SEPTEMBER 18, 2027-

Willow left the room with a heavy heart. He’d begged her not to tell them. He’d said it was enough that Buffy and Joni had suffered so much when Buffy was infected. Spike said he didn’t want them to suffer any longer because of him.

Spike had begged her to downplay the effect “Cassandra’s Lace” was having on him, if for no other reason but to honor his love for his wife and child.

Spike was playing dirty pool. Willow knew it, and so did Spike. Willow owed him a debt she knew she could never repay, and Spike knew that, and now her debt had come due. This was dirty pool.

It was true. She owed him. But she owed Buffy too and it wasn’t fair to keep this from Buffy.

The conflict within her made her heart heavy as she gave the girls the news. She’d respected his wishes for months, even though the look in Buffy’s eyes told Willow that she knew what was happening, without being told.

For months, she stayed mum. But she couldn’t stay quiet anymore.

Buffy heard the door open, and was in front of Willow before she got the door closed again, “Willow, how is he?” She was frantic, as the images of Spike collapsing from exhaustion at her feet, flashed through her mind.

Willow took a deep breath. She was exhausted from the strain of trying to reach Spike, as she had once done with Buffy, through the illness and pain, “Buffy, it’s all through him now,” she blinked away the tears, “The pain Buffy, you know it.”

“Yes,” she whispered, “I remember.”

Willow looked back at the door behind her, and thought of the strong hero lying behind it, “Well, you know what happened to the Slayers, and how fast it happened, before Spike developed the vaccine,” she hid her eyes from Buffy. She didn’t want to tell her, not only because of her promise to Spike but for selfish reasons as well. She didn’t want to cause Buffy any more pain, and deep down, Willow knew that Spike’s illness, and Buffy’s and Jonina’s pain, was on her head, “And he’s been fighting for a long time. He didn’t want to tell you how much this thing had really wore him down.”

“But why Willow? Why would he keep this from me?”

“Buffy, think about it. You had just started to recover. You were getting better, and he was so happy. He didn’t want to burden you with what he’d done to help get you back.”

“But I should have known,” Buffy was only now beginning to feel the pain Spike had been shielding her from. Now that he was unconscious, there was no way to keep it from her, “Willow, we’re connected,” Buffy felt her throat tighten and she could barely speak the words, “Now more then ever. I should have known. I should have felt it. How could it be this bad and I didn’t know?”

“Because he didn’t want you to know. He can be very stubborn,” Willow looked at her friend’s grief-stricken face, and pulled her into a hug, “If he wasn’t, I’m almost sure I’d be talking to him right now, and you would be lying in that room dying…”

“Dying?” Buffy gasped as she pulled away from Willow’s embrace, “He’s dying?” she shook her head in fierce denial of what she already knew was the truth, “But he can’t be. Not him Willow. No, he’s just tired. No,” she looked at Willow with hope shining in her eyes, “You’re wrong, Willow. In a few days, he’ll be fine. He just works too hard.”

Willow hated seeing the hope slowly draining out of Buffy’s eyes, “No, Buffy, Spike won’t be fine. He saw what ‘Lace’ was doing to you, and to Kennedy, and Faith. He knew what it could do to him, and he still made the choice. Buffy, he didn’t do this for you.”

The look of hate that passed over Buffy’s face almost made Willow wince, but she continued, even though the tide of emotion she felt when she’d connected with Spike’s mind, made her breathless, “He did this because he couldn’t watch you die again,” the press of his emotions was overwhelming. Willow had seen what Spike had gone through that horrible night. She had seen, and heard, the torrent of grief as it poured out of him. And now she’d been witness to the feelings, as if they were her own, as well.

Willow was surprised when the sadness she felt was only able to manifest through the solitary tear she felt sliding down the ride side of her face. With the force of what she felt from Spike, nothing else but gut-wrenching sobs would do it justice, “Believe me, Buffy. I was there, before, and I know what it did to him,” she pulled Buffy into another embrace, “He wouldn’t have been able to go on if it happened again.”

Joni’s sobs were heard in the quiet room then, “Then if he doesn’t want to hurt us, how could he let himself get that sick? Why doesn’t he fight?”

It took all of Buffy’s composure not to slap her daughter’s mouth. She walked up to Joni, and in a controlled rage, spat out, “Jonina Irene Dustin, because I know how much you love your father, and I know you’re hurt, I will let that go. You are never to even suggest that your father is weak, in any way, again. Do you understand me? You don’t remember what happened to you when you were a baby. I hope you never do. But I will not have you deny him this. He will be spoken of as a hero, from this point on, and only a hero. Is that clear?”

Joni bowed her head in shame, “Yes, Mommy.”
*********************************************


IN THE INTERREGNUM-

“You are an insolent child.”

He couldn’t help it; the chuckle was out of his throat before he could stop it. They may be all knowing, but that statement proved that the Higher Ups were slow on the uptake as well. He now knew why they’d backed his Grandsire for a hundred years, “Where you been for the last century?” he growled, “This isn’t exactly news to anyone who even took a passing interest in what was going on down there! Yeah, I’m stubborn. And, I’m rude, and a few other things that would cause your angelic ears to burn,” he looked over his shoulder at Joyce, who despite her best efforts to hide it, was smiling. He took that as the encouragement he needed, “And let’s call a spade a spade, you need someone who won’t give up.”

“But child, what you ask, it goes against the natural flow of things. It just simply is not done.”

Spike smirked, “Now you’re getting it. I’m bad. I’m rude,” his eyebrow quirked in defiance, “And, stubborn as Hell,” he looked back at the three women he loved most in the world, “And I will not have anyone I love, especially not Buffy or her Mum, subjected to that sort of punishment simply for doing what it is that Mums do best. I will not have either of them punished for simply loving a child, and wanting to protect that child.”

“You would not?” the spirit inquired.

He stood firm in his answer, and nodded, “I would not.”

“You speak of love,” the spirit continued, “yet there is no reason for you to speak in this manner. The other spoke of love as well. The one you’ve raised, she has torn countless dimensions with her love. Is this the kind of love you speak of, vampire?”

It had been eons since Spike had been reminded of what he was. And the reminder stung him. His mouth had gone dry in fear for her, “No,” he choked, “what Joni did wasn’t love. That was an act of desperation,” he looked back at Joni and Buffy as they held each other, “I know what it means to be that desperate. I don’t blame her.”

“You would have her endure the punishment, then?” the spirit asked.

The horror of what they were asking made Spike want to grimace. The forces that controlled existence on that plane had definitely been out of the game too long. Their little girl was not going through that. Not if he could help it, "Are you daft?" his voice rumbled in a barely contained rage, "You must be, or you wouldn't ask that."

"Child," the spirit's voice was calm, even as the atmosphere was in tumult, "Entropy has been fractured. How do you propose it be mended?"

"Not this way!" he hissed.

The spirit was infinitely patient, " She sought to subvert the natural order. That cannot be tolerated. Something must be done."

"If you have to punish someone," he looked longingly at Buffy and Jonina as they huddled together trying to be brave. Spike's chin lifted in defiance, "Punish me. I'm the one who left her alone. I'm the one that drove her to it."

"Daddy, no!" Jonina gasped.

Spike continued, as if he hadn't heard her gentle sobbing. If he allowed himself to be distracted, he knew he wouldn't have the strength to go through with this, "Because of my mistake, it's coming ahead of your precious timeline. Because of my weakness," he looked at Buffy's suffering eyes, "A child will lose her mother before she's ready. And I will lose something dearer to me than my own...anything!" he fell to his knees, "I'm begging," his voice was gruff and Buffy could hear the tears in it, "The world needs her. Let Jonina go. Please?"

In the emptiness of time, the spirit contemplated the odd child, bent in supplication, "We shall do as you request, child."

Spike bowed his head and his shoulders slumped in relief, and defeat, "Thank you," he sighed.

****************************

He left her to sleep. There was no point in disturbing her. The only thing that would give him any peace now was seeing her. As he drove to the hospital, he wondered if he was placing too much of a burden on that fragile little soul. How many other little girls were their parent’s sole reason for being? He knew he was being unfair to her, but he had never loved anything, Buffy included, as much as he loved her.

Jonina was the first thing he’d touched in ten decades that wasn’t tainted, in some way, by death. Somehow she awakened something in him that he thought was lost. She awakened the part of himself that he had buried when he rescued Buffy from Drusilla.

She was his soul. Together with Buffy, she made him live and breathe again. And that made her precious to him.

As he watched her sleep, he contemplated how his past and his future were on a collision course, and he touched the glass of her isolet reverently, “You don’t know what I’ve been through, to be your Daddy. But some day, Jonina, I hope you know how much I love you,” he tilted his head as he took her in, “And I hope some day you’re proud of me.”
*******************


As Angel lurked in the shadows, watching Spike bound with that child, he only hoped that, one day, he would be forgiven for what he was going to do.