I had a bad day again
She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, I
I had a bad day again

She laid the note on his bed side table before taking her final look around. Her self made prison is what his bedroom had become, her place to create her own punishment for not loving enough. She had tried to move on, she truly had, but He had ruined her for anyone else. No one could ever measure up to the love He so freely gave to her. No one would ever be Him.

She knew all too well that Alexander would find the note just before bed. He had the strictest routine and it would lead him directly to this table and to her note.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be the woman you want me to be,” could be heard at barely a whisper as she left the Immortal’s bedroom and his home.


She spilled her coffee broke a shoelace
Smeared the lipstick on her face
Slammed the door and said I’m sorry, I
I had a bad day again

Dawn had seen it all before. All the signs that Buffy had yet another ‘bad day.’ The door slammed behind her sister as she entered their tiny, 3 bedroom apartment. The pictures on the wall shook with the force of its closer. Coffee stained the front of her sister’s pink top. Her make-up was smeared and tears had streaked through her foundation. She looked like she hadn’t slept in weeks and Dawn knew the truth, she hadn’t. Sleep meant dreaming. Dreaming meant seeing Him.

Dawn knew better than ask, but did so anyway. “How was your day?”

“I’m sorry Dawnie, I’m fine, I just had a bad day again. I just don’t feel like it right now. Can we talk later?” She watched her haggard sister retreat down the dark hall away from her and from the glare of the light.


And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
I had a bad day again

All the lies in the world couldn’t hide the truth from Dawn. The pain that showed itself in her sister's long dead eyes, with their lack of emotion for anyone but Him. She heard the radio turn on, the same song, the one that Buffy never could seem to get enough of. Every day the same old song, as if it was her saving grace or her death's blow. Dawn never knew which, if either, the significance of that damn song was. ‘Just another bad day,’ Dawn thought.


She said I would not understand
She left a note and said I’m sorry I
I had a bad day again
Nooo...

The phone rang jarring Dawn from her observations. “Hello”

“Dawn, is Buffy there?”

She knew better than even tell Buffy the phone was for her. Dawn coldly put him off. “Of course she is, but she won’t talk.”

“I know,” came the male voice. “Tell her I said ok. I guess she was right, I will never understand.” The line went dead.

Dawn had seen that one coming for far too long. The Immortal had been a distraction, a good one at first. Till that night, something about a fight in a club and a feeling. “Just a feeling,” Buffy had said. But it was the beginning of the end for Buffy and Alexander and Dawn knew it then.


And she swears there’s nothing wrong
I hear her playing that same old song
She puts me up and puts me on
Oh I had a bad day again.

The music died and the strained sounds of Buffy crying could be heard in the silence. Dawn knew all too well why the tears and who they were for, tears for Spike, always for Spike.

Within moments Buffy was standing in the living room fully dressed, bag in hand. “Dawnie, I’m sorry I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep pretending I am the normal girl with the normal life. I am the slayer, always doomed to be alone. I have to get out of here for a while. I promise I will call as soon as I know where I am going. But…I have to go…I had a bad day again.” Strong arms encircled Dawn and hugged her tight. “I love you.” Buffy was out the door before Dawn could make sense of what had just happened.


She said I would not understand
She left a note that said I’m sorry, I
I had a bad day again
She left a note that said I’m sorry, I
I had a bad day

In her haste to exist the building Buffy didn’t notice the all too familiar feeling that was all His, the feeling of Him being so near. She didn’t see Him smoking a fag among the trees while he tried to build up the courage to go to her. To tell her he was back to her, for her, always for her. She didn’t see the end to her ‘bad days.’ Spike tossed the cigarette to the ground and ground it under his heel before following his “Goldielocks” into the night.