Four


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“Someone pinch me. I think I’m having a nightmare.”

Dawn complied with Xander’s request and he let out a cry, frowning at her and then turning his frown back in the direction of the screen.

“Damn, I’m not dreaming.”

Another long silence fell over their little group, none of them able to tear their eyes away from the small screen.

“This explains a lot,” Dawn murmured, half to herself, but the others heard and sent her a look of confusion.

“Explains what?” Willow asked, eyes flicking between Dawn and the computer.

“Well, Buffy’s strange behaviour…”

“What strange behaviour?” Xander asked cluelessly – earning him an exasperated sigh from Dawn.

“Oh, I don’t know… all the moping about, maybe? And the way she’s been real quiet whenever Spike’s around.”

Xander made no sign of appearing to understand what she was talking about and the teenager looked to Willow, glad to see some sort of recognition in the redhead’s eyes.

“She has been a little out of it lately.”

Dawn gave a triumphant smile and turned her attention back to the screen, her mind whirring with thoughts.



It was like watching a soap opera, the way they were all hooked on the action – but with a jolt, she remembered that this was her sister. And that this was obviously intended to be a private moment.

“Maybe we should, err, stop watching,” she suggested, throwing a slightly guilty look between Buffy’s two oldest friends.

“No way, José!” Xander exclaimed, “What if this is all some sort of ploy?! Am I the only one that remembers the lack of chip?”

“I’m sure there’s a good reason…” Willow said uncertainly, a frown creasing her brow.

“Of course there is. Spike would never hurt Buffy.”

Xander gave Dawn a pointed look and she sighed.

“Yeah, they were fighting… but it wasn’t exactly one-sided.”

“He’s dangerous.”

“He is not!”

“You two,” Willow said quietly, interrupting them in their argument and drawing their attention back to the events playing out across town.



The pair had stopped kissing now and were looking at each other in a mixture of surprise and something else that made Xander frown and Dawn smile ever so slightly. Things seemed to have turned serious though and Buffy took a few faltering steps backwards, away from the vampire.

Dawn felt another slight twinge of guilt for continuing to watch, but it wasn’t enough to make her turn away – in fact, she was wishing right at that moment to be able to hear what they were saying.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“We…we can’t.”

“You can’t,” Spike returned pointedly, “I have no problem with this at all.”

“Fine,” she replied somewhat angrily, “It’s me. Buffy’s completely messed up as usual!”

With a groan of frustration, she turned her back on him and ran a hand through her hair, her mind whirring – even as she was desperately trying to ignore the tingling in every inch of her body after his kisses.

“Buffy,” he called softly.

“I have to go.”

“Don’t walk out on me,” he growled, catching her arm and stopping her before she could move at all, “We need to talk this through.”

She went to retort but made the mistake of meeting his gaze once more and it stalled her. There was such weariness and pain in his expression and it made her frown – and a tiny part of her hurt.

“I can’t do this now,” she got out, wriggling out of his touch, “I… I didn’t mean to… The kissing was…”

She trailed off uncertainly when she saw the angry look he was giving her and with a sigh, looked to the floor.

“Don’t say you didn’t feel what I just felt, Slayer.”

She sighed again and let out a strangled laugh as she raised her eyes to his.

“That’s just the problem though, isn’t it? I won’t say I felt what you felt.”

He frowned angrily and she continued quickly.

“I can’t. I just… I can’t tell you how I…”

She trailed off again, annoyed that she was unable to express herself.



“You have feelings for me,” he said softly, the hint of a question in his voice.

“You know I do,” she got out with a choked laugh, “And that’s what makes this so hard.”

He took a step closer, drawing her gaze to his bright one.

“Doesn’t have to be,” he murmured coaxingly, “Could be very easy… If you just let yourself go…”

She wanted to give in, to let him win this emotional battle – too exhausted to keep fighting him and her own feelings – but something held her back.

“I should go,” she whispered hesitantly.

“Don’t,” he said, catching her by the arm once more, “Please.”

The energy to fight completely abandoned her then and she sagged, avoiding his gaze so he would not see her weakness.

“Please, Spike. I need… I need time.”

His hand came to her chin and she followed his coaxing hand, meeting his bright gaze.

“What’s changed, Slayer?” he whispered, searching her eyes for his answer, “This isn’t the girl who walked out of my crypt without looking back.”

“Nothing’s changed,” she got out defensively, “I meant what I said then.”

“Really?” he challenged.

“Yes,” she said uncertainly.

“I think that needs testing.”

He leaned forward ever so slightly – and just at that moment, the door burst open.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“What’s going on?!” Dawn exclaimed, eyes going wide with worry as the two blondes turned away from each other, surprised glances on the doorway.

“Who is it?” Willow murmured, eyes fixed on the screen.

Dawn had been watching them closer than any, studying every little movement, using every thing she knew about each blonde to come to an important conclusion: they were more intimate than anyone had ever contemplated. And just when she was certain her sister had given in – probably after fighting her desire with all sorts of boring moral duty talk – something had broken the two apart and had drawn their attention towards the door.

She longed to be able to see what was going on, but had to settle for watching their faces. A moment later, Spike’s hands went to his head and he crumpled to the floor in obvious agony and after a worried look in his direction, Buffy turned angry eyes on the intruder, whoever it was.