CHAPTER 8

A/N: Some dialogue taken from Two to Go


Clem came over for a little visit and Spike didn’t think nothing else of it since he had nothing else better to do. It would be good to just hang out with someone without having to worry about saying the wrong thing or a certain gesture being misconstrued as having a different meaning.

He let Clem make with the small talk as he drowned his empty existence in whiskey. He wondered what he was supposed to do now. He couldn't really be what he was because of the stupid sodding chip in his head. He even thought about maybe looking up Dru. But that didn't really sound that appealing after he thought about it some more. He felt useless, a bloody dog with no teeth. What was left? He should just fall on a stake or better yet watch his final sunrise. He couldn't live like this. He felt so incomplete. He felt so empty.

The door to his crypt creaked open and he stood still wondering who it could be.

"Spike?" a young girl called out.

"Niblet? What are you doing here?" he said as he climbed up the ladder.

"It's Tara ..." she said with tear in her eyes.

"Why? What's wrong with Glinda?"

Dawn was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Niblet? … What happened?"

"Tara ... she's ... the house ... There’s blood ... I ... She was just there … Gone … Buffy. I don't know where Buffy is."

"Alright, pet. You can stay here till the Slayer comes looking for you. Clem's downstairs."

"Spike? Why her?"

"I don't know pet."

"Can you hold me?"

Spike shook his head. "Don't think that's such a good idea. Now be a good girl. Let's go downstairs and get your mind of this."


**

Sure enough as the sun set Buffy came rushing into his crypt. Spike climbed up the ladder to meet the Slayer.

"Spike ... it's Dawn! I don't know where she is? And with … "

Spike raised his hand to stop her from talking. "She's downstairs, taking a little nap. She's still a bit shaken about Tara. Who did it?"

Buffy bowed her head and shook it from side to side. "Warren."

Spike paused smelling Slayer blood in the air. "Slayer ... you got hurt."

"It's nothing."

"Sure doesn't seem like nothing to me," he said moving to pull away her coat but she quickly stepped back from him.

"Right. ... Sorry. Well I guess Niblet has to go home." He said turning around to go down to the lower level of his crypt.

Buffy followed and breathed a sigh of relief upon seeing Dawn curled up into a ball on Spike's bed, safe and sound. Rushing to her sister's side, Buffy roused Dawn from sleep.

"Are you okay Dawnie?"

Dawn recognized her sister's voice and threw herself into her arms, tears flowing relentlessly. "Oh Buffy! Why her? Why Tara?"

"I don't know Dawnie." Buffy replied holding her sister close as she herself tried her best not to let her own tears flow.

As Dawn snuggled closer, she saw the blood stained shirt Buffy was hiding beneath her coat. "Buffy! You got hurt."

"I'm fine. Don't worry. I was just so afraid when you weren't home. I thought that maybe Willow got to you."

"Red?!" Spike finally said.

Buffy turned to look at him. "Yeah, she's a little on edge."

"Can't say I really blame her. I mean, come on Tara was ... " Spike was about to continue but decided he didn't really need to articulate the situation any further. "Right, best both of you get going I guess."

"Spike can come with us right?" Dawn asked.

"Niblet ..." Spike looked at Buffy knowing that he probably wasn't welcomed anywhere near her.

“He can help out.” Dawn reasoned.

Spike shook his head. “You best get up there Bit. Clem, can you keep her company for a sec?”

Clem nodded and helped Dawn up the ladder.


“So how bad is it?” He asked Buffy.

“I can’t be sure, but Willow’s determined. I think she went into the Magic Box and took in every single spell book Anya had.”

“Right, so I guess I better get out of her way then.” He said, hooking his thumbs into his jeans.

“Yeah. … Uhm ... We have to find Willow and since Dawn's already here I was wondering if you could look after her.”

"You sure you want to do that, Slayer?"

"Spike she feels safe with you and I can trust ... " Buffy trailed off when Spike raised an eyebrow questioning what she just said.

"Trust? Really now? Sure could have fooled me." He said taking a few steps away from her.

"Spike ... I ... "

"What do you want me to say? How sure are you I won't do anything to her?"

"You just took care of her."

"What if I wanted to wait till you came by?"

"You wouldn't do that?"

"Why?"

"Well for one the chip..."

"Ah yes... the chip. You sure put a lot of faith in this piece of metal. More faith in it than you ever did in me. You seriously think that's the only thing that kept me by your side years ago?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Enlighten me then. What did you mean?" he asked searching for answers in her face. "How long has it been since I've been able to hit you? But you meant something to me then. Fuck, who am I kidding. You don't even know what you bloody what. I just find it funny that even now you trust me enough to look after Dawn but I was never good enough for anything else."

Buffy unconsciously bit her lower lip but she didn't want to think about what he just said. He always had a way of showing her the truth and right now she didn't want him to be right. She knew she was using him. That's why she had to break it off because he deserved better than that. He deserved better than being used for her own pleasure. Why couldn't she take that extra step with him? She was scared. Everyone leaves. ... Everyone she loves leaves. It was easier to take from someone for once instead of being the one that people took from. Everyone depended on her except for Spike. And for his listening ear and comforting embrace she rewarded him by taking from him. Sure he didn’t mind but it wasn’t fair to both of them.

“Spike what we had was …”

Spike raised his hand motioning her to stop. “I don’t need to hear the speech anymore. Memorized it as many times as you’ve sung it. Just forget I said anything.

"Uhm ... yeah. Just for a little while, till we get everything straightened out with Willow, if that's okay."

Spike fidgeted a little bit then nervously ran his fingers through his hair. "Yeah. Yeah. That's fine."

"Thanks." Buffy said curtly then walked towards the ladder.


Instinctively Spike touched her arm to help her up. Buffy pulled away from him with a scared look on her face. But it wasn’t because of the memory of how he had hurt her not so long ago. It was the fear that she knew she could let herself go with him -- that deep down she wanted to let herself go with him. She could imagine him wrapping his strong arms around her as he told her everything was going to be alright. A part of her wanted to hear him say that he was going to protect her from anything and everything.

Spike gave her a look of shock at her reaction as he closed his eyes tightly, his teeth clenched as he tried his best not to cuss. Instinctively he had reached out for her. Why did do that? Why was his body looking for excuses to be in contact with her again? It was infuriating.

He took a deep breath before opening his eyes to see the scared look still present in Buffy's eyes. He quickly turned his back to her and occupied himself with finding another cigarette. "I'm sure you know how to let yourself out."