Many thanks to the person who nominated me for the SunnyD Awards!



Buffy recovered from her hangover around noon, and headed to Crawford Street at one o’clock.

The mansion hadn’t changed at all, she realized with a frown. Dru’s dresses still littered one room, and the next one over was still filled with chains, blades, and various torture devices. A dusty wheelchair remained where Spike had abandoned it during their first collaboration. Acathla was the only thing that was different. It had been shattered into chunks of stone that lay in a dusty heap in front of where she stood. Giles must have taken care of it during the years following Angel’s demise.

Buffy stared blankly at the spot where, years before, she’d been forced to kill her lover to save the world. This should have been a deeply emotional moment for her. She should be crying, or pensive, or even just regretful. Instead, she felt nothing.

She tried to recall his smile, his kiss, the way she’d felt around him, but no memories brought forth the emotions she was missing. What was wrong with her?

Maybe I’ve just moved on, she reflected.

And then she mourned how much she’d given up because of a man she didn’t miss.

That made her want to cry.

But she didn’t. She was a Slayer and a pariah. She couldn’t waste any more time feeling sorry for herself, not when she could be rebuilding the life she’d lost.

Get a grip, Buffy. You’re better than this. Her inner voice was sounding remarkably like Spike these days. She grinned. There was a nice byproduct of her departure. If Spike had come to her door begging sanctuary, she probably would have pushed him back into the sunshine. And a relationship with him? She would have died first.

But somehow, he’d insinuated himself into Faith’s group. He was more accepted than she was. And when they weren’t on opposite ends of Mr. Pointy, Buffy found that she actually liked him, more than she liked any of her friends these days. He’d been good to her, too, for some unfathomable reason. Even taken her home the night before. She flushed at the memory of how drunk she’d been, and smiled at the memory of him tucking her into bed.

I really picked the wrong vampire, she thought wryly. Angel loses his soul and tries to destroy me. Spike doesn’t have a soul to begin with and still ends up taking care of me. Lucky Faith.

She froze. I did NOT just think that. No vampires. Buffy and vampires are very not mixy.

Oh, who was she kidding?

Stupid Faith has all the luck.

--

Giles frowned. “Higher kicks, Buffy. And you’re dropping your shoulder.”

She sighed and tried again. “I’ve really been using brute force most of the time these past few years. I’m totally out of shape.”

He nodded. “I’m afraid I have to agree. At your current level of skill, not only could Faith defeat you easily, most of the stronger local vampires and demons could, as well.”

“Great.” She slumped. “Giles, why am I even bothering? Sunnydale has a Slayer. I don’t need to be here now. No one wants me here, and clearly, no one needs me, either.”

Giles stopped, his eyes filling with compassion. “I’m sorry that the others have been…less than welcoming. But that’s no excuse to feel sorry for yourself.”

Buffy’s hands clenched into fists. “Great pep talk, Giles. I feel better already.”

Giles shook his head, exasperated. “For god’s sake, Buffy, stop dwelling on what could have been and focus on what’s to come! Faith’s an excellent Slayer, yes. But she, in the past three years, faced very few foes that were anywhere near as difficult to defeat as Angelus or the Master. Glory alone was more dangerous, and Faith died during the battle!” He set down the punching gloves he’d been wearing. “You have the potential of rising above Faith. You once were at a level where you may have been able to defeat Faith. I am certain that had you both been training at an equal rate, you’d be far beyond her now. So instead of bemoaning your current fate, begin training again so that you can be a help to Faith, rather than a hindrance!”

Buffy gaped at him.

He sighed. “I’m sorry. I was too harsh.”

“No, you were right,” she said reluctantly. “You really think that I’m better than Faith?”

“Well, I am biased,” he noted, smiling fondly at her. “You were always my Slayer. I was reassigned to Faith after Wesley’s disastrous experience, and she’s certainly someone about whom I care very much, but you…you were a daughter to me.”

Buffy fought back the emotions that were suddenly threatening to break through.

“Some Watchers consider their Slayers pupils. I was far too close to you,” Giles continued. “I couldn’t be dispassionate when you left. I searched and searched for you, with no luck. And then Faith came…

“Willow and Xander accepted her almost immediately, charmed, I suppose, by her attitude. I wasn’t nearly as satisfied.” He smiled wryly. “I saw her as a poor replacement for my Slayer. So I observed her with a critical eye that first year, and I saw some things that were overlooked by her friends and Watcher.”

He sat heavily, and Buffy joined him on the bench, marveling at how much the taciturn Watcher was sharing.

“There are things you should know about Faith,” Giles said finally. “Because you’re one of the only others who is her equal.”

“There’s Spike,” Buffy objected.

“And Willow,” Giles agreed.

“Willow?” Buffy asked dubiously.

“Willow is stronger than all of you,” Giles informed her. “But also fiercely loyal to Faith. If I said these things about Faith to her, she’d view me as the enemy, not Faith.”

“Whoa, rewind and pause.” Buffy held up a hand. “So now Faith is the enemy?”

Giles shook his head. “Not an enemy. But potentially…” He sighed. “Faith is unstable. When she first came to Sunnydale, she was fleeing the vampire that had killed her Watcher. She didn’t tell any of us this until Cordelia was nearly killed. On several occasions, I observed her taking an inordinate amount of pleasure in destroying her opponents. That bloodlust finally came to a head when she- we believe accidentally- killed a man.”

Buffy gasped. “No.”

“I’m afraid so.” Giles stared at his knees. “You must understand, accidents do happen. Slayers have killed in the past without being labeled rogue. The Council copes with it, and the Slayer is punished. But Faith hid the kill from us. There was no proof that she committed the crime, other than the testimony of a vampire that Wesley staked.”

“Why not?” Buffy asked. “I mean, if she was dangerous…”

“Wesley was afraid.” Giles shook his head. “He’d been Faith’s Watcher for months then, long enough to connect with her and adjust to her…unusual temperament. And he was very foolish back then. He was afraid of the disgrace that would follow an error that grave. So he chose to conceal his Slayer’s crime from everyone. He only told me this past summer, after her death. No one else knows.”

He turned to face Buffy, his expression grave. “Faith has never since shown any sign of going over that precipice. But she’s never openly shown remorse, and she still displays that reckless, bloodthirsty behavior that caused the accident from time to time. Her friends and sister tend to overlook it, or assume it to be natural to a Slayer. But those of us who are familiar with Slayers, that is, you, Spike, and I, see the dangerous road that Faith is travelling. We trust her to be strong and good because she’s never given us any reason to doubt her. But we must be aware that Faith is vulnerable to this instability. And I’d feel much more comfortable if you were there to reign her in.”

Buffy was only able to nod, at a loss for words.

--

She trained with renewed vigor after that, determined to fight harder for both her own sake and Giles’s. Finally, Giles begged exhaustion and left her alone to self-train.

After another hour of reviewing martial arts routines, Buffy finally entered the main room of the Magic Box.

“Good, you’re done,” Anya said briskly. “The banging was distressing some of the customers and making them consider buying their wares elsewhere. Fortunately, we’re the only magic shop in the area.”

“Sorry?” Buffy ventured.

“Oh, don’t bother with that.” Anya waved a hand. “The two of us didn’t know you beforehand, so we never suffered from the hurt and betrayal that’s been building up in Willow and Xander all these years, nor do we particularly care about suddenly being second fiddle to a new Slayer, like Faith. So we don’t hate you yet!” she finished cheerfully.

“Oh. Um…thanks, I think,” Buffy said dazedly. “Who’s we?”

Anya nodded to the research table and Buffy blinked. Oh. Right. Willow’s friend. Yet again, she’d managed to fade into the scenery, as though she’d never been noticed and she knew that she wouldn’t be now.

But she’d smiled at her on her way out the other day, Buffy remembered, heartened. So she hastened over to the table and sat down across from the girl. “Hi! Tyra, right?”

The girl smiled awkwardly at her. “T-T-Tara. I-I’m Tara.”

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Buffy said apologetically.

“N-no, i-it’s okay,” Tara said quickly. “Y-you had a l-lot on your mind that n-night.”

Buffy nodded ruefully. “Still, though, I should have remembered your name. I mean, I’d like us to be friends, despite the whole your-best-friend-hating-me thing.”

“Girlfriend, actually,” Anya put in from behind the counter. “Yep, Willow’s gay. Bet you didn’t see that one coming.”

“Gay?” Buffy repeated, astonished. “You’re kidding, right? I mean Will? She and Oz were…” She shook her head wonderingly. “Wow. Really?”

For an instant, there was a very sly spark in Tara’s eye. “I-I can assure y-you that she’s m-most definitely gay.”

Buffy laughed delightedly at the timid girl’s joke. “So, um, how did this happen? I mean, she was straight city when I left. Did she just meet you and say, hey! Gay!”

Tara grinned. “K-Kinda, actually. W-We just practiced magic t-together a lot, and I-I guess feelings developed. It was a b-bummer for her boyfriend, though.”

“Oh, no!” Buffy had liked Oz, what little she knew him. “Poor Oz!”

“N-no.” Tara shook her head. “Oz broke up with her at the beginning of college. H-he had to learn to control the werewolf. Then she dated R-Riley Finn.”

“We didn’t like him,” Anya informed them. “He was boring. And anti-demon. We had to hold Scoobie meetings at Giles’s to hide Spike from him. We called him Captain Cardboard.”

“He was part of the Initiative. Did Giles t-tell you about them?” Tara asked.

Buffy nodded. “Kind of like a massive Slayer-wannabe operation? Secretly evil?”

“Right. But when he found out about the evil part, he left them. A few weeks later, we were at a party a-a-a-a-and…” Tara blushed beet red.

“There was a sex thing going on, Willow and Tara got caught up in it and spell many hours giving each other pleasurable orgasms,” Anya put in, losing patience with Tara’s stutter. “Riley witnessed the end of the sexathon.”

“Oh. Wow. Poor guy,” Buffy said sympathetically. Remembering her audience, she put in quickly “But good for you two!”

Tara was still scarlet with embarrassment. “R-Riley w-was great. He still helped with the Initiative problem, and even fought against Adam with us… But Adam killed him during the fight.” She looked down.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said softly.

“I’m not,” Anya announced from where she was now inspecting the shelves. She made a noise of dissatisfaction. “I’m going to the basement to restock the crystal balls. Make sure that the customers can give us money.” She disappeared down a staircase Buffy hadn’t noticed before.

“That means watch the shop,” Tara said quietly, grinning.

“Anya’s definitely a character,” Buffy observed. “I wonder if it’s the whole ex-demon thing.”

Tara shook her head. “Her troll ex-boyfriend says that she was like that even when she was human the first time around.”

Buffy snickered. “I can imagine it now. She comes home one day and says, Honey, you are foul-smelling and much too large. I cannot have pleasing sex with you anymore.’”

Tara giggled with her and they fell into a comfortable silence.

“So, what are you doing here? Researching, I mean,” Buffy asked finally.

“Oh, F-Faith was attacked at work today. I’m trying to find the demon who did it.”

“Cool. How’d it look?” Buffy pulled the closest book over to her and started to flip through it.

Tara looked up, startled. “You’re doing research? I didn’t know that Slayers bothered with the books.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t really much of a researcher back in the old days, but I figure I may as well do something useful while everyone still hates me too much to work with me.”

“I-I’m sorry,” Tara said softly. “It must be hard for you.”

Buffy sighed. “I just don’t know where I stand with anyone, y’know? I mean, Xander says he forgives me, but Anya seems to think that he doesn’t. And there’s probably residual resentment and stuff. Willow says that I don’t matter, but she acts so angry with me…if I could figure out if it’s hurt or anger, then I’d know how to deal with it. But she won’t even be in the same building as me. Giles called her earlier, I guess when he called you? And she said that she wouldn’t come to the Magic Box while I was still there training. But I can’t figure out if she’s just being petty or if she actually can’t stand to be around me because I make her angry or something.” The words were spilling out of Buffy now that someone was willing to listen. “And with Faith… I know I can’t do anything right. She’s going to hate me on principle. And when she finally forces everyone to take sides, they’ll all take hers and I’ll be all alone again, just this time at home!” she burst out, feeling drained.

Tara was around the table and sitting beside her in an instant, pulling her over into a hug. Buffy clung to her.

“You really don’t want to do that,” she said, her voice muffled by Tara’s sweater. “I’ve been working out for like four hours straight.”

Tara laughed. It was a musical, girlish sound. “You’re not alone, Buffy. You won’t be.”

“But Willow…”

Tara pulled away to give her a serious look. “Faith has work tonight. Giles will probably ask you to patrol for her. But if you start early, you can probably finish with most of the night free.” She smiled. “Everyone else is planning to go to the Bronze tonight. Maybe you can try reconnecting without Faith’s shadow hanging over you.”

Buffy gave Tara a grateful hug. “Thank you, Tara. This really means a lot to m-“

The door to the Magic Box swung open. Willow walked in, looking darkly displeased. “Oh. You’re still here.” She gave them both a cold look and moved swiftly into the training room.

“I-I-I…”

Buffy gave Tara an understanding look. “Go ahead. I don’t want to get you into trouble,” she said, smiling understandingly.

“I’m sorry-“

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Thank you,” Tara murmured gratefully, hurrying after her girlfriend.

“No problem,” Buffy said to the empty room.

The Bronze. Everyone. Tonight.

How am I gonna pull this off?