CHAPTER FOURTEEN


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Morning came and as she woke, she moaned at the dull pain in her shoulder. She reached up and touched it, prodding experimentally. It was still sore and she was sure she would have some bruising. A quick look in the mirror quickly confirmed this and she moaned again, touching her fingers to the large purple bruise marring her skin. Another wound to hide from her friends. She frowned and grabbed a towel from her closet before heading for the bathroom. She went to open the door and just as she did, it flew open and Dawn almost collided with her.

“Oops. Hey Buffy!”

“Morning.”

“Morning! How - oh my God!”

“What?” she got out, worried by Dawn’s sudden exclamation and shocked expression.

“You’re hurt.”

She hadn’t even realised her shoulder was on show and Dawn was staring at the large bruise.

“It’s nothing.”

“That’s the biggest bruise I’ve ever seen.”

“It’ll be fine in a few days.”

“A few days?” Dawn asked with a frown.

“I mean, you know, probably tomorrow.”

“That must have been some big ass demon,” Dawn commented, eyes searching hers.

“Yeah,” she answered with an attempt at a laugh, “Should’ve seen the other guy, huh.”

Dawn gave her a half-smile, suspicion lingering in her expression, and stepped out of the way to let her into the bathroom. She shut the door behind her and sank against it with a sigh. She wasn’t sure how much longer she would be able to lie to the people she cared about. She frowned at the thought and stripped off her clothes before climbing under the hot spray of the shower.



She spent the morning looking through job adverts and then, bored, headed to the shop in the afternoon. The whole gang was at the shop already and it was only when she was greeted by a nervous silence that she remembered they were still tiptoeing around her after her musical revelation. There had been little discussion about her big secret since then and her friends seemed more than happy to pretend it had never happened. Which worked just fine for her – even if she was a little miffed that they didn’t show more remorse.

After several bright smiles on her part, her friends finally started to relax but she could sense their nervousness in everything they did and said. So much for things being better when secrets were out in the open. She just wished Spike were around to see how much of a bad idea it was to tell secrets. And she still had one more hidden from them.



As if her thoughts had conjured him, a moment later she heard a bang in the back room and Spike emerged. Now he was there, she had to admit that she wasn’t really annoyed with him for urging her to tell her secrets. It just seemed easier to be annoyed with him than face the rational argument: her friends needed to know she wasn’t the Slayer anymore. For everyone’s safety. She shook her head and looked up as Spike settled on the stairs not far from where she sat. She gave him a tiny smile as she saw him studying her worriedly and looked away quickly.

“Hey, Buffy, you should look at this, it’s really interesting.”

She turned her attention to Willow, who was holding out a large, leather-bound book.

“There’s a whole entry on Slayers.”

“New book?” she asked with a smile at her friend’s enthusiasm.

Willow smiled and handed the large volume to her. She let out a groan of pain and quickly shifted the book to her other hand. She didn’t miss the looks of concern darted her way, especially from Dawn, and smiled shakily.

“Damn those demons really pack a punch nowadays,” she joked, quickly laying the book down on the table.

The group laughed but she saw Dawn glance at Spike before narrowing her eyes at her.



“She knows. Dawn knows.”

“She’s worried about you, is all,” Spike commented.

It was late evening now and they were wandering through their third cemetery.

“She saw the giant bruise I got.”

“Doesn’t mean anything. You’ve been hurt before.”

“You didn’t see the way she looked at me.”

Spike turned to her, his hands shoved in his pockets as if he were trying to avoid touching her.

“Buffy, would it really be so bad if the L’il Bit figured it out?”

“Yes! Yes it would!” she exclaimed, wide-eyed, “You don’t get it, do you? I’m supposed to be able to protect her.”

“That’s what I’m here for,” he replied, adding quietly a moment later, “That’s what I promised.”

She met his gaze and felt her fingers twitching with the urge to reach out for him. She folded her fingers into a fist and moved on once more.

“I can’t ever let her get hurt,” she murmured, almost to herself.

“And you won’t.”

She glanced at Spike, calmed – at least temporarily - by his reassurance, and they carried on in silence for several minutes.



“You know, we still need to talk about your chip being broken.”

Spike came to a sudden halt and turned to her, a myriad of expressions crossing his face.

“Buffy, I… you know I would never hurt you.”

“What about the others?”

“What others?” he asked in confusion.

“Everyone else who’s not me.”

She saw anger flash across his expression just before he turned from her and she winced. He took a long breath before turning back to her, his hands clenched at his sides.

“You have to believe me, Buffy. I’m not – I’m different now.”

“You’re still a vampire, Spike,” she whispered, hating herself for the words only a moment later when she saw the hurt look he tried to hide.

“What, so I have no self-control?!”

“I didn’t mean that.”

“What did you mean?” he asked angrily, grabbing her arm, towering over her, “If I’m so dangerous, shouldn’t you be worried that I could kill you in a matter of seconds?”

He bared his fangs but she squared her jaw, holding his gaze.

“It would be so easy,” he growled lowly, his free hand circling her other arm.

Her heart skipped a beat but she knew she had nothing to fear. Not when the hand holding her bad arm was holding her so gently, apparently subconsciously.



Suddenly he released her and moved away, his back turned to her.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

She frowned, not sure what he was talking about.

“Huh?”

He turned back to her, his expression pained.

“Can’t do what?” she asked, fear creeping through her.

“I can’t keep having this argument with you.”

“Huh?” she repeated inelegantly.

“I can’t keep trying to convince you I’m not the bad guy.”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“And I can’t go on watching you get hurt because you won’t face the truth.”

She was angry at his words, but it was nothing compared to the pain in her chest stunning her into silence.

“You- Wha-“

“I need some space. I need to… I can’t be around you right now.”

He finally met her gaze, his eyes bright with emotion.

“I’m sorry, Buffy.”

She couldn’t think of a thing to say.

“Be careful,” he murmured, reaching out for her – but pulling himself back at the last minute. He held her gaze for a long moment and then turned and walked away.