often see post-NFA fics where the Scoobies are just people, and not superheroes, and given my own writing, I really appreciate that. By stripping the drama of good vs. evil away, you really get to the heart of them, what makes them tick, etc.

yikes!!!
loving this story

Holy shit, You just left it there hanging in the air like that? , well I suspected she was ill but do you think I could persuade you to make it curable and not terminal , because from some of the the answers you've given to reviews makes me think this is not going to end well, can we have a happy ending , please? I like NFA story to end happily.

ach! no! oh no, buffy can't have cancer!!! :( that's so sad...it's so tragic that they're finally finding each other when she might not have much time left...and i love this older, more mature xander....great chapter, love, looking forward to more :)

"All these years, and he’d still almost let himself be foiled by Xander Harris." - LOL.

“I know that, ’s just… feel like I shoulda known better, you know? Knew the whole time there’d never be anyone for me but you, and I still couldn’t put my damn pride away and come find you until…” - Yes, you should have known better you silly vamp! But, if you had of, we wouldn't be treated with this lovely story! :D

And, so Spike knows about the cancer, ay? Good. Maybe it will help further his guilt for not going to Buffy & repeatedly cheating on her! haha.

Great chapter! Looking forward to the next one :)

*sigh* I was beginning to suspect at the beginning of the chap that something was wrong with Buffy and that is why Willow had phoned him, now well, I'd say it's pretty much confirmed. You're relly gonna rip my heart out here, aren't you? Still loving the angst by the way... and their reunion was beautiful, if somewhat heartbreaking.

Oh, great! She's going to die? She is right, it will destroy him, if she does. Does Xander know? Guess I'd better keep reading to find out. Wonderful Spuffy moments, just how many more do they have?

and they still do not communicate. at least they got the make up sex out of the way, so it is time for new issues. very good read, thank you.

Beautiful chapter. You left it a place where I completely just want more.

I read a few of your fics over at Elysian Fields, and I just wanted to let you know that I love everything you've written. I can't wait until I read the next update for this story, and for all of your others!

what does she know? what's she so afraid of? now i'm all nervous, oh that was a truly heinous cliffie, love...but a brilliant chapter, loved it :)

Oops, I guess I forgot about the sperm bit. Sorry! What can I say except that my memory's not what it used to be, lol

Spike was absolutely certain he’d made the wrong decision.

I don't think I've ever in my life read a post-NFA fic where the author has Spike admit he did the wrong thing by staying away and not going to Buffy. I was honestly beginning to think I never would, in fact. Bravo to you for having the balls to say Spike did something wrong. Yes, he had his reasons, he was insecure, he was afraid of what she might say. But bottom line, he made the wrong decision. thank you for letting me read that in a story. :)

Beautiful reunion -- and then seriously bad vibes for Buffy. What a twist!

AHA...my guess is that Buffy is sick and dying. I also guess that Spike will figure that out (if he hasn't already). He COULD always turn her LOL.

Great update.
Kathleen

Darn, what now? Is the child, Angel's? Anyway, very fulfilling chapter.:)

Evil writer has something up her sleeve. Well, at least Spike had one good night.

Okay, reunion sex and "I love you" - good.

Evil cliffhanger - bad!

What's wrong with Buffy? And does Spike already know about it?

I don't think he knows.

Whatever's wrong with Buffy, Spike'll fix it. I have complete faith in that :P

Wow whatever it is their both hiding it sounds pretty bad, I trust u to make a happy ending for all involved, I'm just glad it's not icky O/C's.

Oh no what is wrong with Buffy and can it be solved.
More please.

Pshhh, so much for happy romps in the sack. Looks like Buffy's got death nipping at her heals, or maybe a dogging degenerative illness. Do you think perhaps Spike showed up because Willow called him to say that Buffy was dying and he should go to her? Man, that's a tough sitch any way you slice it. She's going to have to tell him that baby was meant to be his.

He didn’t understand the woman she had become, couldn’t read her the way he used to. Oh, oh! Is that my influence? I recognized the phrasing =D

She's dying, and let me guess...he knows. You'd think that Slayer healing would prevent a serious illness at her young age.....will he make her last days wonderful, or will she want him to turn her so they can stay together?

Her poor little girl...

I'm back to wanting to bang their heads together! LOL Communication, REALLY not one of their strong points.

I love that she picked someone as close to Spike as she could as Joy's father. And Dawn married a Watcher! Cool. lol

That makes a whole lot of sense. Trying to replace him with some who might look like him and would always be her's. Their going to have a long night. Excellent chapter.

good for buffy. have to start somewhere. good read, thanks.

good for buffy. have to start somewhere. good read, thanks.

I've read your stuff on Fanfiction before and just stumbled upon this site. This is so good, please continue.

wow....so intense, and yet such simple, profound wording...i'm loving this, pet, it's amazing :) *hugs*
DoS

The gulf between them seems pretty big just now.

Oh, thank GOD! Never thought that I'd be so grateful for sperm banks :-P I was so sure that Buffy had been married and divorced or something. Guess I just to conclusions just like Spike. Should have known that you wouldn't disappoint :-)

I love this story , my fave 's are real angsty stories and anything post chosen , seeing red and NFA , I'm glad it turned out to be a donor and that It's still all about him. Now on to the Spuffiness? Update soon.

Ah - she caught him. I'm so glad. But it seems like they have a way to go before things work out.
Things ARE going to work out, aren't they? *glares fiercely*

And so the talking begins.
More please.

Yep, so them......trying not to hurt, trying not to be hurt, having no idea of what the past ten years has done to each other....

It's nice that Dawn has a family.

Great chapter. Wonder what Spike's response will be?

I always look forward to reading work, and this story is no exception. Great job!

Loving all the outer and inner dialogue in this chapter.

Interesting place to leave it.

Oh lovely.....Buffy is going to actually verbalize! YAY! Hope for the pair yet.

So glad he let her catch up to him and I am delighted Joy is a donor baby (hope she shared with Spike how she chose the donor..he'd be touched).

Kathleen

It's lovely to see a matured Xander, and I'm glad that he was able to find happiness.

Am intrigued by Joy, I am sure all will be revealed in future chaps.

LOL Run FAST, Buffy!

Funny to see Xander in this light. Healed and feeling for the blond thorn-in-his-side. Guess he's all grown up after all. Who's Joy's father, some one-night-stand? I can't see her falling in love enough to have a child with anyone? Great read, Eowyn, thanks.

oh i love the picture you've painted of xander, all grown up and mature and understanding, and plausibly executed to....oh i so hope she finds spike! it's heartbreaking to think that she's just got him back, just to lose him again :(

OK, I can't decide to be really happy that we got such a beautiful chapter or annoyed that we didn't find out anything about Spike!!
Loved your matured Xander!

I'm actually sort of pleased to see that Buffy and Xander have patched things up and he found a bit of happiness. Xander was never really a character I rooted for or gave a lot of thought to, but seeing him mature and become a thoughtful and responsible adult is just as plausible as seeing him broken and bitter. It could have gone so many ways for him.

I'm a bit skeptical about what the whole deal is with her kid. I don't really see Buffy being a good or stable mother, so that sweet mommy exchange seemed a little too easy. I bet you'll dump us on our asses with some wicked plot twist. In the mean time, run Buffy! Xander was full of it when he said to go after Riley, but Spike is worth it. Hopefully he's gone on foot and she won't have to make a running leap for a helicopter.

very glad to read of a mature xander and not the jealous little boy of canon. goodread, thank you.

I'm glad that Xander is not the baby's Daddy (whew!). I'm certainly reminded of Xander's little go-get-Riley speech from "Into the Woods."

I'm glad that Buffy has a daughter to love if she's been without Spike all of these years. I must admit that the idea of either Buffy or Spike with anyone but each other tends to frustrate me, and generally, I just have to stop reading so that I don't get all riled up. But now I'm all intrigued to see what happens, so I guess I'll just have to bite the bullet, and try not to think about it :-P

So I wonder who her father is and where her father is. I hope Buffy does find Spike.

more please. love it

nice chapter, who is the father of joyce? where is spike? Can't wait to read more please ýpdate soon

Awww, I love grown up, supportive Xander who finally gets it.

You scared me half to death there. When she woke him up, I thought Buffy had married Xander.

Gah! *crosses fingers for Buffy*

run, Buffy, run...
write, Eowyn, write!!

really good story!

REALLY want more *G*.....(sorry, I hate when I get guilted for my story updates but I simply mean this really hits my buttons for some reason and I'm loving it).

Love mature Xander. I think unlike Joss' comic versions of post Chosen/NFA the characters were headed this way on screen. Xander showed potential for finally growing out of his immaturity and desire to bully after he really lost Anya and Buffy had her epiphany at the end there.....maturity was happening and your story reflects THAT...what we saw the seeds of on screen.

Bring it on!

Kathleen

Love how she and Xander had bonded. Knew he would have to grow up some day.

Poor Spike, jumping to conclusions too quickly. Can't wait to see what will happen, and if Buffy will get to him in time.

Interesting....

So who's the father of the kid?

I'm glad Xander's grown up. I had a horrible flash at the beginning that he was the kids father. Did the father die or leave her?

Is it evil that I want Spike to make things incredibly difficult for her since she was with the Immortal scumbag?

Sometimes you just REALLY want to bang their heads together! This is one of them. LOL

Fabulous story, sweetie. Am loving the angst.

Now that was a surprise. I don't blame him for going. I know i wouldn't want to see her with someone else if I was him but what is the real story behind this? Very well done, thanks.

Spike's a presumptuous ass. And apparently time hasn't remedied their inability to communicate. They both make assumptions and create expectations for the other, assuming that they'll make the first move. It seems these ten years have been a series of missed connections.

It's strange to think of Spike so cut off from others, so isolated. He always was such a vibrant individual, so to see him sink so low into apathy is such a surprise. I like that you've brought in the idea of survivor's guilt and the trauma of life on the edge. Frankly, they all should have some serious mental disorders.

And best of all - why did Willow call him?

Okay - perfectly understandable reaction - and you just broke my heart!

That was incredibly mean. Only an update will bring you forgiveness.

Great story can't wait to read more

Awww, poor Spike.
Buffy's a mom. That's cute all on its own. Can't help but wonder what's going on here. I do believe the story has caught me.

oh no!!! he should wait!! so much has changed, who knows if she's even still married at all? how very tragically sad this chapter was!! looking forward to more, love :)

OH no, please no. She is married and has a child, why would Willow contact him about Buffy.

Spike is so hurt right now but in a way it is so his fault for not telling her and disappearing.

MOre please

*sigh* Nothing is ever simple between those two. Always waiting until its too late or jumping to conclusions.

sad and beautiful read, thank you. ten years, nothing changed, they still do not communicate.

Always jumping to conclusions. Buffy's gonna be pissed Spike pulled an Angel on her and decidedd to leave because it was best :P

Crying here, for both of them. I've a feeling it's not as cut and dried as Spike thinks but can't blame him for thinking it is. It's true that she NEVER came to him and he shouldn't have always had to be the one chasing her, especially after the uncertanty and mixed signals of those last years. No, Buffy should have been the one to go to Spike for a change if only to say, "Hey, good job in Sunnydale. Glad you are back. I've missed you. I meant it." She didn't and that "proved" to him that he was right in the Hellmouth....sigh....

Looking forward to more of this one. Want to know about the child and her daddy. Hope it's not a Shanshued Angel *G*.

Kathleen

GAH!! Stupid Spike! Not entirely unreasonable, but stupid nonetheless. What if the man in the photo just DIED or something, and Buffy needs him? sheesh.

Great story. Love the twists. Nicely written. more?

This chapters a bit sad, but i can't wait to keep reading.

Ohhhhh, how sad!!!!!

So, Willow asked him to come....for something Buffy needed?

And there's a daughter and a wedding picture?

Time moves fast for humans, Spike....we move on things quickly, unfortunately. *hugs*

Please don't tell me she's married! I can't imagine Willow would call him to got to Buffy if she was.

Stupid, impetuous, silly vampire. Haul his arse back to Buffy's!

Interesting take you have here on a Spuffy reunion. Growing old stories are always a bit depressing to me but you have my curiosity piqued.

Gah... WONDERFUL!! Fabulous angsty start. I love it. Off to read some more.

I have to say, rarely, do I read a post NFA fic. Two or three is all but I love you're writing so much I thought I'd give it a try. Took me by surprise to see that it's finished already. Guess that means I get to finish it this evening. Yes, why now? Glad she's had to carry around the guilt of those last words to him. Now to get going with the rest.

reading this has been on my to-do list since i found out about it, and i'm thrilled to finally have a little bit of time to sit down with it. i've wanted to wait until i was really sure i could pay good attention, you know?

i'm already in love.

what i love most is that you've written something so wrenching without pushing. buffy's account of the l.a. battle, and of finding out that spike was blinked out again and she'd been left entirly out of the loop, is held up by a steady foundation of details--the unknown dead she felt responsible for in l.a., andrew's broken nose, the fact that every day he didn't come for her.

and now that he's back, she's excersizing this numbness to try to protect herself from the possibility of so much pain. of course she is.

spot on.

What a great start to this. I think one of the most effective things about this intro chapter for me was the setting itself. I really like stories that take Buffy and Spike out of a familiar setting, and the snow here almost felt like a third character. They're meeting on unfamiliar ground in unfamiliar weather, both strangers to each other after so long. It surprises me that Buffy would have mourned for him so acutely for so long, but i'm sure that will be explored more later. Who knows what she's been up to these last 10 years.

Reader stamps her foot. Bad Spike!

I thought I read this before but I didn't love it.

Love your story very much, but Spike is being an egoistic, self-centered Uber-asshole. I hope Buffy runs right after him and kicks his ass. He can´t be the big no. 1 in her life immediately after staying away for 10 (!!!) years, so he has to leave? Moron.

Fantastic. I especially liked the way you ended the flashback-y sequence. Very Buffy.

great start, thank you. "But why?" should be an enjoyable read to find out why he is back now. and will buffy tell him the truth?

ok, edge of my seat here - don't leave me hanging! :)
Your beginning has amazing promise. Can't wait to see it fulfilled.

Hmm, why didn't Spike ever seek her out? Or did he, but wasn't allowed to see her? So many possibilities.
Nice beginning, looking forward to reading more.

Can't wait for more. Buffy is a mature woman now and not such a little girl with little girl dreams. She has the benefit of being able to see the treasure she had and didn't appreciate.

Look forward to them finding each other again and doing it right.

I can't blame him for not going to her....she gave him no real reason to believe those words (not in the space of time he had to digest them) and nothing afterward to indicate they were meant. Angel chiseled away at any confidence he might have had that she ahd meant those words and the Immortal sighting (no matter the comics say it wasn't her they thought it was)capped it. Spike finally took her at her word that it would never be him and you can't blame him for that.

This is very, very promising and I am stoked!

Kathleen

Off to a wonderful, angsty start, E. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.

wow...you've really captured buffy's hurt and confusion and finally resignation over the past decade....very well done, love, i've thoroughly enjoyed this first chapter...looking forward to more :)

That kinda broke my heart (in a good way, I guess). And I don't know why.

I actually shy away from post end of series fics, but I saw this was by you and I had to read.

It was of course, wonderfully well written and got me hooked straight away.

Cannot wait for more.

*But why?*

Why indeed? I'm hooked!

Ooo, interesting....

And I like that Buffy's been grieving all these years, finally getting that her cowardice cost her what she truly wanted in life. Good question, though.....why now?

Hmmm, and what has everyone been doing in the intervening time?? Will Spike tell his secrets?Looking forward to more. Thanks!

Great start . I can't wait to see where you go with this.

And one of the things she might have done wrong was kissing Angel and then there's taking up with the Immortal after all the grief she gave Spike about normal.Maybe he's back because he wants closure.

Wow! Great start, Eowyn. "L’Oreal Iridescent Blonde" indeed :)

Really like how you pushed this so far into the future. Such a great concept and execution. Can't wait to find out how much Buffy's changed. Well done!

Good start. Why is Spike back? Looking forward to more.