Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Joss Whedon, not me. Thank you to SanityFair for the beta work, and for all the readers who waited patiently while my laptop got its life in order. It promises to behave from now on.
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Chapter 10 – Time to Wake Up
 
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Mmm. Comfy. Buffy felt like she was waking from a very long, deep sleep. She was dimly aware that she was lying on something soft and that someone was there with her. Spike? Where are we? But no returning thought answered, and she was confused. She stirred and fought her way out of her dream state. “Are you awake?” she murmured, turning toward her bedmate.
 
“I am now,” answered a completely American voice.
 
Buffy opened one eye still confused and found that she was looking into the face of Riley Finn. With a shriek her eyes flew open and she leaped out of the bed. “Riley? What are you doing here?”
 
Riley, on his part, seemed startled by her response. “Well, I live here. Did you have a nightmare or something? What’s wrong?”
 
“You live here? Since when?” She then looked around and noticed that she was in her old room in Sunnydale. It had been remodeled somewhat, and there was definitely a man living there given the men’s clothes and toiletries scattered about. Her colonial era clothing was gone, and she was wearing a tank top and lounge pants. She spun around in confusion. “Where’s here? Are we in Sunnydale?”
 
Riley got up and approached her with a confused look on his face “Buffy, are you okay? You’re sort of freaking me out here.”
 
Still wide eyed she tried to get a grip on the situation. I’m in Sunnydale, and Riley is living in my house. What the hell is going on? Then she had a thought that chilled her. “The date. What’s the date?”
 
“Buffy, just calm down. Something must have happened on patrol…” He moved to stroke her arms, to comfort her in some way.
 
Buffy, however, jumped away and demanded, “Would you just answer my questions? Where are we? What’s the date, damn it?”
 
Looking hurt by the rejection, Riley said slowly, “We’re in our house. In Sunnydale. It’s May the fifth.”
 
“Year! What’s the year?” she demanded.
 
“It’s 2004,” Riley answered with a perplexed frown.
 
May 5, 2004? Oh my God. It was the date of the battle in LA. But Sunnydale was gone. It had been gone for almost a year before that battle. What the hell..? Then like a shock of electricity the answer popped into her head. I’ve been returned to my own time. We succeeded. Only for whatever reason I remember the previous timeline. Oh God. Spike… She fisted both hands in her hair, looking like a madwoman as she spun around again to take in her surroundings. “Oh God, no. No. This isn’t right…” she said, her voice breaking with the stress of it all.
 
Riley was still trying to calm her down and reason with her. “Buffy, maybe we should call Giles. Something must have happened to you last night. Weren’t you up against some new demons? Maybe they…”
 
But Buffy wasn’t even listening. Her head was reeling with the implications of everything. Spike is gone. No, he never was. And somehow I ended up living with Riley, and Giles is still here, and Sunnydale is still here. “Dawn!” she exclaimed, grabbing a startled Riley by the shoulders and shaking him. “Where’s Dawn?”
 
Riley looked troubled. “Buffy?”
 
“Where is she?” she screamed, shaking him so his teeth rattled.
 
“Buffy, she’s dead. She died two years ago. When Glory…”
 
“No!” Buffy turned and ran from the room, pulling open Dawn’s door to see a home office, but no sign of her sister. Shaking her head she yanked open another door. Her mom’s room was clearly a guest room. She stumbled down the stairs to find the downstairs similar to what she remembered, but with subtle differences. The living room had a new TV, a different coffee table, and on the side table, a wedding picture. She grabbed it and stared at it. It was hers. She was standing next to Riley in a simple white gown with a bouquet of roses. She dropped it in shock, barely hearing the shattering glass. She noticed for the first time a simple gold wedding band on her shaking left hand. There was a sound behind her and she turned as Riley came downstairs, having pulled a t-shirt over his bare chest.
 
“It’s okay, honey,” he said, approaching her like she was a wounded animal. “It’s going to be okay. Why don’t you just sit down, alright? Sit down and we’ll get the others over here to help figure this out.”
 
“You don’t understand!” Buffy cried. “I’m not supposed to remember.”
 
“I don’t know what happened last night, but you need some help. I’m going to call Giles, okay?”
 
Buffy just stood there shaking her head in disbelief. She sat down on the couch heavily, burying her face in her hands as the situation completely overwhelmed her. She could hear Riley speaking in hushed whispers on the kitchen phone. They’re going to think I’m crazy, she despaired quietly. How did this happen? Why do I remember Spike and not how I ended up married to Riley? How could that have happened? Then she remembered anew that Dawn was gone in this world, and she lost control completely. When Riley returned to the living room she was sobbing uncontrollably, mourning for Dawn, for Spike, and for herself. Riley tried to sit next to her and comfort her, but she shied away from him, curling up in a ball in the corner of the couch, lost in her own private hell.
 
The doorbell rang and Riley got up to answer it, but Buffy went on weeping hysterically. “Thanks for coming, Giles, Jenny. I just don’t know what happened,” Riley was saying.
 
Jenny? The name broke through Buffy’s distress and caused her to look up. There was Giles and next to him was Jenny Calendar. “You’re…” she had started to say “You’re alive” but quickly realized that such a statement was going to lead to an insane number of questions that she wasn’t yet prepared to answer.
 
Jenny came over to her and sat down on the sofa beside her. “Buffy? What happened? What’s got you so upset?”
 
How do I answer that? Buffy wondered as she stared at Jenny. How do I say that you’re supposed to be dead? “I don’t… I don’t know what happened,” she stammered, not prepared to go into details yet.
 
“Did something happen on patrol last night?” Giles asked, sitting down on a chair across from her, looking at her with great concern.
 
“I… I don’t remember.” Because last night I didn’t patrol. I watched the man I love vanish before my eyes. The thought brought another sob forth and she covered her mouth, trying to get under control.
 
Turning to Riley, Giles asked, “Did you notice anything odd last night?”
 
Riley shook his head. “I came home from work late. Buffy came home from patrol, and we went to bed. This morning she woke up wondering why I was there.”
 
“What’s the last thing you remember, Buffy?” Jenny asked gently.
 
“Um…” Buffy hesitated not sure how much to tell them. She covered her face again, trying to come up with some way to buy some time while she figured out what was going on in this timeline. “I… um… I remember you being my TA in psych class,” she said finally, hoping fervently that they had met the same way in this world.
 
“But that was four years ago,” Riley sputtered. “You mean you don’t remember anything since then?” Buffy shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself.
 
The others looked at each other in dismay. Finally, Jenny wrapped her arm around Buffy’s shoulder and, said, “Just take it easy, okay? We’ll figure out what happened and, get you back to normal.”
 
Buffy laughed and sobbed at the same time. Normal. Oh, lady, you don’t know from normal. She went on laughing and crying hysterically with Jenny’s arm awkwardly around her.
 
“I’ll get the others together at the Magic Box and we’ll do some research,” Giles said. “I’ll send Willow over to do a healing spell right away so you can calm down.”
 
“No!” Buffy said. “No magic!” She was gripped with the thought that a spell might somehow interact with whatever magic or power had put her here. God, no. What if I lose all the memories? What if I lose Spike? “I don’t want her doing any spells on me. Do you hear me? No spells!”
 
Giles was startled by her intensity. “But Buffy, you know Willow won’t hurt you. She’s done spells like this for you before with no ill effects.”
 
Buffy leaped to her feet. “No way. If I even think she’s putting a spell on me I am out of here.” It seemed like this Giles was a lot more relaxed about Willow’s magic, but Buffy’s memories made her want nothing to do with it.
 
“Buffy, it’s all right,” Riley soothed. “No one’s going to do anything to hurt you. We just want to help you.”
 
“Fine. Help me without magic then,” she insisted. She stood there, face streaked with tears, looking like a trapped animal and none of the others knew what to do. Riley looked hurt and concerned and bewildered, and Giles and Jenny exchanged apprehensive glances.
 
Finally, Giles said, “We’re going to leave you for a moment. We’ll call when we can get the others together. Just try to stay calm until we straighten this out.”
 
Jenny gave her a quick hug that she was too upset to return and said, “You relax, and take it easy. We’ll handle this.”
 
Buffy felt like they were humoring her or like she was a mental patient or something. Riley went to let them out and she sat back down on the couch, not sure what to do next, still trying to get her breathing under control.
 
Riley came back, looking completely mystified as to what to do. “Are… are you hungry?” he asked finally.
 
Buffy shook her head, biting her lip and not looking at him. “How long… how long have we been married?”
 
A pained expression crossed Riley’s face. “About 6 months. We got married right after you graduated.”
 
“Graduated?”
 
“From UC Sunnydale.” Riley looked at her carefully. “You don’t remember, do you?”
 
“No.” Ok, so I actually got to finish college in this world. And apparently I got the normal guy and all that. This must be someone’s idea of happily ever after for me or something. Another thought occurred to her. “I’m… I’m still the Slayer, then?”
 
“Of course you are,” Riley replied. “We patrol together just about every night, unless I have to work late.”
 
“What do you do? For work, I mean.” She took refuge in the banal questions while her mind screamed over and over, Dawn’s gone. Spike’s gone. No. Oh nonono…
 
“I, um, I work at a consulting firm. We do corporate leadership training.” He paced around a little and said, “This is sort of weird, introducing myself to my wife.”
 
“Sorry, I just… it’s all too much right now.” She got up and moved toward the stairs.
 
“Where are you going?” Riley asked, as if he was afraid to let her out of sight.
 
“I’m going to the bathroom, and I’m going to change. I just… I need to be left alone for a while.” She dashed up the stairs to the bathroom and shut and locked the door. Inside she leaned on the vanity heavily, gripping the counter and trying to steady herself. She looked in the mirror and saw that she was much the same as before, although a little the worse for all the crying. She rinsed her face, used the toilet, and went to her room, noticing that Riley was pacing at the base of the stairs. Christ, that’s annoying. She knew she had to try to see things from his perspective. It had to be pretty unnerving to have your wife wake up and freak out and not be able to remember anything of your marriage. But she instantly felt smothered, like she had before in Riley’s company, and she wondered how this marriage had ever come to pass.
 
In the bedroom, she changed clothes then sat down on the bed to think. She closed her eyes and pictured Spike, imagined his lips and his hands, heard his voice telling her over and over that he loved her, that she was his and that he wouldn’t leave her. But I guess that didn’t happen did it? I wonder if he remembers? Is he in Victorian England, wondering why he’s there? Or do only I remember?
 
It appeared she had two options. On the one hand, she could tell them the truth. That she had gone back in time and altered things to save the world. The only downside was that she wasn’t sure they would believe her. There seemed to be some worried undercurrent in their exchange, like they were waiting for her to snap completely or something. The other alternative was to try to figure out how to live in this timeline. She could figure out what had gone on in the past four or five years and, try to adjust to this life. How is that going to work? She got up and paced back and forth, trying to choose the lesser of the two evils.
 
On the dresser she noticed two bottles of medicine. She picked them up and saw that they were for her. One indicated it was to be taken for anxiety. The other seemed to be some kind of antidepressant. Suddenly their excessive concern made a little sense. Seems like I’m less stable in this world somehow. She wondered how that had come to be. She was taken with an intense urge to know what had happened in this world with no Angel and no Spike. A thought occurred to her and she rummaged through the drawers until she came across a pile of her diaries. Dumping them on her bed, she started leafing through them.
 
As she read she was struck by how subtle some of the changes were between the timelines. She had come to Sunnydale under the same circumstances, had met Willow, Xander, and Giles in about the same way. The Master had arisen, as before. There was a big gap in entries that seemed to correspond to that summer after sophomore year, but there was no indication if she had died at the hands of the Master or not. I didn’t really write all that down in the original either. She made a mental note to get a hold of Giles’ Watcher diaries. Other vampire and demon enemies had come and gone. The Initiative had built Adam, and they had vanquished him in almost the same way. It seemed like she and Riley had some rough times during her sophomore year in college as before, but he hadn’t resorted to vampire whores this time. I guess without Angel and Spike to be jealous of it never happened. She felt a pang as she read about her mom getting sick and, her worries about that. But then the diaries petered out and stopped after that. Apparently she had been too busy fighting Glory to write anything down, and she could guess that Dawn’s death had probably messed her up pretty thoroughly. She closed the book and tossed it aside, feeling like she had more questions than answers.
 
The phone rang, making her jump. Quickly she gathered up the diaries and stuffed them back in the drawer before heading out into the hall. Riley had picked up the phone and was talking in a low voice. Buffy crept cautiously down the stairs, listening. “…and she’s been in her room ever since. Could she be having another breakdown? After all this time?” Buffy leaned against the wall, running a hand through her hair. Clearly she had had some major mental break at some point. How bad could it have been? I mean even when I came back from the dead I didn’t end up on heavy-duty tranquilizers. Riley hung up the phone, and she decided to venture downstairs to find out what was going on.
 
Riley was in the kitchen, leaning heavily on the counter and looking worried. He straightened up when she came in the room. “Who was on the phone?”
 
“That was Giles. The gang is getting together at the Magic Box in about a half hour or so. Do you want to come?” He seemed unsure what to say to her.
 
“I’ll come,” Buffy replied. She felt overwhelmed, and wanted nothing more than to bolt out the door and flee to parts unknown, but she wasn’t going to be able to decide what to do about this situation without more information. In a daze she slipped on some shoes and, followed Riley out to the car.