Disclaimer: All the characters and any dialog I borrowed are Joss Whedon’s, not mine.
 
Thanks once again to Sanity Fair for being an incredibly diligent hunter of punctuation mistakes. Any remaining mistakes are due to my lack of coffee, not her lack of effort.
 
*******************
Chapter 12
*******************
 
Giles was on his third glass of brandy when Spike returned. Spike came in through the kitchen door and filled the fridge with several containers of blood. He heated himself a large mug full and went through to the living room where Giles sat, staring into space. “Anything to report?” Spike asked as he sat down.
 
“No. She seems to be sleeping soundly for now,” Giles responded. “Run into anything unusual on patrol?”
 
“Just my grandsire,” Spike said, taking a long drink of his dinner. “He’s off back to LA, if you need his broodiness for any reason.”
 
Giles was surprised. “I didn’t think he’d leave so soon,” he remarked.
 
“Yeah, well, Angel was always one for bailing when things got tough,” Spike said with a shrug. “Even when he was evil he’d decide he was irritated with me or Dru and bug off to parts unknown, only to come back and mess with us when it suited him. Tonight he did his standard ‘threaten Spike if he hurts Buffy’ routine, with a healthy dose of ‘I’m too messed up to deal’ before scuttling away.”
 
“Truth be told, I’m a bit relieved,” Giles said. “His presence opens up a lot of old wounds.”
 
Spike looked up at the watcher. “I forget sometimes that he took your girl from you,” he said quietly. “Surprised you haven’t staked the bastard yet. I would have.”
 
“You probably would have at that,” Giles commented. “But there were other things to consider besides my desire for revenge.”
 
“Oh yeah, the soul.” Spike rolled his eyes. “I forget that makes it all better.” He shook his head as he finished off his blood before getting up and refilling the cup with brandy.
 
“I wouldn’t expect a creature such as yourself to put any store in the soul,” Giles said. “But it is one of the main things that separates man from beast or demon.”
 
“Just don’t see it,” Spike said, sitting back down with his brandy. “You’ve got human serial killers with souls, rapists and dictators and whatnot with souls. And you’ve got benign demons that do no harm to anyone without souls. What the hell does the soul have to do with it? It guarantees nothing.” Spike shook his head and took another sip of brandy.
 
Giles stared at Spike, trying to find a good argument against what the vampire had said, but between the brandy, the jet lag, and the emotional exhaustion, nothing rose to the surface of his brain. With a sigh he said, “As much as I would love to debate metaphysics with you at this time, I am in desperate need of a good night’s sleep.”
 
Spike finished his whiskey and stood up. “You should probably take the witches’ room,” he said, taking Giles’ glass and his own to the kitchen. Giles wearily retrieved his suitcase and headed upstairs. Dawn had finally dozed off, her history book splayed on the bed beside her, and Giles reached in and turned off the light, shutting the door quietly. Giles turned to see Spike coming up the stairs as well.
 
“Where will you be sleeping then?” Giles asked.
 
“I’ll stay in Buffy’s room,” Spike answered. “She panics if she wakes up alone.”
 
“You don’t honestly believe I’m going to let you sleep in her room do you?” Giles said sternly.
 
“Rupert, she’s slept with me every night since she returned, with the exception of the night Willow had her all spelled up,” Spike explained with a touch of irritation. “Her choice, not mine. Wouldn’t bloody let go of me last night. I assure you, her virtue or whatever else you’re worried about is safe. Just a body for her to cling to, nothing more.”
 
Giles knew he should protest. This was wrong, patently wrong, and he knew he should be objecting more strenuously. But he was tired, and something in the vampire’s eyes told him that Spike was telling the truth. “Then go and take care of her, but if you even think…”
 
“Bloody hell, you folks are a broken record,” Spike growled. “I get it. Hurt Buffy, wake up a pile of dust. Got the fucking memo already. Good night, Rupert.”
 
“Yes, well, good night then,” Giles responded awkwardly, and they both headed into their respective rooms, each looking back to eye the other doubtfully.
 
Spike saw that Dawn had had the good sense to leave a small desk lamp on as a night light. Buffy lay huddled in a ball, looking tiny in the double bed. Spike removed his shoes and silently slipped in beside her. She didn’t wake, but she rolled over and curled up next to him, nestling her head close to his shoulder. Her body seemed to relax the slightest bit, and he couldn’t help but smile. So beautiful, Slayer. No force on earth is going to move me from here until you’re whole again. He leaned over and kissed her forehead and whispered, “Love you, Buffy. Remember that.” Then he too closed his eyes.
 
******************
 
Buffy woke up screaming in a nightmare at three in the morning, and no one had managed much sleep after that. After a couple hours of everyone trying to get back to sleep, they had by some mutual accord decided to give up and have breakfast around five. Dawn had made pancakes and a mess, but Buffy had eaten heartily and seemed reasonably calm. After breakfast, Spike had settled down with her in the living room and had read to her – Wuthering Heights this time. She had relaxed visibly over the next few hours, as Dawn had finished up some last minute homework and gotten herself ready for school. Dawn had been about to leave when the bell rang. “I’ll get it!” the teen cried, grabbing her backpack on the way.
 
Next to Spike, Buffy jumped and tensed up, burrowing back into the couch cushions to shield herself from whatever was at the door. “Shh, don’t fret,” Spike said automatically. He looked across the room to Giles, who was doing some research, surrounded by books and notebooks. “Rupert, can you please tell whoever it is to go away? I’d like to see what progress we can make if she goes a whole day without someone scaring her half to death.”
 
Dawn had opened the door to find Xander on the doorstep. “Xander, hey, what’s up?” she greeted him.
 
“I just came by to see how you and Buffy were doing,” he explained. “Can I come in?”
 
“Umm, I’m not sure that would be a good idea,” Dawn said hesitantly. “She had a rough night with the nightmares and all that.”
 
“I just thought that maybe if we spent some more time around her she’d get used to us again,” Xander persisted. “How can she know we’re not going to hurt her if she never gets to be around us to see that?”
 
At this point, Giles came up behind Dawn. “I’m afraid Dawn has a point, Xander. A day of peace and quiet and no new people would do her a world of good.”
 
“But I’m not new people! I’m old people!” Xander said. “Or at least, formerly known to her people, if not particularly old.”
 
“I know that,” Giles said. “But I have to insist that you leave her be for at least today. We will call you when Spike and Dawn think she’s ready for more visitors.”
 
Xander’s face grew dark. “So now the Evil Undead gets to dictate who’s allowed around? Is that it?”
 
“I can assure you we’re all just looking out for Buffy’s well being,” Giles began.
 
“Yeah, you are. I’m not sure about him.” Xander muttered. When he saw that Giles wasn’t going to relent and Dawn was apparently ready to stand in the doorway with her arms folded until the next apocalypse, he backed down. “Fine. I’ll… call later or something.” He turned around and stalked back to his car, pulling away from the curb with an irritated squeal of tires.
 
“Good lord,” Giles said, shaking his head. “That didn’t go over well.” He glanced at his watch. “You should be on your way to school.”
 
“I’m on my way,” Dawn replied. She looked worriedly toward the living room. “Can you…”
 
“I’ll try everything I can to keep her on an even keel,” Giles said. “Now be on your way before you’re in trouble with the headmaster.”
 
Dawn rolled her eyes. “We don’t have headmasters here, Giles, remember? Sheesh, get with the program.” She shouldered her bag and was out the door in another minute.
 
Shaking his head in bemusement, Giles returned to the living room where Buffy was still curled up wide-eyed in the corner of the couch. “It was Xander,” Giles explained as he sat back down. “I sent him away.”
 
“Hear that, love?” Spike said, stroking her hair. “He’s gone. Just you, me, and the watcher here.”
 
“Safe?” Buffy asked as if daring to hope.
 
“Safe,” Spike agreed. It had been the first word she had spoken all day. Encouraged he said, “Examination time, pet. What’s your name?” He laid a hand on her shoulder for emphasis.
 
“Buffy,” she replied, relieved that for once she understood exactly what was being asked.
 
“And who am I?” he asked, placing his hand on his chest.
 
“A… Spike. Y-you’re Spike.” She smiled shyly at her angel with the funny name.
 
“And your watcher?” Spike asked, indicating Giles. “What’s he called?”
 
Buffy wrinkled her brow in concentration. “G-G-Giles,” she forced out at last.
 
Giles nodded approvingly. “That’s right,” he said. “I’m Rupert Giles.”
 
Buffy looked at both of them in turn, trying to voice what she was thinking. “Voice… d-different. N-not like D-Dawn.”
 
They looked at her uncomprehending for a moment, then Giles had an idea. “Does she mean our accents? Our voices sound different than the others? Is that it?”
 
Buffy nodded, happy to be understood. “Voices… sound different,” she agreed, her words a little more confident.
 
“That’s true, pet,” Spike explained. “Giles and I were both born in England, quite a ways from here. Most everyone there talks like us.”
 
Once more Buffy appeared deep in thought. “Giles… is a-an angel too?”
 
“No, no more than I am,” Spike said. “We’re both just people who care about you, that’s all.”
 
Buffy chewed her lip and lapsed into silence as she tried to figure things out. They come from far away, but they say they’re not angels. They care about me, but they can’t send me back. They seem to know me so well, but why can’t I remember? Aloud she said, “Can’t… re-remember.”
 
Spike sighed as he continued stroking her hair, “I understand. Frustrating for you to not be able to remember things.”
 
“How… how d-did I get… here?” Buffy asked. Why was I dragged out of Heaven? Why, when I was so happy there?
 
Spike and Giles exchanged a look. Then Spike met her puzzled green eyes and said, “You died, Buffy. You died and left us, and everyone missed you. Willow and the others thought you were trapped in hell, so they did a spell to bring you back to life.”
 
Buffy looked troubled. “Back to life?” she repeated.
 
Spike wracked his brain trying to figure out how to break through her confusion. “Yes. You were dead, at peace, in Heaven, and now you’re alive again, on… on Earth.”
 
“Not… hell,” Buffy said slowly. “Alive.”
 
“Yes, that’s right,” Giles encouraged.
 
“Why?” Buffy said. “Heaven is g-good. Not l-loud. No pain or f-f-fear.”
 
“They didn’t know you were in Heaven, love,” Spike explained. “They thought they were helping you.”
 
Buffy shook her head violently. “No! Didn’t help!” she said, with more volume than she had yet managed. “Can’t remember! Afraid! M-mother gone. H-hurts…” Her words broke off with a sob, and Spike gathered her to his chest while she covered her face. Why? Why bring me here where I can’t remember? I don’t know what to do!
 
After a few long minutes, Spike spoke again. “Buffy, I know that you’re suffering. I can’t… I can’t send you back. But I swear I’ll help you remember again. I won’t leave you until you remember again. I promise, sweetheart.”
 
Buffy sat up and looked at him with her green eyes still full of tears. “End of the w-world?”
 
“Until the end of the world,” Spike agreed. They lapsed into silence then and clung to each other while Giles watched with an aching heart.
 
**********************
 
“I can’t believe Giles would kick me out!” Xander complained. Xander, Anya, Willow, and Tara had converged on the Magic Box at roughly the same time that morning to discuss the current state of affairs. Xander had come in puffing and blowing about being denied entrance to Buffy’s house, and Willow had been instantly sympathetic.
 
“I don’t know what is wrong with him!” Willow exclaimed. “He just totally tore me apart yesterday, like I’m a complete incompetent!”
 
“If Buffy is going to get back to normal, shouldn’t she, I don’t know, be surrounded by her normal group of friends?” Xander went on.
 
“I don’t think she recognizes you as friends,” Anya pointed out. “I mean she sort of thinks were the bad guys, given that we dragged her out of heaven and all that. I’d be pretty pissed off if I was all happy and “poof,” now I’m on earth. Actually, that was pretty much what I went through when I stopped being a vengeance demon,” she finished philosophically.
 
“But it was an honest mistake!” Willow insisted. “I mean a hell god opened a big portal. Wouldn’t you think it led to a hell dimension?”
 
Tara listened to the discussion, feeling a bit confused. Didn’t we have this whole argument yesterday with Giles? Aloud, she said, “Why is it so bad to leave her alone for just a couple of days? Don’t you trust Giles?”
 
“Giles, yes,” said Xander. “Spike, not so much.”
 
“But why not? He can’t hurt her because of the chip, and he really cares about her,” Tara persisted.
 
Xander couldn’t contain his irritation. “He’s a vampire with no soul. He could be manipulating her for some evil purpose! Telling her that we’re evil. We only have his word that she thought he was an angel – how do we know he didn’t feed her that line?”
 
“I don’t think it’s so farfetched,” Anya said. “I mean, you come out of your grave with no memory and this white haired, white skinned guy takes care of you. Seems like a reasonable assumption that he’s some sort of good guy.”
 
“Besides, he helped us all summer, and Buffy trusted him before... all that,” Tara said. “Why can’t we trust him now?”
 
“Um, hello? Slayer of slayers, ring a bell?” Xander said.
 
“Okay, for what it’s worth, I don’t think Buffy’s in any particular danger,” Willow conceded. “But I really don’t see why Giles won’t let me help her.”
 
“But we don’t know what she’s thinking, or what’s really wrong!” Tara exclaimed. I feel like I said all this already for heaven’s sake. Why is Willow being so stubborn about this?
 
“How about that spell I did when she was catatonic before?” Willow suggested. “I could go into her mind and see what she’s thinking!”
 
“And she could leap across the room and throttle you again or scream her head off,” Anya pointed out.
 
“So then I just knock her out first. It would be…”
 
“NO!” Tara shouted, leaping to her feet. “No more! I won’t stand here and let you… magic Buffy into some worse state! You’re jumping into magic solutions left and r-right without even c-considering anything else.”
 
“Tara, baby, don’t get so upset,” Willow soothed, alarmed at the intensity of Tara’s anger.
 
“Promise me you won’t do any more spells on her,” Tara insisted. “Promise me or I am walking right out that door. I can’t sit around and watch this anymore. Not after what we did. What I allowed you to do.”
 
The others were taken aback by this sudden outburst from the normally quiet witch. Coming to Willow’s defense, Xander said, “We all agreed to this. Willow didn’t do it alone. We all helped.”
 
“And we were all wrong,” Tara said, a note of sadness creeping into her voice. “If I had known the details… the fawn, the possible side effects…” She choked up and had trouble speaking for a moment. “You could have died Willow. We all could have. You led me to believe that she would just somehow reappear good as new, and instead she woke up in her c-c-coffin.” She turned away, arms wrapped around body, as she tried to get herself under control.
 
The others looked around at each other in awkward silence. Finally Anya spoke up, “I think giving her a couple more days wouldn’t hurt. I mean she was dead for five months just fine without us.”
 
Xander frowned. “I don’t like it. But as long as Giles is there I guess things will be alright for a couple days,” he conceded reluctantly.
 
Willow seethed silently. I could fix this. I could fix this, and then make it so no one remembers the fight. They need never know. She looked at Tara, her love for her partner mixed with irritation at Tara’s failure to back her up. I don’t want to lose her. Finally, feeling Xander and Anya’s eyes on her, she said, “Fine. We’ll wait a couple days, do a little more research.”
 
Tara turned around to look straight into Willow’s eyes. “Do you mean it?”
 
Willow willed herself to meet Tara’s stare head on. “I mean it. No magic for… for the next week.”
 
Tara searched Willow’s eyes. I want to believe you. But do I? “Alright. But I’m going to hold you to that.” She came and sat back down at the table, still feeling vaguely uneasy.
 
Xander got called in to work a short while after their “discussion” leaving the three girls to tend shop and do research for the day. Tara spent the day reading about resurrection spells, much to Willow’s annoyance. Why can’t she just trust me? I thought she loved me, Willow thought as she watched Tara turning page after page and growing more and more pale. Willow was looking up every possible amnesia cure she could, making a list of all the possible side effects, hoping the information would sway the others. Tara was also eyeing her lover’s choice of research topic with despair, wondering what Willow was planning now. After nearly an hour of this uncomfortable situation Willow finally decided to speak. “Tara?”
 
“Yes?”
 
“I, um, could use some clean clothes, you know?” Willow said when nothing else came immediately to mind. “How do you think we could go about getting into our room at Buffy’s?”
 
Tara thought for a moment. “We could call, and have Dawn put some of our stuff together for us. I could go pick it up, since I seem to scare her less.”
 
“I guess that would work,” Willow said with a sigh. Should’ve known it wasn’t going to be that easy. I really wish I knew what was going on over there!
 
“I’ll call them now,” Tara said, heading for the phone. After a few minutes of chatting, Tara hung up and said, “Giles will have Dawn get our things together. I’ll go over there around five.”
 
“That sounds good,” Willow answered. And maybe while you’re gone I can just erase this afternoon and start over with you. They both went back to their research and the uneasy silence.
 
TBC