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“I think we should take a break.”

Leanna’s eyes widened in fury. Spike braced himself, ready for the yelling he expected next.


But all that came was a fist flying towards his face, crashing HARD into his nose, sending him to the floor of the alley in pain.

As Spike lay on the floor, hands to his face, Leanna turned and stormed out of the alley.


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Back inside the Bronze, Buffy was still dancing with Mike, but with a troubled look on her face. It was all too obvious where Spike and Leanna had gone, or rather WHAT they had gone to do, and the thought made her sick to the stomach. Luckily, the slow songs had ended, so she pulled away from him, and offered a grateful smile, “Thanks Mike. I really enjoyed the dance.” As she was pulling away, he gently grabbed her hand.


“Do you think you would want to go out sometime? I know I ask you every time, but you can’t blame a guy for trying,” Mike said as he looked at her with a hopeful gaze.


Buffy didn’t respond immediately, not really knowing what to do, considering she didn’t even know this guy but was supposed to. “Mike...I…don’t think that’s a good idea…I’m sorry…” Buffy said with an apologetic expression.


His disappointment was obvious, but he quickly rebounded and asked, “Well will you save me a dance next time, as usual?”


Buffy smiled timidly, “Sure.” With that, she turned and walked back to the table where the gang was sitting. Feeling down, Buffy plopped herself down on a chair at the table, not caring if she was invited or not.


“Mike is totally smitten with you. Why don’t you go out with him already?” Willow asked Buffy after watching the little display.


Buffy looked up. “Honestly? I don’t even remember him at all,” Buffy said with a despairing tone, feeling bad that this guy obviously had been trying for so long.


“Ah yes, I’m sure all you remembered was Spike,” Xander said cynically, as the band suddenly switched to a new song.


But before Buffy could reply, Willow interrupted, “Let’s go dance guys! I love this song!”


Xander, Anya, and Willow got up to go dance, but Tara and Buffy were still sitting. “Aren’t you coming with us, Tara?” Willow asked with a pout.


“No…I think I’ll sit this one out,” Tara gave her girlfriend an apologetic look, “but I promise I’ll come join you guys for the next song.”


“Ok,” Willow said with a satisfied smile.


Leaving Buffy and Tara at the table alone, the three of them went out to dance.


Tara turned to look at Buffy. She had purposely not gone out to dance with the rest of them, because she wanted to get a chance to talk to her. “Buffy…are…are you ok?”


Buffy broke out of her momentary daze, and looked up at Tara. “What do you mean?” Buffy asked cautiously.


“Well…I noticed there was something off...when I first came back. But you ran out before I had a chance to ask you about it…” Tara said in her caring demeanor.


She wanted to tell Tara everything, but knew she still wouldn’t understand, even if Tara was usually very understanding and insightful. “Oh…um it was probably just Leanna, you know? She makes me want to beat her to death with my shoe,” Buffy said in an exasperated but slightly comedic tone.


Tara smiled. “Yea, sometimes Leanna has that effect,” she paused for a second, “You really love him don’t you? Spike, I mean…” She asked with a knowing glance.


“What!? NO! I don’t love him – no love!” Buffy said frantically, wanting to make sure Tara knew what a ridiculous idea that was. Buffy sighed, “I just…I really REALLY hate Leanna. That’s all. Honest.”


“Uh…huh…,” Tara replied with a smirk on her face, unconvinced.


“I mean what does he see in her anyway??” Buffy suddenly went off ranting.


Tara looked at her sympathetically and put her hand on Buffy’s in a comforting gesture. “I think Spike was really just getting over Drusilla…but don’t tell him I said that...”


Buffy’s thoughts flashed back to the story Spike had told her earlier. And something clicked in her head. Tara and Drusilla’s soul. Tara had been the one who sensed Drusilla’s soul!


“Tara, I need to ask you something. When Drusilla came along, how did you sense her soul? How did you know?” Buffy asked urgently.


Tara was a bit taken aback by the sudden change in subject. “I…um…why do you want to know?”


“I’m just really curious,” Buffy tried to appear less pushy, so Tara would continue.


“Well…Spike brought her to us, and she seemed di-…different from most humans…it was like I could see something radiating out of her essence…I don’t really know how to explain it…” Tara finished hesitantly.


Buffy’s head was reeling. “So you mean you can see my soul too?” Buffy said urgently. If Tara could sense people’s souls, that’s what she must be sensing about Buffy that’s different. Tara could help convince the Scoobies that really she wasn’t evil!


Tara had a perplexed look on her face. She hesitated before replying slowly, “Buffy, you don’t have a soul…”


“No, I really do! I know it sounds ridiculous, but that’s what you’re sensing about me that’s different!” Buffy explained rapidly. “Tara you have to believe me! Look closer, please,” Buffy pleaded with her.


Tara looked closely at Buffy for a long moment, before speaking up, “Buffy, I want to believe you, I do. But if you had a soul, I would have seen it. And you don’t.”


Buffy eyes filled with fear. It couldn’t be true. “No, you’re wrong,” Buffy said in a trembling voice. She knew what she was, how she felt. There was no way she could not have a soul and feel the things she feels – guilt, unselfish love for her mom and Dawn, everything a soul came with.


Tara tried to reach out for her hand to comfort her, “Buffy…” But Buffy pulled away from the table, knocking down the stool she was sitting on. Her strong façade was over – the tears started to cloud her vision as she turned to leave. She saw that Mike was by the front entrance, so she turned and headed for the back door.


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“Perfect,” the female smiled evilly. “I knew that witch was good for something. Perhaps it wasn’t too bad that she came back after all…”


“But do you think you’re dragging this on too long?” asked the male.


“No. I didn’t come back in time so I can fuck it up. They wanted her dead, they will have her dead. But I’m going to enjoy it…,” the female finished, as she smirked once again.


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Buffy rushed out into the alley, with two tears running down each cheek. Her last hope – Tara – had been shattered. She hadn’t found one single clue how to get out of this place.


Then she heard a noise in the alley. Alerting to her sense, she looked around, suddenly scared of a possible vampire wanting to kill her, and there was no one around to help her.


In the far corner, she saw a blonde head, on the ground. Walking closer cautiously, she saw it was Spike, moaning on the ground and clutching his nose.


“Spike?” Buffy ran quickly to his side and kneeled down next to him with a concerned expression. “What happened?”


“The bloody bint hit me…ugh…my nose…” Spike brought himself to a sitting position, leaning against the wall of the alley with his eyes closed.


“Leanna hit you?? Why?” Buffy asked, surprised and yet not expecting any better from Leanna.


Spike opened his eyes, and saw Buffy before him, dressed in that little red halter dress, with the skirt of it riding dangerously high up her thighs from kneeling. He tried to ignore the tightening in his pants. “I told her I think we should take a break,” Spike replied, as he pretended to see if there was blood, not holding her gaze.


“Really!?” Buffy bursted out, “I mean um…oh really? Why what happened?” She tried to cover up her overwhelming sense of joy and relief. Inside she was screaming: ‘The bitch is gone!!’


Spike looked into Buffy’s eyes for a long moment, not sure what to tell her. He finally settled for a safe answer, “I just needed some space.”


“Oh…,” Buffy said in a slightly disappointed tone. She didn’t know what she wanted to hear, but his answer wasn’t it. She quickly masked her disappoint and focused on the part where she was ecstatic that Leanna was finally gone! She obviously didn’t end things well, so Buffy was hoping Leanna was gone for good.


“Well, are you gonna be alright?” Buffy asked, reaching out her fingers to barely touch the top of Spike’s hand.


“I’ll be fine,” Spike replied as both of them continued to hold each other’s gaze.


Spike snapped them out of it, and both of them began to stand up. “I should probably go back inside,” Spike began.


At that, Buffy suddenly remembered her conversation with Tara and the anguish she was feeling before Spike had distracted her. With a pained look, Buffy took a step backwards and said, “I…I need to go…”


“Already? What’s wrong?” Spike asked with furrowed brows.


“I…I’m not feeling well…” Buffy said quietly, beginning to turn away, “I’ll see you later…”


Spike was puzzled at her sudden change of mood and felt a tinge of worry. Not only that, but he was disappointed she was leaving, now that he didn’t have to play peacemaker for Buffy and Leanna. “Buffy,” Spike quickly called.


Buffy paused in her steps and turned to look at him. “Yea?”


He hesitated a moment as Buffy waited for his reply. “You look nice tonight,” Spike said in a softer tone.


His words brought a small smile to her sad face, and she felt a tug in the deep of her stomach. “Thanks,” Buffy replied with a timid smile. Then she turned and rushed out of the alley.


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Buffy didn’t know what to do or where to go. ‘There is NO way I don’t have a soul – Tara must be wrong.’ Her head was swimming in thoughts – everything was completely messed up and she was stuck, with no way out. Not only that, she had let herself actually start to get comfortable here –that scared her more than being chipped and helpless.


She could go back to the crypt or… Buffy suddenly stopped in her tracks and turned towards the other direction. She wanted to see Dawn and her mom.

----

Heading up to the porch, Buffy felt unsure of whether she should be here. It felt so normal to come home, but she knew it wasn’t her home here, and Spike would be angry when he found out she was lurking near ‘his’ family. Standing in front of the door, she hesitated for several minutes.


But then Dawn opened the door, surprising Buffy.


“Buffy!!” Dawn exclaimed. “What are you doing standing out here? In a realllly cute dress that I WISH you would let me borrow…” Dawn said with an amused tone.


Buffy immediately smiled – this felt right and she missed her annoying little sister more than she could imagine. “You are NEVER borrowing this dress, missy. And I came to see if you guys were O.K. Plus, didn’t I promise you I would come visit?”


Dawn’s fake pout turned into a big smile at the fact that Buffy came to visit them and not Spike. She then turned around and yelled, “MOM!!!!!!! BUFFY’S HERE!!”


‘Ok maybe not missing the high-pitched yelling,’ Buffy thought as she flinched.


Joyce immediately came towards the front door, with a delighted smile on her face. “Buffy! I’m glad you came for a visit! We didn’t get a chance to talk last time…You look wonderful by the way.”


Starring at her mom and her sister almost made her forget about Tara’s words. Almost.


“Thanks, I hope I’m not bothering you guys, I just wanted to see how you both were doing,” Buffy smiled a sad smile at them, wishing she could jump inside the house and wrap her arms around them in a hug. Instead, she looked down, looking slightly defeated by the whole situation.


“Mom, can Buffy come in?? Pleaseeeeeee,” Dawn began, as she starred pleadingly into her mother’s eyes.


Buffy interjected quickly, “No, that’s O.K. I can just stay out -”


“Of course she can,” Joyce said as she smiled. Buffy looked up surprised and Joyce continued, “Buffy, I know you can’t hurt us, and I really doubt you would even if you could.”


Buffy hastily assured, “Of course I wouldn’t! I just thought Spike might not be comfortable with it…”


Dawn rolled her eyes as Joyce shot her a look. Turning back to Buffy, Joyce said, “Spike isn’t here, is he? Plus, I get to make the rules in my own house. Come in, Buffy.”


Buffy felt an overwhelming wave of relaxation and comfort. How could they possibly be vampires?? Joyce and Dawn seemed to like her despite the fact that she was “supposed to be on the other side.” ‘…Did mom and Dawn like Spike that much back in the real world?’


Joyce stepped aside to let Buffy in, and Buffy stepped in slowly, as if some barrier might smack her in the face again. When nothing did, she relaxed and scanned the house which appeared pretty much the same.


“We were just about to have a late dessert. Would you like some?”


Buffy was about to reply in earnest, before she realized that they probably had a selection of blood and blood. She crinkled her nose at the thought.


They seemed to know what she was thinking, so Dawn added, “Mom’s making banana splits, of the blood-free variety.”


“Oh yum. I’m in!” Buffy said brightly.


“Make yourself comfortable, it’ll just be a minute or so,” Joyce said warmly as she went into the kitchen. “Dawn, why don’t you come help me get some bowls and spoons?”


Both of them left Buffy in the living room. She walked slowly around the room, inspecting the house for any differences or any signs of ‘vampire!’ It seemed to be completely the same, until she got to the mantel.


On the mantel of the fireplace, there stood two picture frames. One was of Joyce, Spike, and Dawn on the couch, smiling with arms around each other. The other was just of Spike and Dawn outside, with Spike grabbing Dawn from behind and lifting her up in the air like a carefree kid.


Buffy outlined the picture with her fingers, as if she needed to feel that it was real. Never had she seen Spike in that light – she was in awe and she was also a bit jealous. She knew that was her place. Before she could fall back into her trap of wallowing in her own misery, Dawn’s head popped out of the kitchen doorway.


“Splits are ready!” Dawn said in an energetic tone. Dawn caught Buffy outlining the picture of Spike with her fingers, and gave her a roll of the eyes. “Desperate much?” Buffy pulled her hand away and opened her mouth to defend herself, but Dawn just disappeared into the dining room as she popped a whipped cream-covered finger in her mouth.


Buffy reluctantly dropped her urge to go and protest that she WASN’T in love with Spike, and instead followed Dawn, sitting herself down at the table with them. Her eyes brightened at the sight of a triple scoop split decked out in whipped cream for each of them.


“So Buffy, what’s been new lately? You seem troubled these past few days…” Joyce asked, both interested and concerned.


Buffy starred into her banana split, unsure of how to answer her. She knew her mom – it was hard to fool her once she caught on. She shoved a big spoonful of ice cream in her mouth to buy herself some time, and struggled to come up with something to say.


“I guess I’ve been a little down lately,” Buffy started, as she swirled her spoon in her ice cream.


“Why’s that?” Joyce asked calmly.


Buffy hesitated, before replying, “Sometimes…I just feel like everything is going against me, you know?”


“Are you talking about Spike?” Joyce gave her a knowing look.


“No, No, I’m not talking about him. God! Why does everyone think I’m in love with him!?” Buffy finished in an exasperating tone.


Dawn piped up, “Because you-,” but Buffy cut her off.


“Ah! Don’t answer that,” Buffy added hastily.


Joyce smiled before asking in a sympathetic tone, “Is it Leanna? Has she been bothering you a lot lately?”


‘Ugh. Leanna.’ The image brought a rolling of the eyes. Buffy’s head sang at the thought that Leanna was now gone. She wanted to tell them, but her conscience was telling her it was Spike’s business and his place to give the ‘totally fantastic news.’


“Well ok, yea, Leanna always bothers me, but no, not just her,” Buffy continued. She paused, thinking about her soul.


Buffy looked up to Joyce and said with a self-conscious tone, “Do you think of me as a soulless human?” Her eyes were etched with worry and doubt – doubt of the answer she would receive, doubt of the beliefs she had come to base her entire slaying career on.


Joyce, taken aback by the question, took a moment before leaning forward and looking Buffy straight in the eyes, saying, “Buffy, you have always acted like anything but soulless.”


Relieved at Joyce’s answer, and also saddened at the implication that she still had no soul, Buffy gave her a smile. Deciding to change the subject, Buffy broke the serious mood with, “So what’s this I hear about you and a certain fumbling date?” Buffy looked at Joyce with an amused smile, trying to suppress her laughter at the story Dawn had told her a few nights back when walking her home.


Joyce looked caught, and she turned to look at Dawn who was looking sheepish and feigning innocence. After a brief moment, Buffy burst out into laughter, joined by Joyce and Dawn.


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Spike didn’t know why, but he felt bothered. Breaking up with Leanna was perhaps the biggest decision of his life, but it surprisingly did not affect him much. He had gone out with her for nearly TWO years, and suddenly ending it should have felt a bit painful or remorseful. Instead, it felt liberating. He knew that their relationship was never as deep in feelings as what he had for Dru, but from the lack of emotions he was having now, he wondered if it went beyond physical at all. Had he fooled himself into thinking Leanna was an essential part of his life?


Then there was Buffy. He had gone from hating her and loathing her, to not so much hating her…or loathing her. Confused would be an understatement. They had called a truce…something they had never done before. Buffy was a lot scarier on a truce than she ever was when she was trying to kill him. At that thought, he desperately tried to ignore the image of Buffy in that little red dress.


Walking back into the Bronze, he scanned the tables for the rest of the gang. They saw him coming, and had surprised looks on their faces.


“Whoa! Spike! You’re back…without Leanna…,” Xander said hesitantly. “Good God, what happened?”


“Is everything ok?” Willow said with a worried look on her face. Spike had never been pulled out of the Bronze by Leanna to go fool around and come back to tell about it.


“I got some news. We’re taking a break,” Spike spit out bluntly.


“Huh? What? Who?” Xander asked confused. He couldn’t believe his ears.


“Don’t be such a drama queen. We’re taking a break. You lot can rejoice now,” Spike finished, seemingly in a bad mood.


“Spike, we wouldn’t be happy if you’re unhappy,” Tara spoke up softly.


“Well I would. Sorry Spike, but Leanna had to go. I applaud you for finally ending our misery,” Anya bluntly interjected.


“Look, I’m not unhappy about our break. I’m the one who asked for it…I just,…I don’t know anymore,” Spike finished with a sigh.

“Is this about Buffy?” Xander asked, suddenly serious.

Spike didn’t reply right away as everyone looked at him, waiting for an answer. “No. It’s about me. And how I don’t know what the hell I felt before and what the hell I feel now.” With a swing of his duster, he was walking out of the Bronze again.


-----------------------------------------------


He headed for home, just wanting to lie back and relax, maybe watch the telly. Approaching the house, he heard a heart beat – a human. Rushing closer, he looked through the window, and saw Buffy sitting there with his mum and nibblet. His initial anger at her presence in his house disintegrated slightly as he watched them all laugh about something, with big smiles on all their faces. He stood there for a minute or two, watching them interact. How could that look so right?


Spike walked up to the door and opened it. He was still very annoyed that they had refused to listen to him and invited Buffy in anyway. What was the point of putting up a de-invite if they were going to keep breaking it? But the overall danger Buffy posed was practically non-existent, and Spike knew it deep down. He just didn’t like the fact of the matter.


Buffy immediately stopped laughing at the sound of a door opening. She tensed, knowing she had been caught. Joyce and Dawn seemed to understand, halting their mood to watch Spike saunter into the dining room, looking very annoyed.


“Well look. It’s a party. Why didn’t I get the invite?” Spike said in an annoyed voice as he raised his brow to look at Buffy who was sitting there in her little red dress with a banana split in front of her and the spoon still in her hand. She was really making it hard to stay mad at her when she looked like that.


“Spike, I…” Buffy began.


Joyce jumped in for the rescue, “Spike, I invited Buffy in. We’re just talking. Don’t make a big deal about it.”


“Yea! What’s the big deal?” Dawn said, suddenly very angry at Spike.


“No, it’s ok guys, I’ll just leave…” Buffy started to get up out of her chair.


Spike almost missed it, but for just a second, he saw the hurt and defeated look flicker in her eyes. He suddenly felt a bit sorry. Sorry and still annoyed – two FANTASTIC mixes.


He sighed and ran his hands through the back of his hair. “No, it’s fine. Stay and finish your ice cream and chat. I know you don’t pose a threat anyway.”


“Why gee thanks…” Buffy muttered.


Spike looked at her with an exasperated expression.


“Right, I’m kidding. I love being harmless. Look at me. I’m a bunny,” Buffy finished with false cheerfulness.


“I don’t think bunnies are red, pet,” Spike continued with an amused stare and uplifted brow.


“AHEM,” Dawn interjected. “This might be the one time I ask you to treat me like a child cuz EW.”


Joyce smirked, and jumped in, “Ok Dawnie, it’s time for bed. The sun’s almost up.” Joyce was pushing an unwilling Dawn toward the stairs, and heading up herself when she turned back to look at them and said, “Play nice, ok?” Joyce smiled and disappeared up the stairway.

Suddenly both uncomfortable, they fidgeted and reluctantly turned back to look at each other.

“Um…I should go,” Buffy began.

“Right,” Spike responded, unsure of what to say.

“Oh and Spike? I’m sorry I let them invite me in. I didn’t mean to put them in danger or anything. I just wanted to make sure they were ok…,” Buffy finished quietly. She really wasn’t use to doing this defending-herself-to-Spike thing. It just sounded weird.

Spike looked her in the eyes and said, “Buffy, they’re not in danger, because they were with you.” The moment he said those words was the first moment he ever admitted that to himself completely. He knew she wouldn’t ever hurt them, but always denied it to some degree. It just took him 2 years and a break-up to find that out.


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She would NOT let them embarrass her like that. Leanna marched through the streets of Sunnydale in a blind fury. ‘Buffy will pay. They all will.’


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