Chapter Ten


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The door to the Summers’ house flew open, startling the sleepy occupants and drawing their attention towards the hallway. Buffy wafted in, a smile on her face as she pulled off her jacket and hung it on the coat rack. She shook her hair out and then, almost as a second thought, she looked towards the living room where they sat and paused, her smile disappearing.

“Hi,” she said quietly, moving into the living room, every muscle in her body tense.

Her friends greeted her and she moved towards a chair, slipping into it and just regarding them thoughtfully for a few minutes.

“I guess I owe you an explanation,” she finally started with a wry smile, “A whole lot of explanation.”

No-one said anything, watching her intently, waiting to hear what she was going to say. She let out a breath and sat back in the chair, her hands laced together.

“Okay… I’ll start with the fighting because that’s a lot less… personal.”

She gave her friends a strained smile and then continued slowly.

“The thing is… Spike’s chip hasn’t worked on me since I got back.”

“Just you?” Xander asked somewhat worriedly, “Or is it out of action completely?”

“Just me,” she explained with a tiny smile, “Some sort of… molecular thing.”

“Because of how we brought you back,” Willow added, “It changed you.”

“Yeah,” she confirmed, not surprised that her friend had come to the same conclusion as Tara.
“I guess I thought it had changed me more though…” she continued quietly, “I… I used it as an excuse for a whole lot of bad things.”



Buffy took a deep breath, her eyes falling to the floor for a moment before she brought her head up to face them once more.

“I guess I should start at the beginning…”

At the encouraging nods from her sister and Willow, she smiled ever so slightly and started.

“Well, when I came back everything was… it was hard. Really hard. I didn’t want you to know though… so I hid it. I hid it from all of you. Except Spike.”

She paused and smiled ever so slightly, before
continuing.

“I don’t know why, but I could talk to him. He understood… I guess it’s a whole waking up in your coffin thing!” she joked weakly.

She glanced at her friends and, buoyed by the fact that none of them looked ready to attack, she continued.

“We got closer… and then the singing extravaganza started and one thing led to another and we… we kissed. I don’t really know how it happened… And after that, things just got sort of… intense.”

“Eww,” Dawn commented lowly, lending some light relief to the situation and drawing a smile from her sister. A moment later, Buffy’s expression turned serious though and she raised sad eyes to her friends.

“I’m not proud of what I did. Of how I lied and snuck around and, worst of all, of how I treated Spike.”

She shook her head, lost in bad memories for a moment.

“He obviously forgave you though,” Dawn pointed out.

“He’s stupid like that,” she replied with a wry smile.

“No, he just loves you.”

Buffy met her sister’s gaze for a long pause and then smiled a soft smile.

“I know. Trust me, I know.”



“So, what happened?” Willow asked, drawing the sisters’ attention, “That you went from intense… to the fisticuffs?”

“Well, that never changed,” Buffy quipped and then continued with a frown, “And that’s something else I’m not proud of. Anyway, the point is… things came to an end.”

Her mouth twisted into a smile and she rolled her eyes at her idiocy.

“Riley came to town. And I totally freaked. You know, he had a wife and all and I… I didn’t know what the hell was going on with Spike. So I broke it off.”

She paused for a few seconds and then met her friends’ worried gazes.

“Man, was that a mistake… which brings us to today, I guess.”

“What brought on the major fighting?” Dawn asked, hooked on her sister’s story, “Apart from you know.”

Dawn sent a concerned glance in Xander's direction and he scowled in remembrance. Buffy watched him worriedly for a while before answering her sister’s question.

“I was mad. And hurt. So I did what I always do with Spike… I lashed out.”

“But he was hitting you too,” Xander remarked with a frown.

“Yeah, I guess he had plenty of reason to be mad and hurt too. We were never too good at hashing out our issues with words… and that really has to change.”

At this first hint of what Buffy’s decision might have been, Dawn perked up visibly, smiling at her sister.

“So you are together?”



Buffy was silent, pondering her sister’s question. Had they actually got round to that with all the kissing? She couldn’t seem to remember. She smiled to herself but couldn’t hide it from her friends and she saw Dawn grin.

“I don’t know,” she finally said with a shrug, “Maybe. I think so.”

“You care about him!” Dawn exclaimed triumphantly, “I knew you did!”

“Of course I care for him,” she answered instantly and paused, surprised at how easily the words had come out to her friends, “I… I like him.”

“Do you love him?” Xander spoke up.

Buffy turned to her friend and smiled wryly.

“I really don’t know. But I… I could. I think. I… want to find out.”

Xander nodded and the room fell silent, all of the girls watching him for some sort of reaction. After a long silence, he raised his head and smiled uncertainly at Buffy.

“I really… I want you to be happy, Buffy.”

“Me too,” she answered seriously, still bracing herself for his harsh words.

“And you think you could be? With Spike?” he asked, not quite believing it could be true.

“It’s definitely worth a try,” she answered lightly, smiling slightly and relaxing when her friend sent her his own weak smile, “And Spike deserves it. After everything we’ve been through, I owe him that much.”

“Oh, this is so cool!” Dawn burst out excitedly, jumping out of her seat and tackling her sister with a tight hug, “You guys are going to be the best couple ever, I just know it.”

“Okay, Dawnie, calm down,” Buffy commented with an affectionate smile, “We’re not perfect. I’m sure we’ll still fight and I’ll still want to punch him sometimes and… well, we’re normal.”

“Yeah, normal,” Dawn snarked, “The Slayer and her vampire. Way normal.”

Buffy laughed and elbowed her sister in the side as Dawn smiled widely. She rolled her eyes and smiled widely, meeting each one of her friend’s gazes, her heart lighter now that she knew she hadn’t brought about their hatred, or their disgust.