Chapter Nine
Hours later, bathed, fed and carefully dressed and made up, Buffy announced that she was going out for a patrol. Turning down any offers of help, she said, “I’m hoping I won’t be doing it alone.  Don’t wait up for me.”
 
Thinking she might be lucky enough to catch Spike just as he was coming out for the evening, she strolled towards the park, cutting across to the other side from where Smith had lived. Huh, wonder what’s going to happen to that building now? Maybe the Council can make him just ‘disappear’ and give it to them. She quickened her step so as to be on the other side before it got completely dark.
 
She reached the far side of the park and stared up and down the broad street helplessly. Crap! I don’t have any idea where he might be. “Across the park” really isn’t very helpful. There’s another whole half a city here. Buffy sighed, accepting that her idea to catch Spike as he emerged for the night wasn’t going to be very useful. Snapping her fingers in inspiration, she pulled out her phone and dialed his number, frowning when it rang and rang.  When no voice mail came on, and the phone wasn’t answered, she sighed and ended the call.  So much for that plan
 
With nothing else to do, and no idea which of the intersecting streets down which Spike might have his basement apartment, she wandered down the sidewalk, letting her well-honed slayer senses automatically scan her surroundings while she mulled over her options. She could just wander around all night, hoping to find Spike somewhere. probably not a good idea in a city this size  She could go back to the cemetery she’d originally found him in and hope he was looking for her. Not likely. He knows how to find me if he wants to. She took her phone out and looked at it in case she’d missed a call, but there was nothing there.
 
She’d walked the entire length of the park when she stopped to survey her surroundings. The street continued ahead, now with buildings on both sides – many of them shuttered and covered in graffiti. Buffy wasn’t accustomed to feeling fear in the sense that most women would recognize it. She’d feared for her life many times, but was usually too busy fighting her way out of the situation to dwell on it. She’d had moments of gut-wrenching fear when someone she loved was in danger. She’d feared for her mother when she had the brain tumor.
 
But Buffy hadn’t felt that uncomfortable, I-probably-shouldn’t-be-here, nervousness familiar to most normal women since she was in her early teens. Now, finding herself in what was clearly not one of Cleveland’s best neighborhoods, and knowing that not only did she possibly not have her normal super strength, but that anything she faced would probably be human and therefore someone she would have to be careful when fighting.... Shit! Why don’t I just hold up a sign – stupid suburban girl here. Come and get me!
 
Mentally calling Spike every name she could think of, she started back toward the other end of the multi-block-long park side street.  She did pretty well for the first several blocks, the grim expression on her face and the look in her eyes discouraging anyone who might have thought her easy prey.  Without having any idea who or what she was, most of the human predators backed away and went looking for someone more vulnerable-seeming.
 
She was just approaching mid-block when, emboldened by their size difference and with numbers on his side, a tall, thuggish teenager smirked at his friends and stepped in front of her. He frowned, putting a hand on her arm when she just gave him an irritated look and tried to go around him.
 
“What’s your hurry, baby? I want to talk to you.”
 
“Uh, no. You really, really don’t,” Buffy said, giving him her best slayer stare. “I’m not in a very good mood.”
 
“Well, let’s see what I can do to brighten that mood. Bet I can make you smile.” He put his arms around her and lifted her off the ground, laughing when she struggled briefly. He didn’t read the sudden cessation of her struggling for what it really was, thinking he’d cowed her into compliance with no trouble.
 
“That’s better, baby. Now, we’ll just step in here and have ourselves a good time. If you’re nice to me, who knows? Maybe I’ll be nice to you.” He carried her into the alley where his friends were watching, and set her down, keeping his grip on her.
 
As soon as Buffy’s feet touched the ground, she threw her arms up, easily breaking his hold.  Hoping to get away without having to do any real damage, she kicked him in the knee, wincing when she heard a “crack” as he screamed and fell to the ground. Guess my strength’s back already.
 
“Sorry,” she muttered as she walked past him.  “I really didn’t mean to do that. Not,” she added, pausing to glare down at him, “that it’s okay for you to treat women like that. If I wasn’t in a hurry to find my vampire and kick his ass, I’d stay here and make sure you learned a lesson.”
 
“Think he’s got the picture, Slayer.” Spike’s familiar voice floated down just ahead of his graceful drop into the alley.  “But you may have to explain things to his mates here.”
 
Instead of standing beside her, he leaned against the wall and took out a cigarette, watching with mild interest as the boy’s two companions stared back and forth between Buffy and their now-moaning friend.
 
“Don’t just stand there!” he screamed. “Kill that fucking bitch!”
 
Spike shook his head. “Tsk. Language! Kids these days.”
 
At their injured friend’s urging, the two remaining boys ran at Buffy, only to find she’d moved too quickly for them to follow. They turned around to find her, hands on hips, glaring at Spike.
 
“Where the hell have you been? I waited up all night.”
 
“Told you not to,” he said, glaring back. “And what the bloody hell were you doing down in this part of town by yourself?”
 
“Looking for you, you asshole!”
 
Thinking to take advantage of Buffy’s obvious distraction, the boys tried to get close enough to grab her arms. Without even looking at him, she punched the first one hard enough to send him stumbling back to fall over his downed friend. One flash of Spike’s true face was all it took for the remaining boy to decide he didn’t want any part of the girl or her scary boyfriend. He sprinted to the alley entrance, shouting back that he would send help for his friends.
 
“Not yours to order around anymore, Buffy,” Spike growled, dropping his cigarette and standing up straight. “Thought you got that message.”
 
“Yeah? Well I’ve got a message for you,” she growled back.  “I’ve about had it with trying to figure out how to talk to you without you getting all huffy and stomping off to brood.”
 
“I do NOT brood!” He kicked away his cigarette and stepped into her space. “And if you’ve had it with me, why the hell were you looking for me?”
 
“Because you didn’t show last night and I need to talk to you.” Buffy punctuated her reply by shoving him against the wall.
 
He snarled, pushed her back, and followed as she jumped back into a fighting stance. He stopped when he saw her raised fists and the stubborn expression on her face. He threw his hands in the air and whirled to kick a trash can. The two boys on the ground were moaning in fear, sure that the monster was going to remember them as soon as he killed the girl who seemed not to be at all concerned about the danger.
 
“I told you not to wait up!” he repeated, keeping his back to her.
 
Buffy grabbed his arm and pulled him around to face her.
 
“You weren’t going to come tonight either, were you?”
 
“I was thinking about it.” He shook off her hand. “Now I’m rethinking the idea.”
 
“Well re-re-think it! I’m getting tired of chasing you!”
 
“Then why the bloody hell don’t you just leave me be?”
 
Buffy’s face went white, then red.
 
“Is that really what you want?” she asked, her voice as steady as she could make it. “ ‘Cause I can definitely make that happen. All you have to do is say so.”
 
His shoulders slumped. “Been saying that since the first night, haven’t I?  I know we both wanted it, Buffy, but every time I think we’ve got round the elephant you don’t want to admit is in the room, he stomps on me.” He shook his head and met her gaze with sorrow that was palpable.  “I’m sorry, love. I truly am. But I’m just not the vamp you remember. You may think you have... feelings—”
 
“Love,” Buffy interrupted. “I have feelings for my favorite blouse. I love you. Even when you’re being a stupid jackass who needs his ass kicked.”
 
“And there you go,” he growled, the soft look vanishing from his face. “Thinking I’m going to take that from you and just smile and nod. If you think my arse needs kickin’, Slayer, why don’t you just give it a try?” He went back into game face and snarled in her direction.
 
“I thought you’d never ask,” she replied, snapping a quick jab at his face that split his lip.
 
With a roar, he attacked, forcing her farther down the alley and away from the boys, who took advantage of Spike’s distraction to scuttle out onto the somewhat safer street. The one Buffy had kicked hobbled off, clinging to his friend who looked like he’d much rather be running than helping somebody else walk.
 
If the would-be rapists had been brave enough to hang around and watch, they would have seen two very fast, powerful people seemingly trying to kill each other.  Spike wasn’t pulling any punches this time, as he had when he’d thought she was just another newbie slayer; and Buffy, although she felt fine, wasn’t sure enough of her recovered strength not to put everything she had into the fight. Brick dust flew every time one of them threw the other into the walls of the narrow alley.  Snarls and profanity-laced gasps accompanied the action as neither one seemed willing to relax and enjoy the fight as they normally would have.
 
When the alley looked like a bomb had exploded in it, and even Spike’s arms were getting tired, they ended up glaring at each other from opposite walls – both leaning heavily against the support.  Buffy was panting, and she tore her gaze away from his to focus on catching her breath. Spike just shut his eyes and leaned his head against the wall, his posture exhausted. 
 
“As our dances go, Slayer, this one isn’t going to make my top five.”
 
“It really wasn’t as much fun as I thought it might be,” Buffy admitted, leaning her own head against her wall. She frowned and glanced at him. “You have a list of favorites?”
 
“You don’t?” He sounded so aggrieved, Buffy struggled for an honest answer that wouldn’t give away how much alike they really were.
 
“Well, any time I kicked your ass has to be a pretty good memory....” she started. When he straightened up and appeared ready to start fighting again or leave, she hastened on. “What are your top five?”
 
“In backwards order... the fight where you dropped an organ on me – not that part, mind you, but up to that point. Got you to admit you’d rather be fighting me than some other vamp, didn’t I?”
 
Buffy rolled her eyes. “Awesome. I cripple you and it becomes a fond memory... for you.”
 
“I said up to that part,” he growled. “Then there was the time I had the Gem. Fighting you in the sunlight. That was brilliant.”
 
“Till I took your cheater away and you went scampering off into the bushes.”
 
“Yeah. Had to run my bloody big mouth...” He looked at her from the corners of his eyes. “Admit it, I had you up to that point.”
 
Buffy waved a dismissive hand. “You were holding your own.”
 
He smiled and went on. “Well, there was the time you were all bespelled and couldn’t fight back... until you could. Still not sure why I didn’t get staked when you came to and found me droolin’ on your neck...”
 
“Because you ran away after I punched you a few times,” she snorted.
 
“It was a strategic retreat,” he replied, shrugging.
  
“You remember it your way, I’ll remember it mine.” She gazed at him, her eyebrows raised. “Have we really had that many ‘dances’? Seems to me, most of the time I was just beating on you....”
 
“I’m a vampire, love. Those were fun too. If you don’t want to count all the times you just punched me for no good reason, then we’re left with the first time I fought you and realized I’d found a slayer worthy of the name... and then there’s my very favorite ‘dance’.” He leered at her expectantly, frowning when she just stared at him with a blank face.  “Seriously? You don’t know what I’m talking about? It’s top of the list!”
 
“I’m trying to remember all the times we fought about something... I don’t know... give me a hint.” She kept her face expressionless, knowing full well what he was referring to, but unwilling to give him the satisfaction.
 
“I bloody well will not give you a hint,” he said, going into game face. “How can you not— That’s it, Slayer. We’re done here. Go back to your baby slayers.  If I had to keep fighting you now, I’d probably kill you.”
 
“You mean, you’d try.” Buffy glared back at him, before letting her shoulders slump as she turned away. “But, fine. I’m not chasing you any more. I gave it my best shot, but you obviously didn’t get it. Or you’ve decided you like things too much the way they they’ve been the past several years. I don’t know, and right now, I don’t care.  Have a nice life, Spike.”
 
 
She walked out of the alley, shoving her way through the few people who had gathered to watch the fight. No one made any attempt to stop or touch her. If the knowledge that she’d just battled a vampire to a standstill hadn’t convinced them to leave her alone, one look at her face would have done it.
 
Spike was left to kick through the debris their fight had left, trying to get a grip on his temper and his heart. “What the fuck does she mean, ‘get it’? What’s to get? We had a knock down, drag out fight, and neither one of us was enjoyin’ it—” He froze, then began swearing in English, Italian and several demon languages. A sound from the alley entrance brought his head around, and all of the onlookers shrank back at the sight of his furious demon. With no way of knowing that he was furious at himself, not them, they all scrambled to be the first to get away. 
 
When he was alone again, he stopped swearing at himself and sank down to sit leaning against the wall. He stared at the wall opposite where he could see the dent he’d made when Buffy had jumped over an attempt to kick her legs out from under her.
 
“She did everything she could to goad me into a fight that should have ended in shagging, and I fucked it up. Girl’s got enough pride for any ten less-worthy bints, and I let her tell me she loves me and do what she could to show me, and I didn’t even— No wonder she thinks we’re done. Never gave her a sign that I still love her enough to keep fighting her until we’ve got nothing left but each other. Told her to go away and leave me alone.” He thumped his head against the wall behind him until it hurt too much to continue. “I am the biggest wanker on the face of the earth.”