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You Mean the World To Me by Brat
 
Chapter Five
 
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**Yep, in this little verse, she is claimed even though she never reciprocated.**


“Come on Giles, you might even have fun,” Buffy pouted to her Priest.

Giles gave her a hard look. “I highly doubt it. What is so much fun about cavorting in a smoky, hot club filled with testosterone and estrogen at its highest capacity?”

Buffy frowned and turned to Giles. “Geez, when you put it that way, I don’t even want to go.”

Giles tried to hide a triumphant smile.

“Feeling passed!” She said brightly, suddenly. “Come on, maybe Olivia will be there.”

“What would a forty-year-old woman be doing in a club?”

“Trying not to be a stick in the mud? Having fun? Scoping out potential boyfriends? Getting drunk?”

“I get it, I get it. The possibilities are endless.”

“Please Giles? I don’t want to be stuck inside forever because of him. Just come with me, please?”

“Am I to escort you every night? I want to help you, you know I do. I just don’t see how I can be your personal bodyguard every time the sun goes down.”

Buffy sighed and sat down next to her old friend. “I know, Giles. You’re right, I know I can’t expect you to follow me around and protect me from him forever. Just…just until I’m sure I have a handle on this claim.”

Giles sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “All right, Buffy.”

She threw her arms around him and he stiffened immediately. She frowned, that’s odd. Since when does Giles resist affection from me? Brushing it aside she bounded to her room to get ready.

“Buffy? Will you come here please?” Giles called to her after a while.

“Sure Giles, I’m just about ready!” She called back. She checked herself in the mirror. She smiled broadly. This might do the trick to help her forget everything that had happened over the past forty-nine hours. She looked good, and felt good. She wore black low-riders and a red sleeveless shirt with a high neck. It covered the marks left by Spike. She allowed her fingers to idly graze across the marks and gasped when she felt a tingle in her center. Arousal. Giles said it was an erotic experience. . . no. There was nothing erotic about it, she thought, bringing to mind the violent intrusion his fangs had done. As she made her way out of the room, she gave herself a pep talk to keep at bay all thoughts of Spike. She was going out with her friends to have fun tonight, not to dwell on Spike.

She felt it as soon as she entered the living room. The tingle in her neck that signaled his presence. There he was, sitting in a chair in the corner, eyes intently on her.

She looked accusingly at Giles. “You invited him in?!” She exclaimed, angrily.

Giles looked almost apologetic. Almost. “Yes, well, in this case, I had to. Spike has brought forth to my attention some very disturbing news.”

She looked at Spike and narrowed her eyes, “Oh don’t tell me. He’s leaving the city? Moving across country?”

Spike smirked, only irritating her further. “Not likely, pet. You’ve got me whether you want me or not. For eternity.”

“Is that some mate thing? You and Dru were mates and you left—“

“Dru and I were never mated.”

She looked at him, confused. “You weren’t? Why not?”

Spike shrugged. “Didn’t want to.”

Buffy looked away from that implication. He’d spent over a century with Dru and didn’t feel the urge to mate with her. Her, he’d known her for nine years and wanted to claim her. The implication was there should she decide to acknowledge it. She chose not to.

She folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. “What do you want?”

He stood and made his way closer to her. He stopped when she started to back away. Regret passed over his features and she felt a small ripple of victory pass through her.

“I was at Willie’s last night. Got some information about a vampire gang that offed the Slayer in Chicago. Rumor has it, they’re gunning for you next.”

Buffy stared at him. Threats against her life was something she never got used to.

“Me? Why me? Why not wait for the next Slayer to come?”

Spike moved closer, “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” His voice was deep and full of promise. It caused her to shiver. He meant every word and she almost felt herself move to him to embrace him. She wanted him to protect her just as he had done before. But, she stopped herself as the tingling in her neck reminded her of what he’d done.

She balled her hands into fists at her side. “That’s rich, coming from you.” She balked at him.

He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Sure sign that she’d annoyed him. Then he looked directly at her, his blue eyes dark and serious with their intent. “I know you’re angry with me right now—“

“Angry with you? There are not words to—“

“But,” he shouted above her, stopping her. “I am still going to protect you. And no, not just because you’re my mate. I protected you before and I will continue to do so. You being my mate does weigh heavily in this case, I won’t lie to you. It is in my blood to protect you. I know you’re still angry with me, but in lieu of what’s coming up, I think it would be best if you let me in.”

She sighed heavily and looked away. Silence ensued until Giles cleared his throat.

“I think in this case, with a very real threat against your life, you would do best to listen to Spike,” Giles told her softly. She looked at him with wide-eyes and Spike bit back a smile.

She looked stubbornly at Spike, “Fine. Do you know anything else about them aside from the fact that they’re coming?”

“The Slayer was killed three days ago. Which means they are well on their way. Being vampires it’ll probably take sometime for them to arrive here.”

“Yeah, like a month,” she muttered and plopped down on the sofa.

“Don’t underestimate them though, luv.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Right. Remember how I used to drive around with tinted windows?”

“You mean windows covered with black paint with just a small spot to see the road,” she let out a short laugh. Then stopped herself. Giles took a seat by her. He took her hands in his, and Spike had to stop the growl erupting from him.

“We’ll be prepared for them. We’ll begin with protection spells. I’ll see if I can find where they are now, specifically. Magically, there are precautions we can take.”

“Kali, protection spells and of course stakes,” Buffy said absently. Her mind was already working on what could be done that she didn’t notice Spike sit on the edge of the sofa next to her. “Do we know where they’re from?” She asked Spike, looking up at him, “how many there are?”

“They are Southern. A gang that calls themselves the Cowboy Trio. They don’t have much of a purpose aside from killing the Slayer and anyone else that defeats demons. They must be feeling pretty lucky having killed the Slayer so my guess is with them gunning for you, they’re cocky. Which will make them slip up eventually. The Watcher I talked to doesn’t know too much about them. Nothing in the books. Which means that while they might be master vampires, the group they’ve formed hasn’t been around for very long.”

“Did you talk to the Slayer’s Watcher?” She asked quietly, looking at her hands.

“I did. She’s mourning. She expressed her concern for you.”

Buffy nodded. “What do you do in cases like that? Send a sympathy card? Doesn’t seem appropriate. Does she have any information on where the next Slayer is being called?”

“Not yet. She told me she’d keep me informed.”

She jumped up suddenly and faced the men. “Well, I suppose dancing is out of the question tonight. Giles, why don’t you work on the locating them and Spike and I will work on the protection spells?”

Giles raised an eyebrow at her, but she didn’t notice it. She set to work, going to Giles’ magical supplies closet with Spike in tow. Wordlessly they grabbed the necessary items having done this time and again before. Giles retreated to his bedroom.

“You could still go dancing when we’re done,” Spike told her.

She sighed, “I guess. Doesn’t seem right after what I’ve learned about the Slayer.”

“You still have to live your life. Are you scared?”

“I shouldn’t be. My life has been threatened before hasn’t it? Why should now be any different?”

“It’s not something you should ever get used to, Buffy.”

“Well, it’s no good to let your guard down. Because once you do…” Subconciously she rubbed her neck.

Spike was filled with all consuming regret. Her message, whether she meant it that way or not, was clear. Her guard was down with him and he’d hurt her. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t want it to be that way. I never wanted to hurt you.”

She looked at him. “Only protect me, right?” She snorted. “You protect me from all the evils in the world, now and in the past. But, I never thought I’d need protection from you, Spike.”

“I know I hurt you, but it came from a place of love. I know that’s hard to believe right now, but it’s true—“

“Love? How can you say that?”

“Because you have to know that what I feel for you
is beyond ‘protector’ and friend. You have to know that I lo—“

“Just stop, Spike. I don’t want to talk about this with you right now. Despite the fact that I want to deny your help, I know that I can’t. I have every reason to mistrust you right now, so I’m sorry if that upsets your plans and your precious feelings—“

“Yes, what I did was brutal. Yes, what I did was wrong and I expect you to hate me right now and to mistrust me. But, you know, you’re not entirely innocent either. You lied to me—for a year! You had your family and your friends lie to me as well! I should mistrust you just as much.”

“So it’s my fault that you bit me? Because I went away and didn’t tell you my every move you decided that gave you the right to bite me?” She shouted at him.

“No, I know that was no excuse for what I did. But I can’t take it back. We need to move on from what’s been done and try to fix it.”

“Except there is no way to fix it, Spike. You claimed
me, Spike! It’s not like you just bit me, you claimed me.
That’s forever!”

“Are you two quite done?” Giles rushed down the
stairs, exasperated.

“Sorry, Giles. Did we interrupt you?” Buffy asked.

“No, thankfully not. They are in Philadelphia. Which
means at the rate they are traveling it should be at least
another three days. Have you done any work in your
protection?”

The pair hung their head.

“Right. I’ll take over from here. Your negativity will
do no good for me here. Take a couple stakes, Spike and some crystals. Go do your…dancing.”

“Giles!” Buffy exclaimed.

Giles looked darkly at Spike. “If you harm her in any way, I will destroy you.”

“Not anymore, Rupert.” Spike promised quietly.

Angry, Buffy grabbed her coat and rushed out the door, hoping to lose Spike. She forgot about his vampire speed for a moment.

“Hey now, luv, you remember Rupert’s instructions. I’m to go with you.” He smirked at her as she looked up at him, indignantly.

“Since when do you listen to anything ‘Rupert’ says?”

“When it comes to your safety,” he told her solemnly.

“So, if he had told you not to ever bite me, would you have listened?” She challenged him.

“What did you have in mind for tonight? You mentioned something about dancing?”

She sighed and looked away. “I don’t feel like
dancing right now.”

“What do you feel like?”

“I want to do something for the Slayer. Her name
was Elizabeth, wasn’t it?”

Spike nodded. As much as he was saddened that
the Slayer had died, he couldn’t help but be comforted in the
idea that it was her instead of Buffy. Because Buffy wasn’t
considered a Slayer, she had more of a fighting chance. For
that, Spike was endlessly grateful.

“What did you want to do, pet?” He asked softly.

“I don’t know and don’t call me that,” she began
walking slowly. They walked for several minutes in silence.
Spike kept sneaking glances at her. He could feel her sadness
and guilt over the Slayer coming off of her.

“Don’t feel guilty over it. There’s nothing you could
have done.” He tried to assure her.

“I know…well, no, I don’t. I mean, if I was there
with her—“

“Then you could be dead too right now.” He
shuddered at the thought.

“Or we could both still be alive.”

“You’re not meant to be in the same place. It’s the
way it’s supposed to be. Your duty is here.”

“Except it’s not really a duty, is it Spike? I mean, I
slay like a Slayer. I fight demons like a Slayer. I do all the
functions of a Slayer except I’m not one. I’m just a girl with
powers.”

“So is the Slayer.”

“No, she’s chosen. It’s her destiny to be a Slayer.
No one’s ever told me what my destiny was. So, here I am,
fighting the forces of evil without being asked. I have all
these powers that separate me from my friends and my
family—even from Giles.
When I was a little girl I planned my wedding. Knew what kind
of dress I wanted, knew what kind of man I wanted and
everything. I had everything planned down to the car I would
drive. Then came the day that I could move things by looking
at them and thinking about it. Or blow on a candle and the
flame would appear. When I met with Giles I learned that every spell I did, worked. Everything happened so fast and suddenly, there I was, with all these powers and my dreams fading further and further away. Children are supposed to hold on to their dreams and make them come true. Not wonder how much time they’ll have before they die at the hands of a demon.
So, in a sense, yeah, I am like the Slayer. Fighting for my life,
protecting my loved ones. And I’m sad that she’s dead. How
old was she? Sixteen? I killed my first demon at sixteen. I’m
twenty-six and I’m still alive. And while I’m so sorry that she’s
dead, I can’t help but feel happy that it’s her and not me. Except now, they’re gunning for me. A nobody. And I could have the same end all because of my powers.” Tears flowed freely from her eyes and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. She hadn’t wanted to fall apart. Not in front of Spike.

Spike stopped and gently took her wrists lightly in his grasp. She tried to pull away, but he pleaded with her with his eyes and words. “Please, listen to me.”

“Just let me go,” she told him.

He dropped her wrists.

“Just listen to me,” he commanded softly.

She looked up at him. She saw tears in his own eyes, but
instinctively knew they weren’t for the dead Slayer. They
were for her.

“What?” She pressed when all he did was gaze at her with so
much tenderness and love it made her heart jump.

“I’m glad too. I’m glad that you’re alive instead of her. You’re
not a nobody, Buffy. You couldn’t be even if you tried. You
are somebody and just because those bloody wankers don’t
recognize the fight that you do every night, and every day,
then that’s their issue. Because of you, Boston is a safer
place at night.

When Whistler took me to you, I saw someone I wanted to
defend and protect with my life. I saw your heart, I saw your
strength, your love and your kindness. I see how you hurt
and yet try again. I see how you never give up on the ones
you love and how loyal you are. You’re not ‘normal’ Buffy.
You’re normal in the fact that you can be a right bitch when you want to be, and can be bloody stupid when it comes to your choice in men—but, you’re special. You’re a Goddess wrapped up in a very human girl.
It’s a rot deal, what you’ve got. But it makes you stand out, makes you shine. Gives you the chance to show the world how much heart and soul you have. And you’re full of it. Not because you’re chosen, but because you’re not chosen. You could choose to walk away from fighting the good fight, but you don’t. You stay and you try and you fight. That’s what makes me want to stay by your side, that’s what makes me want to be here with you no matter what.”

She held back a sob at his beautiful words as guilt once again took over. “And when I ran away to England? How was that trying? I gave up, I left and let everyone else—you—pick up the slack for me. Could I have killed one less demon that the Slayer wouldn’t have had to? Could I have saved her strength by killing one more demon that she wouldn’t have had to kill? I was selfish, not loving and caring. I wanted so badly to be normal that I gave up and left. There’s nothing extraordinary about me.”

He reached out to wipe away her tears but she flinched. He dropped his hands. “No,” he told her passionately. “You didn’t give up. You told me yourself you still practiced magic to keep everyone safe. You came back, you’re still fighting. You’re a human girl with very human feelings and needs. No one blames you for leaving and no one blames you for the Slayer’s death. If anything they are happy just as I am that it’s her and not you.”

She looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. “I hate them all, Spike. I hate them all and I just want them all to die,” she sobbed.

“I know, luv, and I want them all to die for you.”

“And you did blame me! You told me I abandoned everyone!”
She suddenly burst out through her tears. “You think I’m
selfish.”

He shook his head adamantly. “I was angry and hurt—“

“But you didn’t think it while I was gone?”

”If I had known that you were keeping in touch with your
family instead of dropping out of their lives as I’d been left to
believe, then no, I wouldn’t have thought you selfish. I would
have supported you.”

“Oh come on Spike. Tell me I’m selfish and that it was my
fault she died. Tell me I should have stayed here instead of
running away. Tell me that I don’t have a heart—“

“It’s not true! If you didn’t have a heart you wouldn’t be here
right now feeling so guilty about a Slayer you barely knew!”

Silence fell and even though he didn’t need to breathe, Spike
sighed heavily to calm himself. “It was my penance, wasn’t
it?” She whispered.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“You biting me. It was my penance for not facing up to my
responsibilities, for those vampires killing the Slayer, for
leaving everyone. That’s what I got for trying to leave it all
behind. And these vampires coming for me. That’s my
penance for not sticking around to help the Slayer.”

“No, no, no! Those vampires coming for you are not your
penance.” He grabbed her arms and made her look at him.
This time, she didn’t fight. “Don’t you dare let them kill you
because you think this is your fault. Don’t you dare put
yourself on the line because you think you deserve it for what
happened to the Slayer! You couldn’t have prevented it no
matter where you were. Vampires come out of the woodwork
to kill the Slayer. Demons that pass through here are by
chance. Demons that are near the Slayer are not. They have
a purpose: To kill the Slayer. You couldn’t have prevented it.”

His eyes grew softer then, and his grasp, softer too. “What I
did was out of hurt and yes, anger. I missed you while you
were gone and to know that you kept it all from me, that you
tried to distance yourself from me…it killed me.” He
tentatively brushed some hair away from her face almost
reverently. “What I did, I did so that you couldn’t leave me
again. So, that you would belong to me and I could stay by
your side forever. Because I love you, I’ve always loved you
and I wanted to keep you by my side. I was selfish, not you.”

Stray tears fell upon her cheeks at his words and he lightly
brushed them away. She let him as she watched him,
studying him. In the nine years she’d known him, she’d never
known him to be anything but brutally honest and gentle with
her. No matter how many times she’d avoided him, he’d
always come back with arms wide open. She’d never imagined
him to be the one to hurt her and it killed her to know that
this time her pain was because of him. He’d always protected
her and tried to keep harm from her. When she was hurting it
was him she turned to. And now, she felt as if she had no one
because he was the one who caused it. She pushed herself
away from him gently and he hung his head. She knew he was
crying and it tore her apart but she couldn’t bring herself to
comfort him. Instead she found her voice.

“Spike…would you, would you come with me to the florist?”

His blond head shot up and he looked at her questioningly.

“I want to send some flowers to her family,” she told him.

He gave her a small smile, acknowledging the crumb she
offered and nodded.

Silently, each lost in their own thoughts they made their way
to the florist and ordered a dozen white flowers to be sent to
the Slayer’s family. Then, Buffy grabbed a white candle and a
votive holder. They went to the harbor and sat upon the
grass and lit the candle in honor of the Slayer. Buffy sat, legs
bent and hugging her legs in front of the ocean, just staring
at it. Spike sat near her, the candle in between them and
alternated between watching the waves and watching Buffy.
They sat that way until it got too cold for her and he walked
her back to Giles’.

“Thanks, Spike,” she told him softly in front of the door.
Those were the first words spoken in two hours.

“I’ll be by tomorrow,” he informed her.

“I know.”

 
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