Title: Strangers

Author: Sosa Lola

Pairing: Buffy/Spike, Buffy/Other

Setting: Starts in the eighth of February 2005. Buffy, Xander and their Slayers are living in a castle in Scotland.

Spoilers: All seasons of BtVS, including S8. All seasons of AtS, including Angel: After the Fall. This is pre-The Long Way Home, first arc of S8 and post-Angel: After the Fall.

Notes: 1) Buffy's POV throughout. This fic is pretty much Buffy-centric.
2) I'm pushing the events of S8 to the end of 2005 instead of 2004. So, The Long Way Home starts in the end of 2005.

Summary: Grief pushes Buffy to do something really stupid. Now she has to deal with the consequences. Things get more complicated when she discovers that Spike is no longer dead.

Thanks to seapealsh, lovesbitch91, eowyn_315, and powerofthebook for being my awesome betas.



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Chapter One:






Her sneakers squeaked with each step Buffy took on the solid rock floor, their sound echoing throughout the empty stone-walled halls of the castle. Her eyes darted from one passing window to another, catching a glimpse of the small, lit buildings in the city of Edinburgh. She caught her breath when she reached his door, undecided whether she had the courage to knock. One hand touched her stomach lightly before it recoiled with dismay. Sighing, she knocked on the door and waited, noting her raging heartbeat.

The door opened, sending a cool whiff of air that made her quiver slightly under her light shirt. She hugged herself in an attempt to bring warmth to her shivering body, scolding herself for not wearing a sweater over her cotton shirt. The castle had always been cold on the inside; especially the halls, which weren't supported with a heater or a fireplace.

She was greeted with his grinning face, his mouth opening to invite her in when she blurted out in haste, "I'm pregnant."

It had always worked this way on TV, with the pregnant girlfriend knocking on the door and the clueless boyfriend opening the door with a very happy "I'm glad to see you" smile. And just like that, she would break the news, causing several groans from viewers who were sick and tired of pregnancy storylines.

Even though they weren't actually boyfriend and girlfriend, Buffy had thoroughly considered all possible ways to break the news. She thought about the cell phone, but it felt tacky. She thought about leaving a note, but that jumped right from tacky to cliché. However, the real reason she vetoed all these ideas was because she knew she had to tell him face to face and that was the scariest part of the whole thing, because that way she would actually see his reaction.

On TV, soon-to-be-fathers reacted in different ways. Some kept staring at the girlfriend, probably pondering why the hell they answered the door. Some would fall into clear denial. Some would break out nervous jokes. Some would simply faint.

Xander's reaction was a little original.

"So, that makes you the first pregnant Slayer?" he asked in wonderment.

Buffy blinked.

He smiled. "Look, why don't you come in and I'll make us something to drink."

Buffy nodded like a zombie and walked inside his room, enjoying the heat coming from the rising flames in his fireplace. Before Xander closed the door behind her, she turned around. "I think Wood's mother was the first pregnant Slayer," she pointed out.

Xander cocked his head to the side. "Was she called before or after she gave birth?"

Buffy shrugged. "Never asked."

"Then, so far, by my knowledge, it's you." He flashed another smile and closed the door.



~*~*~*~




While Xander's reaction didn't revert to the cliché, the aftermath definitely wasn't original. His leg was shaking hard, his hand kept stroking his eye patch, and his soda remained untouched. He hardly made eye contact, and when he did, he would smile broadly at her. She would return it and then they would look elsewhere.

She sighed and stared at the television, where he was watching old reruns of Friends. Ironically, it was the one where Phoebe made Rachel take the pregnancy test again at Chandler and Monica's wedding to make sure she was really pregnant. Buffy's mind wandered to the last couple of days when she had been having this weird feeling of nausea. Her breasts had been feeling tender lately, and that had freaked her out. She had escaped into town to the first pharmacy she had found and bought five different brands of pregnancy tests. All results were positive.

"So…" Xander's nervous voice brought her out of the recent memories. She looked at him attentively. "Uh, should I be getting down on one knee…"

He didn't finish, because Buffy looked at him with a raised eyebrow, head tilted to the side.

"I'm serious." He laughed tensely. "I just… I want us to do the right thing."

"There are more options to the right thing since the fifties, Xander," Buffy said, dismissing the idea of marriage completely. "Don't worry, we'll figure it out," she said, reassuring him and herself even more.

"And I thought we were finally starting to forget that drunken incident."

"Yeah," Buffy mumbled. Her hand subconsciously touched her stomach. "This whole… pregnancy thing brings it all back, huh?"

"Buffy," Xander quietly pleaded, "I don't want things to get weird again."

"Well, I'm pregnant, so things are definitely gonna be weird," Buffy said with a shaky laugh. Her swollen breasts felt sorer by the second.

"You know what I mean." He looked down at his hand.

Buffy stared at him sympathetically and inwardly wished flying monkeys on Andrew's white hairy ass, not that she knew what his ass looked like. She saved another dozen flying monkeys for his damn tape as well. That tape not only showed Andrew making fun of her speeches, but it was, ironically, mostly filled with shots of Spike and Anya. Buffy was quite surprised Andrew had the sense in all the chaos to bother to salvage that tape, unless he hadn't parted with it in the first place.

How dare he send a copy for Buffy's birthday when she had finally been on the verge of moving on? She was happily seeing this nice guy, Victor, who worked in the same company as Monique, Xander's ex. Things had gotten really complicated after she and Xander watched the tape together. Alone. Very late at night. With lots of beer.

Buffy had called Victor the next day to cancel their date, seeing as she still had not moved on. Her tight friendship with Xander was estranged for a whole week. Buffy had considered flying to Rome to give Andrew his due, though she was stopped short by Xander standing in front of her door with two tickets to a nearby amusement park. Things had worked out just right that day. And Buffy forgot about Andrew.

But now.

"I need one ticket to Rome."

"You're not kicking Andrew's butt." Xander sighed.

"Oh, no butt. I was thinking more like testicles."

Xander grimaced. "Look, if you don't want this baby, there's always the other option."

Buffy looked at him. "Are you serious?" She tried her hardest to divine his feelings, whether he wanted this baby or not. She tried to understand his opinion from his face as well as paying more attention to his voice, but all she got was a big blank hole.

"Whatever you want."

"What about what you want? It's your kid, too."

Xander stared at her for a while, and then looked away with a shrug. Oh, no. He was not going to leave her alone in this. He was going to decide, and she was going to take his decision into consideration before she made hers. They made the mess together and they were going to clean it up together.

She held his hand and squeezed it a little hard. He winced. She wasn't sorry.

"I-I… was thinking…" he stuttered and she loosened her grip."Maybe we could… um, keep it?"

Buffy straightened, looking at him carefully now. "You want to keep the baby?"

"I'm not pressuring you into agreeing, though," he said quickly. "After all, you're the one who's gonna suffer the most throughout the next nine months."

Buffy pursed her lips. "I sure am."

Being pregnant would mean she had to endure all sorts of disgusting suffering. Mood swings and morning sickness and giving up beer and maybe caffeine. Dealing with a large tummy and the fact that she might never get her flat stomach back. She would be stuck in a room eating healthy junk, away from any and all disturbances, including slaying.

Not being pregnant would mean Slayer Buffy, the hero, the leader, the ma'am. A strong fighter with a fit body and pretty clothes. The only thing pregnancy would allow her to do was researching and that was the least enjoyable part of her slaying life.

"So, this is the point where we jump for joy and yell the sentence."

Xander looked surprised. "We're keeping it?"

Buffy shrugged, still keeping the nonchalant attitude. But then, when she witnessed the expanding goofy smile on Xander's face, she couldn't help but smile herself.

"We're gonna have a baby," Xander exclaimed in mock joy.

"Ain't that a hoot?" Buffy said with an exaggerated beam.

As they role-played a scene from Father of the Bride II, both of them knew that the smile on the other's face was real and genuine.





~*~*~*~






"You and Xander? A baby? For reals?" Dawn's voice drifted to Buffy's ear filled with excitement and surprise.

Before Buffy could answer there was a bang on the other line.

"Are you okay, Kenny?" Dawn called, and there was another bang. Buffy heard a muffled voice, which probably held Kenny's reply. "Just make sure not to touch the candles!" Dawn yelled, before her voice lowered as she spoke to Buffy again. "You're gonna have a baby?" There was a little squeal in the end.

"You let your boyfriend into your dorm room?" Buffy went for spontaneous.

"Are you being protective?" Damn. Dawn had grown a hell of a lot smarter after she left for college.

"No." Buffy tried to muster an innocent tone as well as possible. "It was just a random question."

There came the hated snort. "Relax. He just needed the bathroom."

"Oh." Buffy didn't believe a word. "And that thing with the candles in the bathroom… was that just a coincidence?"

"Those are my roommate's. She's planning to have sex tonight." There was a pause. "You do know I already had sex, right?"

"Just… just drop it, Dawn, okay?" Things had been different. As always. But Dawn leaving for college was number one on the list of weird, because Buffy was used to living with her, especially after the collapse of Sunnydale. However, Sunnydale was gone, and Dawn was growing more different with each passing day. She became more confident, more independent, and taller, if that was even possible. She became more of a friend than a helpless little sister.

The changes in Dawn weren't all positive. She was eighteen. A beautiful, eighteen-year-old college girl. Someone who attracted horny college boys. A while ago, Dawn had met this 'cutie hunk' who asked her on a date, and Dawn had informed her that they were going to take things slow. Slow had proved to be unhealthy for the relationship, because suddenly Dawn had doubts and new attractions; the only good part about Buffy's estrangement with Xander that week was that phone call she'd had with Dawn before she went to the party that would have wrecked her life.

After that night, Dawn's relationship with Kenny had developed too fast for Buffy's liking; they started to have sex. A lot, according to Dawn. It was too hard to accept that fact, and Buffy wanted to vent at someone who shared her feelings on the subject. The only close friend she had in Edinburgh was Xander, so she had told him, expecting similar protectiveness, but unfortunately for her, Xander's days of over-protectiveness had died with Sunnydale.

"Whatever," Dawn said. "It wouldn't have happened if you hadn't butted in my life."

"And good thing I did. God knows what a pissed off Thricewise would do."

"He's not… okay, I'm all in favor for the dropping it. Anyway, back to you. Pregnant? That's huge!"

"Yeah, I never thought it would… "

"Me, too. So, did I miss something? When did you and Xander start dating?"

"Who said anything about dating?"

"You mean you aren't? I just assumed with you being pregnant and you guys seemed to be getting closer. It felt like a matter of time before you two started having a thing."

"Stop that train of thought. We don't have a thing. We were just two grieving friends who sought comfort in each other." Buffy could tell that Dawn was rolling her eyes, and thought it would be followed with a 'Yeah, right.'

Thankfully, Dawn decided to ask a question. "So, how did it happen?"

"You know how a baby happens."

"Not the baby, idiot, the sex. I thought you and Xander were done with the grieving thing. And wasn't Xander dating Monique?"

"Well, that was sort of how it happened." Buffy didn't even point out that Xander was dateless at her birthday party, seeing as Dawn was more interested in locking lips with Kenny that night to notice anything else. Even poor Victor didn't get to properly introduce himself to Buffy's sister. Buffy had been surprised that Victor still showed up when it had been only three days after Xander's break-up with Monique. "She found out that Xander still kept Anya's duffle bag," Buffy explained the reason for said break-up.

"The one with her stuff from when we escaped Sunnydale?" Dawn's voice sounded concerned.

"Yeah. It didn't help that he still went through her stuff from time to time, but that wasn't the real problem. Anya had saved a couple of the wedding invitations, and Monique found them in Xander's nightstand." Buffy still envied Xander for having something to remember Anya by. Spike didn't need to take anything when they had left the house. His duster, lighter and pack of cigarettes were the only things he'd bothered to take, all gone with him.

Then again, maybe it wasn't something worth envying, after all. Monique had been a great catch, a twenty-something Slayer who preferred to stay away from the mess that was their life and kept living like a normal person. Their relationship had been ruined because of the duffle bag of memories. If Buffy had something of Spike's, moving on would be much harder than it already was. And she needed to go on with her life.

"So, Monique dumped Xander because he still kept the wedding invitations, and you just comforted him with sex?"

"No," Buffy denied. "I comforted him the traditional way. Ice cream."

"Cut to the chase," Dawn said, bored.

"Getting there. Remember my birthday party? Andrew got me a tape as a gift. You know, it's the one he filmed in Sunnydale about us. Of course, the tape has Anya, and because Xander is still hung up on her, and was too drunk and, well, too sad, and then… you see."

"So, this mourning sex… it was about Xander grieving Anya?"

"Yep."

"And you were generous enough to boink him?"

"The too-drunk thing was mutual."

"Uh-huh. Was the grieving thing mutual as well?"

"Well, I was sad we lost Anya…"

"Oh, you know who I'm talking about! But since you'd rather share your feelings with a guy than your sister, I think I'll just…"

"Should I remind you of the deal?" Buffy cut her off pointedly. She was supposed to drop the overprotective act if Dawn stopped asking Buffy to open up. Dawn had taken joy out of reminding her of their deal whenever Buffy broke the rules, which was a lot. Now it was Buffy's turn to put Dawn in her shoes.

"Right," Dawn replied. "So, how will you raise the baby?"

"I'm twenty-four. And a Slayer. I've got a lot of experience under my belt."

"Yep, but not about kids."

"Don't you think I've managed well with you?"

"Weeeeell…"

"I said 'well', not 'perfect'." Buffy sighed. Sometimes she missed Willow. Wherever she was.





~*~*~*~





"I thought I told you to piss off with this bloody camera. Yet here you are again with that thing in my face. Would you sod off before I rip your throat out and…"

"Um… Spike... the light was kinda behind you…"


"You're watching Andrew's tape again?" Xander's voice came from her door. He didn't knock again, which was becoming one annoying habit that she'd started getting used to.

"Well, we didn't get to finish it." Buffy dipped another cookie in her tea and took a bite. Ever since they'd started working on setting up their hideaway in Edinburgh, Buffy had come to appreciate tea, especially with cookies.

Xander sat next to her. "Thought you hated the tape."

Buffy closed her mouth before she took a bite of her cookie. There was a close up of Spike's face on the screen. "Last night, I had a dream. One with Spike in it," she said, her eyes on the television. She felt Xander's hand on her shoulder moving in soothing circles.

His hand suddenly stopped, because Anya was on the screen now. She heard him sigh. "The bottle blonds we weep for."

Buffy looked away from the screen. It was time to move on. She'd tried that, but then something would happen, and she would remember him, then the grieving would start all over again. She could still remember when she used to escape to different demon lairs every night by herself and engage in bloody fights with them. She had always found release in violence, and kicking her punching bag didn't do the trick anymore. She liked those nights when she could let go of her frustration and grief without the disturbance of anyone she knew, whereas her mornings would be spent training her junior Slayers. Only Dawn had asked her about her nightly activities and she didn't get an answer, because Buffy had known that her sister would freak if she knew about the series of violence and bloodshed that went on every night since they had moved to Europe.

So, Buffy had always tried to get back home before anyone noticed. Not that her friends were paying attention anyway. Xander had been captured by Dracula, –which was something she hadn't even known about until months later. Giles had buried himself in his new responsibilities, and Willow had hers as well. Willow had also been busy taking care of Dawn, helping her catch up on her studies, when Buffy wouldn't.

Buffy's unhealthy detachment from all the important people in her life had created a rift between her and her sister. Dawn had been upset with her for a while, and Buffy had falsely assumed it was because she'd neglected Dawn's needs and left her to Willow's care. It took getting caught one night for everything to come out into the open.

Xander and Dawn were already suspicious about her nightly rituals, especially since they'd noticed the bruises and scratches on her arms and her occasional limp. One night, the demons had overpowered her, and she had suspected herself to be near death when a bunch of her Slayers broke in and took care of the demons. The last things she had seen before she'd passed out were the scared looks on Xander and Dawn's faces.

That was the last night Buffy had gone hunting packs of demons alone. Instead, Xander encouraged her in more constructive ways of grieving. Often, they would go to a bar to sit, drink, and talk about those they had lost. She still kept her mourning away from everybody else, and never cried, or looked sad or spaced out in front of a single soul. That had been done in the solitude of her room, where no one could see her cry, even Xander.

The gentle hand squeeze on her shoulder interrupted her train of thought, and her eyes met Xander's concerned one. "It's been more than a year," she said weakly.

"More reason to miss him, right?" Xander said kindly, as his hand went back to move in soothing circles on her back.

Buffy gave him a sideways smile. In the past, there had always been anticipation in her relationship with Xander. While she trusted him so much, she couldn't help but be wary of his reaction to things, especially extreme things. His emotions usually took control of him, causing him to say hurtful things, some he probably didn't mean. All valid reasons to avoid sharing an awful truth with him.

But then in the last two years, there was a miraculous change in his behavior. Sometimes Buffy would do something that would outrage him, and she would expect his reaction to be unpleasant, but then he would surprise her with a mature, even-tempered reaction. It had started when Spike came back with a soul. Buffy had feared that Xander would leap at the chance to take him down, but he never did. Instead, he had agreed to take Spike in despite his feelings toward him. He was there taking care of Dawn and helping Buffy send her off to college. He was there with her, getting drunk and grieving for Spike. He was still around after the outrageous things she had done in the name of the mission ever since they set foot in Scotland.

And now, he was here taking care of her pregnant self. And he would be here to help Buffy raise the baby. Things were going to be okay. That was until she noticed the empty carton.

"We need more 'biscuits'," she demanded.

"You can have Walkers Shortbread," Xander said, handing her the cellophane pack.

"Ugh, no, it's too buttery." Buffy's nose was scrunched up like she had caught a whiff. She drew away from the extended cookies.

"Well, it's Walkers Pure Butter Shortbread Rounds!" Xander exclaimed in the best Scottish accent he could muster, which was horrid, not that either of them was the best judge of that.

Buffy gave him a look that she knew was more intimidating on Pregnant Buffy, so naturally Xander fled from the room, calling out that he was going grocery shopping at the town's market. Buffy smirked, but it didn't last long when she noticed Spike and Wood on the screen, each one about to tear the other a new one. She pursed her lips, and then turned off the TV.

Pregnant women should stay away from moody things, for the baby's sake.



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