The ceiling had 173 swirls on it.

After lying in bed for nearly four hours, that was the only conclusion she had come to. It was three o’clock in the morning and she had never been more awake in her life. It wasn’t that the bed wasn’t comfortable. It was. Not as good as her own bed, but better than others she had been in. And it wasn’t that it was too hot, or too cold. It was a good temperature. And she was tired, man was she tired. But she couldn’t sleep. So what was the problem?

Spike. The vampire that had been out of her life for years. The man that was currently lying in the next room with another woman. He was the problem. Well, not him so much as the spell. She still wasn’t all that convinced that there hadn’t been some sort of mistake. The whole idea of him loving her more than the man she was set to marry was insane. Right?

Buffy rolled over for the millionth time and sighed. This was getting ridiculous. She sat up in the bed. Maybe if she got something to drink. She made her way into the living room. It was dark, but her eyes had long adjusted. She started to walk towards the kitchen area when a voice came from behind her.

“Buffy?”

She turned quickly and pulled back her fist instinctively. Before she could hit the target, a hand stopped her fist in mid air.

“Whoa, pet. No need for violence,” Spike said in a loud whisper.

Buffy dropped her hand. “Sorry. Habit,” she whispered back.

Spike let out a chuckle.

“What are you doing up?” she asked, suddenly noticing how close together they were standing. If she reached out, she could touch him with no problem. Luckily, he had a shirt, and strangely, jeans on.

“Creature of the night, luv.”

“Right.” She took a slight step back.

“What about you?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” she offered.

“Home sick?” Spike asked in a playful voice.

“No, it’s not that. I’m just…restless.”

“Would you like some coffee? I know it won’t help you sleep, but…”

“That sounds great.”

They both stood there a moment longer before Spike shook his head and headed to the kitchen. Buffy followed him and took a seat at the kitchen table. She felt a sense of de ja vu at the situation.

She wondered when Spike had learned to do so many things in the kitchen, and then realized that maybe he had always known, learned when he was a child, or a teenager. It was weird to think about him being young. He hadn’t changed at all since she’d known him, and thinking about him being small and innocent was…strange.

“Katie asleep?” Buffy asked, though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

“Yeah. She’s a deep sleeper. I think she could sleep through anything.”

Anything. Buffy found herself having to force un-welcomed thoughts into her head. Why did being around Spike do that to her?

Spike poured two cups of coffee and came to sit beside her at the table.

“Thanks.”

“Welcome.”

Buffy took a sip of her coffee. “It’s good.”

“Course it is. I made it.”

“Quite the little culinary master, aren’t you?”

Spike shrugged.

“They should give you your own show. They could call it Everyday Immortal.”

Spike chuckled. “Yeah or Down Home With the Undead.”

Buffy laughed quietly. The air around them was light and comfortable. It had only been like this with them a few times. Most of them being in that last year in Sunnydale. He could always seem to make her smile.

“Do you wanna patrol?” Spike asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Patrol. You know…” He made punching and jabbing motions in the air.

“I heard you. It was just a strange question.”

“Not so strange. You are still a slayer after all. And how long has it been since you’ve had a good tussle?”

“It has been a while.” Truthfully, she hadn’t been out hunting for baddies in months. She was always busy with work and this recent batch of girls hadn’t made it to the walk the graveyard phase. The only times she’d even been on patrol in the last few years had been for training.

“Then let’s go.”

“But what about Katie?” Buffy asked, casting a glance at his bedroom door.

“She’ll be alright. And she knows I get angsty sometimes.”

“So you leave her alone often then?”

Spike smirked. “I always come back.”

Buffy stared at him for a second, trying to read his expression before sighing. “Okay. Why not?”

“You should probably change first.”

Buffy looked down at her…no Katie’s…pjs. Ironically, they had little pictures of sushi on them. “Yeah.”

She went back to her room to change and then the two of them headed out. It was a warm night out and heat lightening could be seen in the distance. Buffy noticed that Spike wore no jacket over his black t-shirt. Despite the warmth and humidity, she had half expected to see him break out the duster.

“There’s a cemetery a few blocks from here. It’s not quite as large as the one in Sunnyhell, but you can usually find a vampire or two.”

“Here’s for hoping we find more than two. It’s been too long since I’ve killed something.”

“Words which would scare the normal bloke.”

She laughed. “Good thing you’re not normal.”

“It’s overrated anyway.”

She couldn’t help but think about what he’d said. Normal was overrated. Despite her best attempts, she couldn’t help but think that she agreed with him. Not that her life was normal now, but she was slowly moving in that direction. She knew that Angel didn’t want to work for the council forever and after they were married, he had already stated that he wanted to move to a bigger house and start a family. And it wasn’t that she didn’t want to start a family with him, but she was in no hurry. She was only 27. Most women weren’t having kids until their mid thirties. What was the rush? Normal had always seemed like such a far stretch for her that she wasn’t sure she would ever be able to adjust to it. Normal people didn’t go on patrol after all.

Spike wondered if Buffy really wanted to live a “normal” life with kids and backyards and dogs. It didn’t seem like her style, but then again, she always claimed that he didn’t know her as well as he thought he did. And maybe that was true. Especially now. So much time had passed since he’d even seen her, so who was he to think that he still knew what she wanted, even if she didn’t want to admit it to herself.

They walked the next few blocks in silence, both lost in their own thoughts, but keeping their senses on alert for anything that may be lurking in the dark. When they finally reached the cemetery, Buffy found herself actually getting excited. She hadn’t realized just how much she missed slaying. As strange as it sounded, it felt natural to hunt the evil undead.

It didn’t take long for them to find a nest of vampires camping out in one of the mausoleums. It only took them a matter of minutes to take out the whole lot of them. The two of them spent the next few hours perusing the cemetery, finding a few more vamps and one nasty demon. The fight was easy and after they’d taken down ten or so, they decided to head back to his place. Morning would be coming all too soon.

“That felt good,” Buffy said as they were leaving.

“Didn’t it?”

Spike looked at the woman that he still loved. Her face was flushed and she’d gotten her jacket dirty when one of the vamps had thrown her into a headstone, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen her more beautiful. He mentally smacked himself for daring to think that way and looked away from her.

“Yeah, it was exhilarating. I didn’t realize how much I missed doing that. Just a simple patrol…without having to train anybody. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love helping the girls, but…” she broke off.

“It’s nice to not have to worry about someone else.”

“Try someones. And you know I can give speeches with the best of them but even I get tired of repeating myself over and over. It was different when I was training them to fight in an apocalypse. I had to do that. They had to be ready. But now…they just frustrate me so much sometimes.”

“Teenage girls will do that to you. I have a brief memory of living in house with thirty or so of them.”

“Ahh yes, good times.”

They shared a laugh.

“Well, here we are.”

They had managed to make their way back to his apartment.

“I’m glad we did this,” Buffy said, “I needed it.”

“I know,” he said, opening the door.

She looked at him. “Did you?”

He nodded. “I do know you, slayer,” he decided. “It may have been a while, but you haven’t changed that much,” he said in a hushed voice. They were back in the apartment, and he didn’t want to wake Katie.

“Neither have you.”

It was true. Though their lives were somewhat different than the last time they had seen each other, they were still the same people that they had helped each other to transform into. She’d made him want to be a better person, a person at all, and he’d shown her it was okay not to be perfect and that embracing and understanding your dark side was a part of being who you were. They also seemed to always get each other, even when no one else did.

She’d known that he could be a better man.

“You may not see it, but I do. I do. I believe in you.”

And he always seemed to see through her, when the rest of the world could not.

“And I can fool Giles, and I can fool my friends, but I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.”

“Maybe.”

Spike shut the door. “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed yourself anyway.”

Killing vampires seemed to be something programmed into her, something she would always have a desire to do, no matter how normal she tried to be. There was that word again. Why did it sound so…unappealing?

“I think I’m gonna call it a night. It’s almost sunrise,” Buffy said.

“Wouldn’t want to miss out on your beauty sleep.”

“Are you implying that I need it?” she asked in a mock-angry tone.

He smirked slightly. “You could never sleep again and be beautiful.”

Her playful mood seemed to vanish at his words and a lump formed in her throat.

“I should…go to bed.”

“Me too.”

But they both just stood there.

“Night,” he finally whispered.

“Goodnight,” she whispered back.

The air was thick and they could both feel it. Despite the fact that her wedding was only a few weeks away and despite the fact that his girlfriend was asleep thirty feet away, they found themselves moving closer together. Buffy could feel her heart speed up with anticipation and before she could completely process what was happening, his lips brushed against hers.

She should have pulled back, pushed him away, but for some reason she couldn’t find it in herself to do that. Instead she waited. When Spike felt no sign of protest, he kissed her again, a little harder this time. She slowly started to respond and her hands gripped his upper arms, while his traveled down to rest on the small of her back. He pulled her closer instinctively and she wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss intensified and all rational thought seemed to leave her brain, what little was left anyway.

Spike froze suddenly and pulled back, leaving the slayer gasping for breath. He met her eyes for a moment and then released his hold on her. Buffy took a step back and tried to get a hold of herself. Her brain was still trying to catch up with her body.

“I’m sorry,” Spike told her.

Buffy knew she should say something, but couldn’t manage to form any words.

“It’s late. We should get some sleep.”

The slayer nodded her head in response, still stunned at what had just happened, and watched as he walked back to his bedroom and shut the door.
---------------------------

Morning came all too soon and Buffy wasn’t even sure that she had really slept at all. After last night’s…moment, it had been impossible to sleep. She still couldn’t believe that she had let it happen. She had kissed Spike. And not just kissed him, all but made out with him. And worse than that…she’d known it was coming and had done nothing to stop it. The question she refused to let into her mind seemed to float around in the air.

Had she not stopped him because he simply caught her off guard and she hadn’t had time to do anything, or because she had, in fact, wanted to kiss him, too?

Dum dum da dum…

In less than 14 days, she would be getting married. People who were getting married in less than 14 days did not make out with their ex-boyfriends. Or rather, they shouldn’t.

Buffy stood up from the bed. She’d opted for sleeping in her clothes, not wanting to wear the pajamas she’d originally had to sleep in. They weren’t hers and neither was the man who was no doubt waiting in the next room.

How was she supposed to go out there and face the two of them? And what the hell was she going to say to Katie? Surely Spike had not told her what had happened, but Buffy already felt the guilt of what she had done.

She looked down at herself. There was no mirror in the room, but she was pretty sure she looked less than fantastic. Luckily, Katie had had extra everything, and had brought Buffy enough toiletries for ten women. The problem was, Spike had only one bathroom, and it was in his bedroom. There was no way she would be able to get there without running into them. She smoothed out her hair and clothes and took a deep breath. She wasn’t a coward. She would face this.

Spike was standing in the kitchen. That appeared to be his favorite place these days. He didn’t turn around when she came into the room, but she was almost certain that he’d heard her.

“Where’s Katie?” Buffy asked when she didn’t see the girl anywhere.

He turned around to face her. “She left early. She had to work this morning.”

“Oh.”

The awkward silence set in as they stood there, both trying to look at anything and everything but each other.

“Do you mind if I take a shower?” she finally asked.

“Go ahead.”

Spike turned back around and stared at the counter, trying to shove down the urge to say something. He needed to talk to the slayer, but he needed more time to think first. Not that he hadn’t been thinking all night, but he’d yet to come up with something to explain his actions. But was he really the only one with explaining to do? He had kissed her but she had kissed him back. What did that mean?

Buffy didn’t wait any longer before heading into his bedroom. She glanced briefly at the bed that she had woken up in not 24 hours ago. How had being around him for a day made her feel so confused? She had been so sure of where her life was heading and how she wanted to spend the rest of her life, but now…in one day Spike had thrown her for a loop and made her question everything. Was she really meant to be normal? Was normal enough for her?

The shower was refreshing, but it didn’t seem to last long enough. She had showered, brushed her teeth, blow dried her hair, put on some clothes Katie had leant her, and even put on a touch of makeup. When she had run out of things to do, and heard her stomach growl, she knew she had no choice but to go back in to the living room. But she had already decided that she would go to the diner. She really needed to call home and make sure her passport was on its way.

Spike was sitting on the couch with the TV on when she came out. He glanced up at her as she walked by him.

“I’m going down to the diner,” Buffy told him.

“Do you want me to…” he started.

“No. I wanna go alone. Besides, it’s daytime. Wouldn’t want you bursting into flames.” She hoped he wouldn’t say anything else, but of course she couldn’t be that lucky.

“Buffy, I think we should talk,” Spike said, standing up from the couch.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” In reality, there was a lot to talk about; she just preferred to ignore it.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Pretend things didn’t happen and think that will make it go away.” She’d done it to him many a time in Sunnydale, and he’d be damned if he let her do it to him now.

“Can we not do this now?” She didn’t mean for her voice to sound so hostel, but anger was easier.

“What’s your problem, Slayer?”

“My problem is that I just wanna be alone for a while. Think you can handle that?” She spun around and headed for the door.

“Is this because of the kiss?” he called after her. What was the point in beating around the bush anymore? They would have to talk about it eventually.

She looked back at him. “No…yes…I don’t know. I’m just so confused. I mean, first I let an amateur witch do a spell and wake up half way around the world, then when I try to get back home I realize…I don’t have my passport, cause those tend to be forgotten when you’re being teleported. So I’m forced to stay with a man that I haven’t seen in years and his too cheerful girlfriend, who couldn’t be nicer, and then I practically make out with him while she’s sleeping, all while being engaged to be married…” Buffy finally stopped her rant and took a deep breath.

“I told you I was sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t take it back, Spike.”

“What do you want me to say?”

They were both getting angry, their tempers getting the best of them.

“Nothing. I don’t want you to say anything.”

“What the bloody hell is your problem, Slayer?” Spike demanded. “It was a kiss. It didn’t mean anything.”

“It’s not just about the kiss,” she shot back, a little stung by his words.

“Then what is it about?” he demanded.

“I’m just…frustrated.”

“Because someone bollucked up a spell?” he asked.

‘Because maybe she didn’t,’ she thought. When she didn’t answer, he continued.

“You came here. I didn’t bother you. I left you alone, stayed out of your life, and I’m sorry that you were sent here but it is not my fault.”

And he was right. Whether the spell had worked or not, it was not his fault.

“I’m sorry I kissed you. I shouldn’t have. It was a mistake. But it won’t happen again.”

“Good,” she said, not able to think of anything better to say.
------------------

“And you’re sure it will be there within twenty four hours?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

The woman nodded and took the small package from Dawn’s hands. The passport would soon be on its way to the U.S. via priority mail and would arrive sometime the next day.

Dawn sighed. She had yet to talk to her sister, not really knowing how to contact her. She wanted to know what was going through her head and if she was really in a hurry to get home.

As if the powers that be knew what she was thinking, her cell phone began to ring. The number was unknown.

“Hello.”

“Hey Dawnie,” Buffy replied.

“Buffy. Oh my god. How are you?”

“I’m fine,” she said, in the most cheerful voice she could muster.

“Really? Cause you don’t sound fine. You sound like you’re pretending to be fine so that I won’t worry. I’m worried, Buffy.” Dawn knew her sister’s tendency to make things sound less bad than they really were, and just hoped she wasn’t doing that now.

“Well don’t. There’s nothing to be worried about. I’m good. I promise. As long as you sent my passport.”

“Just did. They said it would be there tomorrow sometime. You can call and check around noon.”

The slayer let out a sigh of relief. “Good.” The sooner her passport arrived, the sooner she could get home and away from all this confusion.

“Buffy?”

“What?”

“How are you doing? With Spike I mean? Is it weird?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Is he…different?” Dawn wondered.

“A little. I mean…he has a job and his own apartment and a girlfriend.”

“Uhuh.” The part about the girlfriend did not go unnoticed by the younger girl. “And what does she think about him loving you?”

“What?” The question caught Buffy off guard.

“Mandy told us about the spell.”

“Oh.” Fan-freekin-tastic. Now, not only did Angel know where she was, but now he knew the details of the spell that had sent her here. She could only imagine how well he was taking all of this.

“How did he react when you told him?” Dawn wondered. She wanted to further inquire as to whether he said something like ‘of course, luv’ or ‘bloody hell’ but assumed Buffy wouldn’t give her all of the details anyway. At least not over the phone.

“I didn’t exactly tell him.”

“You didn’t tell him about the spell?”

“Well, I told him there was a spell, just not the specifics.”

“Buffy! You have to tell him.”

“Why? What would be the point in telling him? It would just make things…awkward.” ‘More awkward,’ she added in her head.

“So you think the spell worked then?”

There it was. The question that had been plaguing her since she’d first woken up with Spike. Had the spell worked? Did he really love her more than anyone else in the world?

“I…I don’t know.”
--------------------