All the characters are someone else's, not mine. Thanks to Sanity Fair for her heroic beta work. Sorry the update took so long, but I am back from traveling and ready to write!

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Chapter 20 – Give me time to think
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It was ten o’clock when she got back to the hotel room. She changed into pajamas, flipped on the TV to some classic movie channel, and let a John Wayne western play in the background as she thought over her visit to the Oracles. Come back in a week? What’s that supposed to mean? And when I do come back, are they going to send me there right then? And if not what the hell do I do?
 
These musings were interrupted by Riley’s return. “Hey, you’re home early!” he said by way of greeting.
 
“I had a couple of good slays, decided to call it a night,” she lied. “How was the management… leadership thingy?”
 
“It was really good,” Riley responded with enthusiasm. He went on to discuss one of the “innovative new training techniques” at length while he ditched his tie and suit coat and rummaged around for the t-shirt and lounge pants he planned to call pajamas. Buffy had to fight to stay looking interested – it all sounded, to coin a phrase, as boring as shit. “Anyhow, I can’t wait to try this with some of my corporate clients. I think it will really help some of the more timid speakers.”
 
“That’s great, Riley,” Buffy said with a little smile. “So you have one more day of this?”
 
“Yeah. There are workshops tomorrow and then a final dinner…” he trailed off, looking at her closely. “Where is your ring?”
 
Crap. “I took it off before patrol. It’s… it’s been a little loose lately. I guess I haven’t been eating as much as I used to.”
 
“Oh.” Riley looked as if he desperately wanted to ask her to put the ring back on, but instead he grabbed his night attire and went into the bathroom to change.
 
Shit, now what? She decided to say nothing unless Riley brought it up again. She got under the covers and attempted to focus on the movie. Riley came out and threw himself down on his bed. “I didn’t think you liked John Wayne,” he commented.
 
“It was the only thing on,” Buffy replied.
 
After a few more minutes of Mr. Wayne delivering his slightly wooden lines, Riley said, “Any plans for tomorrow?”
 
“Not really,” Buffy replied. “Probably do some more swimming and browsing.”
 
“Did you remember that Anya and Xander’s baby shower is Friday?”
 
“No, I forgot.” The invitation had arrived in the middle of her research binge and had scarcely been noted. “I’ll have to go get them something tomorrow.”
 
“Good, because I haven’t the slightest clue about baby stuff,” Riley said with obvious relief.
 
“Well, I have only slightly more clue, but I’ll figure something out.” Buffy felt a little pang of regret. If everything went the way she hoped, she would never get to meet Xander’s child. The Oracles’ words of warning echoed in her head: You could end up alone and lost, in a time that is not your own. She lay quietly watching the movie until she drifted off to sleep pondering that thought.
 
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Riley was gone again the next morning before she woke up. She had a leisurely brunch in a local diner before heading out to the stores. She went into a likely looking purveyor of baby things and asked for help. After explaining that no, she didn’t know if it was a boy or girl and no, she didn’t know if they were registered, the woman helped her pick out a selection of baby clothes in neutral colors. She added a stuffed Count from Sesame Street – living in Sunnydale the kid should probably learn about vampires early. Besides, what else would the slayer give as a gift? She paid what she thought was an extraordinary amount of money for such tiny clothes, got them gift wrapped, and called it done.
 
Outside she walked until she found a park and sat down on a bench to think. Now that the possibility of getting sent back in time to Spike was dangled in front of her, she found herself hesitating. She silently cursed the Oracles for planting the seeds of doubt in her head. She knew a lot about Victorian times and customs, but would it be enough to blend in? Would she even be able to find William Pratt in the London sprawl? If she found him, what would she say? Would he believe her? Was he the kind of man who would take a chance on someone like her, or was he too caught up in the strictures of his time? She had no way of knowing any of this, and it was unnerving.
 
Then there was the idea of having to actually live in Victorian London. No television, no radio, no electricity. Gas lamps, candles, and oil lamps. Possibly no flush toilets. No wearing shorts or jeans, or strappy heels. Corsets, high button shoes, and bustles. No sunbathing, no drinking and partying at the Bronze. Music of the stuffy chamber variety. These things definitely gave her pause. Could she really live the rest of her days without malls? Without cars? In a city full of coal smoke and horse manure?
 
The personal cost was high as well. Riley she wouldn’t miss particularly, but having to say goodbye to Tara and Jenny and Anya again would be painful. To never see Xander or Giles again would be tough. Although she didn’t see them all the time after Sunnydale had fallen, she knew they were there at the end of the telephone. No telephones! And Willow. They had reconnected a lot over the past year, especially after Willow had broken up with Kennedy. They talked on the phone or via email nearly every day. Even now, with Willow in Magic Mode, she still took comfort from the familiar face of her longtime friend. In London she would be alone, unless she found Spike.
 
The implications of what she was planning to do spun endlessly in her brain as she watched people move through the park. Joggers went by, sweating and panting. A homeless man searched in nearby trash cans for returnable bottles and cans. A group of boys went by kicking a soccer ball between them casually, laughing and joking. Someone was practicing juggling on a patch of grass some ways away. All these people living their lives – how much was the same? How much had changed because of what she and Spike had done? They were all unaware of how close they had been to being snuffed out forever. And what will change again if I go back in time again?
 
It was then that a young couple with their little boy came walking down the path in front of her. The parents were holding his hands and swinging him into the air with every step while the boy laughed joyously. He stopped to look at a caterpillar crossing his path, his parents stealing a kiss behind him while he knelt down to pick up his new friend. “Look, Mommy! It likes me!” he cried happily as he let the caterpillar crawl up his arm. His parents bent down to admire his discovery, and the man’s arm wrapped affectionately around his wife’s waist in an unconscious gesture of love. Buffy’s heart constricted in her chest as she watched the little scene. That little gesture of love, so simple and profound, moved her deeply. An image, clear and bright, appeared in her mind of walking with Spike in the sunlight, holding hands. She suddenly could picture exactly what a son of theirs would look like, with Spike’s eyes and her hair. All the worries about what she would lose seemed pale compared to the visions of what she could gain. That perfect connection. I will never have that here. This world had many wonders, but that deep, perfect communion with another soul was not available here and she couldn’t live long without it. The last little bits of reluctance vanished. I am coming for you, Spike. I’ll find you or die trying. With that she rose to return to the hotel.
 
TBC