CHAPTER EIGHT


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She had never thought it would feel like this. She had always wanted to be free from the burden of being the Slayer. She had dreamed about it and wished for it almost since the very instant she had learned of her power. She had fantasised about being free all through her tumultuous relationship with Angel, all through her attempt to be normal with Riley. She would have given anything back then.

And now she was free. But instead of the relief and happiness she had expected, she felt empty, lost. Being the Slayer was such a big part of who she was. More than a job, a vocation – her whole life. Class Protector and all that. Now that was gone and she was left hurting in a way she never would have imagined possible.

Being the Slayer was everything. Protecting people was what she did. And now she was just as helpless as any of the hundreds – maybe thousands – of people she had saved: the throbbing in her head and the blood staining her fingertips left little doubt of this. Everything she had known had been turned upside down and although she tried to stop the tears provoked by the sudden ache inside her, she could not.



Embarrassment came later, when she had calmed down enough to realise that she was desperately clinging to her one-time enemy. What were they now? No longer Slayer and vampire. Was she just food to him now? The thought made her frown and finally brought her dwindling tears to a halt.

Spike froze as she lifted her head and the strong arms that had been enveloping her were withdrawn quickly – maybe even fearfully. Not that she could pose any threat anymore. She wiped her hands across her eyes nervously and forced a smile, unable to meet his gaze.

“I’m sorry about that.”

He was silent for a moment and she thought she saw him reach out for her, but he sat up a bit straighter suddenly, hands twisted together nervously.

“No need to apologise.”

After another moment of awkward silence she gave a weak smile and forced her eyes to his.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He swallowed hard and she looked away, the tenderness in his eyes making her uncomfortable.

“I guess I should get home…”

She was already rising to her feet when he jumped swiftly to his. She looked to him in surprise.

“I’ll walk with you.”

“Spike, I…”

She trailed off, not sure she even had a defence anymore. She was easy prey – even easier because her head was still a little woozy. Remembering that, she untied her hair and let it fall around her shoulders, trying to cover up the blood stains.

“Do I look okay?”

She looked up and Spike darted his gaze to her head.

“I mean, I don’t look too messed up or anything, do I? I’m not going to make anyone worried?”

He was about to answer but paused, his expression twisting into a frown.

“You’re not going to tell them?”

“Of course not!” she answered in surprise.

“Buffy-“

“They don’t need to know.”

“I think they might notice something’s up when you stop patrolling.”

“Who said anything about stopping patrols?”

He was silent for a moment, his eyes searching hers.

“Are you out of your mind, Sla- Buffy?”

She could tell he was struggling for control as he asked her this tersely and she did not miss his quick correction.

“The Hellmouth still needs protecting.”

“Not by you.”

“You can’t stop me.”

Spike took a step towards her at that, glowering down at her, teeth bared ever so slightly in warning.

“You sure about that?”



He loomed over her for a moment longer and then turned away with an exasperated sigh. She let out a shaky breath and tried not to let it get to her that she really was vulnerable now. If it weren’t for the chip, Spike could kill her in an instant and she wouldn’t be able to do anything to stop him. The thought made her shiver and she wrapped her arms around herself. Spike was mumbling to himself, obviously agitated, and she felt the urge to reassure him.

“I’ll be okay.”

He turned to face her, his gaze boring into her.

“I can still fight. It’ll be like… like I’m just really good at martial arts. Like a bad-ass action hero or something,” she reasoned with a shaky smile.

She could tell by the way he pursed his lips that Spike was not happy with her suggestion, but he remained silent.

“Will you, erm, walk me home though?” she asked hesitantly, “My head’s still a little…”

The hard lines of his face instantly softened into tenderness and she looked away, blushing faintly. He slipped on his coat and gestured to the ladder silently. She climbed up it quickly and they stepped out into the darkness together.



It was a silent walk back across town, and as they walked, her mind was racing. How did this happen? Did she come back wrong? Was this a gift – reparation for losing heaven? She had no answers. They reached her house and lingered on the path. She was about to say her goodbyes when Spike spoke up, halting her.

“I – I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Her eyes were drawn to his by the sincerity in his low voice and she found she could not look away.

“I promise you,” he continued, his eyes shining in the darkness as they held hers, “I – I missed my chance… before. But nothing is going to stop me from keeping you safe now.”

His intensity was soon replaced by nervousness and he shoved his hands in his pockets, retrieving a packet of cigarettes and his lighter.

“Just thought you should know,” he added in an attempt at nonchalance.

“I can deal with that.”

He gave her a look of surprise but then nodded, taking a drag on his cigarette.

“Good.”

She lingered a moment longer, but then turned towards the house.

“I… I guess I’ll see you soon.”

Spike said nothing and she took a fortifying deep breath.

“Goodnight. And… thank you for…”

“Night, love.”

She gave him one last small smile and slipped into the dark house, shutting the door silently behind her.



She crept up to her room and quickly changed into her pyjamas. She went to get into bed – exhausted and emotionally spent – but a sudden thought stopped her and she went to the window. Sure enough, despite her earlier warning, Spike was standing next to the tree, smoking as he watched her window. She knew he had seen her when he straightened up suddenly and she smiled softly before moving away from the window. She had called his actions ‘creepy’ only a few hours before, but now, as she curled up protectively under her covers, she felt safer in the knowledge that her house was being watched over.