 |
Universal Vampire by Mabel Marsters
Chapter: If At First You Don't Succeed...
Buffyconvert
09/16/2009 06:48 pm
I'm glad it was Dawn he recognized first; I'd hoped it,would be.
I liked the connection they had on the show - like he was a big brother to her.
03/26/2009 01:53 am
I wondered how they could have captured him so easily! Good God..one stupid vampire!
Though I say it myself - I did chuckle when I wrote how he got re-captured. It seemed so typically 'Spike'. :)
Thanks again for your comments - looking forward to more of your thoughts. :D
Thanks again for your comments - looking forward to more of your thoughts. :D
06/10/2008 04:04 am
*sigh*
OK, I feel better now - like you might let this turn out OK after all...of course, you scared me when Spike started talking about remembering being dumped.
Nice reunion, though. :)
OK, I feel better now - like you might let this turn out OK after all...of course, you scared me when Spike started talking about remembering being dumped.
Nice reunion, though. :)
Hi BT_
This fic is a real roller coaster so hold on tight!! LOL!!
Thanks for reviewing - really appreciate it!
This fic is a real roller coaster so hold on tight!! LOL!!
Thanks for reviewing - really appreciate it!
06/10/2008 04:02 am
Hmmmm... a little concrit might be appropriate for this chapter:
You're good at writing dialogue for Xander and Willow, you've definitely got their babble-speak down, but you're lacking a bit on Spike and Giles' dialogue. With this chapter I felt Spike was American - far too much like Angel or Riley. Spike uses a ton of British slang (i.e. "git, oi, bugger, bloody hell, etc...") and his sentences are more direct, to the point, and shorter. Even though Spike's been mute for almost a year he wouldn't change his speech patterns once his voice returned. Also, I think with his voice unused for so long he wouldn't be able to speak as well as you portray so soon even with vampire healing.
As for his memories returning, the way you brought forth "Niblet" was great - slow, highly fragmented, and jarring. After that I felt like chunks came forward and he was totally ok with them rather than being startled, shocked, or even in a bit of pain - You may want to smooth over/slow down the speed at which his memories return so it's not quite so much like a switch is flipped..
Please feel free to tell me to bugger off with my comments. I still love your story and am looking forward to Ch. 9, keep up the great work and post soon!
You're good at writing dialogue for Xander and Willow, you've definitely got their babble-speak down, but you're lacking a bit on Spike and Giles' dialogue. With this chapter I felt Spike was American - far too much like Angel or Riley. Spike uses a ton of British slang (i.e. "git, oi, bugger, bloody hell, etc...") and his sentences are more direct, to the point, and shorter. Even though Spike's been mute for almost a year he wouldn't change his speech patterns once his voice returned. Also, I think with his voice unused for so long he wouldn't be able to speak as well as you portray so soon even with vampire healing.
As for his memories returning, the way you brought forth "Niblet" was great - slow, highly fragmented, and jarring. After that I felt like chunks came forward and he was totally ok with them rather than being startled, shocked, or even in a bit of pain - You may want to smooth over/slow down the speed at which his memories return so it's not quite so much like a switch is flipped..
Please feel free to tell me to bugger off with my comments. I still love your story and am looking forward to Ch. 9, keep up the great work and post soon!
I certainly won't tell you to bugger off!! :)
Had to chuckle that you thought Spike and Giles dialogue was lacking - I'm English!! lol As for the way Spike spoke - I had him speaking a little like the thoughts we had seen from him. I think that the slang etc is a part of 'cocky' Spike and he's not back quite yet. The voice was controlled by the chip and so isn't really reliant on healing of any kind.
I get what you mean about things perhaps being a little rushed. This of all the chapters in this fic was probably the one I found hardest to get right ish. As you will see, the fic isn't just about Spike's recovery from his ordeal - there is a lot more to it. So I didn't want to end up taking chapters to get him to where I need him to be.
Glad you're looking forward to chapter nine! It will be up soon. Keep on letting me know what you think :)
(In my defence I'd like to say that this is one of my earlier fics. LOL - excuses, excuses!)
Had to chuckle that you thought Spike and Giles dialogue was lacking - I'm English!! lol As for the way Spike spoke - I had him speaking a little like the thoughts we had seen from him. I think that the slang etc is a part of 'cocky' Spike and he's not back quite yet. The voice was controlled by the chip and so isn't really reliant on healing of any kind.
I get what you mean about things perhaps being a little rushed. This of all the chapters in this fic was probably the one I found hardest to get right ish. As you will see, the fic isn't just about Spike's recovery from his ordeal - there is a lot more to it. So I didn't want to end up taking chapters to get him to where I need him to be.
Glad you're looking forward to chapter nine! It will be up soon. Keep on letting me know what you think :)
(In my defence I'd like to say that this is one of my earlier fics. LOL - excuses, excuses!)
Sirc
06/09/2008 11:20 pm
Well done!
Hi Sirc
thank you :)
thank you :)
If you are under the age of 17, please use your head and do not read fics that are labeled "NC-17". Parents, I cannot control what your children are reading, so please be advised that the majority of the fics archived here are NOT suitable for those under the age of 17.
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I am in no way making any profit from this site. This is for pure entertainment purposes only.
Concept: (c)bringonthebloodshed.com (2004), Code & Design: (c)Diabola (2006), Graphics: Selene & Always