Chapter Nine


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“I can’t believe she just went off with him!” Xander exclaimed as the group sat around the Summers’ living room, still reeling from the events of that evening.

“I guess they had to talk,” Willow said softly.

“Ha, yeah! Talk,” Dawn scoffed, laughing.

“Dawn!” Willow got out in surprise.

“I’m just saying… the way they were looking at each other…”

“Okay, stop now,” Xander commented, “Or I’m going to make myself go deaf.”

“You can’t just pretend like it didn’t happen, Xander,” Dawn said seriously, “There’s obviously something going on between them. What are you going to do if Buffy comes back and says that her and Spike are an item?”

“Definitely make myself deaf,” he murmured thoughtfully, before he turned to the two girls, his expression tainted with confusion, “How did we not see this? Wait, no, why didn’t Buffy tell us before?”

“Maybe because she thought you might be like this about it?” Dawn suggested, much to Xander’s obvious chagrin. He was silent for a moment and then he slumped in his chair, rubbing his hand over his tired eyes.

“I want Buffy to be happy,” he pronounced, “I just… it’s Spike!”



The three fell silent, all seemingly considering just what this meant. Willow was the first to break the silence though, speaking up and jolting them all into awareness.

“He has changed.”

Xander just stared at her but Dawn nodded in agreement.

“He has.”

“He’s still a vampire,” Xander pointed out.

“But he’s good,” Dawn protested, “He was good when Buffy was…”

She trailed off, still unable to talk about that time when she had temporarily lost her sister.

“But it… it’s Spike,” Xander repeated, seemingly not too satisfied with his own reasoning as he sighed and ran his hand over his face.

“What if she’s in love with him?” Willow asked quietly.

“You think she might be?” Xander asked worriedly.

Willow shrugged and sank back against the couch.

“I don’t know. But there’s… I get the feeling there’s a whole bunch of stuff that Buffy hasn’t told us.”

She paused for a moment and then continued.

“I mean, I knew they were closer since she… got back… but…”

“I think it’s good,” Dawn pronounced, meeting their gazes with a determined look when they turned towards her, “Spike’s good for Buffy. He loves her and he can so totally do the fighting thing with her. And, you know, it’s kinda cool. It’s like Romeo and Juliet or something…”

“Yeah, Buffy did that once already… didn’t turn out so well,” Xander commented lowly.

“Spike isn’t Angel,” Dawn answered firmly, meeting Xander’s gaze and holding it.

“I know,” Xander agreed finally, bowing his head and staring at the floor.

A long few minutes of silence passed over the room, until finally Dawn’s impatient voice pierced it.

“Man, where is she?!”


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“I really… have to… to go,” she choked out, barely able to get the words out between his kisses.

“Stay,” he growled against her mouth, tightening his arm around her waist.

She moaned low in her throat and sank against him, kissing him back hungrily, one hand twisted in the collar of his jacket. Eventually though, she somehow got the willpower to pull away from him, looking up at him with a soft smile.

“We need to stop. We were supposed to be talking.”

“Bugger that,” he spat out and tried to draw her close again but a restraining hand on his chest stopped him. He sighed and relented, looking down at her with bright eyes.

“How can you just pretend like I never hurt you?” she whispered, her expression suddenly turning serious.

“It doesn’t matter,” he murmured, brushing a hand over her arm, “You’re here with me. That’s all that matters.”

He managed to get in one short kiss before she forced herself away again. She held his gaze for a long moment and then slipped out of his grasp, retreating to a safe distance. He leant against the sarcophagus and watched her silently, waiting.

With her back to him, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes before speaking up.

“I don’t know if I can love you.”

He was silent for a painfully long time but when he answered, she turned to face him.

“Can you try?” he asked sincerely, moving forward, eyes pleading, that touch of vulnerability lighting his expression.



She paused and just looked at him, taking in every line of his familiar features. Could she try to love him? Try to give him that piece of her she had always held back?

“I’m afraid,” she whispered.

“Afraid of me?”

He took a careful two steps forward and brushed his fingers over her cheek as she shook her head.

“Afraid of me. Of what I lost when… when I got brought back.”

She let out a choked laugh and sent a tortured look his way.

“I thought I was losing my ability to love before,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion, “But when I think of how I felt then… and how I feel now. How I don't feel now.”

Spike’s gaze softened into one of sympathy and before she could say anything else, two strong arms were wrapped around her and her head was nestled under his chin. She let out a long deep breath and let herself enjoy the simple comfort of his embrace. She wondered why she had never shared this fear with him before, never let him soothe her.

“You’re full of life,” he murmured, his mouth against her hair, “You don’t see it, but I do. I’ve always seen it. It’s what always drew me to you.”

She smiled against his chest and draped her arms loosely around his waist, relaxing into him.

“You know, I think you might secretly be a soppy romantic.”

He laughed and pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Can’t deny it. It’s who I am.”

She smiled and tightened her grip on him, closing her eyes and breathing in the smell of him, letting a calm wash over her.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“Maybe it was really the Buffybot!” Xander piped up, startling the others as they had all been sat in silence, “I mean, it seemed like Buffy… but then so did the robot.”

“Xander, it was not the Buffybot,” Dawn remarked, “Stop trying to find an excuse. Buffy likes Spike. So what?”

Xander fell silent, temporarily chastised.

“You know, it kinda makes sense,” Willow spoke up thoughtfully, drawing their attention to her.

"How d’you figure?” Xander asked.

“Well, they spent all those years really hating each other, you know? Like really intensely wanting each other dead. And there were all those strong emotions swimming about… it’s no wonder they turned into something else!” she exclaimed, warming to her theory.

“It’s like, you know, they hated each other with a passion… and now there’s just passion!” she finished with a tiny, triumphant smile.

There was a moment’s silence and then Dawn answered.

“Eww. Please don’t mention my sister and the word ‘passion’ in the same sentence. I do not want that mental image.”

“It’s not exactly mental when they were all over each other right there in front of our eyes,” Xander remarked quietly.

“Eww,” Dawn repeated, “You know, I’m all for this, but if they start playing tonsil tennis in front of me, that’s it.”

Willow giggled and even Xander couldn’t help but smile at the teen’s protestations.

“But we don’t know what’s going on yet,” Willow said, “We just have to wait for Buffy, I guess.”

They all fell silent and Dawn glanced at her watch, slumping on the couch and resting her head on her hand as she let out a yawn.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


“Okay, now I really have to go,” Buffy breathed, retracting her hands from under his shirt and letting out a long, shaky breath.

“Just when it was getting interestin’,” Spike drawled, eyes running over her lasciviously. She sent him a pointed look and straightened her shirt, smoothing her hands over the front.

“How do I look?” she asked – and regretted it a moment later.

He tilted his head to one side and regarded her, tongue tucked behind his teeth.

“Deliciously rumpled,” he practically purred, eyes dark with hunger as he looked at her.

“You’re not helping,” she moaned, shaking off the heat his look prompted and turning her back on him.

“What do you need my help with?” he asked huskily.

“Spike!” she protested and he chuckled, drawing a reluctant smile from her.

“So…” he started, catching her gaze, “Is this the bit where you kick me in the head and run off?”

“I think your head’s been abused enough for one day, don’t you?” she teased, flashing him a wide smile.



“Hey, that reminds me, did you get that zapper thing?”

She paused for a moment and then sent him a sheepish look.

“Oops?”

“Slayer, are you telling me you let them walk away with their remote control Spike-zapper?” he got out, his voice dangerously low, moving towards her slowly, almost predator-like.

“Erm…”

“Slayer…”

“Okay, okay. I know. But I wasn’t exactly with it! My head was all over the place… and it’s all your fault!”

His only reply was a smug smile and she rolled her eyes.

“You don’t have to look so smug, you know!” she sulked.

“S’nice to know I have some effect on you,” he replied in a sultry voice.

“You know you have an effect on me… you just like hearing it confirmed out loud.”

He smirked and she rolled her eyes again, even as a smile tugged at her lips.

“I really should go.”

“Do you have to?” he asked, turning from sultry sex god to vulnerable boy in seconds.

“You know the guys will just get themselves worked up.”

“You shouldn’t worry about what they think so much.”

She paused and moved over to him, reaching out and touching his arm.

“I know. But they’re my friends… and it’s important that they understand.”

“We didn’t exactly get to the part where we worked out what they were supposed to understand,” he murmured with a pleased smile.

“Your fault,” she whispered, leaning into him as he tilted his head down to her, “And you’re doing it again.”

He smiled softly and caught her lips between his again, one hand splayed low on her back as he held her to him. She let out a small sigh and sank against him, wondering just how something that had been made evil could kiss like an angel. She relaxed into his embrace, amazed that it had taken her so long to admit she felt anything for him. Could she love him though? Wrapped up in his arms, sharing a tender kiss, it sure felt like a possibility.