She had shut the door on Spike and turned away quickly, unable to bear the picture of his face, etched with a pain so human it made her pause. Spike couldn’t be in pain, couldn’t be hurt because he was a vampire – without a soul – and therefore he didn’t feel these things. He didn’t feel love either, although he had professed it so ardently. It was a simple fact. Black and white, straight from the Watchers’ Council.

So why did she feel so uneasy? Why couldn’t she get his words out of her head? I love you. You're all I bloody think about. Dream about. You're in my gut, my throat. I'm drowning in you, Summers. She shook her head, driving the words away. It was an obsession and nothing more – just like when he had been obsessed with killing her, only with a new twist.

“Buffy?”

She hadn’t even noticed her mother and Willow’s presence and, startled, she turned to them quickly.

“Hi!”

“Are you okay?” her mother asked worriedly.

“How did it go?” Willow asked.

“I…” she paused, unsure what to say, still processing the shock, “I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

Her mother and Willow exchanged a concerned look and she forced a small smile.

“I’m just a bit tired. I think I’m going to go to bed. I’ll… I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Her mother nodded and she stretched her smile just a tiny bit wider, before turning and making her way quickly up the stairs, towards the safety of her room. She just couldn’t face them right now, couldn’t pick through every detail of her encounter with Spike, when it was still making her mind reel. She needed time to process it.



She was just a few feet away from her door, hand stretched out to take the handle, when a voice stopped her.

“What did you tell Mom about Spike?”

With a sigh, she turned to face her sister.

“What do you want, Dawn? Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Dawn frowned at her but then crossed her arms over her chest.

“I heard Mom and Willow talking about Spike.”

“That’s nice. And?” she got out sarcastically.

“Why is it such a bad thing that he’s in love with you?”

She paused for the briefest of seconds, and then spoke up in answer.

“Why is it a bad thing?! Are you crazy?! He’s a vampire, Dawn. An evil vampire. You don’t seem to get that.”

“He’s not evil,” Dawn protested.

“You don’t even know him.”

“I do so! I know him better than you do.”

“Look, whatever. You have to stay away from him.”

Dawn squared her jaw and tightened her arms across her chest.

“I don’t have to do anything you say.”

“Dawn, I’m being serious. Spike is dangerous.”

Dawn went to interrupt, but Buffy continued, stopping her.

“Drusilla is back in town and I think he’s been feeding again.”

“Wha- How?”

“It doesn’t matter. But you have to stay away from him, okay?”

Dawn opened her mouth, ready to reply, but Buffy stepped forward, taking her arm, regarding her in earnest.

“Promise me, Dawnie,” she said seriously, hoping that – just for once – her sister would listen to her. She could not risk Dawn going anywhere near Spike if he was in a volatile state. Dawn hesitated for a moment longer, but then finally nodded slowly.

“I promise.”

“Thank you.”

She let out a long breath and finally turned back to her door, yearning for her bed and some time alone. She took hold of the door handle but Dawn’s quiet voice halted her.

“I still think you’re wrong about Spike.”

She turned to contradict her sister but Dawn was gone and with a sigh, she pushed her door open and went in.



She collapsed onto her bed and curled up in a ball, hugging one of the pillows to her chest. She felt drained – the day’s events catching up on her – and wanted to sleep, but she could not. All she could think about was Spike’s disturbing confession.

In her life as the Slayer so far, there had been one constant, one unchanging mark that she could always cling to when the world seemed to be falling apart around her: Spike hated her and wanted her dead. It had been comforting, in a strange way, knowing that she had a mortal enemy. It was something she could trust. Something that never changed, even when everything else in her life did.

Except now the illusion had been shattered and she was left with the oddest feeling of betrayal. She had depended on the truth of the fact that - despite his chip and even despite his occasional attempts to help - Spike was on the side of evil, and that was how it was always going to be. She had had no doubt that one day he would successfully rid himself of the chip and she would have to fight him again.

Now, all she could do was doubt his every action over the last few weeks, months. How long had he been harbouring this infatuation? How long had he been fooling her with the same old behaviour? She couldn’t think about it any more, seeing hidden motives in everything he had done lately, questioning everything.



And now she was angry – at him, for changing the status quo; and at herself, for being so blind, for not putting a stop to this before it got to this stage. Had she led him on in anyway, as her mother had worried? She didn’t think she had – in fact, she couldn’t remember being anything but horrible to Spike. Trust Spike to take that as kindling for his sick obsession. It was yet another example of how twisted vampire psychology was. In fact, today’s events had created a long list of examples – not least the idea that chaining someone up was the best way to induce any sort of warm feelings in them.

She shook her head and buried her head in her pillow, wishing she could stop her mind from going over this again and again. After all, she had bigger things to worry about. Number one at the top of the list was the hell god searching for her sister. She let out a groan and sank into her pillow.

Remembering she had more important things to worry about certainly helped take her mind off Spike’s revelation, but did little to help her relax. She just hoped Spike had the good sense to stay out of her way for the next month - at least - because with a hell god she couldn’t fight in town, it was all too tempting to freshen up her slaying skill with a good fight – followed by a swift staking.