Chapter Seven:








Buffy walked around Spike's small room admiring the simple display of adornments on the walls. It wasn't exactly a bedroom, more like a stylish extra room for the staff. She didn't know why she had expected the room to be filled with dust and spider webs in every corner. She probably had unconsciously pictured the room to be closer to Spike's crypt in Sunnydale. Having thought that, her eyes landed on the vampire lighting a cigarette on the couch.

"So, how's your arm?"

"Peachy," Spike replied before he inhaled.

"Did you get the bullet out?" she asked, and though his face was hiding behind a cloud of smoke, she could tell he was giving her 'the look.' When she didn’t get an answer, she laughed. "I'm sorry. I just can't help being concerned."

"All taken care of," he answered. He drew the cigarette from his lips and looked at her with a small smile. "Worried about me, were you?"

She cocked her head with a raised eyebrow. "What do you think?" That got her a broader smile. She moved close to him, waving off the smoke, and threw herself on the couch next to him with a bounce. She tilted her head back and gazed at the ceiling. Without European decorations, it wasn't that interesting to stare at. Her eyes wandered to more interesting items like the furniture. "You don't have a bed?" she asked when she noticed the most important thing in a bedroom missing.

"Don't really need one. Couch is enough." He blew out more smoke, making it hard for Buffy to look at him without coughing. Once, she had admitted that she was used to him smoking around her, but smoking right into her face was unbearable. He let out an apologetic smile at her coughing and blew the next puff of smoke away from her.

"So, what's up with your life?" he asked her all of a sudden. She blinked at him, bemused. "This is me asking about you," he replied casually.

She gazed down at her very slender fingers, and wondered why she hadn't kept any of the pregnancy weight. "Well, I'm a mother now," she said, looking back at him.

He laughed a little before he put out the cigarette.

"What?" she asked.

"Pictured you changing nappies." His eyes sparkled with laughter. It made her smile as she hit him playfully on the arm.

"Well, it stinks, and I stink at it. So Xander mostly does it." One time she had seen Andrea's poop and she almost threw up.

"I want to see her."

Buffy turned shocked eyes to Spike. Up until now, all Spike had wanted was to get Reem back to Angel; nothing in Scotland mattered more than that mission. "Yeah?" she asked, feeling a smile reach her lips. These times where they could just sit side by side and put the past behind them made it almost seem like they were back in Sunnydale.

"She's part of you, ain’t she?" When he said it, he turned to look at her, a beautiful soft smile on his lips. She almost leaned in and brushed her lips against his, tasting the smoke with her tongue, pressing her nose against his.

She blinked herself out of the sensation, looking up at amused blue eyes. Blood rushed to her cheeks and made her jump up, indignant. She didn't say a word as she exited his room –but she could hear the low snickers that were cut off once she slammed the door behind her.



~*~*~*~



"And you're gonna be there," Dawn ordered Kenny over the phone. "Because if you stand me up at the airport, I'm not gonna do that thing I promised with my teeth."

Buffy spat out the coffee she was sipping and shot Dawn a traumatized stare.

Dawn's lips curled up slightly in a smirk. Buffy rolled her eyes and started to wipe her mouth. She wasn't sure she would be able to finish her breakfast now with the inappropriate images of her sister and her boyfriend running around in her head. Next to her at the table sat Xander, who didn't seem to hear a thing, considering the way he was stuffing his mouth with eggs.

Dawn went back to talking to Kenny, which left Buffy to gaze at her unhappily. The day after tomorrow, Dawn would be going back to Berkeley. It hadn't been long since Buffy had found Dawn sitting in their living room on the couch next to Andrea's crib. Dawn's presence had made it feel like old times in Sunnydale. Although Buffy hadn't spent much time with her, just knowing that Dawn was at their apartment had Buffy feeling happy.

Dawn hung up the phone and leaned back, releasing a dreamy little sigh. Xander wiggled his eyebrows at Buffy, making her smile, before taking his dirty plates to the sink. Dawn in love was a weird sight, but not an unpleasant one.

Her love-struck sister bent her arm on the chair and leaned against it, looking at them. "You guys should try that dating thing. So refreshing." She looked at Xander. "Any new non-demon girls in your life lately, Xander?"

"Other than the three in this apartment? No."

Dawn's lips curved into a small teasing smile, similar to the smirk Buffy had seen innumerable times on Spike. So, naturally, Buffy knew Dawn was going to say something entertaining. "Whatever happened to your decision to become gay?"

The plate slipped from Xander's hand, and it took a few clumsy attempts to get a grip on it before he succeeded in preventing a crash. He let out a sigh of relief, turning heated eyes at Dawn. "Would you let that go already? I only said that once."

Dawn pretended to be lost in thought, and said as if she hadn't heard Xander, "I still remember how you went all George Michael on Willow that night."

Buffy stared at Xander in amusement, waiting for his response.

He turned back to the plates and busied himself with washing the dishes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Dawn started to sing, "Gay me up, before you go, Will. 'Cause I'm so planning on going…"

Xander splashed some water at Dawn who ducked, laughing.

Buffy's smile grew broader. "I know Andrew would be happy about it." She avoided her own water attack and let out a joyful squeal. She hid under the table and gestured for Dawn to come. Dawn pushed the chair she was using as a shield at Xander and hurried to the new shelter.

Both sisters held each other tight while lost in a fit of giggles. They were saved by Andrea's wailing in the living room. "Shit, she's up," Xander said, and immediately left with a diaper bag that was ready on the counter.

With mutual sighs of mock relief, Buffy and Dawn sat down at the table together. Buffy was about to happily resume eating her delicious breakfast when Dawn's unwelcome hand reached for her plate.

"What's his deal?" Dawn asked as she took one of Buffy's pancakes. "He never got this upset whenever I brought up the subject."

Buffy held the plate away from Dawn with a significant 'You can make more for yourself' glare. "He's gonna start his new job on Monday, so we're getting a nanny."

"So?"

"He's not used to being away from Andy."

Dawn made an 'awww' expression and then rested her head against her fist. "Why don't you watch her while Xander's at work? It's not like you have a job."

"I do," Buffy protested, putting a bite of pancake in her mouth. "Did you forget the castle? Besides, gotta find Reem with Spike."

Dawn grimaced at the incoherent words, but didn't reproach Buffy for speaking with her mouth full. "How are things going with Spike?" she chose to ask instead.

"Practical. Though I promised to bring Andy over. Was that stupid?"

Dawn shook her head. "Of all the stupid decisions you've made, I don't see this as one." She smiled. "It's nice that he wants to see your daughter."

Buffy returned the smile. "I thought so, too. He was so focused on getting Reem back to LA, it came as a shock that he was interested in something else." Something that concerned her, more or less.

"So, you're, what, sneaking her out of the apartment without Xander knowing?" Both of them glanced at in the direction of the living room as if they were able to see Xander changing Andrea's diaper. "Xander is spending more time than he used to with Andrea these days."

If Buffy were to take Andrea to the park or the mall, Xander would definitely want to tag along. He would not part with Andrea, especially since he was going to be away from her for hours when he started his new job.

"Maybe you should tell Xander about Spike," Dawn suggested. "I don't get why you're still keeping him in the dark."

Buffy smacked her fork on the table, causing Dawn to jump. "I got it."





~*~*~*~





Buffy sighed when Andrea made those noisy sucking sounds again while she drank her bottle, taking in too much air. Buffy wiggled her in her arms to a better angle. She tilted the bottle so that the nipple and neck were filled with formula and watched her daughter drink peacefully, smiling down at the innocence in those beautiful bright eyes.

When Andrea spat out the nipple, Buffy figured she was done feeding. She wouldn't chance over-feeding her, especially after the vomiting episode three days ago. She put the bottle aside and cleaned the milk on Andrea's chin before she took off the baby bib. After she got Andrea to burp, she placed her in the crib.

There was a gentle knocking on the door. She gave her baby one last look to make sure she was comfortable before walking toward the door. She checked herself in the mirror and decided to lose the scrunchy that made her look years older. Giving her flat hair a few shakes that sort of brought it back to life again, she opened the door.

Spike stood before her, wearing the same outfit he'd worn yesterday, which basically was the same outfit he'd worn since their first meeting in Edinburgh. He'd never been much of a clothes-changer, even when they had been living in Sunnydale. Somehow, though, he looked a little cleaner and different now, in an unexpectedly sophisticated sort of way. At least, unexpected to someone who didn't know him like Buffy did.

He gave an unsure lopsided smile, one that made her brush back the few strands of hair that fell over her eyes. Was he always that good-looking?

He nodded toward the apartment, waiting for his invite. She didn't hesitate when she whispered, "Come in."

He walked inside, hands in his pockets, and gazed around at the apartment with interest. She closed the door and leaned her back against it, watching his careful movements. She wished she could see his eyes, see what they were looking at, and know if they held any hint of criticism.

He turned around to look at her with an amused grin. "Can't believe I still recognize Xander's scent."

She crinkled her nose. "You vampires and your sniffing habits."

"Dawn's, too," he added with a fond smile, looking at a small picture of Buffy and Dawn on the console cabinet.

"Yeah, she's here for Halloween. She'll be back at Berkeley tomorrow."

He looked back at her with a frown. "Wouldn't you rather be with her tonight?"

She shrugged. "Without Dawn, how could I get you to see Andrea?" When Buffy had pitched her idea to Dawn that Spike could come over when Xander was at work, Dawn thought it could work, but then the babysitter would be around. They couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't tell Xander. Dawn thought that she could get Xander out tonight so that Spike could come over, and Buffy didn't have any objections.

"Where is she?" Spike asked offhandedly, but there was excitement in his expressive eyes.

"In the crib." She pushed herself away from the door and walked toward the living room area where Andrea's crib was. Spike followed her and stood on the opposite side of Buffy as he peered into the crib. She watched the play of emotions on his face and the affectionate smile that crept onto his lips.

"She's beautiful," he whispered.

"Like a mini version of Xander," Buffy said with a little laugh, hating how her voice had a touch of bitterness.

Spike made a gesture to reach out a hand but stopped and looked at Buffy with uncertainty. She smiled reassuringly, giving him the permission he sought. He extended his hand inside the crib and softly touched Andrea's hair. Andrea looked at him with curiosity but didn't fret, and Buffy didn't expect her to. She knew how much of an attention hog her baby girl was.

"She has your eyes," Spike said, his gaze not leaving Andrea.

She looked into the emerald green eyes that stared at Spike. It was why Buffy loved Andrea more when she woke up. The color of her eyes was the only thing that resembled Buffy.

"What does it feel like being a mum?" Spike asked.

"Scary," she replied. "For some reason, it feels scarier than… than facing a hell god that wanted to kill my kid sister."

Andrea looked at nothing but Spike, slightly opening her lips, inviting Spike's finger into her mouth when he placed it above them. It made Spike's smile grow with fondness.

"Sometimes I think she's gonna be a daddy's girl with the way Xander's spending time with her." Buffy swallowed a lump in her throat as she watched the tender scene in front of her. "He takes care of her more than I do."

"Mother's love is genuine," Spike said, not looking at her. "Nothing greater than that."

She looked down at Andrea again, who was still gazing at Spike, still engrossed in sucking his finger. When Spike pulled his finger gently out of her mouth, Andrea blinked before her face congested and she burst into a loud wail. With a tired sigh, Buffy reached in to pick up the crying baby.

"Hold her close," Spike said. "Let her hear your heartbeat."

She was about to snipe that she knew what she was doing, but kept her displeasure inside. The fact that she was upset made her daughter a bit crankier, especially with Buffy's inept rocking. When they first started to learn how to soothe Andrea's overtired crying, Buffy had gotten the hang of it faster than Xander had, but now she was only making her cries louder. She peered down at the crib and searched for the stupid pacifier. Xander had instructed not to rely on it in every emergency – he didn't want her to turn into a Maggie Simpson – but Buffy saw it as her last resort.

"Can I?" Spike asked, extending his arms with a somewhat unsure expression on his face.

She stared at him for a few seconds and thought about refusing, but Andrea's shrieks piercing holes into her brain didn't help that process at all. With hesitation, she handed her crying daughter to Spike and watched him put her in a love lock as he held her tightly. Buffy quickly reached for the pacifier and put it in Andrea's mouth, then stood there looking like the dumb mother she was and gazed at Spike, rocking her baby gently.

It was as if she was watching Xander taking care of her, except Xander usually hummed a song to her. Spike, on the other hand, looked so calm and sure that Buffy wondered if he ever had taken care of a baby before. But then, Spike had always been chock full of surprises. What was even more surprising was that Andrea was calming down. She made a few little moans and then blinked sleepily, apparently enjoying the gentle rocking.

Humiliation rose inside Buffy when Spike had finally gotten Andrea to sleep before tenderly placing her inside the crib. Buffy's right hand held her left in an uncomfortable gesture and then let go. Her body swayed slightly as a feeling of unease spread all over her. She didn't know what to do or say to stop the anger inside her.

"Usually I get her to stop crying easily," she said defensively when Spike looked at her.

"No need to be snippy," he muttered. "It happens to lots of mums. Sometimes they need a break."

Buffy sucked in her lips to stop herself from letting out a sour laugh. She could count on one hand the times she had soothed her daughter to sleep since they brought her home from the hospital. Xander was the one who did all the work and all she did was stare at her, waiting for her to wake up. Her dreams didn't include Andrea, not even once. Her thoughts didn't include her much either.

Right now, she tried to picture Andrea on her graduation day, how proud she was going to be of her daughter. She imagined tears in her eyes and an overjoyed smile on her face… then she shuddered. The pride and affection she pictured herself feeling seemed silly, but it shouldn't. It was her daughter. She should naturally feel those things.

"So, is she a Harris or a Summers?" Spike's question brought her back to reality. She blinked at him a little. He was checking the living room and then looked back at her again.

"Both," she answered after a few seconds of thinking about the question she barely heard. "She's Andrea Summers Harris."

"No middle name?"

"Emily, but that'll make her name too long."

He pursed his lips, giving a small nod. His hands went to his pockets, and his eyes looked everywhere but at her. She knew he was on the edge, wanting to leave. She wanted him to leave, too. The room they were in seemed suffocating. Neither of them was sure what to say to break the silence, much less to find a way to end the conversation.

"Spike?"

He looked at her.

"Anything new on the situation with Reem?" His brows furrowed at her question. Good. Talking business would clear the uncomfortable atmosphere. "I can get some of the Slayers to break into her apartment."

"Got it covered," he said rapidly.

She approached him and looked straight at him. "If you have a plan, I'm there." He opened his mouth to object, but she surprised herself when she placed a finger on his lips to imprison his words. "She's my responsibility."

She looked into his eyes when she lowered her finger, feeling it throb in the places where it touched his lips, nose, and chin. They were too close, yet not touching. An invisible wall stood between them, too strong to break, too high to climb. She knew her breath was hitting his chin and could feel his fingers flutter in an itch to touch her without looking at them. Feel his chest getting closer without moving. But she didn't see any of that because she was busy staring at his eyes, those eyes that told her everything.

She knew he could hear the quickening beats of her heart, that he smelled the sweat on her palms, saw the passion in her eyes. No, you don't, but thanks for saying it. The air around them thickened, and her breath came faster. She would break the wall; she would make him believe.

Andrea cried all of a sudden, and they backed away from each other reflexively.

"Bugger," Spike cursed.

She gave him a look before indicating the baby with her eyes.

He rolled his eyes and adjusted his coat. "Think I better go."

She nodded and turned to pick up her wailing daughter. She rocked her soothingly but her attention wasn't on Andrea. She heard the apartment door open with a jerk and then close gently.





~*~*~*~



"Looks like Xander fell asleep the minute his head hit the pillow," Buffy said after she had peered inside Xander's bedroom. He hadn't even bothered to change his clothes, but he did take off his shoes. She walked to the living room where Dawn was massaging a fussy, naked Andrea. Buffy sat on the couch next to Dawn with a bottle of soda in her hand. "What'd you do to wire him up?" she asked, bringing the bottle to her lips.

"I pretended to need his help finding a present for Kenny." Dawn rubbed Andrea's skin gently, and Buffy noticed that she wasn't using oil. She also noticed that Andrea started to calm down. Her arms and legs stopped flailing and now she was locking eyes with Dawn, happy.

"Where did you look?"

"Video stores, bookstores, sports stores." After a little pause, she added mischievously, "Sex stores."

A silly smile reached Buffy's lips when she imagined Dawn showing a flustered Xander different kinds of condoms and asking him for an opinion. Yep, sex stores contained nothing but condoms and Buffy was sticking with that. She was not going to have another picture of Dawn and her cheeky blond boyfriend.

Her gaze switched to the soccer ball inside the red net that rested next to the kitchen. "So, Kenny likes soccer?" She swallowed more soda and started looking for the remote.

"Oh, no, I just needed to buy something so Xander wouldn't be suspicious. We decided that if we're going to give each other presents, it'll be cash." Dawn grabbed the diaper bag and began to put one on Andrea. "That way, we can buy whatever we actually want."

Buffy looked at Dawn with some jealousy seeping through her. It had been a long time since she'd had a stable relationship with a guy. She'd had daydreams about becoming a normal couple with Spike when they were still back in Sunnydale, but she had always ended up shuddering or laughing. Nothing about the two of them was normal. A stable relationship between them was entirely out of the question.

"He loves you," Dawn said out of nowhere.

Spike? She wanted to say 'duh,' except lately, she wasn't sure anymore. Plus, she knew Spike wasn't the one Dawn was referring to. She took another sip from her soda and held the remote in her hand. "Who?"

Dawn started to wrap Andrea in her Eeyore blanket. "Xander."

"I love him, too. In a 'friends' kind of way," Buffy replied, knowing where Dawn was going with this. She lowered the volume on the TV so Andrea wouldn't get cranky again.

"That's the thing." Dawn held the now swaddled Andrea gently in her arms and looked directly at Buffy. "He sees you as more than just a friend."

"Maybe. I don't know." Buffy remembered when Xander had come on to her last Easter, but nothing had happened after that, unless she had missed the signals. She swallowed her soda in one long gulp.

"He's a good guy, Buffy."

She put down the empty bottle and looked at Dawn, who avoided meeting Buffy's gaze by rubbing her nose tenderly against Andrea's forehead. "I know," she whispered. "I just don't feel that way about him." She wasn't sure why Dawn wanted her to be with Xander so badly. It wasn't like she was living with them. Even when she used to live with them, she never hinted that she wanted them to be a couple. Especially this badly.

Buffy narrowed her eyes at Dawn's gentle playing with Andrea. She had only started pushing the issue since Buffy had gotten pregnant.

"But you really love him," Dawn pushed. Andrea gave a soft gasp when Dawn held her a little too tightly.

"I do. I really do." Xander was her closest friend. He was the father of her child. He was her roommate. He was everything in her life at the moment. "But I'm not in love with him."

Dawn pressed her lips together and looked down at a yawning Andrea. She stood up carefully and walked toward Xander's room. "Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows," she whispered softly, as so not to disturb Andrea. She stopped before she opened the door and looked at Buffy over her shoulder. Her lips twisted up to form a knowing smile. "One day at a time."

Buffy grimaced. Dawn was breaking the deal again. She wanted to tell Dawn to butt out of her life, if she didn't want Buffy in her own business, but Dawn was already inside Xander's room.







~*~*~*~