Chapter 17

“She’s not getting any better, Rupes. I hear her mumbling in her sleep about everything not being real. I just don’t know if she means me or them, but I’m really starting to worry. Have we found a cure yet?”

Giles shook his head. “I’m afraid not. I did an analysis of the toxin, it’s a drug that not only causes hallucinations, but it makes your biggest fears come true. To Buffy, that would be her back in the institution. The only way for her to beat this is to face her fears. She needs to realize for herself what’s real and what’s not, or she may be stuck in her nightmare forever.”

Spike knew his girl was strong, but he prayed to anyone that would listen for her to get through this.


* * * * *


“We can’t wait for you to come home, Buffy. Your room is just how you left it. We can be a family again; you just have to let us help you.”

Buffy glanced away from her, letting out a breath. “You can’t help me. I need William.”

“Sweetheart, please, you have to stop with this. There is no William, and there is no Sunnydale. It’s all in your mind, honey. I know you feel loved in this world that you created for yourself, but no one loves you as much as your father and I do. You have to do as the doctors say if you ever want to get better. We miss you so much,” Joyce pleaded.

Buffy felt tears in her eyes, gazing back at her distressed mother. “What do I have to do?”


* * * * *


“I’m glad you have finally decided to cooperate, Buffy. You need to leave that world behind you, but there is only one way to do that. In order for these delusions to end, you must take your own life in the fantasy world. Once you die there, you will come back to yourself and never return to that place again. It is the only way.”

She shook her head. “No, I’ll never see William again. He’s all I have.”

“You won’t need him anymore, Buffy. You’ll have your home, and your parents back. Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? William is just a figment of your imagination,” the doctor explained. “When you do this, you’ll finally be free.”


* * * * *


“Hey, you’re awake,” Spike said with a smile, sitting on the edge of his bed. “How are you feeling? I called your mum, she’s worried, but I assured her that I was taking care of you. I don’t know if that made her more worried or not.”

“Mom,” Buffy whispered, giving him a small smile. “I feel fine now. I think it’s nearly out of my system.”

Spike sighed in relief. “That’s great to hear, love. I should fix you something to eat, you’re probably starving.”

“Actually, I’m still kind of tired. I think I’m gonna rest a bit more.”

He nodded. “All right, I’ll bring you something in a little while.” Spike touched his lips to her forehead, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

When he was gone, Buffy got out of bed. He would be the one thing she’d miss about this world, but she wanted to go home. It was time.


* * * * *


“How is she doing?”

“Better, but something doesn’t feel right. She seemed a bit off, and it’s only been twelve hours. I doubt she would be doing this well so soon. I was hardly able to wake her at all the last time I was in there,” Spike responded.

Giles gave it some thought. “She is the Slayer; perhaps it doesn’t affect her as much.”

He shook his head. “Drusilla wouldn’t use something on her that wasn’t strong enough. Something is definitely not right.” With that thought in mind, he hurried back to his room, only to find Buffy gone, and the window open. “Fuck,” he cursed, picking up the note he found on his pillow. Spike cursed to himself again, making his way back out to Giles, and handing him the note. “She took off; it says that she’s going home. Bloody hell, she’s chosen to stay there. I have to get her back before she loses herself completely.”

“How will you be able to find her?”

Spike gave him a look. “I’ll always be able to find her.”


* * * * *


Buffy got to the top of the cliff, looking down on the town that she created, knowing it would soon all be over. She closed her eyes, the wind whipping her in the face, but she hardly even felt it. She took a step forward, but instead of feeling herself start to fall, a body crashed into her, pulling her away from the edge.

“Are you bloody crazy?!”

She struggled in his embrace. “Let me go, I have to do this. I have to be free.”

He grasped her by the shoulders, forcing her to look at him. “You won’t be free, you’ll be dead.”

Buffy shook her head. “The doctor said I had to kill myself. It’s the only way for me to get better. My parents need me; I’ve caused them so much pain. I have to make things right.”

“What about me, Buffy? I need you here. This is where you belong. Your mum is at home worried sick about you. What? You’re going to leave her for a family that doesn’t even exist anymore? Your dad screwed up, I know it’s horrible, but everything is not perfect in that other world, I don’t care what they say.” He could tell that he was starting to get through to her at the sight of her tears, cupping her face in his hands. “You can feel me, Buffy. I’m as real as they come. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Not without you. This is not who you are, baby. You’re a fighter, no matter how tough things get, you never give up. I need you to come back to me.”

She shoved him away, taking a step back. “How can any of this be real? Vampires? Demons? A hellmouth? That’s insane, my parents were right all along. It can’t be real. Those things aren’t supposed to exist. You’re not supposed to exist.”

Spike stood up, feeling tears of his own at the expression of anguish on her face. “You’re breaking my heart, Buffy, whether it beats or not. Don’t you see? This is exactly what Drusilla wanted. She knew killing you herself would have been too easy. She wanted us both to suffer. You with your delusions, and me with having to watch you go through this. Well, I’m not about to let her win. You want out of this world? Fine, I’m going with you.”

Buffy wasn’t expecting that. “What?”

“It’s almost sunrise. I’ll take the ring off, and we can both burn together. I’m not about to be in a world without you in it.”

“No, it’s just supposed to be me. You can’t do that. Why would you do that?” she said hysterically, tears streaming down her face.

Spike moved closer to her, caressing her cheek softly. “Haven’t you figured that out yet? I’m so in love with you that I can’t even think straight anymore. You’re on my mind every bloody second of the day. I’ve lived a very dreary existence, sweetheart, but that all changed when you came into my life. For the first time in over a century, I actually feel alive, and that’s all because of you. You’re my entire world, and there is nothing more real to me than that.”

She was sobbing uncontrollably now, collapsing to the ground and taking him with her. Buffy clutched him to her; crying against his chest and feeling his strong arms surround her.

“You’re safe now, baby. I won’t let anything hurt you again. I love you.”

When her sobs died down a bit, she held him tighter as the sun started to shine down on them. “I love you, too. I’m so sorry about everything. You’re the only thing that’s ever made sense to me, and I should have remembered that. It all started to click when you were willing to die with me. I don’t think anyone in that other world would have made such a sacrifice. You’re the only one who’s ever loved me that much.”

He pulled away to look at her, wiping her tears with his thumb. “And I always will.”

She smiled, capturing his lips with hers in a tender kiss, and touching her forehead against his. “Take me home.”