I brushed a stray tear off my cheek and threw my duffel bag into the trunk of my green jeep. She was crying too,  even from the driveway I could hear her. Good. I wanted her to hurt. Not like she gave a damn about how I felt. She was probably upset about what our friends would say when they found out.

Easy come, easy go that's just you live

Oh take, take, take it all but you never give

I closed my eyes, running my hand through my hair. It was softer than usually, I hadn't dyed it for a couple years. I let it go brown for her, because she said she loved to run her fingers through it, but that she wished it were softer.

I yanked my hand away, disgruntled by the memory. I felt the muscles in my face jump as I thought about her. About what she had done, who she had done it with.

Angel was the one who told. The snide bastard was smirking as he admitted to adultery, to sleeping with my wife, my Buffy. He said he found a way to anchor in his soul. He said she needed someone who had a chance of being human, of giving her a family. He said Buffy had begged him to fuck her, that he made her scream his name in ecstasy. He said that Buffy had told him that she imagined him when I made love to her, and that they had done it in our bed. 

I broke. My fists were still sore from what I did to Angel. I didn't mean to go so far, but I was so mad, blinded with rage. At least Angel wouldn't have the strength to sleep with anyone, especially his precious Slayer. For a while that least.

Should've known you was trouble from the first kiss

Had your eyes open, why were they open?

I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash

You tossed it in the trash you did

I slammed the side door of my jeep, kicking it with vicious force. I gave her everything; my body, my love, my soul. I was working for the bloody Council to give her the bleeding house of her dreams; it even had a daft white picket fence.

What did I get back for all my trouble? The slapper sleeps with my enemy while I was out fighting the good fight, risking my neck so she wouldn't have to.

To give me all your love is I ever asked

'Cause what you don't understand

Is that I'd catch a grenade for ya'

Throw my hand on the blade for ya'

I'd jump in front of a train for ya'

You know I'd do anything for ya'

I shivered in the cold even though being a vampire it didn't affect me. I rubbed my arms, moving to the driver side door. I had on an army styled coat, my leather jacket was stored at Andrew's apartment. Yet another thing that I lost for Buffy. She wanted me to look more like a husband, and less like sex on legs. Apparently she hated other women ogling me. So I lost the bad-boy black jeans and tees, instead wearing light colors and looser fitting clothing. Except for when Faith and I went into battle. I was only ever myself around Faith, we could barb and tease each other in good humor. I didn't do that with Buffy anymore, never knew what would set her off. I did everything to change for her, never asking for her to be anything but herself, and still I'm not enough. I fucking let myself be beaten at work, to come home and be emotionally beaten by her.

I would go through all this pain

Take a bullet straight through my brain

Yes I would die for you baby

But you won't do the same

I pulled the door closed behind me, roaring the engine to let her know I was really leaving this time. I've packed my shite and started to leave her a couple of times. But each time I cooled off out side and end up going back in to apologize for upsetting her. Funny how she can screw up, and I'm the one making things up to her. I've let her hurt me too much, if I'm ever going to live, it's going to have to be without Buffy. I couldn't let myself go back this time; of course it was the first time she's ever cheated on me. To my knowledge at least.

Black, black, black and blue

Beat me 'til I'm numb, tell the Devil I say 'hey'

When you get back to where you're from

I pulled away from our house, from the home I made with Buffy. I felt numb. My mind unfocused, I was driving on auto, literally. The pain was too much, my heart ached too bad to concentrate.

Bad woman, bad woman, that's just what you are, yeah

You smile to my face, then rip the breaks from my car

I gave you all I had and you tossed it in the trash

Tossed it in the trash yes you did

I didn't know where I'd go. Didn't know what I'd do without Buffy. I spent my every free day for the past four years with her. After the big battle in L.A.. I went to find her, to win her back. It didn't take long. Of course she started out acting like a wounded pup, angry that I didn't come back to her straight away. But my persistence won through and soon after getting back together I offered her a ring. It was an emerald to match her beautiful eyes, diamonds surrounding the gem and it was set in a gold band. The thing cost me an arm and a bloody leg, but it was worth it to see her face when I gave it to her. Everything was always worth it, whatever it took to make her happy, to hear her tell me she loved me.

She said it quite a bit. When I was worshipping her body, when we were fighting and everywhere else in between. It was all a lie, all fake. How could she love me, but betray me like that? What did I do to make her hate me so much?

If my body were on fire

You would watch me burn down into flames

You said you loved me you were a liar

'Cause baby you never ever, ever did

It took all my willpower not to turn around and run to her side. I wanted to pretend everything was okay; that she didn't want Angel more than me. All I wanted to do was crawl into her arms and stay there forever. To hear her tell me she loved me and always would. Lies were always better than the truth when it came to my life anyway. I still loved her. I knew she was the only one I'd ever love again. I loved her, and I had to leave her. My life was unbefuckinglievable. After everything she pulled I'd still die for the parky bint. I will always be truly fucked by karma.

But darling I'd still catch a grenade for ya'

Throw my hand on the blade for ya'

I would do anything for ya'

But you won't do the same

No, no you would never do the same

I knew where to go. I knew what I had to do to survive. I couldn't fight the pain as William, Buffy's ever devoted husband; I had to hide my feelings now. I couldn't be William, not the way I had been with Buffy since early on in our marriage, since I lost the rough edge of my demon. I needed him back, and he was waiting, I could feel him ever since I broke and ripped into Angel.

I only ever went game-face when I needed to; which wasn't often. We worked well this way, me, my soul and my demon. But now I needed to hide behind him. I went soft for Buffy, -not when it came to fighting only when it came to me personally- I wasn't rude or crude; I didn't snarl or talk sarcastically much anymore. Not even with Faith lately. I had become … too human.

I picked up some dye from a nearby store and headed off to Andrew's. He had something of mine, and I wanted it back.