Disclaimer: All the characters and any recognizable dialog belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Just playing with his toys.
 
Thanks again to Sanity Fair, for ruthlessly hunting down all my errors. Thanks also to all my faithful reviewers for their encouragement!
 
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Chapter 15
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Tara had a highly productive session at the library and went to join Willow at the cafeteria knowing that she was caught up on schoolwork for a few days. She made her way through campus, enjoying the weather and the sight of people rushing to and fro, laughing, and talking. Despite the surroundings, however, she felt a vague sense of unease she couldn’t quite shake. It was like she was trying to remember the name of a movie or something but couldn’t. Why is yesterday so fuzzy? Resolving to ask Willow what they had done yesterday, she quickened her pace and soon joined the queue of hungry undergrads. As she paid, she heard Willow’s voice call to her and turned to see the redhead waving from a table near the window. Tara made her way through the maze of tables until she sat down with a sigh of relief. “Crowded today,” she commented.
 
“Yeah. I practically had to trip someone to get this table.” Willow was eating light, with just some chicken soup and bread on her tray.
 
“Are you okay? You look a little pale,” Tara commented.
 
“I might be coming down with something,” Willow lied. The rebounding spell had taken more out of her than she wanted to admit, and she was still puzzling over what could have happened. Who else could be doing magic around Buffy? Pretty hypocritical of Giles to say “No spells” then turn around to do his own spells on her.
 
Tara studied her carefully, wondering why Willow seemed so… guarded or something. “Are you sure nothing’s bothering you?”
 
“I’m fine.” They ate in silence for a minute before Willow said, “Did you get caught up on your homework?”
 
“Yeah. We probably should go to class this afternoon, don’t you think?”
 
“Probably. What do you have again?”
 
“History. What do you have going?”
 
“Philosophy.” The awkward silence descended again. “I was thinking of hitting the Magic Box after class. Want to meet there?” Willow asked.
 
“Sounds good,” Tara replied. “Anything in particular you’re looking for there? I’ll probably get there before you.”
 
“Just more of the same – things we could do to help Buffy once she settles down a bit.”
 
Tara repressed a frown. I feel like we agreed to stop trying to fix Buffy, didn’t we? “Willow, what did we do yesterday?”
 
Willow cocked her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
 
“I mean, I feel like I don’t remember what we talked about at the Magic Box all day.”
 
Shit, Willow thought. “We, um, just talked about the resurrection spell. Xander was mad because Giles told him to go away for a while. We helped Anya a lot.” She hoped that was enough of the truth to satisfy Tara without having to get into particulars.
 
“I must have been really tired yesterday. Everything seems like a blur,” Tara said. She shrugged and turned back to her salad.
 
“Some days are like that,” Willow said, swallowing her guilt along with her soup.
 
******************
 
“So she’s doing better?”
 
“A little bit. Got her to remember some names for things yesterday, and Spike was sparring with her a bit. Helped her remember some of her victories I think.” Dawn was perched on the edge of the counter at the Magic Box. She had stopped in on the way home from school to fill the Scoobies in on the current state of things, figuring if they had information they might agree to stay away for a few more days. Anya was the only one there when Dawn arrived, and that suited Dawn fine. She was still mad at Willow, and wasn’t too sure she wanted to deal with Xander either. I can give Anya the news, and she can pass it on to the others.
 
“Do you think we can come over and visit?” Anya asked.
 
“Not yet,” Dawn replied. “She still gets really sad and freaked out about stuff, completely out of the blue. She keeps having these killer nightmares – wakes us all up screaming every night. It’s still really hard for her to communicate, and she’s way terrified of magic. Someone mentioned the name Magic Box, and she absolutely flipped. I really don’t think having people over yet is a good idea.”
 
“That make sense to me,” Anya said.
 
“Yeah, but can you get Xander and the others to understand it?” Dawn’s irritation was evident. “They seem to act like they’re all going to die if they don’t get to hover around Buffy all day.”
 
“Tell me about it,” Anya sympathized. “I mean, hello? I’m the girlfriend here! Why does the friend — friend get all the attention?”
 
“Um, yeah,” Dawn muttered. Sometimes Anya really was a bit of a freak in Dawn’s humble opinion. But at least she got the point about leaving Buffy alone for a while, and that was something.
 
As if on cue, Xander walked in causing Dawn to suppress a sigh. “Dawn! How are things at Casa Summers?” he said when he noticed her.
 
“Not too bad. I was just giving Anya the update.”
 
“Any change?” Xander kissed Anya hello absentmindedly before leaning on the counter to hear Dawn’s answer.
 
“A little more talking, a few more memories,” Dawn replied noncommittally. “But even the word magic still terrifies her. And she pretty much crawled into the couch cushions yesterday when you came to the door, so I’m thinking a few more days of quiet would be of the good.”
 
Xander frowned. It was beyond exasperating. Buffy was back. His high school crush, his heroine, his friend, the girl he had mourned all summer alongside his friends. She was back and so close, yet he and the others were being kept away. We brought her back. Not Giles, not Spike. How is it that they’re calling the shots? Giles took off on us and Spike’s a fucking vampire, but they get to be the gatekeepers? Aloud he said, “Are you sure that we shouldn’t, I don’t know, introduce us one at a time? I think it might jog some of her memories faster.”
 
“What, if she doesn’t get her memories back in a week she’s broken or something?” Dawn said. “What’s the big rush?”
 
“It’s not that. It’s just…”
 
“Just save it.” Dawn hopped off the counter and grabbed her backpack. “You don’t live with her. You don’t see her cringing and acting all terrified every five minutes, and you don’t have to hear her screaming every night with the nightmares. Trust me. We’re doing what’s best for her. If you can’t deal, tough.” Dawn turned and stormed out of the shop, slamming the door behind her.
 
“What the hell is with them?” Xander exploded. “I mean we brought her back!”
 
“So what, she’s your property then?” Anya broke in. “I know we were all in on the spell, but clearly Willow wasn’t giving us all the information on what the spell would do, and Buffy is seriously messed up. If she’s slowly getting better, then that seems to say we’re doing the right thing. Let it go already!”
 
“How can I let it go?”
 
“How can’t you let it go?” Anya countered. “It’s the easiest thing in the world. Do nothing for a week or so. Done. Ta-da!”
 
“After all those months without her, isn’t it natural to want to see her?” Xander asked.
 
“And you will, just in a few days,” Anya replied. “Now are you going to chill out, or do I have to handcuff you to the bed again and leave you there all week this time?”
 
Xander blushed fourteen shades of red. “Anya! Not in public!”
 
“Oh, relax. No one’s here,” Anya began, then Tara walked in. “Okay, now someone’s here, so I won’t mention bondage anymore. But you still have to chill.”
 
Tara’s eyebrows shot up as she caught the last fragment of conversation. I do not want to know, she told herself firmly. “Hey, guys, what’s new?”
 
“Not much,” Xander replied. “Dawn was here a little while ago. Buffy’s talking a little more, but we’re still disinvited for now.”
 
“Yeah, they said she was still pretty fragile when I stopped by last night. Probably best to let her be for a few days.”
 
“What are you up to?” Anya asked.
 
Tara shrugged. “Willow’s going to meet me here after her class is done. She’s still looking for possible spells to help Buffy if she doesn’t snap out of it.”
 
“I’m surprised you two are still speaking,” Anya observed. “After that argument you had yesterday, it looked like you were on the edge of calling it quits.”
 
“Argument?” Tara asked. Did we argue yesterday? I don’t remember an argument.
 
“Well, maybe heated discussion is a better term,” Xander said. “But you did threaten to walk out if she didn’t lay off the magic, so as far as discussions go, it was pretty high temperature.”
 
“We, um… worked it out, I guess,” Tara said. She rubbed her forehead with a frown stitched across her face. Did I really tell Willow that? “Anyhow, I’m going to do a little research while I wait.”
 
“Sounds like a plan,” Anya said. “Xander, can you help me bring some of the new stock up from the basement?”
 
“Me man, lift heavy things,” Xander grunted, caveman style. He followed Anya downstairs while Tara went and stared at the books on the shelves, trying to think of where to look. She saw a book about magical herbs and pulled it down. Maybe there are some herbs that could calm her and help her memory without a big spell, she thought. She brought the book over to the table and started flipping through. There were herbs to use in various healing spells, herbs for cursing, herbs for finding what was hidden. Everything short of cilantro, Tara mused. Then she turned the page and saw a drawing of the same flower she had found under her pillow. The entry labeled it as “Lethe’s Bramble”. Tara started reading, first with interest, then with a mounting sense of betrayal. She erased my memories. I can’t… why? Why would she do that? After Glory and all that how could she? Tears came to her eyes as the realization of what Willow had done sank in. She must have done it more than once. That’s why I felt like I was repeating myself. Oh, Willow… She stood up and backed away from the book, stifling a sob. She mechanically started gathering together her things. Maybe I could move back into the dorms. Explain that I lost my housing. I’m sure I could find something.
 
Xander and Anya came upstairs, laden with boxes, and chatting. As they put down their burdens, Xander noticed Tara packing up. “I thought you were waiting for Willow?” he said, wondering what had upset Tara so much.
 
“I n-need to g-go,” she stuttered. “Tell Willow I’ll c-call her.” With that Tara gathered up the last of her things and bolted from the store.
 
“What was that all about?” Anya asked.
 
“Beats me,” Xander replied. Something had clearly upset Tara, but he couldn’t conceive of what. He and Anya returned to restocking and were just finishing when Willow arrived about 45 minutes later.
 
“Hey, guys.” Willow stopped and looked around. “Is Tara here? She said she’d meet me.” She moved over to put her bag on the table, thinking Tara must be in the restroom or something.
 
“She was here, but she got upset about something and left in a hurry,” Xander explained.
 
“What was she upset about…?” Willow broke off when she saw the book lying open on the table to the page about Lethe’s Bramble. Shit. How did she find out? Willow grabbed her bag again and spun around saying, “I’ve got to go find Tara.” In a flash she was out the door again, leaving Xander and Anya staring in her wake.
 
“What’s up with them?” Anya asked.
 
Xander shook his head. “I have no idea.” He had a sinking feeling that whatever it was wasn’t a good thing at all.
 
****************
 
“Tara?” Willow called as she entered the hotel room. “Honey? Are you here?” Willow looked around and saw that Tara’s bags were gone. Oh no… In the middle of the bed she found the sprig of Lethe’s Bramble, which stuck out like an accusatory bloodstain on the white coverlet. Willow turned around frantically, looking for some evidence of where Tara could have gone. A thought struck her, and she grabbed the phone, dialing Buffy’s number with shaking hands.
 
“Hello?”
 
“Giles, it’s me, Willow,” she said, trying to keep her voice under control. “Have you seen Tara today?”
 
There was a slight hesitation before Giles answered, “I saw her last night when she came to pick up your things. Are you concerned about her?”
 
“Yes, well, I just… She was supposed to meet me at the Magic Box and she didn’t and I was wondering.”
 
Another brief pause. “I will let her know you are looking for her. Is there anything else?”
 
“Um, no. How’s… how is Buffy? Was there any improvement?”
 
“She is steadily regaining her ability to communicate and has recovered some memories, but she is still very leery of magic and easily frightened.” Giles explained.
 
“So you haven’t… tried any spells on her lately?” Willow asked as casually as she could.
 
“No. The very mention of the word magic sends her into a panic. I don’t see any particular benefit to it when she is making slow but steady progress without it.”
 
Willow chewed her lip. “Oh. Okay. If you see Tara can you tell her to call me?”
 
“I will mention it,” Giles replied and rang off.
 
Willow hung up the phone in a daze. Either Giles was lying, or he hadn’t done any spells on Buffy. So why did the magic rebound? She shook her head to clear it. Not important right now. I need to find Tara and try to work this out. Willow rummaged in her bags until she found the ingredients for a locator spell. Working quickly she lit candles and chanted the words, concentrating on a map of Sunnydale she kept for the purpose. But although she knew the spell was correct, nothing happened. Is something wrong with me? Did I burn something out somehow?
 
She paced back and forth, arms folded, trying to figure out what to do. I screwed up, big time. But Tara’s got to listen to me. She still loves me. I know she does. I’ve got to make her see that I was just trying to help. Not knowing what else to do, Willow grabbed her purse and left again, walking swiftly toward campus.
 
***************
 
The afternoon had been tense at the Summers house. Giles had reluctantly called a truce with Spike to avoid stressing Buffy even more, but Buffy was clearly wary of him. She shadowed Spike around the house, not wanting to let him out of her sight. She understood that Giles was angry with her angel although she didn’t know why. Spike had accepted her clinging behavior without question and ran with it. He showed her how to help him wash and dry the dishes, which they did side by side in a companionable silence. They had once more watched TV – another nature documentary this time. Giles had buried himself in his books although with constant concerned glances over the tops of his glasses.
 
Dawn’s arrival from school broke the ice somewhat. “Hey everyone!” she called. Buffy jumped a little but recovered quickly and even cracked a faint smile at her sister’s noisy entrance.
 
“Hello, Nibblet. What news of the world?” Spike clicked off the TV as Dawn threw herself onto the other end of the couch.
 
“I stopped by the M… the store on the way home,” said Dawn, narrowly avoiding the dreaded ‘M’ word. “I gave Anya and Xander the update and told them to stay away for now.”
 
“That does seem best,” Giles agreed. “Did they have any news to report?”
 
Dawn shook her head. “Anya’s all on board with just letting Buffy take her time getting better. Xander’s still in must-see-Buffy-now mode. I told him to stuff it.”
 
“Were Willow and Tara there as well?” Giles inquired. Buffy shivered a little at Willow’s name, which did not escape Giles’ notice.
 
“No. They had class or something.”
 
“Speaking of class, have you been doing your homework?” Giles asked pointedly.
 
“More or less,” Dawn replied. “I have a little catch-up to do in a couple of classes.”
 
“Perhaps now would be a good time?” Giles found he couldn’t quite shake the librarian/teacher mode entirely, despite the fact that the high school had been destroyed for quite a while now.
 
Dawn rolled her eyes. “Fine. Spike, could I get your help?”
 
Spike raised one eyebrow. “My help? With homework?”
 
“Well, yeah. We’re working on the causes of World War I in history, and since you were like, there and all that I figured you could give me a hand.”
 
Spike glanced quickly at Buffy to see if the suggestion of his extreme age had registered on her, but she was clearly not grasping all of the conversation. “I’ll do what I can, Bit.” He got up and followed Dawn into the dining room; Buffy trailed along behind.
 
Dawn worked diligently on her homework for nearly an hour, with Spike giving advice and commentary and Buffy just listening, content to hear the banter, even if she didn’t quite get what they were discussing most of the time. “I just don’t get it. I mean okay, some Archduke of Nowhere In Particular gets killed. So what?”
 
“See, here’s the thing, Bit. They were all related and had all these alliances and so on. Queen Victoria had a whole brood of kids, and between them and their cousins and whatnot they pretty much ruled every country in Europe. Like a bunch of kids in high school, really. You picked on my friend, so I have to kick your ass, then that guy’s friend has to kick his ass and on and on until everyone’s fighting. And the Germans decided that they were just the kings of the mountain and had some God given right to rule everyone else, and they wouldn’t back down. No choice but to engage in a whole lot of violence.”
 
“I like the high school analogy,” Dawn said, writing notes furiously. “I totally get that. It’s like, Joe gets mad at Bill so Bill’s best friend has to get mad at Joe, then Joe’s best friend gets mad until everyone’s mad at everyone else. Only they all have guns and tanks and stuff.”
 
“That’s the way of it,” Spike said approvingly. “Just write that down in something approximating the English language and you’ll be all set.”
 
“Hey! I’m a good writer!” Dawn protested.
 
“Never said you weren’t. But some of the words you California girls come up with defy all laws of English grammar.”
 
“Whatever you say, Mr. Stuffy McBritishperson.” Dawn grinned at Spike before concentrating on her notebook to write down her notes on their conversation.
 
Buffy cocked her head to the side, trying to figure out what was going on. “What are you… re-remembering?”
 
“History. Dawn needs to know about what happened long ago, before you and she were born.”
 
“You remember?” Buffy wondered. It had somehow sounded like her angel was remembering personal experiences, not just telling a story.
 
Spike and Dawn exchanged a worried glance. “I’m… older than I look,” Spike finally said.
 
That made Buffy think for a moment. “How old am I?”
 
“You’re twenty years old,” Spike replied.
 
Buffy chewed on that thought for a while. “Feel older,” she mused.
 
“Know what you mean,” Spike replied. He looked at her closely, wondering if he should come clean about being a vampire. You’ve got to tell her sometime, William. It’ll all come out in the end. Do you really want her to find out accidentally? But even as he tried to get up the courage to broach the subject they all heard a knock at the back door.
 
Buffy jumped a bit at the sound, and Spike got up to see who it was. He was surprised to see Tara standing there looking upset. “Glinda? What’s wrong?”
 
“I n-need to speak to Giles. Willow p-put a spell on me.” Tara looked on the verge of tears.
 
Spike thought about Buffy in the next room then made a decision. “Why don’t you come in and sit down here in the kitchen, alright? I’ll go fetch the Watcher.”
 
“Are you sure?” Even in her distress, Tara didn’t want to traumatize Buffy further.
 
“I’m sure. Come on in,” Spike reassured her. “Just wait right here a moment, okay?” Spike went first to the living room and said, “Tara’s in the kitchen, pretty upset. I think you need to go talk to her.”
 
“What’s going on now?” Giles asked.
 
“No clue, but you go find out, while I go make sure Buffy doesn’t get upset.” Spike returned to the dining room, where Buffy had shrunk back into her chair, clearly trying to decide whether to flee or not. Spike got down to look into her eyes. “Buffy, Tara is here. She’s not here to hurt you, or do any magic. I’m going to go in and talk to her. If you want to come with, you can, but I won’t make you. Understand?”
 
Buffy bit her lip for a moment then nodded. When Spike stood up she followed him, clinging to his arm and hiding behind him as they made their way to the kitchen where Giles was sitting next to a miserable Tara, awkwardly patting her on the shoulder.
 
“Calm yourself now, and tell me the whole story from the beginning,” Giles was saying. Spike sat down, and pulled up a chair for Buffy next to him, with her clinging fearfully to his arm the whole time. Dawn came in too, leaning against the doorframe to listen.
 
Tara took a deep breath. “For the last couple days I kept having this feeling of… déjà vu or something. I would be saying something to Willow, and feel like we already had this argument. Today, I found I couldn’t really remember what she and I talked about yesterday, but Xander and Anya both seemed to think we had had a fight. I f-found some flowers under my p-pillow this morning, and I thought they were a surprise from W-willow.” Emotion-fueled tears started gathering in the corners of her eyes as she looked up at Giles. “This afternoon I was looking for something else in a book at the Magic Box, and I found that it was Lethe’s Bramble.”
 
The name sounded vaguely familiar to Spike, but he couldn’t quite place it. “What’s that then?”
 
“It’s an herb used to enhance memory spells,” Giles answered quietly.
 
Tara nodded sadly. “She erased my memory, Giles. We argued, and she just… deleted it from my mind.” Her voice became a sob as she continued. “How could she have done that to me? After all we’ve been through, after Glory and all that, how could she just…?” Tara broke down and covered her face, unable to continue.
 
Dawn moved quickly over to Tara and knelt down, putting her arms around the sobbing woman. “Don’t cry, Tara. Please don’t cry,” the teen said although she was also angry and upset on Tara’s behalf.
 
Spike’s expression darkened further. “Bitch has gone too far this time,” he growled. “Rupert, you need to get through to Red somehow. She’s going to hurt herself or someone else if she isn’t stopped.”
 
Giles had no immediate response. How did I not see this coming? Was she really this bad when I left? A kernel of guilt burned in his mind. I encouraged her. I started her on this road. I should have taught her, guided her. As he sat there, shaking his head and trying to figure out what to say the phone rang. In a daze he got up and answered it. “Hello?”
 
The voice on the other end was the last one he wanted to hear at that moment. He could hear a slight waver in Willow’s voice as she asked if Giles had seen Tara. Giles looked over at Tara, still sobbing and answered carefully, “I saw her last night when she came to pick up your things. Are you concerned about her?” Giles waited to see if Willow would admit that she had done a spell on Tara and was not particularly surprised when Willow gave an evasive answer. He offered to pass the message along and gave her the requested update on Buffy. However, her query about whether Giles had tried any spells filled him with alarm. Did she try a spell and have it return on her?
 
“No,” he answered. “The very mention of the word magic sends her into a panic. I don’t see any particular benefit to it when she is making slow but steady progress without it.” There was a momentary pause before Willow asked Giles once more to pass on a message to Tara before ringing off. Giles hung up the phone and turned to Tara. “That was Willow, asking about you.”
 
“I figured as much,” Tara said sadly. “What am I going to do? How can I trust her again? I don’t know how much of my memory is missing!”
 
“S-stay here. Safe place.”
 
The others had nearly forgotten Buffy’s presence, but her quiet statement caused them all to jerk their heads around in astonishment. “What was that, love?” Spike asked, not quite sure what she meant.
 
Buffy looked at Tara then Spike. “Sh-she got hurt too. By the one with the v-voice. W-Willow. Safe here. She should s-stay.”
 
“Are you saying you want Tara to stay at the house with us so she’ll be safe from Willow?” Spike asked. Buffy nodded, looking straight into Spike’s searching eyes.
 
“But I didn’t stop her from bringing you back,” Tara said to Buffy. “I feel like it was partly my fault. I’m so, so sorry.”
 
Buffy bit her lip, looking slightly lost as she tried to process what Tara was saying. She helped the one who did this. Even as she pondered this, she felt that this unhappy woman in front of her wasn’t going to hurt her. She knew how it felt to have magic used on her against her will. Something in Buffy wanted to protect Tara the way she wanted to protect Dawn, and although she didn’t quite understand why, she still felt it was the right thing to do. “You won’t… do magic here?”
 
Tara shook her head emphatically. “Never. Not unless you ask me to for a really good reason.”
 
“Stay here. Be safe.” Buffy punctuated her statement with a fleeting smile.
 
Spike put an arm around Buffy and hugged her close. “You’re amazing, pet. You really are.”
 
“You can share my room, Tara,” Dawn said eagerly. “If you don’t mind.”
 
“Are you all really, really sure?” Tara asked. “I don’t want to impose on anyone.”
 
“You’re more than welcome, Glinda,” Spike reassured her. He wasn’t sure exactly why Buffy was so willing to protect Tara, but he saw it as a good sign.
 
Giles was still troubled by Willow’s actions. “I don’t know if you are going to be able to avoid talking to Willow indefinitely. She needs to be made to see the seriousness of her actions.”
 
“I know, Giles. I just need a little time. What she did…” Tara looked on the verge of tears once more.
 
“What she did was inexcusable,” Giles said firmly. “While you are here, the wards will protect you from any further interference. Before I speak with her I will contact some of my colleagues in England for some advice.”
 
Spike wanted very much to say that Giles should have bloody well have reined Willow in ages ago, around the time that he had found himself planning a wedding to his mortal enemy. However, given that they had already had one major argument that day already, which had upset Buffy, he decided to hold his tongue for now. Buffy was currently not terrified or cowering and he was not going to upset the balance to say, “I told you so.” no matter how much it was deserved. Instead, he said, “Just make sure she doesn’t turn you into a toad or something when you confront her.”
 
“Duly noted,” Giles replied dryly. “I believe I will make that telephone call straight away before it is too late in England.” He went into the living room while Tara and Dawn went upstairs to settle Tara into her accommodations.
 
“Are you sure you’re okay with Tara being here?” Spike asked once more. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. You know that.”
 
“Not afraid of h-her. She knows the f-fear.” Buffy was not completely sure what the bad witch had done, but she understood that the woman they called Tara had her memories removed somehow and Buffy knew what that was like. Fear. Can’t trust anything. I understand that.
 
Spike understood Buffy’s meaning. “You know how frightening it is not to remember things, yeah?” Buffy nodded. “We’ll keep working on your memory, and we’ll help Tara as well. Sound like a plan?” Buffy nodded again, and buried her head in Spike’s shoulder for comfort.
 
TBC