Did I keep you on your toes long enough? Thanks for all the lovely reviews, I do feel better now that I know I’m not writing for nothing. Well okay, technically, I am writing for squat, but still…

Now where were we? Ah, yes, the out-of-body experience… (allright, that’s a quote from John Woo’s “Face Off”, and it did sound way creepier when John Travolta said it…). So some people are not happy, and rightfully so… I mean, how mad would you feel if you woke up in Spike’s bod – on second thoughts, don’t answer that…

Expect lots of swearing… I own nothing…

Chapter Ten – I’m Sorry I’m Bad

“This time I think I’m to blame
[…] You get older and blame turns to shame
Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry it makes me wanna die
I’m sorry I’m bad, I’m sorry you’re blue
I’m sorry ‘bout all the things I said to you
And I know I can’t take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds
And baby the way you make my world go round
[…]Every single day I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the teas you cried
It’s never too late to make it right.”
Buckcherry, “I’m Sorry”


“Erm, Gayle? What’s with the accent?” Buffy asked, confused.

The newer Slayer’s face narrowed her eyes, obviously not understanding the question. “After all these years, Summers, now you make fun of my speech? That’s rich…”

“All these…” Buffy stopped dead. It all came back to her in a flash: the fight between Gayle and Spike, the crushing noise, the flashing light…

“S-Spike?”

“Well yeah, who d’you think… why do I sound funny?”

Buffy and Willow looked at each other, trying to decide silently who was going to tell him exactly why his voice had suddenly gone from tenor to falsetto, when suddenly he noticed his hand. Long and thin fingers, small delicate knuckles, soft pink skin… and a French manicure. Oh please no…

He jumped to his feet, or rather, Gayle’s. He looked at Buffy, then Dawn, then the witches… then at his unconscious body resting across the room in the large armchair. He looked back at Buffy:

“ That’s me! That’s me over there! Why am I over there? I should be right here, not in there, looking at… hey, my roots need re-doing…”

Buffy put her hands on his shoulders. “I’m so sorry Spike! This is all my fault…”

“It is?”

“Yeah, well, not intentionally, but…”

“Buffy, what did you do?”

Not knowing where to begin, Buffy looked to Willow for help. The red-haired witch nodded and started to enunciate the events of the evening.

When she was done, Spike’s mouth was agape and looked nowhere near closing…

“You were in Chirpy’s body? All night?” he asked Buffy.

“Yes…”

“So… you heard…”

A nod.

His face turned angry. “Got your rocks off, did you?”

“What?!?”

“This is your new game, is it? New version of ‘kick the Spike’? Found a new way of toying with me? Tell me, Slayer, how amusing did you find my little exposé back there?”

“Spike…”

“No, really, I wanna know! On a scale of one to ten? Wanted to find out just how pathetic I could get? Bloody hell…”

“No, Spike please! I did not want to make fun of you!”

“Then what was all of this shit about?”

Buffy took a deep breath, but could not stop the words from coming out: “About me being a coward.”

Spike looked at her, and the utter look of despair on her face. He felt totally lost…

“God, I need a fag…”

He went quickly to the unconscious body on the couch and after a quick search through his duster, got his cigarettes and his Zippo out.

Willow got to her feet. “Hey! No polluting of Gayle’s lungs!”

“Like it’s gunna make a bloody difference!”

Buffy chimed in. “Spike, I realize this is a less-than-nice situation, but I won’t let you smoke while you’re in that body! I mean it! Think about Gayle!”

“I am! She’s a smoker!”

“What? No, she’s not!”

“Yes she is! … you’re telling me you’ve never seen her light up before?”

When he saw Buffy’s confused face, he went to Gayle’s Jacket and rummaged through the pockets. He extracted a pack of thin cigarettes with a swan-like design on the front, and a pink jeweled lighter.

Buffy’s mouth fell open. She had never seen Gayle with a cigarette before! She had naturally assumed that, working in healthcare, the girl was on the whole “my-body-is-a-temple” routine.

Spike looked around a saw a similar aspect on all the girls’ faces. They really had no idea…

“Guess she was just considerate enough never to do it inside the house. Makes a nice change. Girls… jus’ how much do you know about Chirpy?”

Several opened their mouth to speak, but right on cue, Gayle whimpered.

Dawn beamed. “She’s alright! ... well sort of. Gosh she’s going to freak!”

Everyone started to prepare themselves mentally for the disaster about to happen…

Gayle stirred, then a hand went up to rub the back of her/Spike’s head. She slowly opened her eyes, took in her surroundings… she was sitting on the couch in Buffy’s house… it was nighttime… the girls were there, looking at her: Tara, Dawn, Willow, Buffy, Gayle… Gayle?!?

Spike cocked his/her head to the side. “Hullo, pet… see anything you like?”

As Gayle took in the sight before her, her eyes went wider and wider… You could almost see the horror welling up inside of her…

Spike briefly turned to the Scoobies. “Brace yourselves, kids, this is gunna be a sharp one…”

Gayle indeed screamed at the top of her now-dead lungs. “OH MY GOOOOOOOD!!!”

Spike huffed. “Wasn’t that bad…”

“YOU!” Gayle roared, pointing at Buffy. “You’re responsible for this, I know you are!”

Buffy looked guilty. “Erm, technically, yeah I am, but I swear Gayle, that was so not part of the plan…”

“’The plan’? There was a ‘plan’? Planning on what, finishing what Drusilla started?”

“Okay this is just weird to hear that coming from Spike’s mouth, and extremely unsettling, but I’ll try to overlook that… Look, let’s all sit down, okay? I’ll make some cocoa…”

__…-==-…__

A few minutes later, everyone was sitting around the kitchen island with a cup of liquid chocolatey goodness. Having run out of ingredients for bringing Buffy back into her own skin, Willow had just finished making calls for reinforcements (Giles for wisdom, Anya for magickal supplies and Xander for comic relief). Gayle was clutching her head above her steaming mug and rocking back and forth.

“This is a nightmare… a horrible, horrible nightmare… anytime now, I-I’m going to wake up, and I-I will be in my bed in my favorite softie nightgown, the cream cotton and viscose one that’s ever so soft, and realize it’s all been a horrible, horrible nightmare… Now! ... Or now! Or…” she pinched herself on the back of the hand, “… now! AAAAARFGH! Oh, why oh why is this happening to me?!?”

“Think this a barrel of fun for me?” intervened Spike. “I’m worse off than you are!”

“How so?”

“I’m a bloody woman!”

That comment earned him some hard stares from every other ‘bloody woman’ present.

“Guess I’m missed yet another opportunity to shut up, right?”

The ladies nodded slowly.

“Well, can’t hit me, remember? Not my skin that’ll be bruised!”

Gayle growled. “I could live with a few bruises…”

“Oi! What did I do to you?”

“What did you do? If you hadn’t stopped me, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

“So what was I s’posed to do? Let you kill Buffy?”

“Pff, I wasn’t gonna kill her!”

“Coulda fooled me!”

“At worse I was gonna rough her up a little… It’s not like she didn’t deserve it!”

“Hey!” the aforementioned she protested.

Gayle, her eyes (or rather Spike’s) almost a blaze of pure rage, turned abruptly to face Buffy: “Don’t you FUCKING dare start with me! I’ll fucking finish what I started, I swear!”

Buffy was startled. Gayle seldom cursed. She looked at her friends: nobody seemed surprised. Guess I had this coming… “I am sorry, okay? How many times do you want me to apologize?”

“Apologize? You think you can just apologize and make everything go away? You stole my freaking body, Buffy, do you actually have any idea how wrong that is? And now, you’ve also dragged Spike into this! God, I could… I could… Aaargh! I’m so mad at you right now!”

“Well that makes a change” said Xander as he entered the kitchen with a large pizza box in his hands. “It’s slightly different from the whole ‘oh-Buffy-I-adore you’ stuff you’ve gotten us used to, Blood Breath.”

Tara whispered to Willow: “You didn’t tell him?”

“Honestly? I had no idea how to start… I just told all of them we had a situation. I mean, how do you explain something like this over the phone?”

“Explain what?” asked an intrigued Xander.

Once again, the tale was told. Xander stood there with eyes as big as saucers. His eyes traveled from Spike to Gayle, from Gayle to Spike… He was a nanosecond away from laughing when Gayle warned in a low menacing voice:

“You laugh, you die.”

Xander bit his tongue. “Sorry… it’s just… Spike’s in a girl’s body…” He almost laughed again.

“Yeah?” growled Gayle. “Can we think a little about the girl in question? Did you get the whole ‘body-swapping’ thing? Think I’m having fun?”

Xander dropped the smile. “I’m sorry, Mama Gayle. That was inconsiderate of me. Don’t worry, we’ll get you back in your own head in no time!” He then turned to Spike: “How’re you holding on, man?”

Spike stared at him, then looked around to see if Xander had been talking to someone else. Nope.

“Err… not too bad… thanks?”

“I got pizza, if anyone wants some” the young man said while putting the box down on the counter. Dawn grabbed a slice enthusiastically and then everybody tuck in. Except for Gayle.

Spike leaned closer to her. “You can eat normal food, you know.”

“I know.”

“You won’t need to drink blood. I filled up earlier in the evening. You’ll be okay at least until tomo –”

“I just don’t want the damn food, okay?”

Dawn tried to lighten the mood: “Hey! The pizza never did anything to you!”

“Well then, the pizza and I have a lot in common. Enjoy stuffing yourselves.” She got up and left the room, almost bumping into Anya who just came in with a large paper bag.

“Gayle? Why are you in Spike’s body?”

Everyone gasped. “How can you…?”

“Oh, please! I’ve seen enough swaps in my time. Now in understand the list of supplies.”

Willow and Tara came forward and took the bag off her hands. “Do you have everything?”

“No, I was out of Sedochian Pine root. But not to worry, I called a friend of mine, she had some spare, and she’s bringing it later. I gave her the address, but she’s out of town, so she will be at least a couple of hours.”

Tara raised an eyebrow: “A demon friend?”

“No, actually, Sally’s a Dryad, a forest nymph. She works as a landscaper for the city. I do have connections outside the demon world, you know. Receipt’s in the bag.”

Before either witch could look through their purse, Gayle had produced two $100 dollars bills and was handing them to Anya. “Keep the change.”

Anya beamed. This was the biggest tip she ever got. She snapped the bills and slipped them in her bra. When she got some curious looks, she said: “What? I’ve been told it’s a very good hiding place! Well it is when Xander is actually not ripping it off to –”

“Anh!” squeaked Xander. “TMI again!”

Anya just huffed and shrugged. However, her use of present tense had not escaped anyone’s attention… There were amused glances and smirks exchanged.

“So, Spike,” Anya continued, “what’s it like to be inside a woman’s body in a non-sexual way?”

Gayle actually screamed her embarrassment. Spike wasn’t far behind when the front door opened. Giles entered, his arms filled with ancient-looking books. Unaware as well of the situation, he was surprised to see the dark-haired Slayer run towards him.

“Oh Jesus Christ, Rupert! I never thought I’d say this, but am I bloody glad to see you!”

Giles looked at the brunette. He quickly caught on: “Spike?”

“Yes, it’s me! Well, not me, but it is me! In here!”

“Oh dear Lord, what happened this time?”

__…-==-…__

Giles finished polishing his glasses. “So, let me see if I got this right… So far we have an ancient marble slab needing deciphering, a sociopathic physically-enhanced priest, one fourth of the Scourge of Europe turned to ashes, a bunch of melting young men, and a full body swap between a Master vampire and a newly called Slayer. Have I gotten everything?”

The ‘party’ had moved to the living room. He was sitting on the couch with a cup of tea that Spike had made ‘because Americans can’t bloody make it right’. Everyone slowly nodded at his summary of the situation. Xander turned to Gayle: “Never a dull moment on the Hellmouth! Dontcha just love it?”

She just glared at him. “Right now? Not so much.”

Giles kept going. “Right. So while we wait for the remaining ingredient, maybe I could have a look at that disk?”

Buffy nodded and went to get it. The disk being too heavy for Giles to handle, they made some space on the coffee table. Once the disk was placed there, Giles took a long look at it. “That’s interesting… that part” he pointed at the ‘slice’ with occidental characters, “is indeed in Latin, but a different kind to the one I learned…”

Willow frowned. “What do you mean, ‘a different kind’? There’s more than one Latin?”

“Yes and no. I would compare it to the use of English today. It’s the same language in different places, but with slight differences of expressions, vocabulary and obviously accents. The Roman Empire once spread over half the known globe, there was bound to be different uses of their language after a generation or two. The type of Latin I learned is more… academic, it might take longer than I expected to translate. But if Drusilla managed, there is no reason why I shouldn’t.”

He missed the dirty look that Spike shot him at the mention of his Sire, which he deemed disrespectful. He got up suddenly and made for the stairs. Buffy raised an eyebrow. “Where’re you going?”

“Well I’d just love to hover about and chat, but unlike my handsome dead self, she” he pointed at Gayle “has a working bladder, so if you’ll excuse me!”

Buffy bit her lip and lowered her eyes, feeling silly. Spike continued, but stopped as he reached Gayle. He leaned in to her and whispered: “So, how the hell do I do this?”

Gayle sighed and whispered some hurried explanations in his ear. Spike nodded as he made his way up the stairs. Gayle called out as he got to the landing: “And no peeking!”

“Oh, please, I’m an adult… I’ll do much worse!” He curved his tongue behind his teeth in his own particular manner and disappeared behind the corner.

Gayle turned to face the group: “Okay, when he does that tongue thing? On my face? That just freaks me out!”

All she got in reply were a few chuckles. Giles kept looking over the disk.

“Liberi, children… Procella, storm I believe… Cruor, blood…”

Everyone started paying attention as a collective chill ran through all of them…

“Trucida, The Slayer, no doubt… some kind of light… an alliance… something about destruction… That’s it. So far it’s pretty safe to say this is not a retelling of Julius Caesar’s last tea party.”

“Could it be about yet another apocalypse?” asked Buffy wearily.

“Well, the combination of storm, blood and destruction would indicate something along those lines, yes.”

“Oh, big deal!” Xander deadpanned. “Just another one to add to the collection. This would be number, what? 501? 502? Maybe we should start selling limited edition mugs…”

Giles ignored him. “This is extremely intriguing… That other part is Ancient Greek, but just like the Latin part, it’s not academic… and the other languages… from the few words I recognize here and there, all the parts seem to be telling the same story… Here, that’s Coptic, the final stage of the Egyptian language. Here, Sumerian. But here, that’s almost worrying: those two parts are Tenocht’ian and Ruhal, both demonic languages. I will need a little longer to decipher them, but I will. But that last part…”

He pointed at the last remaining division. The characters looked like a mix between stick figures and binary language: made exclusively of long lines and small circles.

“… That language, I have never seen before. In all my years, and that’s saying something.” He started grinning and got up to pace the room. “But if all the other parts are identical in content, then I will be able to decipher a language until now unknown to man! This is uncanny! This is like an occult Rosetta Stone! I can’t believe my luck!”

Dawn looked up at him. “Calm down, Giles, it’s a stone slab, not cold fusion…”

“Oh, bloody Americans! You just wouldn’t recognize an historical breakthrough if came up to you and asked the way to the Strand, would you?”

“Strand of what?”

Giles threw his hands in the air and gave up. Buffy looked at Gayle. She hadn’t moved from the wall near the foyer. She hadn’t even looked at the slab once… she just stood there and looked at her shoes. Buffy got up and went to her while Giles kept ranting.

“You okay?”

Gayle gave her a hard look. “Sure. I’m just peachy, actually. Fine night for body-snatching. But you knew that.”

“Gayle, I know you’re angry…”

“Yes I am, but could we not talk? I’m really afraid I could literally bite your head off if we did.”

“What can I do to make you forgive me?”

Gayle was about to answer when Giles interrupted: “Buffy, you said that Drusilla found this in Iran, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what she told us. Near the Casper Sea.”

“Caspian. That’s really strange…”

“Okay, Giles? We live on a Hellmouth, we fight demons and vampires, we live with witches and my kid sister is in fact a mystical key whose blood opens dimensions. You’ll have to be a bit more precise with the ‘strange’ part.”

“Well it’s just that, although the Roman Empire was extremely widespread for the time, they never actually went as far as Iran… So how did an engraving in their language get there?”

Nobody had an answer for him, but to the youngsters present, that kind of unusual information was more like daily grind. Six years of Scoobie life apparently tends to make you blasé…

Buffy suddenly turned to Gayle: “Spike’s been a while hasn’t he?”

Gayle stiffened. “Oh my god! What’s he doing to my body?”

Both slayers dashed up the stairs and ran to the bathroom…

… to find its door ajar. The girls exchanged glances before Buffy slowly opened it. Spike was there, standing in front of the mirror. He was absolutely still, staring at his reflection, almost hypnotized by it.

He was quite aware of the girls’ presence, but could not tear his gaze away from the mirror.

“First time I see myself in a mirror in 120 years… and it’s not even me.”

Buffy slowly nodded. She tentatively reached out to stroke his shoulder, mimicking unknowingly the gesture he had made two years ago when he had found her crying on the back porch.

He looked at her when she made contact. Then back at the mirror. He swallowed hard and turned to Gayle. “I need to change. Now.”

She nodded and gestured for them to follow her to her room. Before the switch, Gayle had been wearing tight gray jeans and a royal blue sweater with a low, beaded neckline. A world away from Spike’s style. He needed something to get back some of his identity. First, she helped Spike tie ‘her’ hair in a ponytail. From her closet, she got out a black long-sleeved tee and black jeans. In the way of footwear, the closest thing she had to his engineer boots was a pair of flat-heeled knee-high black suede boots. She also took off the duster she hadn’t realized she was still wearing until then and laid it down on the bed next to the clothes.

When Spike took off the sweater, Buffy thought about warning him not to look, but she saw that the idea was miles away from his mind. He didn’t even look at Gayle bra before putting on the black tee. When he started to pull off the tight jeans, Gayle asked: “D’you want some clean underwear too?”

“Ta, but I don’t wear ‘em.”

“You are NOT going commando in my clothes!”

“It’s not my body!”

“Nevertheless!”

“You’re commando in my clothes, what’s the bleedin’ difference?”

“I’m…? WHAT? Oh, dear god!”

She headed for the dresser and rummaged through the drawers for something that would fit her new frame.

“Underpants, underpants, need underpants…”

“You are NOT putting your frillies anywhere near my privates, woman!”

“My body now! Undies!”

“You stay away, I warn you!”

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you!”

“What the bloody hell do you mean!”

“That the other night I didn’t exactly force that wicked tongue of yours down my throat and…”

She stopped abruptly, horrified by the words that had escaped her. She covered her mouth with her hand in a futile attempt to take them back, but it was too late…

Spike felt a cold sweat run down his neck and back. He slowly turned to the other woman present…

Buffy stared at them, mouth agape, tears welling up. How could they?

Spike tried to explain: “Buffy, love, it’s not what you think…” But she had already left. Spike grunted, pulled the jeans on fast and sprinted after her, Gayle in tow.

Buffy quickly made her way downstairs. I knew it… I just knew… how could they not get together? They match perfectly, with the wit and smarts and the music… Not that I care… oh, who am I kidding!!

Once downstairs, she just made straight for the back door and into the garden. Once there, she just stopped in the middle of the lawn hugging herself. Not gonna cry… it doesn’t matter… Not gonna cry… I kinda deserve what’s happening anyway… Played with fire and got burnt, as usual… Not like he would have stayed with me anyway… no-one ever does… not gonna cry…

Spike arrived but stopped a few feet away from her, giving her space. “Buffy… sweetheart… it did not mean anything, I swear… it was a drunken mistake…”

“Why, thank you so much!” said Gayle, freshly arrived.

“Shut up! Look, we just had had an argument, you and I…”

“Yeah, I gathered I was rebound girl…” continued Gayle.

“You’re. Not. Helping! Buffy please, listen to me…”

Buffy abruptly turned to face him. “What is there to listen to, Spike? You fell for the hot girl with a brain and rock attitude, good for you! She’s more the one for you anyway!”

“More the…? Buffy, what are you saying?”

“Nothing! Just be with her, I don’t care! Maybe she’ll satisfy your lust for slayers!”

“My…? Fuck’s sake… Fine! Let’s talk about Chirpy, shall we? She and I like the same music, she doesn’t mind being friends with a vamp, she enjoys any bout of violence, she’s smart, she’s beautiful, she can cook, drive, fight like nobody… nothing like you! Let’s face it, Summers, she’s perfect for me! And yet I still want you! You and no one else! What’s bloody wrong with this soddin’ picture? ”

“And kissing her is the perfect way of showing that!”

“I told you it was a mistake…”

But Buffy just threw her head back and turned away from him again. Spike was completely lost…

Gayle looked at both of them then stepped up to Spike. “You have no idea how to do this, do you? Just go wait on the porch, I’ll talk to her.”

“Gayle, this is none of your bloody –”

“Spike” she said calmly. “Just… let me? Please?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Spike nodded and complied. Gayle went up to Buffy, who was still turning her back on them. “Do you know what happened after he kissed me?”

“I don’t think I want to know…”

“We started humping each other.”

“Guess what? I was right!”

“And you know what happened after that?”

“What, you want to make me throw up by giving me the graphic details? Take a step back…”

“He called me ‘Buffy’.”

Buffy stiffened. She finally turned to face her sister Slayer.

Gayle, satisfied that she had her attention, continued. “Kind of a mood killer, yeah? That’s why it didn’t go any further. I took off. Worked my frustration on a few vamps who might still wonder what the heck happened to them from the other side. Nothing happened since.”

Buffy kept her gaze on her face. “When did that happen?”

Gayle cleared her throat. “Last night. Before Drusilla found me.”

Buffy snorted. “So much for not wanting a boyfriend…”

“I don’t. We were both drunk, I was lonely…”

“You said you weren’t interested in him!”

“So did you!”

Buffy took a deep breath. “Look, I don’t what kind of… twisted relationship you two have, but I’ll make sure to stay out of your way from now on…”

“Buffy, for fuck’s sake! Spike and I are just friends! Maybe even drinking buddies or mutual punch bags, but nothing more! You wanna talk about twisted? You’re the one making your relationship twisted! Why do you think he hangs out with me? Poor guy needs some support coming from somewhere, doesn’t he?”

“Poor guy? Are you kidding me?”

“Do I look like it? Look, I’m a Slayer like you, spending time with me is the closest thing he has to spending time with you! Can’t you see that?”

“That’s right Gayle! You’re a Slayer! And I know straight from the source that Spike just loves fucking Slayers!”

“… say what?”

“Right after our first time? He told me that was even better than killing one!”

Gayle took a second before answering. “Are you really that blonde?”

Buffy gasped. “Hey!”

“Had he ever fucked a Slayer before?”

“What? No, but…”

“Buffy, we’re talking about a man–”

“Vampire!”

“ – a man that for one hundred and twenty years made himself know as a vicious killer and took pleasure in it! Why? Because that’s what his kind does, and the greatest pleasure he had was in managing to best one of the strongest creatures around: slayers. Because it made him big, it made him great, powerful, above the rest! Other vampires would respect him or fear his name! He became a damn king among his brethren! And yet, a single night in your arms topped all that! Do you see what I’m getting at, or do I need to use smaller words?”

Buffy did not know what to say… she had never looked at things that way… She had always preferred to see the worst in Spike before anything else. Had she been really that far off course?

‘You’re the One, Buffy.’

I can’t be the One… I can’t but, God help me, I want to…

“He’s… he can’t love, that’s just impossible! You need a soul to love!”

“That’s the biggest piece of bullshit I’ve ever heard!”

“Any Watcher will tell you so!”

“Well, I guess mine got run over before he got to that part, but it’s still BS! You don’t need a soul to love, you need a heart!”

“His is not beating!”

“And yet, he walks, talks, smokes, drinks, fucks, bleeds and makes crack jokes! What does the Watcher Handbook say about that?”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you constantly taking his defense? Why do you always take his side?”

“I swear, I am this close to hitting you! I’m not doing this for him, I’m doing it for you! So you’ll finally open your eyes and be happy! I’m on your side, Buff, no-one else’s! Or at least I was, before you pulled all this shit on me!”

“And you think I could only be happy if you throw me in Spike’s arms?”

“Oh, for…”

Suddenly Gayle went back to the porch. In a flash she had grabbed Spike by the neck and brought him up in a fierce kiss. Buffy’s jaw dropped and Spike, prisoner of the kiss, looked like he had just stepped in Bizarro World.

When Gayle finally let go to look defiantly at Buffy, a little but very angry fist connected with her cheekbone and she fell ass first into the grass.

“Ouch… damn it…”

When she looked up, Buffy was standing in front of Spike in battle stance, with murder in her eyes. The vampire was just gawking…

Gayle smirked. “Looks like you’ve got your answer.”

Buffy stared at her for a moment. Then she grabbed Spike’s hand and let him inside the house…

… where the Scoobies were all gathered at the kitchen window. They all spread out when the couple entered and tried to look innocent. Obviously they had witnessed the whole exchange. Great, Buffy thought, my life has officially become a soap opera…

Buffy glared at them and led Spike to the living room.

“Sit down, Spike.”

“What did that mean back there?”

“What? Her kissing you, or me taking her out?”

“Both!”

She smiled. “It means ‘wait till you’re back in your own skin’. Now sit.”

Spike smiled back and sat down on the comfy chair. Buffy moved at the back and before Spike realized what she was up to, she had started massaging his shoulder blades.

Spike groaned in pleasure. He moved one hand to place it on Buffy’s, making sure she was really touching him in a non-threatening manner. She caressed his hand, letting him know everything was alright, then continued kneading his shoulder tenderly. Neither of them had realized it yet, but it had taken a kiss and a fight with another woman to make it halfway to forgiveness…

“What the hell do you think you’re doing to my body?”

The blonde couple jumped in surprise. Gayle had appeared in the living room. Buffy replied: “Trying a massage! When I was in there, I noticed you were a bit stiff in the shoulders, so I’m trying to help!”

“Yeah, now that you mention it… Chirpy, your whole upper back is kinda heavy, you sure you’re alrigh’?” added Spike, suddenly aware of the ache.

“Well, I don’t know, do I? Haven’t exactly been keeping in my body lately long enough for me to notice or even remember, since everyone seems to enjoy getting in it, have a good time and then pass it along – that so did not come out right… But anyway, newsflash: Slayer here! I do tend to get injured!”

“Oh, stop trying to sound tough, I know you’re really a girly-girl!”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh, come on! I’ve heard your ringtone!”

“My ringtone’s Highway To Hell, what’s wrong with that?”

“Nice try but no cigar! I heard it with my own ears, Miss ‘Heaven on Earth’!”

Gayle’s face blanched. Which was quite a feat considering the kind of body she was in at the moment. “Erm, Buff, I really don’t know what you’re talking about…”

Buffy abandoned Spike’s back, who protested with a groan, to get her own cell phone. She dialed Gayle’s number and waited.

Ooh Baby, do you know what that’s worth…

Gayle followed the sound that was coming out of her jacket and extracted her phone. “That’s not mine…”

“It’s not your phone?”

“No, it is my phone, but it’s not my ‘tone…”

“Gayle, it’s okay, you don’t have to pretend…”

“I’m not pretending anything! That. Is. Not. My –”

She was interrupted by a snort. She spun around to see Dawn covering her mouth and trying very hard not to laugh.

Gayle pointed an accusatory finger. “You did this!”

“Yeah, sorry… saw that special offer in the TV guide? And your cell was nearby so… I really couldn’t resist!”

“And you thought it was okay? To mess about with my personal belongings?”

Dawn suddenly was very confused. Gayle had never spoken to her like that…

“Geez, Gayle, chill out, it was only a joke…”

“Only a joke she says! What is it with you Summers women? Have you like, decided to mess up my brain?”

“Gayle, please! Calm down!” Buffy tried to intervene. Clearly her friend was about to snap…

“I’m always damn calm! You know why? Because I actually like you people! I treated you all right! I didn’t do anything wrong by you, and what do I get? Rejection and betrayal! Well, no more! Not gonna make any more efforts! Brotherly Love can kiss my ass! No more Miss Nice Slayer! Chirpy Gayle has left the building! And her own skin! I’m in the Big Bad’s now, I’m gonna be bad! I’m going on patrol!”

With that, she stormed out of the house, not forgetting to slam the door behind her. The remaining Scoobies were left dumbstruck.

“I don’t think she quite grasped the ‘being bad’ concept yet…” ventured Xander.

__…-==-…__

Gayle was sitting on a tombstone, stake in hand, waiting for action to come to her.

“Here, vampy vampy… Here, you dirty bloodsuckers…”

Her taunting was only met with silence…

“Oh, come on! I’m dying he–”

She was suddenly knocked over. When she managed to get her bearing, she found herself flattened against a nearby crypt wall with an angry dark-haired man blocking her hands by the wrists on each side of her. A very handsome angry dark-haired man…

“Oooh… ask and you shall receive indeed… Hello there, dark stranger!”

“What are you doing here?” he growled.

Whoa, that’s a lot o’ hair gel… Must be to try and diminish that cute forehead… still, he makes it work… “Uhm, well, I like moonlit walks in dark scary places. I also like romantic comedies and musicals. You?”

“This isn’t funny!”

“Well, I never said it was, but then if you think about it, it kinda is…”

The stranger raised an eyebrow. “What happened to your accent?”

“My acc–? Oh, you’re looking for Spike? Oh, now I get it! Spike is not in right now… maybe I can replace him?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“Well, there has been a rather unfortunate swapping of bodies that started with… Ok, short version? Magic gone awry. This is the Hellmouth…”

“If this is a twisted joke…”

“Yeah, ‘cos this is typically the kind of thing Spike would joke about… Believe me, I wish it was…”

The stranger backed up quickly, releasing Gayle. “Who are you?”

“Convinced I’m not him, then?”

“Not his style, answer the question.”

“Oooh, bossy! My name is Gayle, I’m from Philadelphia…”

“Wait… you’re a girl?”

“Usually, yeah. Not right now.”

The stranger’s eyes went wide. “So that means that Spike is in a…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence, as he suddenly bursted into an incontrollable fit of laughter.

Gayle glared at him. “Well I’m glad I can amuse you! And here was I, thinking how cute you were? Well the cuteness factor is kinda dwindling at the moment!”

“The cuteness fac – har har…” The guy was now actually rolling on the ground, clutching his sides! That was just so insulting! “I’m sorry! It’s just – har – hearing that from that mouth – har – it’s just hilarious!”

“I am so sick of everyone thinking this is just some big joke! It. Is. Not. Funny!”

“Yeah it is! So where is Peroxide Boy now?”

“Probably still at Buffy’s. I’m stuck in there and all everyone can think is ‘ha-ha-Spike’s-a-girl’! What about m –”

Gayle had only turned her head for a second in her rant, but when she looked towards the stranger he was gone.

“Okay, one: that was just downright rude! And two: people around here have GOT to stop doing that!”

She then stormed out of the cemetery, determined to find some action elsewhere… unaware of the eyes that had been following her since she had arrived.

Behind a crypt, two male figures watched the blonde vampire leave.

“Is that him?” asked the first one, slightly smaller than his companion.

“That’s the one that was with them last night, yes. Is he a problem?”

“Of course he is! They got the stone, didn’t they?”

“I’m sorry, Sir, I tried to get there in time…”

“But you didn’t! Now it’s too late! The exact people that shouldn’t have the stone now have it! That could be very, very bad for us! Which means it will be worse for you!”

The taller one sighed. “Then I guess I’ll just have to kill them all, won’t I?”

“I guess you will.”

The taller man grinned wolfishly, adjusted his priest’s collar and left.

End of Chapter Ten.

“Highway to Hell” by AC/DC. Sedochian Pine root is purely my invention, I needed an ingredient obviously difficult to find, and pine is often used in exorcism rituals. Impressive, right? Tenocht’ian and Ruhal demon kinds are also fruits of my imagination, don’t nobody sue…

You know what to do… Don’t make me beg again…