Hey!  I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve!  I want to give a HUGE thanks to everyone that voted for this story on Sunny D Awards!  Also many thanks for voting for Vampires Do Not Sparkle! I'm so grateful! Also, many thanks to my lovely betas Sanityfair and Diebirchen!  Love ya, ladies!  I hope everyone is still with me!

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Bloody, buggering fuck!
 
It wasn’t as though his unlife wasn’t pear-shaped enough.  Just take today.  One moment he was getting ready for a decent wank and to test the limits of his vampire constitution.  The next, he was running through Restfield with Harmony hot on his heels while his noggin throbbed unmercifully from the onslaught of mind-numbing electrical shocks, courtesy of his still working chip.
 
This piss-storm of a day started off with Harm showing up all scared and begging for a place to hide.  Sure, a certain part of his anatomy was pleased as punch not to be going solo again.  Then she started prattling incessantly, and almost immediately his willy pulled a turtle, showing no interest in coming out to play.
 
Will. You. Shut. The. Hell. Up!
 
Harmony’s yapping made his cock as lifeless as a freshly drained corpse.  Hell, in one hundred twenty-plus years it never mutinied like this.  He knew this had nothing to do with him.  What’s more, he knew it had nothing to do with Harmony’s hair being the wrong shade of blonde or her tits, though nice, far too big or her eyes the wrong color.  No, it was just Harm’s nails-on-a-chalkboard voice, nothing more.
 
As the day wore on, the only upside, besides scaring Harm with a handful of crypt dust, was the Slayer storming in all business-like while he and Harmony were finishing up their fifth round of “Is it bigger than a sodding bread box?”
 
Seeing the Slayer in all her glory—now that got a rise outta him!  Then she started talking, and in two point five seconds, he went from hard as nails to completely brassed-off and, well, still hard.
 
Never mind her storming in like she owned the place, but when she pulled out money as if she was bribing him, when in actuality she was demanding he search the Initiative’s caves for her sickly solider boy.  Now that had him teetering on the edge.  Adding insult to injury, she slapped him, ripped the money in half, and after shoving the mangled dosh at him, with a flip of her stupid hair, she turned and stormed out.
 
That Bitch!
 
The demon inside him roared and demanded immediate payback for her treating him like he was beneath her once again.  For far too long he’d been playing nice in the Slayer’s sandbox, and now he’d had enough!  Things were going to change and right quick.
 
Hell, he should actually thank her.  This little visit really put things into perspective.  He now knew her game, and he’d be damned all over again if she caught him off-guard a second time.  When he was ‘doubled,’ the Slayer had really played him good.  Instead of her usual threat-punch-threat combo, she used another tactic that had thrown him completely off balance; she acted as if she cared about him.
 
When in truth, she was doing nothing more than her job.  Saving the weak and helpless was part of the Slayer’s gig, and the identity of the needy person de jour didn’t really matter.  All that mattered was her fighting the good fight for puppies, soccer moms, and what not.  He was such a dolt thinking for one moment she was actually trying to save him.
 
“I don’t, but that what’s right.”
 
At the time, her words had stung him deeply.  Well, even though at first he hadn’t done anything about that bitch remark, he sure as hell wasn’t gonna let this slight go unpaid any longer.  Yeah, his eyes were clear now, and today’s visit was the proverbial final straw.  It was decided, come hell or high water he was getting his fangs back.   And when that happened, he’d thank the Slayer good and proper—
 
One—good—day
 
Spike couldn’t wait to make her nearly pristine neck his chalice and drink deep.  Now, he never believed in fate or all that rot, but this Slayer bore the marks of two members of his line, and it seemed almost predestined that he be next. Unlike his predecessors, he wouldn’t stop with just a taste.  Oh no, he intended on making her the third notch in his belt. 
 
His plan was simple: go to the hospital, borrow the doc, get a chip-ectomy and then kill the Slayer.  Unfortunately, like all his plans on the Hellmouth, nothing ever went his way.  Well, initially he thought everything was going damn near perfect.  That was his first mistake.
 
Harm knocked out one of the Initiative boys, and then they took the doc, setting him up real nice to get the job done.  Despite the doc initially being scalpel-shy he finally got down to business, and after some poking and prodding, he removed the chip.  Just as doc finished sewing him up, the pièce de résistance happened—the Slayer burst in with her worse-for-wear cub scout in tow.
 
Now the real fun can begin!
 
Spike shot a knowing grin to Harm before they suited up.  After he’d traded a few barbs with the Slayer, he and Harmony attacked.  She took on the almost-walking-dead while Spike had the Slayer.
 
Their brief tussle only fueled Spike’s appetite, and finally at long last, he had the Slayer right where he wanted her—wriggling beneath him, all ripe and ready for the taking.  Then the instant he lunged for her throat, the chip fired, letting him know in no uncertain terms he was still fangless.
 
Fortunately for him, the only thing that kept his arse from a certain dusting was Captain Cardboard crying out while he clutched his chest and going down like a giant Sequoia.  So while the Slayer tended her downed boyfriend, he and Harm high-tailed it out of there.

During the whole trip back to his crypt, he was still pissed-off as ever, cursing and vowing to get his revenge.  Once they arrived, his anger hadn’t lessened, and he took to pacing the confined space like a caged panther.  Still seething, Spike didn’t notice Harmony watching him cautiously.
 
“Um, Spikey?  I know you’re all with the pacing and the ‘grrrr,’ but do you think we can get someone to eat?  My tummy’s all rumbly.”
 
Spike ignored her and remained on course.  Harmony huffed in frustration, and when her stomach protested once more, she moved into Spike’s path.  He came to a halt before crashing into her.
 
“Harm!  What the bleeding hell?”  Spike vamped out briefly, then his human guise slid back into place.
 
“I told you, I’m hungry and bored, and—” Harmony’s whiny voice was cut off mid-sentence by Spike’s hand wrapping around her throat and squeezing.  He lowered his head to eye level with the stunned vampiress, and when he spoke, his voice held pure malice.
 
“Look you stupid bint, ‘m tired of the women in my life thinkin’ they can boss me around.  No more, you hear me? No—more!  Now, I suggest you get your kit and sod off before you end up a pile of dust.”  Spike shoved her away by the throat, and when he released her, she stumbled before righting herself.  Without a word, Harmony scrambled to collect her things and left quickly.
 
Ah—silence!
 
With a short-lived, triumphant smile, Spike flopped down on his battered chair, leaned over, picked up his beloved Jack from the floor, and took a hearty swig.  That was the last thing he remembered when he was awakened by another round of pounding on his crypt door.  Groggily, he sat up and wiped away the residual whiskey from the corner of his mouth.
 
He knew who it was even before she entered.  He would know her in a heartbeat.  Well, if he had one.  Spike wore a brief, smug smile as he stood to greet his visitor.  He’d been mentally preparing himself for this fight since he took off from the hospital.        
 
“Should have known it'd be you.  Been nearly six hours.” 
 
 
 
 
 
Earlier that day
 
 
 
 
Really?  Could my life get any worse?
 
Buffy wearily eyed the six foot two wake up call standing at her door.  With a nod, she stepped aside to let in her clearly dismayed ex-boyfriend.  Buffy took a seat on her rumpled bed, while Riley sat across from her on Willow’s meticulously made one.  Each one seemed to be waiting for the other one to start, but before a word could be spoken, the phone rang.  It was Dawn.
 
Buffy couldn’t remember the specifics of what her clearly upset sister had said.  All she knew was that her mom was at Sunnydale General.  In a whirlwind, Buffy collected some clothes and headed off to the bathroom.  She returned less than ten minutes later to find Riley where she had left him.  Without a word, he headed out with an extremely worried Buffy following closely behind.
 
When they arrived, a helpful intern named Ben informed her that her mother had fainted, and they were now running tests to find out the cause.  Buffy was grateful that during the short time it took for her to get there, Ben had sat with Dawn and even loaned her his stethoscope.
 
While they waited for the results, another emergency popped up.  While Buffy and Dawn were getting snacks, Dawn told her that with the stethoscope she heard Riley’s heart beating a mile a minute.
 
Remembering full well Riley was once the Initiative’s guinea pig; Buffy sprang into action.  Gratefully, even though they hadn’t said two words to one another, he didn’t put up much of a fight when she asked him to be checked out.
 
The emergency room doctor wanted Riley to be admitted, but being a typical stubborn male, against medical advice, he signed himself out and left the hospital.  Buffy wanted to ask him to stay, but not being able to pull the girlfriend card made it kinda difficult, so she just had to let him go.
 
Soon after Riley left, her mom was cleared by the doctors and released.  When they finally returned home, Willow arrived, and the three girls doted on her mother, helping her get comfortable.
 
Once she was situated, Buffy, Willow, and Dawn headed upstairs.  After going back and forth for an hour on what to do about Riley, Buffy asked Willow to keep an eye on Dawn and her mom, while she dealt with Riley and his possibly exploding heart.
 
Buffy went to Riley’s apartment.  He wasn’t there, but getting an idea from one of Dawn’s many ‘interesting facts,’ Buffy picked up Riley’s seemingly typical phone and told whoever was listening that he needed help.
 
It didn’t take long for Graham to catch up with her on campus, and she quickly let him know the deal.  He confirmed what the emergency room doctor had said: Riley needed immediate medical attention, and a doctor was waiting for him on the fourth floor of Sunnydale General.  All Buffy had to do was to get him there.
 
Great, it’s not like I don’t have enough on my plate!
 
After a short ‘Operation Find Riley’ Scooby meeting, Xander and Anya headed off to docks, Willow and Tara took off to search the burned out Sunnydale High, and based on Giles’ suggestion, Buffy headed over to see Spike.  Buffy put up a good front claiming she didn’t want to see Spike, but truly, a part of her was looking forward to it.
 
Strangely, the night before when they shared snacks and laughs about poor Charlie Brown was really fun.  Unfortunately, with how today had been going—first with her ex-boyfriend taking the place of her alarm clock, her mom’s trip to the hospital, and now said ex playing all Joe-macho and running down the path of self-destruction—the glad-to-see-Spike Buffy part of her was swallowed up by her no-nonsense Slayer side. 
 
Looking back, she should’ve known when storming into Spike’s crypt with her bitch-guns a’blarin’ that she was going to get the reaction she did.  But like everything in life, hindsight is twenty-twenty.
 
Well, I really can’t blame him for being all pissed off.
 
After she left and headed to the Initiative’s caves, she got to thinking.  When this whole thing with Riley was resolved, she was going back to Spike’s and—and what?  Apologize?  Now, that would launch their relationship right into bizarro world. 

Well, not exactly apologize, but maybe she could bring over some snacks, and they could rent a movie.  Two hours of not having to talk she could handle.  Okay, that could work.  Wait, it can’t.  Since Spike had an old, crappy black and white with no VCR, they would have to go somewhere else.  Maybe he could come over to—
 
Shit, wasn’t I supposed to be looking for Riley?
 
When she finally found her ex skulking in the caves, they started talking.  Surprisingly, it went fairly well, all things considered.  She clarified that even though they were no longer together, she cared for his well-being and stressed how important it was for him to get to the hospital ASAP.
 
Riley did put up a small fight.  He questioned why their relationship was over and had some valid points about why he didn’t want an Initiative doctor poking around in his body.  Thankfully, after they hashed everything out, she rushed him to the hospital.
 
You. Gotta. Be. Kidding. Me!
 
Stupid Buffy!  Earlier after she stormed into Spike’s crypt she felt kinda bad the way she treated him.  Then he had to go and be all evil!  Well, that’s it!  She thought that maybe she and Spike could be well, less enemy-like, but then he went and stole the doc to get his chip out!  Never mind him hooking up again with dead and brainless.  Then to top it all off, he tried to bite her!
 
You know what?  She should really thank him.  Well, not for the wanting to kill her part, but for how this little stunt took her blinders off and showed her who he really was.  He was a vampire, a killer, plain and simple.  She continued to chant this mantra during the whole trip back to her house to check on her mom then on the return trip to his crypt.
 
Now with her anger coming to a full boil and the Slayer firmly in place, she entered with her usual flare.  The sound of stone meeting stone stoked her inner fire even more.  She watched as Spike languidly stood from his chair and turned to greet her with that stupid smirk on his face.
 
“Should have known it'd be you.  Been nearly six hours.” 
 
 
 
      
 

 

 
Author’s Notes:

Please take a moment to let me know, good, bad, or otherwise your thoughts!
 
The last lines of both sections are taken directly from the episode “Out of My Mind” written by Rebecca Rand Kirshner.