*small wave* Hello gentle viewers.  Coming off a very disappointing evening (Patriots loosing in the Superbowl), I'm looking to you guys to put the smile back on my face.  
Big thanks to my amazing betas: Sanityfair and Diebirchen.  You ladies are the best! 
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It was simply amazing.  After Spike woke from a quick catnap, he spent the rest of the night watching Buffy while she slept.  He just couldn’t help himself; everything about her, even in sleep, fascinated him.  Something as simple as the way she snuggled her cheek against his pillow, to how the corners of her lips curled up in a hint of a smile when he tightened his arm around her, to the soft moan escaping her full lips when he drew her body closer to his, captivated him.
 
He wanted to memorize every moment spent with this incredible woman who gave a man condemned to Hell this small glimpse of Heaven.
 
Never before in all his years had a woman evoked such passion within him as did this little spitfire now curled up in his arms.  Not even Drusilla.
 
It was true, Drusilla had introduced him to a brand new world, and there were no limits to where or how high his ripe, wicked plum had taken him.  She’d shown him the way, and he’d jumped right into the thick of it, drunk his fill, and relished every bloody moment, as they left mile-wide trails of blood and destruction in their wakes.
 
Even though Dru had given him many things, there was one he craved above all others that she continually denied him, herself entirely.  It had only been the two of them for a better part of a century, but he always felt the shadow of the one she “truly desired” looming over them.
 
Spike tried time and time again to win over her heart, but he knew now it was never meant to be.  She only considered him a stand-in, a substitute until her “daddy” came back.
 
Then when he finally did, Dru immediately replaced Spike with Angelus without batting an eye, and nothing Spike had done or accomplished mattered.  He didn’t matter.
 
One moment he was the master of his domain and all those in it.  The next she cast him aside like an unwanted doll, to lay among the remains of broken porcelain faces and limbs and tattered clothes.
 
He hadn’t felt that alone and shunned since he was human.  The only difference now was the scene of his degradation—a burned out factory, not a stuffy Victorian gathering.
 
This was why it infuriated him that Buffy had met William.  He believed, like the other women before her, she’d use the pitiful man he once was as another weapon in her arsenal against him.  This alone had the ability to pierce him deeper than any stake she could wield.
 
However, to his absolute amazement, she didn’t.  Actually, she had cared for William and tended to him both mind and body.  She made him feel for the first time that he was a man of worth.
 
What’s more, she treated the demon with equal kindness.  Yeah, the demon’s actions the first night really seemed to put a twist in her knickers, but he now knew it was more from her own unexpected pleasure than utter repulsion.  
 
When he actually thought about it, Buffy’s reactions to the demon—not only her not staking him outright that first night, but her reaction to solider boy’s gratefully piss-poor shot, and then how she acted the night of the demon’s capture—really threw him for a loop.
 
During the short time under Toth’s spell, he earned something he’d never dreamed of receiving—her trust.  He knew Buffy didn’t give this freely, but once she did, she was fiercely loyal.  Just as he was.
 
He knew Buffy could’ve let William waste away or even staked the demon, getting rid of him once and for all, but she didn’t.  She claimed it was only because it was the “right thing” to do.  He might’ve believed that then, but now he knew it was more than that, so much more.
 
Despite their time together last night, he knew Buffy didn’t love him.  Even though it wasn’t love, there was some small part of her that cared for him. That fact alone made his long undead heart sing.
 
In such a short period of time, this tiny woman had wormed her way into his heart as well.  He didn’t love her, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before he’d be falling hard.  Damn the consequences.       
 
Spike broke away from his racing thoughts by the slightest increase in Buffy’s heartbeat and breathing, making him aware she was finally awakening.  Immediately, he snapped his eyes closed, feigning sleep.
 
Yeah, it was sorta childish not facing her and playing possum, but he wanted to see what she would do.  Since his luck was for shite, he wagered Buffy would just stake his undead arse and be done with him.  Even in the best scenario he could think of—she’d kick him in the head, threaten to stake him, and run out with her virtue a-flutterin’.
 
Despite these possible outcomes, he still desperately wanted to know what she thought and felt.  He knew he should face his fears head-on, but something deep inside told him to let her lead.  So now he just had to be patient, wait, and see.
 
Yeah, a lot easier said than done.
 
 
 
 
 
It was simply amazing.  Buffy had never been anywhere that felt as if the entire outside world had disappeared.  Somewhere the trials and tribulations of her calling and everyday life simply faded away.  Surprisingly, she found such a place in the subterranean bowels of a crypt—with Spike.
 
Yeah, this was the same Spike who was once her sworn enemy, but now was pressed intimately against her with his arm wrapped tightly around her waist and his unneeded breath steadily tickling her bare skin. 
 
It was hard to believe it was only a week ago that she considered Spike nothing more than a pest, a constant thorn in her side that she barely tolerated.  Now, he was sharing his bed, and she a piece of her heart.
 
At this moment, that was all she could give him.  Maybe in time it could be more, but for now hopefully it was enough.
 
Buffy knew she’d never been really lucky in love.  It always seemed one way or another that the men she chose only wanted “parts” of her.
 
With Angel, he claimed he wanted her and admired her strength, but at every twist and turn he tried to shelter her and treat her like a child.  True, she was only a teenager at the time, but being chosen to save the world on a daily basis really made her grow up quickly.
 
It wasn’t only world save-age that thrust her into grown-up-dom.  It was also her first major relationship—one that was riddled with Angel’s cryptic messages, broody silence, and let’s not forget the whole, “It was my first time and my boyfriend went evil,” fiasco—that gave her a two-handed shove into adulthood.  
 
So all in all, her first real taste of big-girl relationships, to put it bluntly, sucked big time.
 
With Parker, well, he just wanted to put another notch in his bedpost.  Enough said. 
 
Then Riley treated her kinda like Angel had.  He claimed he wanted the whole package, but when it came time to open the Buffy-shaped box, he dug through the contents, and after he found the parts he liked, he sealed the rest up with lots of packing tape and pushed it out of sight.
 
Looking back, she should’ve known their relationship was doomed from the start.  Especially since in the beginning both of them were not exactly truthful, that alone didn’t really give them a sturdy foundation upon which to build.
 
Plus, with their relationship coming on the heels of her magically induced engagement to the same man now purring in her ear like a content kitty—a sleek, dangerous, sexy-as-all-hell kitty—Riley never really stood a chance.
 
Not that she would ever admit it out loud, ‘cause Spike didn’t need a bigger ego than he already had, but when it came down to it, “Lips of Spike” were definitely a tough act to follow.
 
So yeah, she hadn’t been the luckiest with guys in the past, but did that mean future guys, or more specifically a future vamp, couldn’t be different?
 
True, technically she was “sleeping with the enemy,” but even with all the odds stacked against their being together, why did everything seem almost perfect just the way they were right now?
 
She knew perfection wasn’t exactly perfect, but nothing truly was.
 
Like now, there were dozens of reasons why she should be jumping out of this bed, finding her clothes, threatening Spike with staking if he told anyone, and running as fast as she could out of here.  Yet even with all of these reasons buzzing in her head, none of them really mattered.
 
All that mattered now was that she felt safe and cherished in the arms of someone she cared for.
 
She knew her friends would have a cow if they found out—which might be literally, what with being on the Hellmouth and all.  But really, who were they to tell her where she could find happiness?  Wasn’t that for her to decide?
 
She’d admit, maybe it was kinda messed up the whole one-minute she and Spike were sworn enemies, and the next they were getting all groiny.
 
Also it was true, from the outside looking in, their being together seemed really out of the blue.  But if someone looked hard enough, they would see this had been years in the making.
 
In the beginning, she and Spike were enemies in every true sense of the word.  However, over time he seemed to wear her down, like steady drops of water striking a rock.  At first the water doesn’t leave a mark, but eventually it forms an indentation, making an ever-lasting impression.
 
Over the years, his persistence and determination created a big ol’ hole in her rock-like exterior.  Then he crawled inside, settled in, and made himself at home.
 
She knew Spike was here to stay.  Not too long ago this notion bugged her to no end.  Now she relied on it, and in fact, it comforted her.
 
Maybe this thing with Spike was her reward, a small slice of happiness in her otherwise crazy, mixed-up life.  As the Slayer, she was destined to save the world and all those in it.  Yet in all that time she never really asked for anything in return.
 
Maybe this selflessness was the reason why the Powers that Be gave her this chance at happiness.  Or who knows, maybe it was just fate.  Either way, she wasn’t going to let this pass her by.  She was going to grab it with both hands, hold on tight, and let it take her where it may.
 
Now the biggest question was--Does Spike feel the same way?
 

 

Author's Note:

Reviews help with the frowns :(