CHAPTER TEN


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She woke and instantly let out a moan as her head started to thump. What on earth did she get up to last night? This felt worse than being knocked unconscious. She tried to sit and raised her hand to her spinning head, moaning lowly. It was then that she realised she was not in her own room. Definitely not in her own bed. It took a moment to recognise the room and almost as soon as she did, its owner appeared.

“Spike.”

His eyes ran over her and he smiled ever so softly.

“How you feeling?”

“My head hurts.”

“Not surprised.”

“I didn’t get knocked out again, did I?”

“No, love,” he said with a smile, “Just drank a bit too much wine.”

“Told you I wasn’t a drinker.”

“I can tell,” he laughed, “You only had about three glasses. Then you were sick. Then you fell asleep.”

She moaned and covered her face in embarrassment.

“Brought you down here to sleep. Seemed a bit much to try to get you home. Hope that’s alright.”

She looked up and he looked genuinely worried about her reaction.

“Good thinking. Thank you.”

He relaxed and nodded. She shifted forward and slowly moved her legs over the edge of the bed. It felt far too weird to be in Spike’s bed.



She got to her feet and wavered almost immediately. Spike caught her and guided her back to the bed.

“Maybe you should sit still for a bit.”

“My head is spinning,” she moaned.

“It’ll take a few hours to stop.”

“Uhh. If only I still had Slayer healing.”

They both fell silent and Spike straightened up, releasing her. She let out a nervous laugh and dropped her eyes to the floor.

“Guess I’ll have to get used to that,” she murmured.

The silence stretched out between them and she could feel Spike’s eyes on her. She lifted her head hesitantly and met his eyes.

“What?” she asked quietly, unnerved by the intensity of his gaze.

I died… so many years ago…

She froze. Spike was singing… to her. It was beyond weird.

But you can make me feel, like it isn’t so…

Why did it seem like the most normal thing in the world for him to suddenly be singing? And where did that background music come from? Her eyes were drawn to Spike as he took a step closer to her, his eyes boring into her.

And why you come to be with me, I think I finally know…

“Spike.”

Calling his name had no effect and she watched him, dread filling her senses.

You’re scared, ashamed of what you feel,
And you can’t tell the ones you love, you know they couldn’t deal

“Spike,” she called again, his words hitting home and making her uncomfortable.

Whisper in a dead man’s ear, it doesn’t make it real…



It was too much. She couldn’t take it anymore and despite her spinning head, she jumped to her feet and ran from Spike’s crypt as fast as she could, leaving the music and his words behind her. But little did she know, even as she fled from him, that Spike was not the only one affected by this singing madness, and it would soon bring her world crashing down around her.



Before the singing finally came to a stop, it delivered one last blow. She had gone to face down the demon who had started this chaos and after a fight with his minions that left her bruised and exhausted, his magic had brought her secret – one of her secrets - to the fore.

There was no pain, no fear, no doubt
‘Til they pulled me out
Of heaven.

She had fled straight afterwards, unable to face her friends, to see the horror in their faces. She hadn’t stopped running until she reached Spike’s crypt – her safe harbour once again. She had burst through the door and startled the vampire.

“Buffy?”

“Sorry, I just… I…”

She couldn’t go on, breathing erratically as she fought her emotions. Before she really knew what was happening, Spike was guiding her into the chair he had vacated, crouching in front of her as he watched her carefully.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his hand hovering over a bruise on her arm left by one of the minions.

“I’m okay,” she breathed.

He frowned and she hurried to continue.

“I mean, I’m not okay. Really not okay. But I’m not hurt.”

He relaxed a tiny bit, but did not shift from his position in front of her.

“What happened?”

“They know.”

He said nothing and she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

“God, the look on their faces…”

“More singing?” he asked quietly, searching her gaze.

She met his gaze for a long moment, remembering the words he had sung to her, and then spoke up.

“I told them about heaven. I didn’t mean to. It just kinda happened.”

She could still see every face in front of her, white with shock and horror. She could see Willow’s tears.

“How did they take it?”

She couldn’t hide the anguish in her expression when she raised her eyes to his and he reached out for her hesitantly.

“I know you probably thought they should know anyway.”

“Only so they would know how much they’ve hurt you,” he answered softly, his fingertips just lingering on her knee.



She brushed her hand over her eyes and struggled to calm herself down.

“I’m sorry. I really need to stop doing this to you. You must be tired of me coming round, crying all over the place…”

Why you come to be with me, I think I finally know

The words he had sung came to her in a flash and she dropped her gaze from his with a frown. Did he really think she was just using him as a listening post because she couldn’t bear to tell her friends her secrets? Not that she could completely explain what drew her here.

“Buffy, you coming here…”

She raised her head as he started to speak, softly, hesitantly. He paused, seemingly not knowing what to say.

“I don’t mind,” he finally said, brushing his fingertips over her own.

She wrapped her fingers around his and smiled ever so softly.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome,” he said, his voice thick with emotion, “Now, what happened? Where’d you get those bruises?”

She explained to Spike everything that had happened since she had left his crypt that morning: the singing, the demon and his plans to make her sister his bride, her unwilling confession.

“Long day for you then,” he joked.

She smiled and nodded slowly. A moment passed in silence and she dropped her eyes to her hands before speaking up.

“Spike, can I… is it okay if I stay here again?”

She risked a glance at the silent vampire and dropped her eyes again when she saw his shocked expression.

“I can’t bear to go home.”

“Of c-course you can, love,” Spike finally got out, “Anytime.”

She dared to raise her eyes to his and smiled softly, letting herself bask – for once – in the love shining from his eyes.

“Thank you.”