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Time after Time by BuffyMeetsSpike
 
Last Dance
 
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Disclaimer: All the mistakes that SanityFair didn't catch are mine, all the characters are Joss Whedon's. Sorry for the delay - thanks for your patience readers!

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Chapter 21 – Last Dance

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Buffy and Riley got back to Sunnydale early Wednesday afternoon. The car ride had been reasonably pleasant, having been spent discussing movies and television, a safe subject that avoided the awkward topic of their status as a couple. In the middle of the unpacking and the resultant laundry the phone rang. “I’ll get it,” Buffy called as she headed for the kitchen. “Hello?”
 
“Hey, it’s Willow. How was the trip to L.A.?”
 
“Great from the shopping perspective. Otherwise, nothing much to write home about,” Buffy replied.
 
Willow sounded a bit disappointed when she spoke again. “So, no luck finding Wesley or anything else that could help?”
 
“No. But it’s cool. I’m learning to adjust to the holes in the database, and they’re filling in a little at a time.” Buffy hoped her casual and confident tone would somehow sink into Willow’s ‘fix it with magic’ mindset.
 
“Well, if you’re okay with it…” Willow sounded highly doubtful.
 
“Why did you call anyway?” Buffy asked before Willow could go too far down the intervention path.
 
“Oh yeah, I almost forgot! Tara and I were going to go to the Bronze tonight – there’s a good band playing. Do you guys want to join us?”
 
“Sure. What time?”
 
“Show starts at eight so… seven thirty?”
 
“Sounds good. I’ll tell Riley.” Buffy hung up, her hand lingering a moment on the receiver. She hadn’t had time to notice when she had last gone to the Bronze, before Sunnydale all went to hell. This time she knew it would be the last time, and the thought was bittersweet.
 
“Who was that?”
 
Buffy turned to see that Riley had come up from doing the laundry. “That was Willow. Do you want to go to the Bronze tonight?”
 
Riley seemed surprised. “Sure. You, um, you haven’t wanted to do anything social since all this went down.”
 
“Well, I suppose I should stop being a hermit I guess,” Buffy replied with a smile. She hoped she would be able to keep up the mask of enjoyment all night. She went to the kitchen and pulled out a bag of tortilla chips and some guacamole. She sat down and started munching, savoring every bite. They probably don’t have these in London. These thoughts of what she was giving up kept popping up at random times, but she kept her mind firmly fixed on Spike whenever they did. Would you choose guacamole over Spike? I didn’t think so.
 
“Are you going to call those dinner?” Riley asked.
 
“No. I’m going to call Chinese dinner. Can you order it for me?”
 
“Sure, um, what do you want?”
 
“Anything. Surprise me.” She went back to munching while Riley shrugged and found the take out menu. Forty-five minutes later a selection of Chinese dishes had arrived and Buffy dug in with relish.
 
“You seem really hungry,” Riley commented.
 
Buffy shrugged. “I don’t know. Just enjoying food today.”
 
“That’s good! You haven’t been eating much lately,” Riley noted.
 
Buffy chafed a bit at the constant monitoring that his comment implied, but she bit back on any caustic comment. “Well, I’m hungry today. So pass the kung pao chicken please.”
 
After the meal was cleared away, Buffy went up to the room she was using and methodically went through her notes again. Riley left her alone, having been told off enough times over the past few weeks to know better than to disturb her. At seven o’clock she closed the notebook, rubbed her eyes, and went to find clothes. She found her favorite leather skirt and paired it with a bright blue sleeveless top and heels. She took extra time with her hair and makeup, drinking in every moment of modern day fashion. She looked at herself in the mirror, wondering what William Pratt would think of her if he saw her. He would probably think I was a prostitute or a circus performer or something. I’ll have to resign myself to…
 
She stopped, her mouth dropping open as a thought occurred to her. They might say no. They might not send me back. She had been so caught up with her own personal choice that she had forgotten there were other players in this game. What will I do if they say no? How will I live here? In the same instant she realized the answer: she wouldn’t. If they didn’t send her back to Spike, she would hit the road and keep going, away from Sunnydale and Riley and Slaying and all of it. They’ll find you, said a treacherous voice in her head. They’ll chase you down with locator spells no matter where you go. With a sinking sensation she realized that this was a distinct possibility. Fine. If all else fails, a vampire has a good day. I’m done.
 
A knock on the bedroom door shook her out of her morbid thoughts. “Are you coming?”
 
“Yeah, just a sec,” she said. She took several deep breaths, willing herself to calm down. You don’t know what’s going to happen and you can’t know. Until you do, just be in the now, all right? Having given herself the necessary pep talk, she opened the door and joined Riley downstairs.
 
Riley’s eyes widened appreciatively. “You look amazing,” he said.
 
“Thanks. I guess we’d better go.” Buffy blushed a little under his gaze, hoping he wouldn’t get the wrong impression. She had dressed to enjoy her clothing, not for him, but she had no good way to tell him that.
 
The Bronze was already crowded, but they spotted Willow waving from a table near the edge of the dance floor. After weaving their way through the throng they plopped gratefully into their chairs. “Hey guys,” Buffy said.
 
“Glad you could join us,” Willow said.
 
“Can I get drinks for people?” Riley asked.
 
“I’ll have a Cosmo,” Buffy declared. Willow looked a little surprised, but recovered and gave Riley her order as well. Tara asked for a soda and Riley went off in search of beverages. Buffy asked Willow, “What? Do I develop horns when I drink or something?”
 
Willow blushed a little. “No, it’s just, with your meds you’re not supposed to drink, I thought.”
 
“Well, since I haven’t taken them in three weeks, I think I’ll be safe,” Buffy said firmly.
 
Willow still looked concerned, but Tara said, “That’s great! I mean, apart from the memory thing, you seem to be doing pretty well even without them.”
 
“I keep telling everyone that I’m doing fine,” Buffy said with a touch of frustration. “I don’t know what to do to convince you guys that it’s true.” Tara and Willow exchanged uncomfortable glances and all three were glad when Riley came back with the drinks and relieved the awkwardness.
 
Buffy sipped her drink slowly, savoring the sweet taste. Tara asked about the trip to L.A., and the conversation ran for a while in that vein. Buffy contributed bits and pieces here and there, but was mostly content to listen and watch. She smiled at the sight of Willow and Tara, casually holding hands, or nudging each other, occasionally stealing a quick kiss. The horror of losing Tara and what it had done to Willow was a memory Buffy would sooner forget, and it was gratifying to see them together and content. She sent up a silent prayer to whatever beings were listening that her friends wouldn’t be penalized somehow by what she hoped to do.
 
At some point the girls got up to dance, but Riley begged off, content to hold the table for them. Buffy was perfectly fine with that – dancing with Riley wasn’t something she wanted to explore. She threw herself into it, enjoying herself immensely, getting flirtatious looks from every single man in a ten foot radius. She idly wondered if she would have to learn to waltz or something in Spike’s world. Well, until that happens, I plan to rock. She was out of breath by the time they decided to take a break, her skin glowing and her green eyes bright. “That was more fun than I’ve had in ages,” she commented. It was true – the club scene in Rome had never been as appealing.
 
“It was fun to watch,” Riley commented. “You looked amazing out there.”
 
“Thanks,” Buffy said, avoiding his glance. His statement was more of a plea, and she could see things getting very uncomfortable very soon.
 
At that moment the band was finally announced, and everyone settled in to listen. The band sounded vaguely familiar to Buffy, but she couldn’t remember exactly why. Riley refreshed everyone’s drinks at some point as they band worked their way through their set.
 
“So what did you get Xander and Anya for this shower?” Tara asked at one point. “We got a whole bunch of educational toys, so the baby has something intellectual to drool on.”
 
“I went for clothes. Seriously, how come these things cost so much? I mean…” Buffy stopped mid-sentence, as if switched off.
 
“Buffy? What’s wrong?” Riley asked.
 
The band had switched to a slower song and the words had just permeated Buffy’s brain:
 
Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything that I knew, you were the one I loved….
 
She had heard this song before. That terrible night after her memory had been erased and then snapped back, when she had gone from feeling powerful to crushed in seconds. She had retreated here, to the Bronze, seeking to hide from this hell she had woken to. As she had sat there, alone, this song in the background, Spike had shown up. His eyes had been full of pity and understanding, but she had turned away, unable at first to handle his tenderness. Then she had chased after him and caught him, there by that stairwell, and lost herself in his touch and his scent and the strength in his limbs. Spike. I wasted so much time before. Oh God, let me feel that again. Please.
 
Her friends looked at each other with alarm. “Buffy?” Willow said.
 
“I… I’m sorry. I just… I’ll be right back.” She fled to the ladies room, locked herself in a stall and sat down on the toilet seat, covering her face with her hands. If she didn’t get back to him, she was going to go crazy. These little reminders of him and their shared experiences were getting harder and harder to bear. The Oracles had dangled hope in front of her, but it had only served to sharpen the knowledge of the pain she would suffer if they said no. Get it together, Summers, she told herself. With a deep breath she wiped her eyes, left the stall, and checked her face in the mirror. Other than a faint redness around her eyes, she looked basically all right. A few more deep breaths and she was back out the door, making her way back to the table. “I’m sorry, we were talking about baby presents, right?” she said as she got back to the table.
 
But her friends weren’t going to let her off the hook that easily. “Buffy, you need to tell us what’s wrong!” Riley insisted. “You just zoned out in the middle of a sentence!”
 
“The song just reminded me of my sister, okay? I just lost it for a minute. I’m fine now.”
 
“Are you sure that’s all?” Willow probed. “You looked like you had seen a ghost or something.”
 
The ghosts of kisses past, she thought. “I’m fine,” she insisted. But it seemed as if the steam had gone out of the evening. They ended up listening to the band with little discussion, and when the band finished its set, they all got up to go as if by a prearranged signal.
 
“We should get home. We promised we’d open the shop tomorrow,” Tara explained.
 
“Thanks for the invite,” Buffy said. “Sorry I’m such a drag lately.”
 
“Oh, don’t say that!” Willow exclaimed, giving Buffy a hug. “We’re really glad to see you getting out and about.”
 
“Thanks. See you at the shop tomorrow?” The witches concurred and they all departed.
 
“You’re awfully quiet,” Riley noted in the car.
 
“Just got a lot on my mind,” Buffy replied. Actually, I’ve only got one thing on my mind, but it’s a pretty heavy thing, so just back off, all right? “You don’t need to worry about me.” I can worry about myself plenty. She did just that as they drove home through the darkness.

 
TBC
 
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