If I Hurt You, Will You Still Love Me? by slaymesoftly

Jags
02/23/2012 08:22 pm
Part IV         
that was beautiful
Thank you.

08/07/2009 08:00 pm
Part IV         
for a beautiful, strong, amazing woman, you are one bloody insecure bint

What a fine resolution to this horror story! Buffy's ability to know herself by the end of this (with a little help from her friends) is so satisfying.

This is very difficult stuff, and easy to get wrong, but I think you got a good handle on the issues, and were able to believably present it from the characters perspective.

¡Yay! Meta-fic.
LOL I can't tell you how many "Dead Things" fics I've done (including one where Xander rescues Spike), but this was the last one and hopefully, the most definitive.  Thanks for reading.

BuffyConvert
05/26/2009 10:46 am
Part IV         
This was very good, EXCEPT that the ending shouldn't've happened yet! Lovely Spuffy!
Hee, Thanks! Glad you liked it.

11/25/2008 08:20 am
Part IV         
ohhh...how sweet! i really liked how it ended.
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.

treadingthedark
09/21/2008 04:48 pm
Part IV         
Excellent story. Sure with it had gone that way on the show. Even a fraction!

Very enjoyable.
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Cate
06/30/2008 11:20 am
Part IV         
Wonderfully beautiful! I thoroughly enjoyed it. My top 10 definitely...
Thank you so much.

06/29/2008 03:47 am
Part IV         
very good way to end the tale. love the lines: “The problem was never you, love. It was your taste in men. Which has improved tremendously, I might add.” fun read, thank you.
I'm glad you liked it.

06/16/2008 06:22 am
Part IV         
Beautiful, just amazing.
Thank you.

astrodex
06/15/2008 08:56 pm
Part IV         
 Great story. Sooooo much better than leaving him in the alley.

I really loved his speech about how she would be his girl no matter what. Beautiful.


I did find one typo in the last chapter:  "Buffy slowly became award of the difference..." 
Thanks, I'm glad you liked it.  Oops! and thanks for the heads-up!  All fixed.

06/15/2008 05:50 pm
Part IV         
 Aww, beautiful, tender ending. I loved reading this story, and am looking forward to reading yet more from you!
Thanks. I'm so glad you liked it.

06/15/2008 07:48 am
Part IV         
awwwwwww.... tht was so cute!
ok, except the ending line, ur a/n, kinda shoved a lil nasty reality into my perfect world life moment.
but, twas WONDERFUL!
~liz
Glad you liked it. Sorry about the last line, but those were Buffy's very realistic thoughts, not mine!

06/14/2008 10:55 pm
Part IV         
Oh lovely....she even said I Love You without saying it and Spike is smart enough to have gotten the message as she called out her Stupid secret revealing body.

This was amazingly tender and sweet.  The tickling and teasing were something new between them and broke a few of her  barriers I'm thinking and that helped her to finally see wha they have as more than meaningless sex.

Love that she had the sense to understand his jealousy.  I think Riley and Angel's history with HIM had as much to do with his jealousy on the show as their relationship with her.  Angels past with him and Dru made Buffy's love for him even more unpalatable and Riley's involvement with the Initiative had to rub raw wounds too. 

Lovely tie up that makes that beat down bareable.  It was never even mentioned on the show and that was many shades of wrong.

Very in character for Spike to be the one apologizing in the midst of HER apology LOL.  You really do a great job of showing them as their true selves.  Brava.

Kathleen
Thank you so much, Kathleen. I'm glad you feel that I've captured them well.

06/14/2008 02:53 pm
Part IV         

Buffy's come a long way - I like to hope she'll stay that way!  Lovely story.

I'm glad you liked it.  She may be able to hold those thoughts, but I suspect she'll be her old cranky self again, sooner or later. Thanks for reading and commenting.

06/14/2008 07:59 am
Part IV         
Love that ending - great to have Spike get those words at the end instead of the other vampire -

Very Nice Piece and lovely Spuffy beginning for future -

"As if I’m not going to remember hurting you like this for the rest of my life."

A lesson that Buffy needed never to forget -

Thank you. I'm so glad you liked it.

All4Spike
06/14/2008 02:08 am
Part IV         
Just a teensy disappointed not to get the bitey claimy climax, but this is certainly the way I would like the situation to have been resolved.
Very nice, thanks.
Hee! Sorry, no bitey, claimy in this one - just a happy ending.

06/14/2008 02:06 am
Part IV         
Oh - so sorry to see over so soon! Was looking forward to more.  You did end it on a lovely note though.  Many thanks, as always for sharing!
Thank you for reading. Sorry it was so short, but there were just a few things that I wanted to explore and "fix".

06/29/2008 03:19 am
III         
much better than buffy (or i) anticipated. very good read, thank you.
thanks for reading and commenting.

06/15/2008 05:42 pm
III         
This line sounds like a mother trying to convince her kid that the new man in her life is there to stay :

“Things are going to-- they might be…different. Spike might be around more than…Look, you might just have to--”

Which makes it funny because she's talking to Xander! So glad to see her friends not judging her and bringing out their own choices as examples.

Yep - got to get the "kids" approval.

06/13/2008 11:37 am
III         
A rare pleasure to see such a fair reaction from the Scoobies.  Who'da thunk it?
LOL - My season VI stories tend to feature more reasonable Scoobies than we usually see.

06/13/2008 06:26 am
III         
Oh, wow, I love this story already.  Definitely the best take I've seen of this situation.  Can't wait to read more!
Thank you.  I hope you like the conclusion.

All4Spike
06/13/2008 03:58 am
III         
I'm not so sure that Xander would have taken it that calmly, but you're correct in that he wouldn't have had a leg to stand on if he had made a scene. I always knew that after the initial shock Willow would have understood, after all she knowingly dated a werewolf!
Glad Buffy finally stood up for herself and came clean and made it clear Spike was going to be around more.
More please.
The last chapter is now up - although not sure anyone will notice since it the updates didn't change in between 3 and 4. 

My Xander is a little less judgmental than he is usually written in fan fic.  I'm not convinced that much of Buffy's worry about how the Scoobies would take the news that she was seeing Spike was unwarrented. Xander and Willow (and everyone else) had known Spike for two years by this time, had worked beside him, trusted him to take care of Dawn, and had plenty of time to get used to him.  And, add the load of guilt they felt for pulling Buffy out of Heaven, and I don't think they would say much about how or where she was finding some comfort.  Just my opinion, of course, but that's how I write the season.

06/13/2008 03:42 am
III         
NICE -
Thanks!

06/13/2008 03:19 am
III         
Wow, that went better than expected.  I'm glad to see Xander and Willow understanding of Buffy's decision.  Also, nice to see that they both realize that even though Spike's hands are bloody, he's not the only one.  Looking forward to your next great chapter!
*nods* Yep, there needed to be a little more self-awareness among the Scoobies - IMHO, anyway.   Thanks for reading and commenting.

08/12/2010 06:51 am
Part II         
Very, very good. I'm envious.
Thank you.

buffycinvert
05/26/2009 09:58 am
Part II         
 don't which would be nicer, being loved like Spike loves Buffy or being able to love like Spike does. Good story.  
Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

06/29/2008 02:52 am
Part II         
actual a break-through conversation, for them. very good read, thank you.
Thanks - it was about due, don't you think?

06/12/2008 08:53 pm
Part II         
“Because god forbid that I could be putting up with you because I love you.”

She dropped to her knees beside him, biting her lip with frustration as she tried to express what she found the most unsettling thing about their volatile relationship.

“And I’ve been…been using you. Using the way you feel about me and the way you let me do anything I want – just to make…just so I can feel.”
___________________________________________________

I can't keep from thinking that the most important thing of all these tragic incident for Buffy is not what part Spike takes but what her own part is - why she is so completely filled with anger and hatred and places all those emotions on Spike.   Even if they think of themselves as using his body as "a living sex toy" everytime they have sex it is like a small murder taking place - murder to the heart and soul of another being.  

To me the question is not just why Spike allows himself to be used, my perspective was always about his tremendous capacity to love and not his capacity to be a victim. 

This episode has always represented Buffy's killing of herself, her own "death desire" - she is not only killing Katrina (they perfect metaphor of the sex toy in maid's outfit on her knees) but she is also breaking the heart of Dawn and Spike - even in the clothing that is worn by these three character, Dawn has little hearts on her pj and Buffy is shown wearing the typical Brown and Black that is worn when she is killing off her boyfriends.  She wears that Brown leather coat and black sweater and Spike wears that black shirt that has patterns that suggest the yin-yang form.

Sorry for taking up all this space - but I think this was such a huge episode and part of their story - and a part that was utterly ignored by the writers - glad that you are taking on trying to get some answers for her.

You've given this so much thought - I hope you aren't disappointed in the final chapters!  Thanks so much for the steady reviews and comments.

All4Spike
06/12/2008 12:15 am
Part II         
At last, 'The Talk' that Spike always wanted and Buffy always refused him. And thank goodness for Tara accepting that Spike loved Buffy and making Buffy see that it was so. She's still so worried about what the others are going to say about it though. Always so desperate for approval. Poor girl. Angel damaged her so badly.
I look forward to seeing what happens in the morning when they are discovered asleep together on the couch.....
It might surprise you...

06/11/2008 07:47 pm
Part II         
loved it, loved it, loved it! nice to see some good spuffy conversation. and buffy doing a little admitting to her badness. and, oh, willow's having them magic issues! i totally forgot bout tht part...
love the fic, and the update. will we see dawnie figuring out in the morn when she wakes up maybe? i sooooooo want her to know. and yell at buffy for beating spiek up! =P
~liz
Hee! Thank you.

06/11/2008 04:51 pm
Part II         

Ah---great update.  Buffy's token of her blood was a telling gesture.  Seems they're making progress. 

I wanted to clarify my comment in my earlier review.  I only meant your descriptions were so graphic and well written I could literally see it as I read.  I was purely meant as a compliment.

Oh, I didn't take it as anything else.  It was intended to be a brutal scene, so even if you hadn't meant it as a compliment, I would have found it to be one. LOL 

Progress is being made, but they have a little bit farther to go...

06/11/2008 03:05 pm
Part II         

Buffy is still being quite a bitch but not as bad as in canon.  Anything else would not be believable actually so that is not a complaint.

Wish she'd see herself for the abuser she is and also see Spike for the love filled man at his core.  He made many a mistake but with no one there to show him proper behavior ... what can you expect?  Hope Tara and Dawn will bring in a few home truths. 

How lovely to have this  story in your hands because you not only tell a good tale in ways that fit the characters but you also have a clear idea of what they are deep down.  It's in good hands and I enjoy every word.

Kathleen

You write the most wonderful reviews!  *squishes you*

06/11/2008 12:26 pm
Part II         
Buffy managed to have a pretty frank heart-to-heart there - if she can keep on doing that instead of thinking the worst of Spike, they stand a chance.  He made some telling points while letting her off very lightly.  I hope she doesn't crumble before Scooby censure.
Well, one of my normal themes in fics set in season vi is that the Scoobies may not be as censuring as she expects them to be, so we'll see what happens.

ya_lublyu_tebya
06/11/2008 09:53 am
Part II         
Lovely update. Absolutely loved Buffy's hesitant affection. Some nice snuggling too. And Spike shouldn't have to pay for Angelus- hope Buffy realises this and does something right for a change. Good work.
Thanks - I'm trying not to rush Buffy's change of heart too much.  I hope you like the rest of it.

06/11/2008 04:42 am
Part II         
 “So, I have to pay because Angelus is a wanker?”

It always comes back to this, doesn't it?

Great chapter, and a very good talk between S&B.
It does so often seem to, doesn't it? So much of the distrust of Spike's motives and the insistence that he cant love - all can be laid at the feet of Angel/Angelus and his inability to do so.

BuffyConvert
05/26/2009 09:16 am
Part I         
     Oh, I do luv wot you're doing with Tara. More Good Witch is all to the good

06/13/2008 03:59 am
Part I         
"Right now, I would say that the worst thing that’s wrong with you is that you’re still thinking about yourself when the man who loves you so much he allowed you to take out your anger on him is barely clinging to life."

Right on, Tara!

Slaymesoftly, you have Buffy's character pitch perfect in this chapter, and it's about time that someone called her on her selfish behavior. If only someone had done so on the series. I'm looking forward to reading more of this story. Great start!
Thank you, sweetie.   My Tara is bit more outspoken than Joss allowed her to be.

06/11/2008 04:59 am
Part I         
"I'm sure Rahirah would have liked that better, too, but I really just want Buffy to acknowledge what she's been doing to Spike and try to make up for it in some way. "

After all - this is what is really the vital thing - understanding and compassion for the people in your life and in your world - How you get there is not as important as that you do - Anyway, that is how I see it in my world view. 
*nods*

06/11/2008 04:31 am
Part I         
 What an intense first chapter! I tend to block out that particular episode of Season 6, so I can't wait to read where you're taking this.
I hope you like where I go with it.

06/11/2008 03:39 am
Part I         
really enjoyed both tara's and dawn's attitude. very good read, thank you.  great paragraph: "Having a bit of a problem...sunny disposition."

Thank you.  I'm glad you like my little bit of Spike snark.

All4Spike
06/11/2008 12:50 am
Part I         
Yay Tara! Tough love was just what was needed. It's true though, on the show when Buffy was weeping and wailing about her predicament to Tara she didn't once consider the effects on Spike of her actions. It was all 'oh poor little me I must have come back wrong' and then 'oh poor little me I didn't come back wrong so I have no excuse for everything, oh poor little me I feel so bad'. Then when she broke things off with Spike it was just to make herself feel better, she didn't give any consideration to Spike's feelings... 'cos of couse he didn't have any. Yeah.. right...
Oops...sorry for the rant... LOL You struck a nerve. I really didn't like Buffy much in the latter half of season 6.
LOL - You're entitled to dislike her. She wasn't very likable a good bit of the time.  Maybe you'll like her better when the fic is over. *smiles hopefully*

06/10/2008 07:46 pm
Part I         

You certainly covered all the bases in that gruelling rerun of the battering.  Really well done.  Thank god for Tara's perceptiveness.  Besides Dawn, she's the only one who would have a qualm about what Buffy did to Spike.  If only Buffy would seriously take on board what she's saying.  I fear she's too busy fighting guilt while justifying herself with the same old excuses.  One of her nicer moments:' “I have…had somebody to talk to. I have Spike. He listens, and he doesn’t judge me…At least he didn’t before I…” She shuddered all over as she thought about losing the only thing keeping her sane.'
As usual, it's all about me, me, me.


 

Alas - that's probably the hardest thing for her t get over; that it might be about somebody else... Thanks for reading.

06/10/2008 06:00 pm
Part I         
As always, thrilled to see a new fic from you.  This was a very painful chapter to read--especially the beginning. Tara's part in this chapter was wonderful, calm, yet brooking no arguments. Looking forward to your next chapter.
Yes, I've had a couple of people comment on the brutality of the first part - but, you know, that's what happened.  I hope you like the rest of it.

06/10/2008 05:45 pm
Part I         
awwwwwwwww..... go tara! i was so sad when they killed her off. i like this rewrite. makes buffy face what she did to spike.
cant wait for more!
~liz
Thanks. More is up now.

ya_lublyu_tebya
06/10/2008 09:45 am
Part I         
Now that is the way it should have gone! Glad to see your muse has been inspired again. This was awesome and I really loved Tara making her see sense. Look forward to more.
Thanks. I always felt that Tara could have been a greater force for good than she was allowed to be. I hope you like the rest of it.

06/10/2008 06:45 am
Part I         
An excellent start to what I am sure will be a very interesting story for many readers.  I want to add something more comments but will come back later once I get my thoughts in better order.  This theme of Buffy and her terrible capacity for violence and anger and complete oftentimes utter self-centered outlook is such a complex part of her character and the series - ALL THAT UGLY DARKNESS mixed in with her equally enormous capacity to love and sacrifice; it all makes for such complexity - and all that same complexity is repeated in Spike as well.  

How wonderful that you have Tara, which was always a symbol of the to me of a gentle soul and a Mother Goddess be a part of beginning.   

I have been reading and listening to the Gospel of Mary Magdalene for several days now and I can't help but think of Buffy and this series which continues to have such an important impact on how I try to understand my life - the more I read and think about all this Buffy takes on such a horrible face - a horror both self-created and inflicted upon her from her main teacher, Giles - all that dogma and label after label and judgements of Good vs Evil, Souls and Blindness that became such a huge part of what their lives were founded on.  And this very scene you begin with is the culmination of all their delusion and the creation of their own monsters which they always placed on the convenient scapegoat - Spike and the demon realms. 

It was not only Drusilla that sired a vampire, Giles and the WofC created their very own demon in the dogmatic condition Slayer - a part which the creators of Buffy explored very little in the series.

Take whatever time you need and dig deep for the answers you are trying to explore with this work - It is one of the most important and profound themes ever of the series - what and why and how does the heroine and IMO, the hero, of these series speak to the inner demons which they both created and had inflicted on them by their social constructs - Of What Good Is A Soul or what Does It Signify, within the context of The Alley Scene and all the social judgments that played so a huge part in the life of this young woman and one time lovely young man and love filled vampire.
Wow. Thanks for the thoughtful review and discussion. I think you may be giving me way too much credit, though, when it comes to exploring the themes you've mentioned.  I'm sure Rahirah would have liked that better, too, but I really just want Buffy to acknowledge what she's been doing to Spike and try to make up for it in some way.  With a bit of luck, Tara will have pulled her out of some of her self-centeredness. Now, the question is, will she be able to stay there, or will she quickly slip back into her old demon-bashing ways?