Chapter Twelve



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Somehow she managed to peel herself away from Spike – reluctant for her part and trying her hardest to resist that pout – and with one last kiss, left him alone in the basement. The sun had begun to come up and she wanted to be up and about before they could be surprised upon by any of the house’s many occupants. There was, after all, a time and a place for breaking this sort of news. Having someone walk in while they were in the middle of a makeout session was probably not the best way for people to find out about this new turn in their relationship.

She gave Spike one final wave before slipping out through the door before he could turn those bedroom eyes on her and lure her back to him. She shut it behind her and smiled to herself before turning towards the stairs – and freezing in surprise.

“Dawnie,” she got out, her voice suspiciously high-pitched.

Arms crossed across her chest, Dawn regarded her with one raised eyebrow, making her feel extraordinarily as if she was facing her mother, not her younger sister. She crossed her own arms over her chest – more out of defensiveness than anything else – and rested against the door, suddenly wishing she hadn’t left Spike downstairs in the darkness of the basement.

“So you’re back together then?”

She was surprised by Dawn’s bluntness but as she let out a shaky breath, she nodded.

“We’re together.”

“It’s not very secret if you’re admitting it,” Dawn pointed out.

“I don’t want it to be a secret,” Buffy answered, finally relaxing under her sister’s glare. Coming clean had been much easier than she suspected.



There was a silence between the two sisters and Buffy’s mind drifted to the vampire only a few feet below her feet. He would probably be able to hear them and she could almost picture the look on his face. That look she had already seen a number of times in the last twelve hours: one of awe and wonder and love.

She contemplated rejoining him downstairs, as a treat to herself for taking this big first step, but Dawn’s voice soon pulled her out of her reverie.

“So, you’re really doing this? I mean, you and Spike. You’re really going to be, like, a couple?”

She couldn’t stop the almost goofy smile that spread across her face and she had to drop her gaze from her sister’s in embarrassment.

“Yes, Dawnie,” she replied, calming down enough to raise her eyes to her sister’s a few moments later, “I really care about him.”

“And you’re not going to be messing each other up again?” Dawn asked, her voice sounding more and more uncertain and girlish with every question, her eyes searching Buffy’s eagerly.

“No. Things have changed, Dawn. Everything’s changed.”

“So, you’re happy now?”

“Yes,” Buffy answered after barely a moment’s pause, letting out a little sigh of content before she continued somewhat dreamily, “Dawnie, you can’t imagine how good it feels. I… God, I care about him so much and I thought I’d lost any chance I ever had… but he still loves me, Dawnie. He really does and I know things are going to be different now. I won’t make the same mistakes again.”

There was a long silence after her speech and she looked at her sister worriedly as Dawn’s gaze fixed on the worktop.

“Dawnie?” she called out hesitantly, starting to get nervous.



Dawn shook her head and regarded her with a teary look, smiling softly.

“I haven’t seen you like this since… since before Mom…”

Dawn gave a little sniffle and then she was all woman again, her smile growing.

“You look happy. Happier than you’ve been in a long time.”

“I am, Dawnie. I really am.”

Dawn paused for a moment and then her expression turned hesitant.

“I’m sorry I was so horrible about Spike,” she murmured, “I just… he hurt you. And it hurt me too.”

Unable to keep her distance anymore, Buffy rounded the counter to stand close to her sister, reaching up to brush a hand over her hair.

“I know you were just looking out for me.”

“I just couldn’t believe that he would…” Dawn trailed off awkwardly and Buffy swallowed hard before smiling gently.

“It’s in the past,” she whispered, “It’s not important anymore. What’s important is that I still care about him and we’re in a place where we can really be with each other.”

Dawn hesitated for a moment but then enveloped her in a tight hug that surprised her. When she pulled back, Dawn was smiling widely, her eyes bright with excitement.

“God, I want to know everything! I can just imagine the look on Spike’s face!”

Buffy laughed and stroked her hand over her sister’s hair, her heart light with the knowledge that at least one person was not going to frown on her relationship with Spike.



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After finally managing to deflect some of Dawn’s more delving questions, she decided to take advantage of the fact that most of the house seemed to be sleeping in and take a shower. She changed into her dressing gown in her room and snuck out along the hall to the bathroom, smiling to herself all the while. She opened the door and slipped in, pausing for a moment in surprise before shutting the door behind her.

“Hey,” she got out softly, taking in Spike’s wet hair, damp chest and low-slung jeans with one sweep of her eyes.

“’Lo,” he got out, turning to face her, a towel in his hand, “Planning for a shower?”

“Seemed like a good idea,” she murmured, suddenly unable to stop her smile.

Spike smiled too and after a moment’s pause, he made his way over to her and kissed her softly, his hands reaching up to cup her face. When he pulled back to look at her, his eyes were shining with love and she let herself bask in the warmth it caused, letting out a little hum of satisfaction.

“I should get to the showering,” she whispered after some prolonged basking.

He smiled gently and released her, allowing her to step forward and turn on the shower.

“Here, let me,” Spike got out, moving forward to help with the shower curtain, just as she turned to face him. She ended up wedged between him and the bath, one hand on the shower curtain, and for a moment they both froze.



She couldn’t help it – despite everything that had happened, despite all they had talked about since then – but as soon as she got stuck in this position, a flashback hit her, knocking the breath from her and making her eyes go wide. She saw grasping hands and heard her own cries echo in her head. When she met Spike’s gaze, his expression quickly flooded with horror and he stumbled backwards, his eyes going wider than hers.

“Buffy,” he choked out, “I-“

In the time it had taken him to retreat, her flashback had faded into nothingness and she righted herself, her heart returning to a steady beat. She saw the loathing and the sickness flash across his face and she quickly stepped forward, drawing his tortured gaze to hers. She continued forward and reached up, pressing her hand to his cheek.

“Buffy,” he whispered helplessly, eyes searching hers.

“Shh,” she replied in hushed tones, stepping into him and leaning up to kiss him, so softly and so gently that she felt him tremble. His hands ghosted over her arms, as if he was afraid to hold her, and she moved closer, clinging to one shoulder as she kissed him.

She felt the tension seep out of him and she finally pulled back, meeting his eyes.

“It’s okay,” she whispered, stroking her thumb across his cheek.

He said nothing in reply but a moment later, he tugged her into his embrace, burying his head against her and holding her tightly as he took several ragged breaths. She wrapped her arms around him and pressed a kiss to his neck, her hand rubbing soothingly over his back.

“It’s okay,” she whispered again and she felt a tremor run through him just before he tightened his grip on her.