Author's note: Beta'd by awesome ladies Lis, Dawn and Mabel. Hugs and kisses to all of you who follow this story and review!!!


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Chapter 9


As soon as Spike heard the yell, he dropped the food container on the floor and dashed into the room, frantically looking around. Steam curled out from beneath the bathroom door and he didn't hesitate to enter.


Buffy stood there, clutching at her face and gawking at the mirror as if she'd seen a ghost. She didn't even notice him come in. Spike sighed in relief. She looked to be all right.


“Luv?”


She jumped up and dropped her hands from her face.


“Spike? Wha... What are you doing here?”


“I heard you scream and I--is everything alright?”


Her eyes were shell shocked as she glanced at him, and suddenly Spike had an armful of a warm, naked and very wet slayer pressed against him. He hugged her back, not caring that the water on her skin was starting to seep through his t-shirt, making it stick uncomfortably to his skin.


“You're here. You came back.” Buffy looked at him in awe, her fingers gripping the front of his t-shirt.


“'Course I did. Gave you me word, didn't I?”


He glanced at her, his eyes pained as he stepped away after a while with his hands on her shoulders. Spike squeezed them briefly, reigning in his need to possess her. He sidestepped her and grabbed the big fluffy towel off the counter next to the sink.


“Stand still, kitten. Gonna make you all dry. Wouldn't want you to catch cold, right?” He was about to dry her back when he noticed them.


The scars.


Thin pale lines rising off her flesh criss-crossed her back, staining her skin like a macabre map of her suffering. These were not the battle scars of a hero. Not the badge of honor and victory worthy of a warrior. These were the testimony of Buffy's pain being turned inside out, forever etched into her flesh.


Spike traced them lightly with his fingertips. They were hardly noticeable, but they felt very real under his hands.


“What did they do to you?” he whispered as he caressed the skin of her back.


Her shoulders tensed.


“They... whips, I think. Sometimes, it all blurs together.” Buffy turned around and the feeling of the soft skin of her stomach under his fingers snapped Spike out of his reverie. He snatched his hand away and thrust the towel towards her.


“I'd better wait outside.” Spike dashed out of the bathroom as soon as she grasped it.


He couldn't control himself when she was naked around him, and he felt like a monster for feeling that way when she was so obviously hurt and needed his comfort. He just wasn't strong enough; his blood had a way of not always rushing in the direction of his brain.


Spike slid out of his duster, put it on the foot of one of the full sized beds and flopped down onto the bed. He raised his head when Buffy came out a little while after, holding the fluffy fabric tightly around her. Her jaw was set in a failing attempt at concealing her hurt feelings.


She swallowed audibly and said, “I'm sorry.” She bowed her head.


“What? You have nothing to be-” Spike rose up from the bed.


“No. Let me finish. I know I'm... I can't even look at myself, and I don't blame you for feeling disgust when you saw the... what had happened to me.”


“Now, hold on for a second! I wasn't disgusted. That's not why I ran off.” Spike rubbed at his face and stepped closer to her. When Buffy still hadn't looked up, he put the forefinger under her chin to make her face him. “Look. I already told you, it's hard to be near you.”


Her eyes watered and she looked away, but Spike gently grasped her jaw in his hand to prevent her from hiding from him. “That's not what I meant. It's coming out all wrong. What I meant is that it's hard to control... my basic urges, when you're all starkers. And me losing it and starting to touch you in a more intimate way is the last thing you need.” He buried his hand in her damp hair and gazed deeply into her eyes, their noses almost touching. His breath brushed against Buffy's lips and she swallowed.


“I don't wanna hurt you. I'm just trying to do what's right by you, instead of what I'd like to do. And that's a big step for me, if I do say so myself.” Spike lifted the corner of his mouth and stepped away from her. “Eh... I brought you food. Hope you like cheeseburgers and chips, luv. Also bought you Coke to drink with it.” He hoped she'd accept his abrupt change of subject. He was too close to stepping over the line separating them from the disaster that was bound to happen. Even if it was just a matter of time, he'd try to keep his mitts to himself. No matter how hard it was.


“I like cheese.” Buffy's stomach growled and she blushed. Spike chuckled and handed her the bag of food, watching her as she sat down on a bed. She looked uncomfortable and he frowned as she clutched the towel close to her body so it wouldn't slip. He glanced around the room, finally spotting what he was looking for and went to grab it.


“Here.” Spike presented her with his red, long sleeved shirt that he’d taken from the trunk of his car for her. “It's clean, only wore it once, and I'm sure it'll cover you. Sorry I can't help you in the knickers department.” He handed her the shirt and sat on the opposite twin bed.


“Thank you... for everything.”


Buffy slid the article on and buttoned it up, then tugged off the damp towel and tossed it on a nearby chair. She sighed blissfully as the fine fabric caressed her skin. The smell of him still lingered on it and she let it overwhelm her senses.


Spike watched her with hooded eyes and unconsciously licked his lips. He never knew that a woman could make his shirt look that sexy. If it was up to him, she'd never wear anything else ever again. He stood up as if hypnotized and the mattress dipped under his weight when he sat down next to her, taking the food and putting it on the floor.


“Let me help you.” Spike's voice was sultry and sensual as he took her hands and started to roll up the too long sleeves. He held her small delicate hands in his and stroked her knuckles with his thumbs after he finished.


Buffy breathed in deeply, fixing her eyes on his face when his fingers slithered up her arm, her shoulder and then lightly touched the puckered flesh at her throat where he'd bitten her. Buffy bit her lip as her heart fluttered painfully in her chest. She hardly remembered what it felt like to be touched with such tenderness. She'd never seen such raw emotions in someone's eyes directed at her. Need fighting for dominance and winning. It scared her. It exhilarated her. Buffy could drown in his eyes and be happy to never resurface, to never face the chilly emptiness outside of his presence.


Spike leaned in. Eyes closing. Lips parting. The tip of his tongue coming out to wet his lower lip. He was about an inch away from Buffy's neck and could hear the wild gallop of her heartbeat.


THUMP.


The impact of a body falling down followed by the drunken laughter of a bunch of teenagers as they staggered through the corridor outside of their room snapped Spike out of the daze and he shook his head to focus. It took him a moment to realize he'd been about to taste her blood, and possibly more than that. They sat there, gazing steadily at each other until Spike broke the eye contact and moved to rise.


“Spike.” The way she murmured his name gave him pause. She said it like he was her only source of water amidst the desert. He faltered in his haste to get away from her. “Stay.”


Spike breathed out unnecessarily.


“God, Buffy. Don't make this harder than it already is. You don't know what you're asking of me.”


“You're right. I shouldn't have let this... get so far. I wasn't thinking. Just... the way you make me feel, it's something I haven't felt in a long while.”


Buffy bowed her head and Spike reached out with his hand to stroke her hair but snatched it quickly away when he realized that would lead to nothing good.


“What's that?”


“Safe.”


Spike suppressed the snort of self mockery. She was anything but safe with him. The call of her blood was tempting him to complete the claim. To make her his forever. He had to cling to the every bit of his humanity not to give in to the urges of his demon. She wasn't ready for that.


“You're not safe with me, Buffy. I mean it. You're playing with fire and if you don't stop, you're gonna get burnt, luv.”


“You wouldn't hurt me.”


She sounded so certain of the fact that she almost convinced him too.


“I'm a vampire, not some bloody prince charming. I'm evil.” Buffy just watched him with that unwavering conviction in her eyes. Spike rose with a huff and almost tripped over the unopened food container as he stomped towards his bed. He sighed. “You should eat, kitten. It's already cold I'd wager, but it's better than nothing, right?”


“Yeah, real evil,” she muttered under her breath.


“Come again?” He glanced over his shoulder as he bent to pick up the bag.


“Nothing. Just... you really like changing the subject, don't you, Spike?”


“Just 'cause you always let me.” He smirked at her then and tossed the bag onto her bed, right next to her.


Buffy gave him an exasperated look and tore into the wrapped cheeseburger. She bit into it with gusto and moaned. Spike chuckled at her stuffed cheeks and blissful expression.


“I take it you like, then?”


“Mm-hmm!”


Spike kicked off his boots and removed his t-shirt, tossing it carelessly to the floor, and then went to unbuckle his belt, but hesitated. He glanced in Buffy's direction and groaned softly when he noticed her eyes fixed on his bare skin. He could practically feel her devour him with bottomless hunger. When she noticed he’d caught her, she averted her eyes, pretending to be interested in the comforter instead.


He really hated to sleep in clothes, but he didn't want to give Buffy an eyeful, not when he was so close to losing control. Her wandering eyes certainly didn't help his condition. For someone who had been through the things she had, Buffy could act very innocently. It drove him wild.


Spike launched himself onto the bed and slid under the sheets. He closed his eyes, content to listen to her steady heartbeat and loud chews. He crossed his arms behind his head and listened as she stood up and moved around the room. The rustle of the wrapper. The silent thumping of her feet against the thick carpet. The orange glow behind his eyelids gave way to black as she turned off the light. He heard her slide into bed, but after a few minutes her breathing still wasn't evening out.


“Luv? You awake?” He turned to face her and opened his eyes.


“Yes. I can't fall asleep,” she whispered.


“Why are you whispering?”


“Because it's dark,” she said as if that explained everything.


“Can I ask you something?” he said.


“Already did.”


Spike sighed in exasperation and asked her anyway.


“What happened earlier? When I came and found you in the bathroom yelling your lungs out.”


He heard her heartbeat accelerate and saw her squirm on her bed.


“You won't believe me.”


“We won't know that until you tell me, will we? Plus, been a vamp for 117 years. I doubt anything can surprise me anymore.”


“I... I think I'm starting to lose my mind. I looked into the mirror and...” Her voice was small, and Spike had to strain his ears to catch her words.


“None of that now, pet. I've known women that were off their rocker, and you're not one of them. Tell me what you saw.”


“First it was just me, but then... I looked again and there was a... like a dead body staring back at me. But then I blinked and it disappeared. And... sometimes I feel like... like my body isn't mine and there's this force trying to take over and... I think I'm going insane.”


“Hold on, luv. I don't think you are! Now that you mentioned it, I'd felt something too, but I wrote it off as my mind playing tricks on me. When we looked into each other's eyes, when we could feel each other, there was you, but there was also something else... I felt a demon's presence.”


“I'm a demon?” her voice trembled and Spike rushed to elaborate.


“Not you. Something other, something that's not a part of you.”


“I'm scared.”


'So am I, luv.' Out loud Spike said. “We'll figure it out. I promise.”


Buffy exhaled shakily. “Okay.”


“Now sleep. I'll watch over you.” After a few minutes, her breath evened out and she was fast asleep. Spike followed soon after.


That was when the nightmares began.


TBC


Author's note: Any thoughts? :)