Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.

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Chapter 7

… two days later …


Dawn was frantically going through every single thing in her room when Buffy came home from patrol. Buffy heard the ruckus going on upstairs and quickly rushed into her sister’s room, thinking that she was in trouble.

“Dawn?!” She was relieved to see that there was no one else in the room but her. “You gave me a scare with all the noise you were making. What’s going on?”

“I can’t find my book.”

“Book? For what?”

“I’ve got a book report due in two weeks. I was sure I had it since I bought the book weeks ago when the report was first assigned. But now I can’t find it.”

“Oh. You sure you didn’t leave it in school?”

“Don’t you think I already looked there?”

“Sorry. Just trying to be helpful.”

“Spike!” Dawn exclaimed.

“Huh? What’s Spike got to do with your book report?”

“It’s got to be with him. He was helping me out with it.”

“Why don’t you just get a new book Dawnie?”

“Because I already had notes and stuff with this book.”

“It might not be there anymore you know, remember that little accident in his crypt?”

“You mean when you blew up his stuff.”

“It had to be done!’

“Well can you get it for me please?”

“Why me?”

“Well I’ve got stuff to do after school tomorrow and I thought you had the day off.”

“Fine! I’ll go check if he still has it tomorrow. Now you better go to bed.” Buffy said pulling her sister in for a good night hug.


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The next day, as promised, Buffy made her way towards Spike’s crypt. She shook her head wondering why she even agreed to do this. But Dawn needed the book so as the ever-loving and good sister, she was going to find Dawn’s book.

“Spike?” She heard her voice echo through the empty crypt. She quickly looked around but didn’t see any books lying around. The upstairs was surprisingly neat and orderly. With a sigh, she made her way towards the entrance to the lower level. “Spike?” She called out again but no answer. She could feel he was around but he was most probably still sleeping.

She quietly made her way down the ladder. She hoped that maybe she could look around, find Dawn’s book and get out of there before having to exchange words with Spike. She scanned the room and found a pile of books strewn in one corner. She made her way towards it.

She started going through each one, briefly scanning each cover for the title that Dawn drilled into her head that morning. She was a little taken aback at some of the titles she read. She would have never thought of Spike as being the studious type but he had books in there that she could remember were on reading lists for book reports both in high school and college. Some books were the typical classics while others looked like they were philosophical. And she saw a few Shakespeare texts here and there.

She was starting to get tired. How many books did this vampire read? And to think, this was what was left from the little explosion a few weeks back.

She grabbed one more book and read the cover. She smiled triumphantly and stood up. She went over to the little table he had and turned the small lamp on. She had to make sure this was Dawn’s and not just a pre-mature victory on her part. She read the title again then opened the first few pages and saw Dawn’s set of notes tucked away between the pages. She smiled to herself and afforded a glance across the room where she knew Spike would most probably be – in bed sleeping.

She was about ready to turn the lamp off and leave his crypt when something on the table caught her eye. It was a little spiral sketch pad. The page it was turned to at the moment only had a set of eyes on it. She studied the sketch and noticed those were her eyes now staring back at her. She remembered seeing Spike’s little obsessive altar to her to recognize that this was his work as well. The eyes that stared at her were cold and angry.

Was that how she looked to him? She flipped back through the pages, somewhat curious as to how he perceived her. He had her in a number of situations. Some were portraits while others had her either standing or what seemed like posing with a stake. Two drawings stood out from all the rest. One was with her laughing and the other was with her sleeping with a content look on her face. When did she seemed so happy?

Saying that this past year was a roller coaster was an understatement. It took her all of her self-control and tact to act like everything was okay. Aside from her rocky emotional condition of late, and all the slaying, she had duties to Dawn. She had to live in society and be constantly worried with work, bills and raising her sister. She had experienced a few snippets of amusement along the way but not seemed really happy moments. Maybe Spike drew this a while back. But the date in the corner told her she was wrong. He had drawn this just a little over a month ago.

She took a step back in disbelief. Was she actually happy just a month ago? When did Spike ever see that genuine smile on her lips and in her eyes? She regretted being back in the world of the living. So what inspired him to draw this? She thought back, filtering memories and trying to look for that one situation that could have made her happy at least for a brief moment. And she couldn’t deny that it was with Spike that she felt such moments of satisfaction. True, most of it was because of the mind blowing sex. But the feeling of being wanted and loved, … of being important to someone not because she was the Slayer but because she was just being herself. He gave her that. Maybe that should have been enough for her. But submitting herself to Spike -- by admitting that she had deep feelings for him shattered everything she ever believed in.

She knew there was a guy out there for her – one that would understand her and make her complete. She thought that that guy was Angel but he left her when she needed him the most. He made the decision to leave without really considering her feelings in the matter.

Then there was Riley. It might have worked out with him but as the years would go by, it would have just ended up in heartache because he had definite views as to how a relationship between two people was suppose to be. Besides, he’s married now and happy. And if that’s the type of girl that makes him happy, that was so not her.

Then Spike. … Spike made her question everything she ever knew about the world. How could a soulless creature claim to love her so deeply? If he could, then why couldn’t Angelus? Maybe that’s what made it hurt so much. Only a part of Angel loved her, but all of Spike declared that he cared, loved and wanted her. But she was the Slayer. She couldn’t allow herself to feel for someone like him. That’s why she had to end it. That’s why she had to keep repeating to herself that she was doing the right thing even though inside it hurt so much.

Buffy turned to look at Spike’s sleeping form. She dared to move towards him. He slept so peacefully that she wondered how a man with the face of an angel could be so violent and at times brutal. Then again, how could his hands that have killed two Slayers be so gentle towards her? His blue eyes often spoke volumes to her yet she usually dismissed everything else except lust. Why? Because maybe she wanted to justify that that was all they had between them. She saw his curly locks out of place and she couldn’t help but run her fingers lightly through his hair putting them back in place.

His sleeping form elicited a small sigh when she touched his hair. He looked so human … so kind. It was very rare that Buffy saw this in Spike. Their moments of pleasure were usually driven by lust and need. Being with Spike in that way was similar to how they fought – it was rough and passionate. She didn’t care about repercussions or tenderness. It was all about the act. That was the only time she let Spike touch her. … That was the only time she’d give him that crumb he wanted. Although she had done every imaginable fantasy with him … as much as she let him see her in her naked glory, she never opened her real self to him. Why should she? He would never had understood because she had convinced herself way back that he couldn’t love. He couldn’t really mean what he constantly declared to her. But now? She could sense the difference and the notion that perhaps she was wrong about him was starting to really nag her.

She shook her head and started to walk towards the ladder. She had stayed longer than she had wanted. Her plan was to grab the book and go, but instead she found herself looking though his stuff and then admiring his sleeping form.


“I thought we were done singing this sodding tune, Slayer” she heard from behind her.

“Just came to get something of Dawn’s.” She said not looking back, her eyes focused on the ladder.

“Right … that’s why you ‘overing over me just a minute ago.”

Blood flowed to her cheeks in embarrassment that he had sensed her presence. So she thought of the only thing she could rely on … denial. It was the best thing to cover up what she always felt. “I was not.”

“Bollocks! Stop lying Slayer. It wasn’t exactly the wind that ruffled my ‘air.”

Buffy bit her lower lip nervously. “Are you trying to start something?” Buffy said putting her resolved defiant face on as she turned towards him.

“Why? If I did, you’d only end it anyway.” He said with a smirk.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Just telling the truth. If I recall you’re the one that ended it. … You’re the one that always ended it.”

“SPIKE! Look I’m not really in the mood for this.”

“I ain’t stopping you from bloody leaving.” He said with a shrug.

Buffy gave him an icy stare before climbing up the ladder. “Stupid vampire!” he heard her say under her breath as she exited the lower level and made her way towards the crypt entrance. With a loud bang she was gone.

Spike shook his head wondering why he even opened his mouth. She was leaving and for some strange reason he wanted her to stay just for a bit longer. The sense of her being around was like a strange comfort. He knew deep down that that was the same reason why he had watched her from the shadows as she patrolled the past two days. He thought he was just going through old routines ... habits that were hard to break. But it was different. He didn’t watch her to admire her this time, nor did he do it to imagine different ways of luring her into his bed or better yet different ways they were going to play in his bed. Memories of those times would come back to him on occasion as he watched her fulfill her nightly destiny, but there was no need for him to act on any obsession or need since there was none. It was enough that he would watch over her. He had to make sure she was safe. No one else had the bloody right to harm her … no one else except maybe him.



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A/N: Hope I'm not boring people with all the emotional stuff going on. The next few chapters will eventually show some spuffy resolution. Hope you guys are like this so far. Thanks for all the reviews and reading. Keep 'em coming! I like reviews. ^_^