This comment - "There is beauty in the struggle to love" - really spoke to me. As you noted, I do appreciate it and find the hardship compelling. Buffy is a beautifully heartbreaking character. Her story is tragic, full of pain, and yet her spirit is so full of strength she manages to forge through when anyone else would have given up. In S7 she comes into her own in many ways because she stops answering to anyone. She really begins to make decisions that are right for her and deflects much of the criticism and disapproval that in past seasons really crippled and hampered her decision making abilities. That agency informed a lot of this piece. Buffy tries, in her hesitant, cautious manner, to make a stand here by rescuing Spike and relating to him in a way that she never allowed herself to do in S6. It's a maturing process for her - she taps into the kindness that she has, realizes that small actions speak loud. And there were inklings of it earlier in the show, too. A big example being the light kiss she gives Spike after his throw down with Glory and her declaration that his actions and now hers were "real." This story, for Buffy, is real. This is authentic. This is how she could and does act when her insecurities and doubts don't paralyze her.

I'm glad you enjoyed my writing style and my attempts at addressing some loose ends that were never resolved on screen. I'm a big fan of Spike and Dawn, and if her reconciliation happened anywhere, I felt like it must be here where she can see the sort of pain and sacrifice he went through for Buffy. One of my favorite bits of this is where Buffy does give that subtle apology. It's powerful how merely recalling 5 words can speak volumes. Thanks for reading!

I'm glad I could get an emotional reaction. I wanted to ellicit from the readings the same feelings that B & S must have been feeling - choked up and a little overwhelmed. And how true. It's wonderful when you can manage to connect so deeply with someone. Unfortunately, obstacles, sometimes insurmountable ones, get in the way. Thanks for reading :)

Thank you. I do like pulling at the heartstrings when I can.

This definately was an intense bonding moment for them, for sure. Thanks for reading!

Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.

I'm glad you liked this. Sometimes it's the subtle actions that speak volumes and that's what I tried to convey here. I am a huge fan of Spike & Dawn and it never sat well with me that they didn't reconcile on screen in canon. I feel like they must have, which was why I worked it in here. As for the two lines you pointed out: why does Spike breathe at all? Just because something hurts, I think he'd be stubborn about it and still try to talk. And I added the "warm and alive" reference because she's been holding his hand the entire time, so he's soaked up her warmth. As for the kiss, I don't think I went out of character. As kisses go, that was a pretty tame one and more symbolic than anything else. I don't know if it came across well, but I wanted to describe it as not quite a kiss. They're not making out, but just pressing their lips together and letting all the emotional energy between them pass back and forth.

I think "Showtime" is a real turning point for Buffy and Spike. After she rescues him, we find her sort of doting on him in the next episode when he's hurt in the cemetary. They begin to act as partners in training the Potentials. IMO, something profound must have happened between them, and what I wrote seems like a possible scenario. Buffy isn't the huggy kissy type, so I tried to make her tenderness here a bit subtle and nuanced. She makes no declarations or promises, is pretty quiet and even a little nervous for most of her interaction with Spike, and yet she's able to express herself in baby steps: inviting him to her room, cleaning his wounds, offering him her support, comforting him, and giving him strength. And I love the sentence you quoted!

Thank you for your wonderful comment, hun. There are plenty of writers out there who are amazing at plot, can draw out spectacular stories for chapters on end, but at the end of the day I'm not one of them, and what I put most of my effort into is writing beautiful things. It's not so much the story I tell, but the way I'm able to describe characters emotions and feelings. Words and how I use them are very important to me. Thank you for acknowledging that effort. I find it interesting that you don't consider this fic "physical." It's true, they're not having sex, but what I think makes this fic is that they are physical to their very core and ultimately that's how Buffy is able to express her feelings for Spike - through touch, breath, kiss. I write a good deal of smut, and when I was composing this I felt as though I approached it exactly the way I would had they been having sex -- every touch has a meaning, and they have a dialogue with their bodies (whether it's of the PG or NC17 variety). Thanks for making me think about my actual process on this fic. Sometimes you don't even realize how you do it until someone points out certain things to you.

Aww... *hugs* No tears. I was considering how I might label this fic and "angst" doesn't seem to really cover it. In my wicked heart, this is what I might consider "happy" or hopeful. I'm glad it moved you though. When I'm not writing porn (and sometimes even when I am) that's really what I shoot for. I want these moments to touch my readers hearts.  

Thanks. There has been a meme, of sorts, floating around LJ about people's top favorite Jossverse moments and I think the final rescue scene in "Showtime" ranks up there for me. It just goes to show how much can be conveyed in a look, in a touch, and I tried to extend that here. They are able to communicate with so few words and get across a world of meaning. SMG's eyes in that scene just kill me.

You're welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks! I don't really know where it came from. It just sort of snuck on me like it did with Buffy.