Chapter Five:





Buffy held up a cute little black dress and admired the play of sparkles all over it. The witch hat that went with it was cone shaped with a glittery star in the front. The best part of the outfit was the small magic wand with the shining star on top. Andrea would make such a cute little Sabrina wearing this, even though it was a little bigger than her actual size. Unconsciously, she returned it to the rack, knowing that it was inappropriate to dress her daughter as a witch for Halloween.

She gazed yearningly at the pretty costume, and then it hit her. Why wasn't she buying it? Because Willow would get angry? Well, Willow wasn't here anymore. It had been months since the last time Buffy had heard from her. Last time they'd talked, Willow was in San Francisco, but then she'd mysteriously disappeared. Dawn had brushed aside the mere suggestion of Willow being kidnapped, telling Buffy that Willow had spoken to her before she took off. Apparently, there was a witchy-type matter that Willow needed to take care of, and she would return once it was done. How long would it take? No one knew. Buffy used to think that Giles did. He seemed to have an idea about where exactly Willow was – apparently, Willow had talked to him, too- but Giles wasn't sure if she had told him the truth.

Buffy was about to check out other costumes when she stopped right in place. Willow could have called. She could have mailed a letter or sent a text message. She didn't. She reverted to the cliché, one already done by Buffy herself. Not to mention that Willow should have known better; she was the one who had cried her eyes out because Oz had gone AWOL, no letters or phone calls. That sort of inconsiderate act deserved the consequences - the humiliation of an unwanted 'Welcome Home' party and finding an ex-girlfriend shacking up with a lesbian.

Nodding affirmatively, Buffy grabbed the witch costume and turned around toward the cashier, hitting a solid chest.

She blinked and gazed up at Spike. How long had it been since she last saw him? Probably more than two weeks. She'd tried seeing him again after they'd parted that night, but the nice woman behind the counter had told her that the spunky blond man had left the building the night before. Buffy had considered asking her Slayers to locate Spike's place again, but thought against it. The ball was in Spike's court this time, and if he wanted to see her, he'd find her.

"I thought vampires didn't shop for Halloween," she mused.

He gave a lopsided smile. "Well, they are Halloween."

She smiled and walked around him to the cashier. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged, following her. "Last time we met, we didn't leave on best of terms. Thought I owed you an apology."

"You took your time with that," Buffy said, teasing, if a little irritated.

Spike looked elsewhere, appearing guilty.

"Thank you," she said, sincerely, standing in the line. "Guess I owe you one myself."

"Appreciated," he replied, looking down at the costume she had in her hands. "This for the little bird?"

Buffy nodded, not sure if she had mentioned it to Spike that she had a baby girl, but she figured the dress gave it away.

"What's her name?" There was so much tenderness in his voice that Buffy wondered if it was because he loved babies or because this one was hers.

"Andrea," she whispered, trying to match his softness.

"Beautiful name."

"She was named after Andrew."

She quickly looked up to catch his reaction, and it didn't disappoint. She laughed at his incredulous expression, which was more pronounced than when he'd found out she had slept with Xander.

Taking one step forward in the line, she asked, "So, what are you up to these days?"

"Playing Catch Me If You Can with the Slayer bint," he replied with some vehemence in his voice.

"Haven't found her yet?" Buffy asked, worried. She'd forgotten all about Thief Slayer with the new complications in her life. The original plan had been to get back to the castle with Xander after she gave birth, but now that Xander had changed his mind, Buffy wasn't sure what her next move was. She wanted to be in the action, rather than being informed about new developments from Leah or Satsu, but she didn't want to part from her daughter. She was still undecided, but for the meantime she'd chosen to stay a little longer, which seemed to make Xander happy. She had resumed her Slayer activities with the girls, but she always came back to Andrea at night.

"Found one flat she stayed in, but the chit isn't dense. She never sticks to one hiding place."

Buffy eyed everyone around. Fortunately, none of the shoppers seemed interested in their conversation. Everyone was preoccupied with Halloween shopping. "Tell me what you know about her and I'll help," she said to Spike seriously.

"You got your Halloween bit going on…"

"Which I can still have. I've got my Slayer squad to take care of it at our Command Central. "

He raised an eyebrow at her before looking straight ahead as they made another step forward in the line, mouthing an amused 'Wow.'

She smiled, a little bitter. "Guess you didn't care enough to even ask about how I'm getting on."

He gave her a swift glance. "Reem Al Nasser. She's from Saudi Arabia. Mum didn't give much away, whole crap about reputation and what not." He snorted.

"I saw her, so I don’t need a physical description." There were two men in the line in front of her. "How did you find her parents?"

"They were in LA. Summer vacation. Girl ran off on them, and they called the best detective in the city. All secretive, no need for the public to find out about the family disgrace." He snorted. "Family's so uptight, can't believe they sought a vampire's help."

"They were probably desperate."

He gave another halfhearted snort.

"What exactly did she do to Angel?" she asked, curiosity mingled with concern.

"Paralyzed him," Spike spat out in a low voice.

"What?" Buffy hissed with horror. "How?"

His eyes were on her now. "Magic."

The man in front of her moved, but Buffy was frozen in place. "I didn't know. Oh, God, Angel." She heard several groans behind her, ordering her to move.

Spike snorted, pushing Buffy gently forward. "Here's a hypocrite," he scoffed.

"What?" she said, still in shock over the news she'd just heard.

"You get down on me for not stalking you when you've never talked to Angel about him taking over Wolfram and Hart."

She blinked away her shock to send him a glare. "It's different and you know it."

He returned her glare. "You didn't even ask about how I was brought back."

"I wanted to, but you brushed it away with your 'I've got a mission' thing," Buffy retorted. She reached the counter and handed the costume to the clerk.

"Think I better go," was a whisper she heard in her ear. She turned her head to where he stood, but there was no Spike. He was already on his way out the door.

"Spike, wait!" she yelled, taking a step toward the door. A rough hand grabbed her arm. She looked back at an angry, overweight redheaded man.

"Get on with it, lassie. We've got lives, too."

She gazed back at the door for a second before she turned her attention to the clerk.




~*~*~*~



Her head rested on the door of her apartment, the fingers of her right hand clutching the key in the door's lock. Her left hand held on tight to the bag that contained Andrea's Halloween costume. Spike had killed her enthusiasm for Halloween and everything about it. She didn't even feel like she wanted to go into her place.

She shook her head, clearing her thoughts and starting fresh with an exhale. Twisting the key to unlock the door, she pushed it open, looking at the floor as she walked inside.

"Hi."

Buffy's head shot up, her eyes going wide at the sight of Dawn sitting on the couch facing the TV with Andrea's crib next to her. Buffy gave the door a gentle push with her back, her eyes not leaving Dawn as a smile flitted across her lips. "What are you doing here?" she asked happily, walking toward her sister.

Placing the bag down, she pulled Dawn into a hug, feeling Dawn's arms envelop her tightly. Pressing tighter into the embrace, Buffy buried her nose in Dawn's shoulder and smelled the lovely scent of perfume. When she pulled away from the hug, she took a look at her sister. Dawn was wearing light makeup, her long hair loose around her shoulders, clad in a Calvin Klein shirt and dark jeans. She looked older and twice as beautiful.

Dawn shrugged. "I just wanted to get away from all the hype. My friends regress to kindergartners at Halloween."

"What about Kenny?"

Dawn waved the question off. "He's gonna do the whole costume thing with his buds, and you know how I hate to dress up for Halloween."

"Well, we are going to have a Halloween party at the castle, so you'll find everything you ran away from here."

"As long as I don't see my boyfriend acting dumb, it's all good."

"Won't you be missing classes?" Buffy asked.

"I paid someone to record the lectures for me. And… I kinda missed you guys. Couldn't wait for Thanksgiving break," she said bashfully.

Buffy smiled at her and peered at the sleeping Andrea in the crib. She brushed the soft cheek of her daughter lightly, unable to get herself to listen to Dawn's babble about college and Kenny's Halloween activities. She heard Xander's voice as he came out of the kitchen. He laughed and joked with Dawn, but Buffy couldn't bring herself to share their joy because Andrea's sleeping face was more attractive.

She pressed a little on the chubby cheek, wishing it would wake Andy up. She loved it when she woke up. They would lock eyes together and somehow Andrea would actually look like Buffy.

She jumped a little when a soft hand rested on her shoulder. Looking behind her, she found a worried Xander with a questioning eye.

She forced a smile and moved away from the crib, focusing her vision on Dawn, who rushed toward them with two plastic bags.

"Got you guys some presents!" she squealed. "This is for you." She handed Buffy a bag.

Buffy took out a small pink book from the bag titled 'The Power of Social Intelligence.' She pursed her lips and raised an eyebrow at her gleeful sister. "Thanks, Dawn."

Dawn beamed and gave her a cute little shrug, then handed Xander his bag. He pulled out a colored DVD case. "Walk Away the Pounds," he read. He lowered the DVD from his face, looking at Dawn with a pout. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

"Well, since you're done with Slayerdom and you did a lot of work to be Fit Leader Xander, I'd hate for that to go to waste, so…" She gestured toward the DVD. "Easy and simple, just to keep you in shape."

Buffy sighed as she watched Xander shrug and give Dawn a side-hug of thanks. With her book in her hand, she walked toward her room.

"Buffy?" Xander called after her with worry.

"I'm beat. Need a little shut eye," she muttered. With some effort, she looked at Dawn with a smile. "Glad you're here."

Dawn returned the smile, even though it didn’t reach her eyes. Once in her room, Buffy tossed the book onto the dresser and threw herself on the bed.



~*~*~*~



She was still tossing and turning under the blanket for an hour – actually, two hours of irrepressible movements. It had been a long time since she was able to drift off to sleep the second her head hit the pillow, so long that she couldn't remember the last time it had happened. She used to toss and turn for hours waiting for her mother to fall asleep so she could start her nightly routines. Those patrols she was forced to do that had interfered with her social life, but were necessary nonetheless.

She sealed her eyes closed, pressing hard on her eyelids, trying to break away from memory lane. Her right toes rubbed against the left ones, her legs about to burst into flames, even though she felt so cold she was shaking. It was strange, since tonight wasn't as cold as she was used to in Scotland. She hugged her body into a ball, blowing hot breath under the blanket to make herself warm.

Behind her closed eyes, she pictured that wide new world. The one she pictured every night. It wasn't hard to see or reach out to; all she needed to do was to press harder on her eyelids, keeping them shut.

Giant things were soaring all over the place. Pictures of things that meant nothing cut through dark roads. Triangles, squares, even fluffy small things were flying. All passed her by before they vanished, never coming back, like they were hiding from something, somewhere else. There were a lot of dark streets. Gigantic buildings, so high she couldn't see their tops. The world was crazy but its contents flew in organization, whatever organization meant in such a free world.

In these particular hours of every night, she would get that sense of magic, the sense of belonging to this dark free world. She wondered if others saw what she saw, felt what she felt. That was when she started to panic.

Would she see their faces here?

No, this was her world. No one shared it with her. She would commit a murder if she saw one of them here. She would be a killer. Should she swear it?

After that brief sense of fear, she started to feel freedom again, filling the huge space inside the doors of her eyes. She didn't know how to jump into that absolute freedom, no gravity, no bonds.

Then suddenly, she heard a familiar cry.

Her eyes shot open. The darkness that greeted her was her dim room. Reality washed all over her with every childish wail. She forced herself to sit up and gazed at her sweat-covered pillow. Andrea's screams increased, forcing her to rub her eyes awake and race out of her room.



~*~*~*~



The smell of coffee refreshed her drowsy brain. She eyed the cup in Dawn's hand with envy. She knew Dawn was too selfish to make coffee for anyone but herself.

Dawn sat down across from Buffy on the kitchen table, taking in the fresh scent of her coffee. "So, how are the Halloween decorations at the castle going?" she asked, bringing the cup to her lips.

"I wanna see Spike."

Dawn choked on the coffee in her mouth and threw down her cup when drops of the hot liquid came spattering down onto her shirt. "Are you crazy?" she shouted as she reached over for a napkin and started to vigorously wipe at the coffee that was already starting to stain.

"Oops," Buffy whimpered, taking another napkin and reaching for the stain.

"You can't leave your daughter on her first Halloween," Dawn went on, getting away from Buffy's helping hand, her eyes shooting daggers.

"But you can," Buffy pointed out, the whole coffee incident forgotten. "You can talk to Spike. Maybe give him a note from me."

Dawn threw the napkin in the trash can. "I'm not gonna play Nelly to your Catherine and Heathcliff," she said, hands planted on her hips.

"I don't want him to come here," Buffy exclaimed. "Just point out a place where we can meet later."

Dawn bit the inside of her mouth. "I don't know, Buffy." She shook her head, heading to the coffee maker.

"C'mon, wouldn't it be great if you saw Spike again?" Buffy asked in her sweetest voice, hoping that she could appeal to Dawn somehow. "Maybe you two could…"

"What?" Dawn turned around giving Buffy a meaningful stare.

Buffy shrugged, sitting down again. She started to play innocently with the unused napkin.

"Buffy, please, promise you won't pressure me into even shaking hands with Spike."

Buffy looked at her. "Yeah, but see, Dawn…"

"Hey, I didn't pressure you to fix things with Giles."

She placed the napkin down on the table, frowning. "Fixing what? There's nothing to fix between me and Giles?"

"I'm not dumb, Buffy. I know." Before Buffy could respond, Dawn went on, "But I'm staying out of it, even though it hurts."

Buffy stared at her for seconds. "Hurts. Hurts you?"

Dawn looked away. "Do you realize how hard it was not having him around for Christmas? Or Thanksgiving or New Year's Eve? He wasn't even there on your birthday, and he only got to meet Kenny over the phone. It's like the whole thing with Mom and Dad's divorce again."

"Dawn, I'm…" Buffy started, feeling guilty, even though she shouldn't. It wasn't her fault Giles had distanced himself from them. She wanted to point out that she did invite Giles for her birthday; it was he who decided not to show up. Somehow it seemed easier to have Dawn blame her for it than Giles. Buffy hadn't been sure about Giles' place in Dawn's life, but right now it was obvious how important he was to her. She saw him as a father. It must be killing her to think that he'd abandoned them just like their real father did.

"You've still got issues with him," Dawn said in a low voice. "Been there. Albeit with someone else, but I know how you feel." She looked down at her shifting feet, trying to control the waver in her voice.

Buffy stood up, and reached out a comforting hand that Dawn brushed off.

"Don't butt in, Buffy," Dawn warned, her eyes hard and bright. "Because you won't like it if I butt in with your life." With that said, Dawn's attention went to the coffee maker.



~*~*~*~