Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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Chapter15 - Looking for Answers

Spike looked out the window, watching London go about its day. Memories of his youth came to mind. He remembered trips to parks and museums, outings with a family he had long forgotten and walks with his Mother, from holding his hand as a boy to clutching his arm when he became a man. He let out a small sigh, remembering the early days of his rebirth and the torment on his being for destroying his one true joy in human life. She had turned on him, his dark gift twisting her motherly love to perversion. He looked down at his hands, the hands that took her from this earth. He took in another deep breath, pushing down the memory, calling forth a better one.

He caught the slight reflection of the person on the window he was staring at, seeing brown hair and blue eyes. He missed the shock of blond that used to adorn his head. He had slicked it back a few times now, trying to regain that predatory look that had worked for him in the past but the darker color did not have as much impact. Buffy of course would always mess up his hair, letting the curls fall is slight disarray. She would give him that look, the one that made him pretty much do whatever she wanted then she’d add on the pout and he would just give up. Now he let the curls free, slicking it back just a tad to make sure they weren’t in his face.

The heavy door opened and Giles entered the room with a woman following behind him. Spike turned from the window and sat back down on the chair next to Buffy.

“This is Arianna. She and her coven have been kind enough to perform a number of tests on the blood samples we got from you a few days ago.”

The woman stepped forward and gave both of them a warm smile. “It is an honor to finally meet the famous Ms. Summers. I have heard many great things about you from Rupert.” she said. Turning to Spike, her brow furrowed slightly. She crossed the gap between them, then knelt down and took both of Spike’s hands in her own. “So much pain and confusion dear child.”

Spike looked at her puzzled. “What are you talking about?”

“Arianna has …”, Giles replied as he took his glasses off and started cleaning them “found something very interesting with your blood sample, Spike.”

“And?” he replied, his hands still captured by the witch who held him firmly.

“Well … how shall I put it. Your blood shows properties of both human and vampire. One might conclude that perhaps you’ve turned into a hybrid which could explain your abilities.”

“So he’s not really a vampire? Then how come he can go vampy?” Buffy spoke up.

“Well Spike in the sense is not a true hybrid. There’s a separation in him where he can go between human and vampire or I guess the better term to use would be demon. I believe Arianna might be able to give a better explanation.” Giles replied.

Buffy then turned her attention to the woman.

“I have had a few encounters with vampires before and most usually tend to favor their demonic side. You, on the other hand, cling to the human part and even fought for your soul -- your soul which does not seem to want to rest. Seeing you here explains a lot of what we found out, that is why I had asked Rupert if I could see you.”

Ignoring the look on Spike’s face, she continued. “There is magic at work here, ancient and powerful. I can sense the demon inside you being tempered by two consciousness. I would assume that would be William and the young Watcher Collin whose body you reside.”

“So is that like Spike is possessing Collin’s body?” Buffy asked.

“That would be a simplistic approach. Spike’s presence here is more permanent than just a mere ghost possessing a body. The easiest analogy would be that what we have here is two sides to one coin. They are the same person, but there are two personalities to it.”

“Bloody hell! I’m a loon.” Spike said with an air of disgust.

“What of Collin?” Buffy again inquired.

“He exists, though right now he does not seem to want to show himself. I am quite sure though that you can feel him inside you.”

Spike nodded. “I can remember the things he knows, like he’s a little pixie watching over my shoulder.”

“He is a part of you and you are a part of him.”

“So what does that really mean? Does that mean I get to stay? And if I do, am I going to turn into a full vampire? Or is Collin going to eventually come back?”

“I cannot say. I am afraid only you can answer that question. I can feel such pain and anger within you. I sense though that something draws you here. Perhaps looking into what draws you here will help answer some questions.”

Spike mulled over what Arianna had said and turned his head to look at Buffy. “Buffy.” he muttered somewhat lost in thought. She was the one thing in his unlife that made everything mean something. She was his world and he would do anything and everything to make sure she was happy. He thought he was complete on that day in the Hellmouth. She would have that life that she always dreamed of and he was happy that in some way he could give it to her. Then he found himself stuck to Peaches and he stayed away, even though all he really wanted was to go to her. There wasn’t one night since he came back that he didn’t think about her and wish. Even ‘til the end, when Peaches and the rest of them fought, he thought about her. He wanted to see her one last time. She drew him here but that still doesn’t explain how he came to be in Collin’s body nor does that explain why he has two personalities.

“Ah yes, the Slayer. That explains the link I see between the two of you. It was hard to believe that a Slayer and a vampire could feel such affection for each other. But it is there. … I can feel a bond between you two – an aura, like a thin red string connecting you to one another.”

Both Buffy and Spike stole a glance at each other and smiled. Spike enjoyed the moment and the confirmation from the witch’s lips that there was something between them. Buffy found herself lost in his eyes, wondering why she had denied herself so much happiness and love in the past.

Arianna both gave them a comforting smile and took one hand that was holding Spike’s to place it on Buffy’s in a reassuring manner. Her touch brought Buffy back to the present and the matter at hand.

“Ok, so you’re saying Collin and Spike are two personalities within uhm… this body, that he’s part vampire and that the only reason Spike came forth is because of me? Okay, now I’m totally confused. And add to that what we found out yesterday, none of this makes sense.”

“Found out yesterday?”, Giles interjected. “What did you find out?”

With a sigh, Spike pulled his hand away from Arianna and rummaged through his coat for the journal. “This”, he said holding it up, “This is William’s journal”

“You mean your journal.” Giles corrected him.

“No, not really. I mean this is William’s journal. I’ve been a vampire for over 120 years, turned around two decades before the turn of the 20th century. But this”, he said waving it in the air for emphasis, “has journal entries going all the way up to the year 1895. William the ponce existed. He didn’t die of a vampire bite. He died from an ailing health. ” he said. Then thinking internally, “And possibly depression.”

Both Head Watcher and witch fell silent, obviously lost in thought. Then Arianna stood up to her full height and looked at him puzzled. “Wait, you said you were turned around 120 years ago? That cannot be.”

“What are you sodding talking about? I think I know how long I’ve been a vampire.” Spike asked.

“Your blood sample. … We tested it for age. I mean we wanted to see how old the demon was that was residing in you. Spike, you are not 120 years old. According to your blood, you are almost two and a half centuries old!”

Spike raised his eyebrows. “So where have I bloody been for the past century? A different dimension? Or was I sucked into some sodding trinket again?”

“I highly doubt you were bonded to an artifact because I do not sense anything on your person that is magical or exhibiting power. And if it was an artifact, you would most probably have been in stasis, meaning you would not have aged. Perhaps you were pulled into a different dimension. But if that was the case, I should be able to sense traces of the dimension around you or your aura.”

“Spike,” Giles spoke up again “what can you tell us about what happened in Los Angeles? If I recall, that was what was Collin was researching on. Angel would not tell us anything except that Wesley had died. He would not disclose any information about you or the others.”

Spike thought back to that day, wracking his brain for memories of the fight. He remembered saving the baby. He remembered feeling tired and how the weapon he was holding when he met Angel in the alleyway seemed to weight a ton. He remembered seeing the dragon, and Illyria and demons, but then… nothing. Nothing? The details were sketchy, he knew it happened. They had saved the world, but he didn’t know how or for that matter, he just realized that he didn’t even know what happened afterwards. “ I … I … don’t know. I keep thinking about it, but all I come up with is a blank. I should know right? I was bloody there!”

“Maybe it was a spell.” Buffy said hopefully.

“That still doesn’t explain how in the world William existed as a human, love. This all sounds bloody foul and sodding irrational. If Wesley were here, he’d just say it had to be the Powers that Be.”

“If it is the Powers That Be, perhaps an oracle will shed more light on this." Giles said cleaning his glasses once more.

"But they can be quite temperamental Rupert." Arianna commented.

"We have to try." Buffy reasoned, reaching out a hand to touch Spike's arm offering him a smile.


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A/N: The ending is near. All will be revealed in the next chapter. I just hope I'm not being too confusing and I hope the ending doesn't seem to anti-climactic. Thanks for all the reviews.