Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

 
            Not many things frightened Buffy Summers.  When you face countless demons, apocalypses and two foiled deaths it’s difficult to get spooked.  However, Buffy saw things differently when she found herself with a young sister with a penchant for all things dangerous and irresponsible.  There was something to be feared more than The Masters and Drusillas of the world.  Four innocuous words that when strung together proved far more gruesome-more horrible-than anything the evils could muster.
           
           “You what?” Buffy said, feeling bile rise in the back of her throat as Dawn repeated those four words.

            No.

            Definitely not.

            She was misunderstanding Dawn.  Or this was some type of joke that Xander put her up to.  It couldn’t be true.  There was absolutely no chance because Dawn was only fifteen.  She couldn’t even drive.  It was a joke.  It had to be.  When Buffy told Dawn this, her sister set her with a cool gaze-one not unlike a certain blonde vampire’s who had been popping over more than usual lately-and said, “It’s not a joke.  I have a boyfriend.”

            “But you’re fifteen,” Buffy sputtered.

            Dawn set her hands on her waist, looking all of her petulant fifteen years as she said, “So?  You started dating Angel around then.”

            Buffy shook her head.  “Yes, but I was very mature for my age.  By then I already had humanity’s fate resting on my shoulders.  You-“

            “Were a key that dissolved the fabric between different worlds,” Dawn interjected with a triumphant jut of her chin. “I think that makes me pretty mature.”

            “Yeah, well, you don’t remember any of it.”

            “Why are you being like this?  I thought you’d be happy for me!”

            “I just think you’re a little young,” Buffy said.  “Very young.”


            “Well, it’s not like I need your permission to date him.  You’re not my mother,” said Dawn.

             “Yeah, I’d like to hear what Mom would say about this,” Buffy returned.  Unfortunately Joyce was out of town for the weekend and the idea of their absent mother’s opinion was not enough to deter the youngest Summers.  She turned away, grabbing her coat as she tacked on, “Whatever.  I’m going out.“

            “Hold on, where are you going?”

            “To see Jake.”

            “Who?”

            “Jake, my boyfriend,” Dawn said, rolling her eyes at Buffy’s inability to follow the scattered breadcrumbs of her thoughts.  Buffy decided right there that Jake was a stupid name.  “Look, can I go?”

            “It’s dinnertime,” Buffy said.  “You need to eat before.”

            “Jake and I were going to grab something.”

            “Well, um, then you can bring him here.  That way I can meet him.” And hopefully scare him and his impure intentions off, Buffy added silently. There also would be plenty of mirrors to out him if he was secretly a vamp.  The Summers women did seem to have a weakness for that type, after all.

             “I don’t want to bring him here,” Dawn said, but Buffy could tell by the tone of her sister’s voice that she had at least won this battle.

            “Well, you are not leaving without dinner.  You can either tell him to wait or he can come here.”

            “And eat what?  Our expansive collection of pop tarts?”

            “I’ll order a pizza,” Buffy said.  That was the original plan, anyway.  Last week she had attempted to cook for the house and the results had been less than satisfactory.  They ended up all eating cold cereal and left over Chinese food.

            “And then Jake and I can go out after?”

            “Fine,” Buffy said quickly, thinking that she could thwart this part of the night’s plans later.  She could always drum up some sort of catastrophe. Or she could convince Willow to try out some magic.  That always seemed to result in some sort of apocalyptic snag.  “Call him and tell him to be here in twenty minutes,” Buffy said decisively.

            Dawn clearly did not like this turn of events but she relented, turning away sharply and retreating to the living room.  Buffy walked into the kitchen and grabbed the cordless phone, heading up the stairs as she dialed the local pizza shoppe.  She ordered a large sausage with extra cheese-the house favorite-and then wandered upstairs.  She found Willow and Tara in the den and she said, “I just ordered us some pizza.”

            “Oooh, you got it from Johnny’s right?” Willow said.  “The stuff from the other place was pretty bad last time.  I think I found a hair in my piece.”

             “Yeah, I called Johnny’s,” Buffy said.  She leaned against the wall, crossing her arms over her chest as she added, ”And, we have a special guest joining us.”  Willow’s eyes brightened as Buffy revealed, “Dawn’s boyfriend.  Jake.”

            “Aww, Dawnie has herself a boyfriend?”

            Buffy narrowed her eyes.  “Why do you sound happy about this?  Dawn has a boyfriend.  Young, impressionable Dawn.”

            “She’ll be fine,” Willow said with an indulgent grin, patting Buffy’s shoulder.  “Besides, she’s only fifteen.  You don’t really have boyfriends then.”

            “Willow’s right,” Tara said soothingly.  “You shouldn’t worry.”

            “I had Angel when I was only a few months older than Dawn,” Buffy said.  “And we all know how well that turned out.  He went evil and tried to kill all of us.”  Buffy looked resolute as she said, “We must end this.”
           

BUFFY-BUFFY-BUFFY

 
            They were all seated in the living room, Dawn pressed to her beau’s side on the couch with Xander and Anya perched at the other end.  Willow and Tara sat on the loveseat while Buffy leaned against the wall, avoiding the sight of her young sister partaking with a male.  It just seemed so wrong.  So adult. 

            Anya leaned forward in her seat and offered Dawn a bright smile as she said, “He is very good looking, Dawn.  Your children will be exceedingly attractive.”

            Buffy shot her a glare as Xander gently pulled her back and murmured, “I think you better stay quiet, honey.”

            There was a knock on the door and Buffy pushed herself off the wall with the heel of her foot, hoping that copious amounts of cheese and grease would loosen the knot in her stomach.  She pulled open the door, sucking in her cheeks irritably when she found not a delivery man but instead a peroxide coifed vampire swathed in leather and smarm.

            “You,” she muttered.

            “Well, hello to you too, love.”

            He smirked and she felt a jolt of irritation so sharp that she had to curl her fists at her side to keep from pummeling him right there in the doorway.  “What do you want?  I’m really not in the mood for you.  Actually, scratch that, I’m never in the mood for you.”

            Spike shrugged.  “Nothing good on the telly.”

            “No Passions re-runs?” Buffy taunted.

            “Not until after midnight.”

            “What a shame, having to wait all that time to watch Timmy get stuck in the well again” Buffy deadpanned.  A car had parked in front of the house and she exhaled happily when she saw a man climb out, a pizza held in front of him.  “Now that is a welcome sight.”

            Spike turned around, snorting as he returned his attention to the diminutive blonde.  “That joyous exhalation was for pizza?  You know, love, I have a feeling GI Joe isn’t delivering quite like he should.”

            Buffy pushed him aside and dug the twenty dollar bill from her pocket.  She offered the delivery man a quick grin as she exchanged the bill for the pizza.  Stepping back, she nodded toward Spike and said, “Thank you for your unexpected and unwelcome visit.  Please don’t come again.”

            “You’re not even going to offer me some pizza?”

            “You don’t eat,” she shot back.  “And besides, I have enough excitement for one night.”  She glanced back at the living room.  Everyone had made their way to the kitchen, leaving the room to her side empty.  She kept her voice low as she explained, “Dawn has a boy over.  A real live boy with…with boy parts and everything!”

            “Lil bit has a suitor?”

            “Yes,” Buffy snapped.  “Which is precisely why you need to leave.”

            “No, see that is precisely why I need to stay,” Spike said, stepping forward and forcing her back as he made his way into the house.  He glanced back at her, “See I didn’t really need the invitation.  Just being nice before.”

            “Spike, you leave this house right now,” Buffy warned.

            “Or what?  You’ll throw the pizza at me?  We both know you’re not willing to compromise your dinner.  Plus, I gotta make sure this bloke is good enough for the bit.”

            She attempted to sway him with a withering glare but in classic Spike fashion he did nothing but glare right back.  And he was right about the not-ruining-dinner-part.  She wasn’t about to physically remove him from the house and risk the pizza.  “Fine,” she huffed.  “But you are not to say a word.”

            He raised his hands in yielding.  “I will be a silent observer.”

            That was about as likely as Anya becoming conscientious, and Buffy pursed her lips into a decidedly disapproving line before she muttered, “Come on, the pizza is getting cold.”

 

BUFFY-BUFFY-BUFFY

 
            Willow and Xander were nothing but pleasant toward Jake, which was a welcome distraction from Buffy’s glowering and Spike’s suspicious silence.  Willow glanced nervously at Buffy, who was staring forlornly at her pizza as if it was the root of all her troubles, and asked, “So Dawn, how did you and Jake meet?”

            “Yeah, when did the magic happen?” Xander asked.

            Willow noticed Buffy’s eyes flit up from the pizza and she stammered, “Not-not that we think magic is involved!  Because it isn’t.  Probably.”

            Dawn looked at her oddly and said, “We have algebra together.”

            “Ah algebra,” Xander breathed out.  “I have fond memories of that subject.  Quadratic equations. Variables.  Ms. Piper’s sweaters.”

            Buffy took a large mouthful of pizza, nearly choking when Spike broke his silence and drawled, “So, Jacob, what are your intentions with Dawn here?”

            “Spike!” Dawn snapped.  “What are you-“

            “Relax bit,” Spike said, holding up a placating hand while his gaze stayed levelly on Jake.  “I’m just getting to know the bloke a bit.”

            “By asking the most embarrassing questions?”  She looked imploringly toward Buffy, begging her to intercede.  Jake had been impervious to Buffy’s sullen behavior but Buffy saw that he was shrinking beneath Spike’s piercing glare.  Interesting.

            “Spike,” Buffy said, holding up her plate.  “I want that end piece by you.”

            He glanced at her and smirked.  “Do you, love?”

            “Keep your pants on, Spike,” Xander muttered.  “She said by you, not on you.”

            Spike put the piece of pizza on her plate and raised his eyebrows lasciviously as she placed the plate back in front of her.  She was having serious regret for not kicking him out when she could have, but he earned his keep at the last moment by returning his attention to Jake and saying, “Anyway mate, let’s get back to the question at hand.”

            Good boy.

            “Let’s not,” Dawn interjected heatedly.

            “Nah, it’s fine,” Jake said, speaking for what was the second or third time of the entire night.  “My, uh, intentions are cool man.”

            “I sure hope they are.  Otherwise you’ll have to contend with big sis.  And trust me, mate, that is something you want to avoid.  Been at the end of her fist a few times, myself.  Not pleasant.”

            While Buffy appreciated the general sentiment of what Spike was saying, she couldn’t help but think that she was being used as the scapegoat here.  It wasn’t exactly her fault that his face connected with her fist so often.  He did a lot of stupid shit.  Xander seemed to share Buffy’s thoughts as he piped in, “Hey Spike, care to remind us why you ended up at the end of Buffy’s fist?”

            Spike tilted his head with an easy smirk.  “Which time? Happens so often I have a hard time keeping track.”  He glanced back at Jake and hooked a thumb toward Buffy.  “Trigger happy, this one.”  Raised eyebrows followed to suggest that Jake should do his best not to press the trigger.

            Jake sunk in his seat, looking at Dawn with a silent plea for them to get as far away from the table-the house-as possible.  Dawn nodded indiscernibly and announced, “Alright, dinner was great.  Pizza, love it.  Jake and I going to go now, ‘kay?”

            She stood up quickly, grabbing Jake’s arm as she skirted from the room.   “Hey,” Buffy called out, pushing her chair back from the table and hurrying after her sister.  Dawn was at the front of the foyer, pulling on her coat while Jake stood by her side, hands shoved deep in his pockets.

          “Where are you guys going?” Buffy asked.

            Dawn’s voice was dismissive as she answered, “Out.”

            “Dawn-“

            “Some people are hanging out by the high school.  I think we’re going to go there.”

            “By the old Sunnydale High?”  Buffy managed, wondering why the hell people would want to congregate by some ruins.  Her eyes widened at a few guesses and Dawn quickly said, “Calm down Buffy.  We’re just doing normal teenager stuff.”

            Buffy sighed.  “Fine.  But no candles.  Or amulets.  Or ritual sacrifices.”

            “Ritual sacrifices?” Jake sputtered.

             “Leave it kid,” Buffy said absentmindedly, her attention on Dawn.  “You be careful.  And I want you back here by 11:00.”

            “10:30,” Spike said from behind her.  Buffy shot him a look
before turning back to Dawn and saying, “Ignore him, 11 is fine.  But if you are even a minute late-“

            “I know, grounded until the end of time,” Dawn said with an eye roll.  “Can I go now?  I think you’ve mortified Jake enough for one night.”

            Dawn may have had a point.  The kid did look pretty spooked, his eyes flitting from the ground to the walls as he avoided her gaze.  She remembered the intimidating vampire behind her and thought that he was probably avoiding more than her.

            “Okay, you can go.”

            “Finally,” Dawn huffed.  Jake was out the door in a flash and as Dawn followed Buffy stepped forward and called out, “Remember, 11:00 on the dot!  Not a minute past!”

            Dawn’s voice held pointed finality as she called back, “I got it!  Bye Buffy!”

            She watched the two disappear into the darkness, her overwrought mind drumming up all the ways this could go terribly wrong.  “I think it’s time to close the door, love,” Spike said behind her.  He reached forward and closed the door.

            “So, she’s dating.”

            “Relax, love, he seemed pretty harmless.”

            “Right,” she answered.  “This one was.  But what about the next guy? And the one after that?  God knows one of them is going to end up a demon of sort.  Summers women tend to attract that.”

            He smirked.  “And you’re going to do what about that, exactly?”

            “Guess I’ll finally have to teach her how to use a stake.”  Buffy’s shoulders slumped as she turned back toward the dining room. “I miss the days when she was just a nuisance trying to sneak into my room.”
The group was talking casually back in the dining room and their attention turned toward her as she dropped back into her seat.  “So, Dawnie’s off on her date,” Xander said.

            “Yes, she is.”

            “Why do I have a feeling this is the start of a lot of unrest in the Summers home?”

            “Adolescent relationships are shaky and unpredictable at best,” Anya answered reasonably.  “I give them two weeks before the lust subsides.”

            “Two weeks before we have Dawn post her first break up,” Buffy muttered.  “Goody.”