Chapter VI Plans & Meetings


I sit beside the dark
Beneath the mire
Cold grey dusty day
The morning lake
Drinks up the sky

Katmandu I’ll soon be seeing you
And your strange bewildering time
Will hold me down

Chop me some broken wood
We’ll start a fire
White warm light the dawn
And help me see
Old satan’s tree

Katmandu I’ll soon be touching you
And your strange bewildering time
Will hold me down

Pass me my hat and coat
Lock up the cabin
Slow night treat me right
Until I go
Be nice to know

Katmandu I’ll soon be seeing you
And your strange bewildering time
Will keep me home

“Peaches, I swear to all that is evil, if you don’t turn off this fucking Cat Stevens song you’ve been playing since we got here, I will climb through this wall and rip your heart out with my bare hands.” Loud pounding followed this announcement. The music in the next room was lowered considerably, but given his vampire hearing Spike could still hear it clearly.

He began to pace in a frustrated manner. They had arrived in Katmandu late last evening and Spike had been antsy ever since. He hated waiting and now that they were so close to actually seeing Buffy it felt like time had simply stopped.

He had tried to get Giles to go over their plans with him one more time to make sure they covered absolutely every possibility. Giles, however, insisted he needed to catch up on his sleep.

Dawn was locked up in her room not speaking to anyone, furious with Giles because he refused to take her with them into Bhutan. He insisted she stay here in and coordinate with Andrew in the London office and pass that information on to them when they were in the field.

Lorne had headed back to the club to close out their bank account and obtain the money to pay the Rogues with. He was also going to talk to a demon who had expressed an interest in buying the club to finance the rest of the money they needed. So far he hadn’t made it back, but Spike knew he would get here at the last possible minute, it was his way of showing how mad he was at Spike for selling the club.

Spike knew that Raven was also upset at his decision to sell what had been their home since they had gotten together, but he didn’t care at this point. It was the only way he felt he could make up for letting Buffy and Dawn down.

There had been no sign of Willow or Xander since they had arrived. Spike figured they were probably holed up together planning what they were going to say to Buffy when she arrived.

Even Raven had abandoned him to go train with the two Hogoshas and Finn’s soldiers.

Spike knew he hadn’t made a good first impression with the Hogoshas. He had trouble with their names right off, one was Myoko and the other was Momoko, he thought. Or maybe it was Myomo and Mimoko. They both seemed to think he was an uncultured idiot.

Spike knew Raven was relieved to be away from him and get in some quality time with her own friends. He knew his constant distraction over Buffy was hurting her, but he didn’t know how to talk to her about it. He honestly didn’t think there was a way he could talk to her about this without hurting her more.

He still loved Raven, he loved everything about her and he wanted to be with her.

But Buffy…

He didn’t know. At one point Buffy was everything to him. He completely remade himself because of her. He changed his entire existence just for a chance to be with her. And now? He honestly couldn’t say.

He didn’t think it was possible not to love her. It came as natural to him as breathing. However, he knew only too well that it wasn’t enough to love her.

Three more hours until they were due to arrive. What was he going to do until then? If he kept on like this he would drive himself nutty long before they got here. As impatient as he was for them to arrive, he was terrified to see Buffy.
So his thoughts circled again, fear of seeing her and what would he say, questioning his feelings towards her, berating himself for ignoring Raven, guilt over leaving Dawn and Buffy. Over and over again his thoughts swirled in his head, now between the anxiousness he was feeling and Angel’s preoccupation with that damn Cat Stevens song he was ready to climb the walls. Or climb through them.



Down the hall Xander was indeed locked away, but not with Willow.

“Are you here to try and make me feel better about getting left behind?” Dawn asked him. She stood there with her hands on her hips looking at him with stubborn determination that reminded him so much of her sister. “I don’t see what else we would have to say to one another.” She continued.

“Look, Dawn I never meant to hurt you…”

”Hurt me? I threw myself at you and you rejected me. Actually you didn’t even reject me you just walked out of the room and never said a word. That HURT me. However, when I found out my sister had disappeared and that you went off after her without even saying goodbye, I was well beyond hurt.”

Xander knew he couldn’t argue with her, he knew he handled the situation poorly. It ranked up there with leaving Anya waiting at the alter, but just like that he didn’t know how to take it back and make it all better.

Dawn turned around and walked to the window. “Would it be different if I was a real girl instead of just a blob of energy made into a girl?” She asked quietly.

“WHAT?!?” Xander grabbed her arm and turned her around. “Are you kidding me? I’ve always thought of you as a real girl. You are a real girl, Dawn. That’s the problem, you’re a girl and Buffy’s little sister on top of that. I just don’t see you in that way.”

“And you couldn’t bother to stick around long enough to explain that to me instead of running away in the middle of the night? It was like I lost my sister all over again, only this time I also lost one of my closest friends.”

“Dawn, I know I messed up, but I wasn’t even thinking clearly. I had been living on almost no sleep for several weeks between rescuing Buffy and then taking care of her. I was completely burnt out. Then one night I go into my bedroom and I find you in my bed naked. I didn’t even know how to react at that point, it was almost like one of those dreams you have where you are on the school bus and suddenly you realize you somehow got on the wrong bus and you aren’t sure how it happened.
All I could do at that point was just walk out and I just kept walking. When I got back the whole place is in an uproar because Buffy went missing again. I wanted to talk to you before I left, but what could I say? I thought I could make it better when I brought Buffy home. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Dawn sighed. “Déjà vu.” She muttered.

“Huh?”

“I had this same conversation with Spike the night he arrived.”

“Wait, You hopped in Spike’s bed naked too?!”

“No.” Dawn told him exasperated. “I was reading him the riot act for not being around and the conversation went pretty much the same way. He said he thought he was doing the right thing, too.”

“Oh. Ok then. Look Dawn, I know you have problems with people leaving you, but we don’t do it to hurt you. Just like Giles wanting you to stay here, you know you will be more help to us in the research department and we are only a phone call away with these neat satellite phones.”

Dawn spared him a look. “You do know that saying neat is so out of date, don’t you?” She asked him. “So what you’re saying is its time for me to grow up and stop thinking the whole world revolves around me?”

“I would never say it like that, but in a nutshell, yeah.”

Dawn looked at him and smiled. She reached out and gave him a big hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

Dawn sat down on the bed and looked up at him.

“I don’t know how I’m supposed to act when I see her.” She said sadly. Xander knew without asking she was talking about Buffy.

“I don’t either.” He told her as he sat beside her and put his arm around his shoulder. She leaned her head against him and for a few minutes the two friends just sat there and comforted each other’s fears.

“Peaches I swear to all that is evil, if you don’t turn off this fucking Cat Stevens song you’ve been playing since we got her I will climb through this wall and rip your heart out with my bare hands.”

Spike’s voice came clearly through the doorway, breaking the mournful mood that had occupied them. Xander and Dawn looked at each other and burst out laughing.

“We better go keep an eye on Dead Boy Jr. or we may be down one team member by the time they get here.” Xander offered

“Oh!! I know!! Let’s get Spike and take him to go pick on Riley’s soldiers. That way he can work of his nervous energy and we get to be entertained.”

“Dawn, that’s just mean and evil.” Xander sounded like he was about to scold her. “I like it!!” He finished with an evil grin.



Next door Angel had just started playing Katmandu again, it finally pushed Spike over the edge.

“That’s it Peaches, I warned you…” He threw open his bedroom door to see Dawn and Xander standing there.

Next to them Angel’s door opened. “Just because you can’t appreciate good music doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer, Spike.” He snapped before slamming his door shut.

“Maybe if you didn’t play the same song over and over again. Just because we are in Katmandu doesn’t mean you can’t play another song, you know?” Spike yelled. He moved to go kick in Angel’s door and destroy the source of the music once and for all.

“Easy there, Spike.” Xander said placing a hand on his arm to get his attention. “Why don’t we go pick a fight with the soldiers instead of taking out the allies we can actually trust?”

“Raven and the other girls already beat us to that idea, mate.” Spike said.

“Well then we’ll just go downstairs and see if we can’t find some other kind of trouble to get you into.” Dawn suggested.

“Fine, I didn’t want to waste my strength on that pansy anyway.” Spike yelled at Angel’s door.

He knew that they were trying to distract him and he was extremely grateful for the gesture, especially coming from Dawn. It seemed his Lil’ Bit was warming up to him. He hoped their talk would help her get some of her anger at him off her chest so she could begin to let go of it. It appeared to have worked.

He wondered if he would have the same chance to talk to her sister. He sighed to himself.

Dawn was right about one thing. It always came back to Buffy for him.


Unable to come up with anything else to keep themselves occupied, the three of them decided to head downstairs to find Willow. They had searched most of the downstairs before they found her with Giles in the library.

“Not a fan of Cat Stevens, I take it.” Willow commented as they entered.

Spike grinned. “Heard that, did you Red?”

“I believe the neighbors heard you, Spike.” Giles said dryly.

“Sorry, Watcher, didn’t mean to disturb your beauty sleep.”

“No, its quite all right, sleep is highly overrated anyhow.” Giles muttered.

“I was just telling Giles I think I have all of the information we are going to get on the Rogues.” Willow told the others.

Spike sat down on an oversized couch. “Well then lets here about our new bosom chums, shall we?”

“Where are Riley’s men? I don’t necessarily think they should be part of this conversation.” Giles said.

”Raven and the “M” girls are with them. I think they are comparing fighting techniques.” Spike told him.

“The “M” girls?” Dawn asked Spike.

“Momoko. Myoko. Mimoto. Mikimoto. I couldn’t bloody keep their names straight.”

“Spike there is only two of them and its Myoko and Mimoko.” Willow said.

“Whatever you say…Red.” She rolled her eyes at him.

“Ok, from what Riley sent us and what Lorne was able to uncover through his contacts we know that the Rogues consist of a six member team.” Willow started, going into lecture mode. The others took seats around Spike on the couches. “There are a couple of other various creatures; demons and humans that they sometimes contract to help with specific jobs, but there are only six permanent team members. Here is the information I have on each one,” Willow’s fingers flew across her laptop as she pulled up the files.

“First off, Ian Thorpe, aka Shadow. Age is undetermined, but he is at least 60 years old.”

“He sure didn’t look 60 to me.” Xander commented. “I want in on his health program.”

“It was commonly believed that he was British due to the accent,” Willow continued, ignoring Xander. “But new information indicates he was actually born in India. He has been trained in several different styles of fighting and is reportedly a master of all of them. He gets the name ‘Shadow’ from his ability to blend into and travel along shadows.”

“Have we come up with a way to detect him when he does that?” Xander asked.

“Aside from having Illyria present, no.” Willow said, sounding discouraged. “I won’t be able to work on that until he gets here and I can isolate his energy signature.” Again there was typing on the computer.

“Next is the reason Riley decided to volunteer soldiers to help us, we think. Hostile 8320, aka Simon. Evidently the Initiative never went out of business, in fact from what number they are on I think they have actually gone into hyper speed.”

”What was your number?” Dawn asked Spike.

“17” Giles and Xander both answered.

Spike shook his head. “It would figure you two would remember that tidbit.”

Willow cleared her throat loudly to get their attention. “Simon,” She continued when she had it. “Is a Fyarl Demon that they genetically altered.”

“What a beautiful idea. Let’s take something as stupid and vicious as a Fyarl and give it some extra enhancements.” Venom dripped from Spike’s voice as he thought of what else the Initiative might have been up to in the past 10 years.

“Actually, they raised his intelligence.” Willow said.

”Really?” Giles asked intrigued.

“Yeah, his IQ is supposed to be higher than Stephen Hawking’s.”

“A smart Fyarl.” Spike mused. “That sounds even worse than a dumb Fyarl.”

“How is it this Simon is no longer in the Initiative?” Giles asked.

“I’m assuming he escaped somehow, but I’m not sure. The files Riley sent me have a lot of details concerning the method they used to genetically alter him, but they really don’t discuss why they did it or how he came to be out in the world.”

“That’s why you said we couldn’t trust Riley’s men?” Dawn asked her.

“Pretty much. I mean I hate to think Riley would knowingly betray us,” Spike started laughing. Willow just shot him a glare. “I just think we should be on the lookout for anything fishy with them.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t plan on trusting these Meatheads.” Spike assured her. “You all may think Major Cardboard is a real American Hero, but you can’t sell me on that bill of goods.”

“Next we have Helena Valero aka Cat. We actually have a lot of information on Helena, because most of her life is well published in Brazil.”

Spike sat up straight. “Cat? I think I may have heard of her she’s the Jaguar Goddess, right? I was warned to stay far away from her when Dru and I were in Brazil, she supposed to be vicious. Makes the most blood thirsty demon seem amicable.”

Willow made a note in her computer.

“Well, She is 32 years old. She was born in Brazil in the state of Bahia.”

“I’ve heard about that place. That’s where they still practice voodoo, right?” Dawn asked.

“Yep, her father was actually a voodoo priest, her mother had died in childbirth. When she was 14 her father moved from Bahia to Manaus, which is the largest city in the Amazon. He wanted to try and help the Indians who were losing their land there.
Helena and her father were on a trip down one of the tributaries of the Amazon trying to locate one of the tribes, when there was a boating accident. They tried to make their way out of the jungle on foot, but her father was bitten by a centipede and died.”

“He died from a centipede bite?” Xander asked disbelievingly.

“In the Amazon the bloody centipedes are about an inch and a half wide and 9-12” long.” Spike answered him.

”Gross.” Dawn made a face. “Definitely not someplace I ever want to go.”

“ANYWAY!!” Willow called back their attention. “After her father died Helena was found by the Yanoami tribe that inhabits that area. She wound up staying there and living with them for the next 10 years. When she finally returned to civilization it was in support of her father’s dream, to protest the treatment of the Indians. She wanted them to get reparations for the land that was being stolen from them so they had a chance to start a new future in the modern world. She raised quite a fuss, and gained quite a bit of attention for her cause. After a long fight the government agreed to her demands and made payments to each of the tribesman of the Yanoami.”

“So she won, why is she so vicious and when did she turn into a Jaguar Lady?” D awn asked.

“When the Brazilian government sent the money into the Amazon they also sent salesmen. When Helena got back, there they had no money left, but every single member of the tribe was wearing new Nike Airs and new pairs of designer jeans.”

“Are you kidding me?” Spike exclaimed. “So they gave them money and then convinced them to waste it on something they didn’t need just so they couldn’t get any rights for themselves?”

“The Indians had no idea what money meant or what they could with it. A week later when they were forced off their land they had no money and nowhere to go. Helena, fed up with the governments tricks, tried to cast a spell by combining Yanoami traditions and Voodoo to call up the Jaguar god of the Yanoami to help them.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work as she planned, it may have called the god, but instead of answering their prayers he gave Helena the powers of a Jaguar. For a while she used her gifts to pay back the government officials by attacking the men whose job it was to tear down the Amazon. Finally the Yanoami, afraid of government retribution making their lives in even more miserable cast her out. After she was cast out of the Amazon there is no records of her except for one of Lorne’s contacts who positively ID’d her as being with the Rogues.”

“Helena has spotted skin, with rosettes similar to the pattern of a Jaguar’s coat and her teeth are razor sharp cat teeth. She has the reflexes of a Jaguar, the ability to leap great distances and balance high up on tree limbs.” Willow continued on hoping the others were listening, she was getting aggravated with their lack of focus.

“Cat woman was always my favorite comic book character.” Xander muttered.

“Moving ON!!!” Willow said. “Pixie is a being who comes from the Faery dimension. We don’t have too much information on her except for her abilities; she is able to change her looks so she can imitate any female she comes in contact with, she can also take the form of a small firefly.”

“Hey I saw that in that movie with the unicorns and Tom Cruise.” Dawn said. “Are you sure this is for real?”

“That’s part of the information that came from Lorne. He said it was a reliable source.”

“Let me get this straight.” Giles said taking off his glasses again and cleaning them. “So far we have a Pixie, a Cat Woman, a Fyarl demon, and Thorpe”

“That’s right.” Willow agreed.

”How many more are left?” He asked tiredly. “I’m getting too bloody old for this nonsense.” He muttered to himself, but Spike of course heard him.

“I’ll take a glass of that scotch you are about to pour, Rupert.” Giles nodded his head as he stood up and walked to the liquor cabinet.

“Just two and hey, one of those is a perfectly normal human. Twenty-Five year old Jason Seidman, aka Tech. Born in New York, he is a computer and technological wiz; supposedly he can hack into any computer in the world. He usually doesn’t work in the field so he will probably be here with Dawn working research and reconnaissance.”

“That just leaves us with one more.” Giles prompted.

“The Slayer.” Willow said, with a sigh. “No real name known although we have some suspicions. Her age is also unknown. She is reportedly the most ruthless fighter they have. She stays away from most of her team members with the exception of Thorpe who she is reportedly involved with.”

Willow didn’t look up as she said this. She didn’t want to witness the look on Spike’s face. Dawn, however, watched him carefully. She could clearly see the pain there when Willow spoke of Buffy being involved. Dawn wondered what was going to happen when Buffy actually arrived. She had noticed the hurt look in Raven’s eyes as she tried to get Spike to talk to her about what was going on, but he just kept brushing her off. Dawn didn’t know anything about their relationship, but she was betting there were going to be some major problems real soon if they weren’t already.

“That isn’t everything is it?” Spike demanded of Willow.

”I’m afraid so. Every report says the same thing: fierce warrior, loner, doesn’t interact with anyone except Thorpe.”

“Do you think he has her under a spell?” Xander asked.

”He has to. That doesn’t sound like her at all.” Spike agreed with Xander.

“I don’t know, but he said we could check to make sure she wasn’t under any spells.” Willow argued.

“Any thoughts on how to go about doing that yet, Willow?” Giles asked her.

”I think the best thing to do will be to have her sing for Lorne. That will be the least intrusive way to do it and that should tell us everything we need to know.”

“When is the Green Dude getting here?” Xander questioned. “You don’t think he ran off with all that cash, do you?”

“No, he’ll be here.” Spike was happy he sounded more confident than he felt.

“What about the other spell you’ve been working on?” Giles again addressed Willow.

“I’ll have it ready.” She said quietly. “I just hope it will work in the way we want it to, we still don’t know what effect casting it had on Buffy, I can’t be certain what will happen when we reverse it.”

“It’s only going to be used in the worst case scenario.” Giles assured her.

”What are you two on about?” Spike asked.

“Remember how I told you I taught Buffy to partition her mind to separate the Demon part from the Slayer part? Well, it was right after that she escaped, before then she couldn’t do much of anything, because she was so torn up inside.”

“And?” Spike prompted when Willow didn’t continue.

Giles answered him instead of Willow. “Spike, if she is indeed running around killing or hurting innocent people it is our duty to incapacitate her. I have given Willow permission to take down the partitions in her mind.”

“You would drive her mad again?” Spike shouted.

Dawn stood up. “You can’t do that to her.”

“Buffy would never do anything so vicious as what has been described to us that these people have done. Do you really believe she is in her right mind if she is committing atrocities? If Willow takes down the partitions we may have a shot of healing her completely and getting our Buffy back.” Giles tried to explain.

“It’s what Buffy would have wanted.” Angel’s voice came from the doorway.

“What do you know about it?” Dawn demanded. “I don’t remember you being around her much before she was kidnapped. How can you claim to know what she would want?”

“Dawn, please calm down. We don’t know yet that this will even be necessary.”

“Fine. I just want to go on record as saying this is a terrible idea. You don’t take someone who has been through what Buffy has been through and try to mess with her mind. What if you can’t fix her? Are you just going to leave her insane and trapped inside herself? Why don’t you just kill her then? I think my sister would prefer death, than to spend the rest of her life strapped to a bed because she tries to claw her heart every time she is free!!”

“We can’t let a violent killer run free.” Willow told her gently.

Dawn just shook her head.

“I can feel the fear and anxiety coming off of you all from upstairs.” Illyria spoke as she entered the room. “Why do you choose to torture yourselves in this manner?” She asked.

“Its called guilt. I don’t imagine you know anything about it.” Giles told her.

“You are all thinking of the damaged Slayer.” Illyria stated. “How can you blame yourselves for occurrences that were not of your design?”

“They may not have been of our design, but had we been better friends maybe we could have stopped them from occurring.” Xander explained to her.

“So you sit here and blame yourselves, while you mourn for the friend you lost. That is stupid. Your friend is still alive, instead of mourning the person she was and punishing her for not being that person anymore, you should concentrate on knowing who she is now.” Illyria tilted her head and focused on Spike. “I thought you understood this. You were the only one who was able to accept that I wasn’t Fred after I took over this shell.”

“Its not the same thing there, Blue.”

“No, its not, but it still applies to this situation as well.”

“She’s right.” Xander admitted. “It might be a lot easier on all of us if we don’t expect our Buffy to walk in the door and I think we should wait on performing any until we have a better picture of what’s going on. Like seeing her butcher children with our own two eyes, or one eye in my case.”

Spike shook his head. “I’m going to check on Raven and the M’s.” He told them storming out of the room.


Spike found Raven in the back of the house, in the large training room. When he walked in she was facing one of the soldiers. Spike remembered his name was Thomas, whether that was a first or last name he did not know. He ignored the glares he got from the soldiers and the quiet whispers that went on between the two Japanese girls as he focused on Raven.

Thomas attacked, but Raven defended against him easily. He gave her an impressed smile before attacking again. This time Raven allowed him to land his blow, but then she used his momentum to pull him forward and flip him onto the floor.

“You’re good.” Thomas said appreciatively.

“Thank you, so are you.” Raven answered politely. Then she noticed Spike in the doorway. He couldn’t help but notice how she immediately tensed up and the sadness in her eyes returned.

“Looking good as always, luv.” He greeted her. He tried to keep the possesive look out of his eyes, but seeing her fighting with one of Riley’s soldiers made him grit his teeth.

A small smile crossed her face. “Well that really wasn’t too much of a challenge.” She could see the jealousy in his eyes and it lifted her heart to see that he still felt jealous of her. Maybe she could remind him of a few other things.

Spike smirked. “Really? Think I might offer more of a challenge for you?.”

Raven turned away from him and shrugged her shoulders. “You could try.” Inside she trembling with anticipation. She missed sparring with him, fighting together had always been one of their favorite activities. Of course what usually happened after the fighting was her FAVORITE activity. Hopefully she would have the opportunity to remind him about that as well.

Her casual words were all the invitation Spike needed, he launched himself at her. She didn’t even have to turn around she simply tucked down and when he got close enough she reached up and grabbed his outstretched arms and flipped him over her. When he landed on the mat she quickly straddled his hips. He could have easily escaped her, but feeling her sitting on top of him made him forget everything else that was happening right now. He could just pretend for a few moments that they were back at home and their biggest worry was whether they had enough staff to cover the club that night.

“I thought there was supposed to be some sort of challenge involved here.” Raven joked. Spike was happy to see her eyes no longer looked so sad. He felt himself harden as Raven rubbed her body seductively over his. He missed that too. He hadn’t had any real contact with her since they left for London. It was probably the longest they had gone without having sex since they got together.

“It was a challenge all right.” Spike told her, before he pulled her down towards him for a deep kiss. Spike was considering dragging her upstairs right now. He was sure the she could help him work off some of his nervous energy.

“Uh guys.” A voice called, but Spike ignored it. “GUYS!!!” This time Xander’s voice was right next to him.

Spike turned his head a growled at him. “Something you wanted Whelp?”

“I thought you might want to know Lorne is here and Illyria says that the Rogues have also arrived, an hour and a half early.”

Spike felt like he had just been kicked in the stomach. He had been planning on going upstairs with Raven and completely forgot about Buffy. How could he do that? Did Buffy really have a relationship with Thorpe? Could she really get close to someone after everything that had happened to her?

He swallowed thickly. “Right then, lets go meet our new team mates.” Xander backed up and left the room, Spike noticed the soldiers and the ‘M’s” were also leaving.

“I don’t suppose they’ll let me get away with calling them the “M” girls to their face, ey?” He asked Raven. She didn’t answer him and when he looked up at her he could see the fear was back again, worse than before.

“Here now,” he whispered. “None of that. I love you, you should know that by now.” He ran his hand lightly over her lips, deliberately not thinking of Buffy and how she had done that their last night together.

“I know you do, but I’m still afraid I’m going to lose you.”

“No chance of that.” He assured her ignoring the voice inside him calling him a liar. He kissed her again before moving her off of him. He stood up and then helped her up, he took her hand.

Together they entered the foyer where everyone else was already gathered. Spike saw Thorpe standing in front of Giles. Next to Thorpe Spike immediately recognized Simon, it was hard to miss Fyarl demon. Helena stood towards the back, her dark brown hair and dark skin made the jaguar markings not as noticeable as he would have thought. There was definitely a wild beauty about her. Next to her was an awkward looking young man, who had to be Jason, the computer whiz. Of Buffy and the Pixie there was no sign.

“Is this everyone then?” Thorpe asked Giles.

“Yes, Mr. Thorpe, it is.”

“Please call me Shadow, we’re business associates now. No need to be formal.”

“All right then, Shadow. This is everyone.”

“I didn’t know we were expecting Initiative Troops.” Shadow commented.

Giles looked at the soldiers guiltily. They were standing there looking about as unfriendly as you could get. It was easy to see that they would not hesitate to raise their weapons at the slightest provocation.

“We weren’t aware of the history between members of your team and the Initiative when we accepted their help.”

Shadow watched him as if trying to gauge the truth of his words.

Spike saw what looked like a drunken firefly come floating past his head and into the room. There was a bright flash and in the place of the firefly there stood a woman who could only be Pixie. She had brilliant red hair and green eyes that could be seen glowing from across the room.

“He isn’t lying, this is all of them.” Pixie told her boss in a very musical voice. “I’m pleased we have so many attractive men with us on this job.” She threw a flirtatious smile over her shoulder. “I look forward to getting to know all of you better.”

“You should be kept in a box.” Helena said loudly.

“Down kitty. No need to be all jealous-like.” Pixie giggled at her.

“Ladies, please.” Shadow admonished them. “So I assume you have chosen to accept our proposal?” Shadow then asked Giles.

“Yes, provided everything you told us was true.” Giles answered him.

Shadow looked back at Helena and nodded. She walked to the door and opened it.

“You are on.” She said to the person outside.

Even before she walked through Spike knew it was her. He recognized the feeling of her. It was Buffy. It was his Buffy. Every muscle in his body was taut with anticipation.

Yet, the woman who walked through the door looked nothing like his Buffy. Her once honey blonde hair was now a dark brown, cropped close to her head. She wore black pants and a black tight fitting shirt, on her feet were heavy combat boots. It was obvious she dressed for practical matters more than fashion now.

However, Spike knew immediately that appearances weren’t the only difference. Her smell was different and when he concentrated he could even tell that the feeling of her was different as well.

She walked into the room looking at each one of them in turn. Spike searched her eyes for the passion she once held. Instead he saw nothing, not the hatred and bitterness he so feared. No sadness over her life, but certainly no joy either.

Once she stood directly in front of Giles she stopped.

“Hello.” It was just one word but it made Spike want to sob in relief, there was no hint of madness in her voice. It was calm and collected.

“Buffy.” Giles breathed. “We’ve missed…”

Buffy cut him off before he could go any further. “Do you have our money?” Again her voice was calm. It could have been easy to be hateful, but there was simply no emotion what so ever.

Giles blinked at her rapidly before nodding. “Er, well, yes we do.” Giles stuttered, he looked around, before remembering he wasn’t the one with the money. “Actually Lorne has it.”

“Right here, boss.” Lorne stepped forward towards Buffy. He had two large suitcases in his hands. Buffy reached out to take the suitcases from him. “Hold on one moment, sweetie, you want the money you have to sing.” Buffy looked at him confused, then looked back at Shadow.

“What is this?” Shadow asked.

”You said we could perform any spell we wanted to make sure she wasn’t under anyone’s control.” Angel told him coldly. “Lorne is an empathy demon, but he can only read people when they sing.”

“How very clever of you.” Shadow looked at Lorne. “I may actually be able to use your services when I am interviewing potential clients if you are interested.”

”Sorry, I don’t even want this job.” Lorne told him, he looked at Buffy. “So are you going to sing or not? This is my livelihood in here and if you don’t sing I don’t have to give it up.”

“Fine.” Buffy said, she sounded slightly irritated, but not as mad as she normally would have over the prospect of being forced to sing. “What do you want me to sing?”

“Whatever your heart desires.”

Buffy stood there for a few more seconds before opening her mouth and singing. “Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb…”

”Stop!” Lorne told her quite upset. “She’s completely in control of herself.” He told the others. He looked back at Buffy as he handed her the suitcases. “You are nothing like the girl I’ve heard so much about all these years.”

Buffy just looked up at him with no expression on her face. “No, I’m not.” She agreed as she took the suitcases from him. She walked them over to Simon, placed them on the floor and opened them. He bent down and watched as she thumbed through them quickly.

“Its all here.” His voice came out as nothing but a growl, but it was surprisingly easy to understand.

“Very good.” Shadow said. “Mr. Giles, you’ve just hired the Rogues.”


Chapter VII Blackmail

As the introductions and greetings were being made, Shadow suggested they all sit down and go over Giles' plans and objectives point by point. Giles, however, was having a hard time getting both his notes and his head in order due to his distraction caused by the Slayer standing before him.

He watched out of the corner of his eye how both Willow and Xander attempted to make friendly overtures towards her, but she deflected these attempts with ease. When Dawn endeavored to speak with her she looked at her sister as if she had never seen her before and didn't even bother to respond to her. It wasn't that she was rude towards them, nor was her behavior particularly cold, it was more a lack of any emotion that sent them away.

Bitterness, anger, pain, that he could have understood and worked with, this thoroughly confounded him. It was similar to the last year in Sunnydale and the way she cut herself off from everyone emotionally, only then he could see the pain and sadness deep within her eyes. Now there was nothing, no feeling whatsoever in her eyes.

'She didn't cut herself off from everyone.' A voice in his head whispered. Giles looked to where Spike stood with Raven tucked in his arms. He was obviously studying Buffy and her interactions with her friends, as well.

Giles had come to understand better the connection Buffy had felt for Spike after the vampire had been gone. Not the emotional attachment the two shared, because Buffy refused to speak of her feeling for the blonde vampire, but more the connection she felt towards him based on ability and experience. Spike was the only one in her group that had the strength and prowess to handle himself, he could be there for her when all the others could do is stand back and watch. He also understood what it was like for her to have to fight every night of her life and he understood the cravings that could develop for the violence even before it was known there was a demon entity living inside each of the Slayers.

More than that Spike, had always been able to get through to Buffy when no one else could. He used his brash and often insulting words to get through her walls. Not even Angel had been able to break down those walls after she came back, it had been Spike she confided her deepest secrets to and to Spike she had run to take her pain away.

Giles found himself in the curious position of being relieved that Spike had come with them, especially given his past feeling concerning the vampire, and Giles almost wished that Raven weren't in the picture so Spike could concentrate fully on reaching Buffy.

Realizing that everyone had by now taken seats and they were now waiting on him to begin, Giles finished sorting his notes and addressed the assembled group.

"For some of you this will be a review of things we've gone over a dozen or more times so please bear with me." He took a deep breath and began.

"Several years ago we discovered that the uprisings we experienced on Hellmouths around the world and various other demonic hot spots were no more than a distraction. After investigating we uncovered the true objective was the raising of an army under our noses. We managed to have one of our team infiltrate and join up with the First Evil so he could send us more information on their plans.
Until recently his reports contained nothing more than daily activities, training methods and the number of troops that had been accumulated. Now, however, their larger plan has been announced and he has even managed to send us a copy of the prophecy they are working from." Giles looked over at Dawn who had been the key translator to work on the prophecy.
"Dawn would you like to explain what you translated so far?" Giles asked her.

Dawn stood up. "This prophecy was written long before humans were even a thought, as Illyria likes to remind us we were nothing but ooze, then. It talks about various signs events that would occur before the prophecy would start to take place. Illyria's resurrection and her failure to take over the world, the destruction of the Slayer line, the battle in Los Angeles destroying Wolfram & Hart's branch there."

"Wait a moment." Helena interrupted. "Destruction of the Slayer line? How is that possible? She is a Slayer?" She pointed at Buffy who was sitting there quietly.

"When Buffy activated all of the potential Slayers, it effectively ended the Slayer line. There have been no more Potentials born since then and no new Slayers have been activated since then. We had thought that maybe the line was now running through Faith, but then she died and again no new Slayers were called."

"So there won't be anymore Slayers?" Shadow asked curiously.

"Andrew found a prophecy that speaks of a Slayer in the future who has a twin brother or something, but that's like a thousand years from now" Dawn answered.

"Interesting." Shadow commented.

"Can I continue?" Dawn asked him, just short of being rude. She felt an instant dislike for this man who in her opinion kept her sister from her for the last three years.

"By all means." He gave her a winning smile.

"Anyhoo, the prophecy describes how the First Evil and Wolfram & Hart are going to use a 'warrior of stone' to reanimate the Thunder Dragon, the most ruthless and savage of the Old Ones. Then they will join their army with his and enslave our world."

"I tell you that prophecy makes no sense." Illyria interrupted her. "He will have no interest in enslaving your race, he will wipe you out without a second thought. He also won't have any dealings with the Wolf, Ram and the Hart, they are too far beneath him."

"Either way it doesn't look good for us." Xander said.

"Do they have the 'Warrior of Stone' yet?" Shadow asked.

"As far as we know they do not, although our source indicates they are expecting it to arrive in the next two weeks. They also do not have possession of the coffin yet. The Thunder Dragon had a maze of caverns and tunnels that run through the Himalayas, the coffin was supposed to appear there somewhere." Giles answered him.

"Do you know who or what the 'Warrior of Stone' is?" Simon growled out his rough voice sounded like rocks being ground together.

"We do not." Giles said tiredly.

"We've found different references that describe legendary warriors who were turned to stone throughout the ages and we have several people looking into them, but so far we've come up with nothing." Dawn added. "There is a few more pages to the prophecy that may explain it in more detail, but neither Andrew or I have been able to translate them yet, because they are written in code as well as in an ancient text."

"J?" Shadow turned to the young man sitting behind them typing furiously on a lap top computer.

"Already on it, Boss." He answered. "Checking all possible legends and stories for references to 'Warrior of Stone'." He looked up at Dawn. "If you can get me a copy of that prophecy I have a program that can decode it in about 5 minutes."

Dawn gave him a condescending look. "Really. We have a program, too, it still doesn't come out right."

"Yes, but my program is custom made and will decipher anything." He told her smugly.

Dawn turned bright red; she was more than slightly perturbed at the insinuation that she didn't do her job thoroughly, before she could say anything Giles interrupted the moment.

"Thank you, Dawn." She nodded stiffly and sat down, still glaring at the Jason.

"So, in essence we have to make sure this warrior doesn't reach their fortress high up in the Himalayas and we should also try to destroy the Thunder Dragons army before he awakens and calls them to arms. That's simple enough." Shadow said. "Mr. Giles when are you going to hear from your informant again?"

"He's scheduled to check in today. He was going to let us know if they have recovered the coffin yet, and transmit a rough map of the tunnels."

"Brilliant!!" Shadow exclaimed. "And I was worried this mission might actually present a challenge for us."

"Meaning?" Giles asked irritably.

"Meaning we already have all the pieces to solve this puzzle." Shadow stood up and turned towards his team. "Simon, Buffy; you will go with myself, the vampires, the Demon Queen, the Witch and the soldiers into the tunnels. We will ensure the Thunder Dragon's army is neutralized."

He turned back to face the others. "Meanwhile, the rest of you will set up a roadblock above Tongsa Dzong. If they can't get their statue, then they can't resurrect this Thunder Dragon. Once both situations have been taken care of we'll meet back up, call in the reinforcements and take out the main fortress. Its all very simple, as I said."

"Simple as long as you don't worry about details." Angel stood up and confronted him. "How do you plan on Spike and I getting to these tunnels? The closest entrance is a 4 day walk from the road, with no shelter during the day."

"And how exactly to do you reckon 9 of us can defeat the army of a Demon Lord?" Spike questioned.

"I really don't think splitting our already limited sources is a good idea." Giles added in.

"Not to mention where are we going to get reinforcements from? All the Slayers that are still alive are busy guarding Hellmouths and can't leave. As far as I knew this was our army." Xander spoke up as well.

"That's because you don't know how to utilize your liabilities." Shadow told them. "That the first thing you learn how to do in Special Ops training isn't it Thomas?" Shadow addressed the soldier without looking at him.

Thomas stood up straight and immediately went on the defensive, as did his men. "Yes it is." He answered quietly.

"We're going to need you to get in touch with Major Finn and tell him we need some of those silent helicopters he has at the secret airbase in Bangladesh to air drop us into Bhutan. We'll also need some heavy artillery on the ground, tanks or modern armor should do, to set up a roadblock." Shadow turned around to face the soldiers giving them a cold grin. "And you can tell Major Finn we will be needing reinforcements to take the fortress, whether they are US troops or some other countries we don't really care."

"We aren't authorized to use that machinery, sir, and we certainly can't commandeer another countries military personnel."

"Really? Hmmm. How interesting." Shadow remarked. "Tell me Thomas, what exactly are your mission objectives here?"

"We are here to aid the Watcher's Council in this endeavor." Thomas answered. He seemed nervous suddenly.

"And your secondary objectives?" Shadow advanced until he was standing only a couple of feet away from the soldier.

Thomas didn't answer him, but one of his hands slid down until it rested on his gun.

"What's the matter Thomas? Cat got you tongue?" Behind him Helena got a slow grin on her face. Thomas still didn't answer, so Shadow again addressed the young man behind him typing on the computer. "J, care to enlighten our new friends on Major Finn's plans for them?"

"Secondary Objectives" Jason began. "Neutralize Hostile 17, Angelus former Scourge of Europe and Buffy Summers, Slayer."

What happened next was almost too fast for even the vampires to follow.

The soldiers pulled their guns and took aim at Shadow, who promptly melted into the shadows on the floor. There was a loud roar and a blur of color as Helena launched herself 15 feet through the air towards one of the soldiers, tackling him and knocking the gun from his hands. Shadow reappeared behind another of the soldiers and grabbed him around the throat, choking him. Meanwhile, Buffy had performed a series of cartwheels across the room and kicked Thomas in the face on her last somersault. She stood over him hold a gun.

Thomas lay on the ground panting hard with his hand over his heart. "You won't shoot me." He told her. "I've read your files, you don't kill humans."

"Really?" Buffy said. Thomas moved his hand and tried to pull another small gun out of a holster located in his vest near his chest. Unfortunately for him Buffy was faster. She shot him neatly through the hand and into his chest.

"I would recommend updating your files." She said as she walked away and took her seat again across the room.

"Dear Lord." Giles cried as he and Willow rushed to the wounded soldier. Dawn stared at Buffy in shock and horror and Angel looked at her with pure disgust.

"Buffy! What did you do?" Xander yelled at her.

"Relax. I was aiming for his hand, I missed his heart by three inches, he'll live even if Willow can't heal him."

The soldier Shadow had been choking had passed out, while Helena crouched over the last soldier growling menacingly. Shadow walked up behind her and looked down at him. "The code to activate your communication device?" He asked him.

The soldier shook his head, terrified. Helena opened her mouth to reveal her sharp teeth. "Are you saying you'd rather play with me? I love to play." She purred down at him.

"1,6,2,0." The soldier said quickly.

Spike looked sharply at Buffy, immediately recognizing her old address, but Buffy didn't seem to notice the coincidence or if she did she didn't care.

"Thank you." Shadow told him. "Tie him up, Cat, and don't forget this other one as well." Shadow walked over to where Thomas lay. "Fix him all up, yet?" He asked Willow.

Willow glared up at him. "I can't remove the bullet, but I put a stasis spell on him so he is frozen in time. If we can get him to the hospital soon he should live."

"Good, we'll need him for bargaining power."

"Bargaining power!!" Giles exclaimed. "Now listen here..." Shadow just ignored him and turned away. "How are we coming with that ambulance, J?" He asked him.

"I already contacted the emergency services here and they are sending an ambulance, it should be here any moment now."

Sirens could in fact be heard approaching in the distance. Shadow walked to where Thomas lay still as death. He searched him quickly for the device he used to contact his superiors; he found it just as the ambulance crew burst in. Shadow pointed down at Thomas.

"This man has been shot." The EMT's exchanged a look. "He will also need to be under constant surveillance at your facility. You can tell your Chief of Staff Ian Thorpe requests his cooperation in this." The men's eyes widened when Shadow told them his name and the immediately rushed over to begin working on the man.

Willow removed her spell to allow them to work.

Pixie had situated herself near the driver of the ambulance and was using all of her charms to back him up against the door.

"You are an attractive man aren't you?" She cooed softly to him. The man was lost in her luminous eyes and the sensuality she evoked in him.

"Pixie, they have a job to do." Shadow reminded her.

"Can't I go with them and maybe play a little. I like this one." She told him.

"Tramp." Helena muttered, as she finished tying up the other two soldiers.

"Jealousy suits you about as much as those claws do." Pixie snapped at her. "Just because no man would want you is no reason to take it out on me."

Helena stood up and marched over towards her. "I'll show you exactly what these claws can do."

"ENOUGH!!!" Shadow yelled. Helena stopped in her tracks. The EMT's had loaded Thomas onto the stretcher and were in the process of carrying him out. "Pixie you can go with them, but you have to keep an on our friend Thomas. We don't want him getting away now."

"Got it Boss." She turned back to the still enchanted driver. "Come sweetie, lets go for a ride." With that they left.

"Is it ok if I go, too?" Buffy asked.

Shadow looked at her. "You have plans tonight?"

"I was hoping to make some rounds and see what I could find. I'm not any good at this planning."

"Shall I look for you later?"

"You know where you can find me."

"All right."

Buffy got up and went out the door. Shadow turned back to Giles and the Scoobies. "Mr. Giles, we need to make a phone call to Major Finn."

"I'm not comfortable with this at all." Giles told him.

"We don't shoot humans." Angel added. "We also don't try to blackmail the government."

"Of course you don't." Shadow answered. "That's why you hired me. If you want to be present for the call we'll be in the office, its in the back of the house behind the training room." Shadow told them, and then he, Simon, and Jason left the room as well.

After they left, the only noise in the room was the two Japanese girls talking between themselves. Raven looked at them sharply at one point and snapped at them in Japanese, the girls immediately looked embarrassed and became quiet.

When everyone looked at her in question she turned red. "They were talking about how this is the reason we usually don't involve ourselves with the Watcher's Council. They don't think you have honor."

It was Giles who looked embarrassed now. "Please tell them that we thought we were doing what was best. We didn't know what we were getting into when we agreed to hire these Rogues."

Raven translated to the girls and they seemed slightly appeased, but still uncomfortable.

"I like their methods." Illyria said. "They are not bound by the moral issues that impede you from doing you tasks well. They seem to understand that the end result is more important than the means you use to get it done."

"Well, that isn't really our way of doing things." Xander told her.

"I know that. That is why you fail." Illyria answered.

"So now what?" Willow asked.

"I should probably go see exactly how Shadow is going to handle the situation with Riley." Giles said.

"Honestly, I'm not thrilled about using innocent men as blackmail, but I'm even less thrilled with the fact Riley is trying to have us killed." Angel said. "I never liked that guy."

Angel looked over at Spike, but he was just staring out the door that Buffy had just exited through.

"What about Buffy?" Angel asked no one in particular, but it grabbed Spike's attention like he knew it would.

"I knew it was her as soon as she walked in." Spike said distractedly. "She still feels the same, but at the same time there is something more there."

"Yeah, that's what I got, too. Lorne what did you see when you read her." Lorne had taken up position in the back after turning over the money and proceeded to drink heavily.

"That girl is so cold she makes Illyria look warm and fuzzy, but she is definitely free from any spells and not under anyone else's control. There is some strong magicks at work inside her, but I think that is a result of her demons."

"She feels nothing." Illyria said. Everyone looked at her surprised. "The emotions she does feel are just diluted fragments."

"Is she soulless?" Willow asked. "Could she have lost her soul when she was turned?"

"She still has a soul." Illyria answered. "However, I don't think she chooses to use it."

"What does that mean?" Dawn asked.

"It means exactly what I just said. She chooses not to feel things, so she doesn't."

"Can we fix her?" Xander asked.

"Why do you assume she is broken?" Illyria questioned. "She was created to be a warrior for the people and to stand alone against evil. What place do emotions have in such things?"

"Emotions give you passion. Emotions give you edge. Emotions make you stronger than you knew." It was Myoko who spoke up for the first time in English.

Illyria tilted her head and studied the girl. "You are also a Slayer." She stated.

Myoko nodded. "Yes, I was born with the gift, but my sister was not."

"Yet, I can still beat her in a fight more than she can beat me." Momoko added. "Because of emotions and determination."

"Buffy used to say the same thing." Giles said sadly, smiling at the girls. They smiled back at him.

"I think I want to go out and see Katmandu." Willow announced suddenly. "Xander you want to go with me?"

Xander looked over at her and the two seemed to communicate through that look. "Sure, Will. New country, lots of sights to see, I bet. That Ok with you G-man."

"Fine, but don't be out too late, who knows, we may be jumping out of helicopters tomorrow night. Angel, perhaps you and Illyria should come with me to speak with Shadow about his way of doing things. Spike would you like to join us?"

"I'm thinking we should just head up to bed. Its been a long day and we could use the rest." Spike told him. Raven looked up at him surprised, but didn't say anything.

"All right then, good night."

"We'll see you all tomorrow." Willow called as she and Xander headed out the door. Spike watched them intently as they left.



Once outside Xander turned to face Willow. "You think you can follow her now?"

"There is still something blocking her signal from me, so I tried to put the spell on her vest instead."

"You put a tracking spell on a piece of clothing? How would that even work?"

"I don't know that it did, that's why we're going to have to try it out."

"Well then, lets try." Xander agreed. The two moved off down the street, Willow was chanting lightly trying to get a reading on her spell.

After several blocks of turns and meandering and still nothing she sighed, frustrated. "Well, that didn't work."

"It was a good try Will." Xander assured her. "Now I'm just wondering where we've wandered off to."

Willow noticed their surroundings for the first time. They were in what appeared to be a back alley with no other exit than the way they had entered through.

"I'm not sure, but its probably a good idea to go back to where we can find more people."

"Why would you want to do that?" A heavily accented voice asked from behind them.

They turned to see a gang of about ten young men blocking the exit. "Look we don't want any trouble..." Xander began, surreptitiously reaching for the knife he kept hidden in his coat.

"We don't want any trouble either, friend. We just want your money." The man said.

"If you leave now, we won't hurt you." Willow told them and Xander could hear the power in her voice. He knew she was getting ready to protect them as well.

Before anyone could react, Buffy dropped down from above and landed before the men. They looked at her in surprise, but she didn't give them a chance to do anything more than that. She spun quickly and kicked one of them back down the alley in the direction they came from. Two of them pulled knives and ran at her, but she dodged them easily, grabbed their forearms and swung them together with a loud smack.

Willow, afraid the fight was going to turn deadly for the gang, chanted a spell that set off bright firework type lights throughout the alley. The rest of the men ran away frightened before Buffy could get a hold of them.

Once they had run off Buffy turned to Willow and Xander. "Wandering down dark alleys, at night, in Katmandu is not usually recommended." She commented, then turned and started walking out of the alley.

Willow and Xander hurried to catch up to her. "Wait, Buffy!!" Willow cried. Buffy stopped and turned towards them.

"Yes?"

They stopped quickly when she turned around and then looked at each other unsure of what to say now that they were face to face with her alone.

"So, um, how've you been?" Willow asked weakly. "I see you cut your hair. It's a different look for you. Not that it's a bad look, just different."

Buffy tilted her head and looked at her in a way that reminded Xander way too much of Illyria.

"You both are out here tonight looking for me, aren't you?" She asked them.

"We missed you, Buffster. We wanted to talk to you. See how you are, where you've been, what's new with you." Xander told her sincerely.

"I'm fine, I've been traveling with the Rogues and I'm not insane anymore." Buffy answered his questions one at a time.

"Ok." Xander said.

"We read, or we heard, um, that you and Shadow were together." Willow commented, hoping that talking about something personal may draw her friend out.

Buffy shook her head. "Look, I know you just want to reconnect with your friend, but I'm not that person anymore. I'm not together with Shadow, we do have sex occasionally, but that isn't any of your concern. I'm only here for this mission; I'm not here for you or Giles, or Dawn, or Angel. That isn't my life anymore."

Xander and Willow just looked at her sadly.

"So what you are saying is you don't care about us at all?" Xander asked her bitterly.

"Don't take it personally. I don't care about anyone." Buffy started looking around the alley. "You should get back to the house. Even with your skills, this is a dangerous place to go wandering when you don't know your way around."

Realizing they weren't going to get anymore conversation out of their old friend Xander and Willow left her standing there and headed back to the house.

Buffy waited until she heard them leave the alley then looked around again. "You might as well come out Spike, I know you're there." She called out into the darkness.

There was a blur of black, and then Spike stepped out from the back corner of the alley. "Hello, Buffy."



Chapter VIII Just Like Old Times


As soon as Raven and Spike got to their room, he sat down in one of the plush chairs with a loud sigh and put his head in his hands.

“Spike?” She asked quietly.

He raised his head and looked at her. “I know I’ve hurt you by shutting you out, but I was afraid I’d hurt you more by talking about it. Now, I know we have to talk.” He whispered.

Raven felt her heart clench. She wondered if he had already decided to leave her for Buffy. She wanted to tell him that talking things out and having things out in the open could never hurt as much as his silence, but given the circumstances here, that wasn’t necessarily true. She turned away so he wouldn’t see the tears that began to form in her eyes.

“I’ve been dreaming of her.” His voice was still quiet and thick with pain. “Buffy.” He added, as is it needed clarification. “They haven’t been pleasant dreams so don’t think that.” He quickly assured her. “She’s somewhere in this dark, cold place and she’s hanging from a wall,” He swallowed thickly. “and she’s crying and she keeps apologizing to me and begging me to stop hurting her. Its been happening ever since I asked you to be my mate.” He finished quickly.

Raven looked at him sharply. “Were you having second thoughts?” She asked him. “Or do you think she was reaching out to you in some way?”

“I thought it was just the past trying to hold onto me, I’ve never had much luck in the love department. I thought I was just trying to sabotage us in some subconscious way.” He sat a moment and seemed to consider. “Bloody hell. I don’t know what to think.” He threw his arms up and stood up. As was his habit when he got frustrated and didn’t have things to beat up, he began pacing frantically.

“I mean if it is really Buffy reaching out for help in some way, why now? Why not three years ago? Why didn’t she come and find me after she left the Watcher’s then?” His voice rose with his frustration.

Raven watched him make a couple of laps across their sitting room before she spoke. “You want to go out and find her.”

“I need to know.” He stopped his pacing, but wouldn’t look at her.

“Need to know what? If she’s calling for you? Because that woman downstairs wanted nothing to do with any of you!! I didn’t need superhuman senses to see that. She didn’t
even acknowledge her sister.” Spike knew that because of her culture and the fact she lost her family at a young age that she viewed family as one of the most treasured things. “Or is that you need to know if she still loves you?”

Spike let out a short bitter laugh that hurt her more than his denial would have. In that laugh she could hear the pain he still felt over Buffy’s rejection of him. “Buffy never loved me. There was a time when she thought she needed me, but she never loved me.”

“Her friends seem to think…” Raven asserted.

“Her friends are wrong.” Spike insisted coldly.

“What do you want me to say?” Raven felt her voice began to get louder. “Do you want my blessing to leave and go off into the night to chase down the unrequited love of your life? What if she was calling for you? What then? Then you leave me for someone who by your own admission never loved you, just because she ‘needs’ you again?” She was yelling at him now.

“NO!! God no.” Spike went to grab her and calm her down, but she jerked out of his grasp. She knew there was no way he could guarantee that, and judging by his reactions to seeing her for the first time she knew that it was only a matter of time before she lost him.

“I HATE this!! I am not this person!! I am not petty, and jealous and insecure!! I believe that truly loving someone is to want their happiness above all else, yet ever since I convinced you to do this I have turned into this person who I hate. I want to cling onto you all the time to make sure you don’t forget what we have together, yet I know that would only make things worse. So I try to give you space. I didn’t say anything when you sold the club to find her. I didn’t say anything when you stopped talking to me and including me in your plans. I’ve tried to be supportive and not pressure you when all I really want to do is beat the shit out of you for being such an asshole and putting me through this.”

She picked up a statue on one of the tables and threw it at him. Spike dodged the statue and quickly pulled her into his arms as she sobbed helplessly against him, whispering “I’m so sorry.”over and over again.

Raven pulled back from him sniffling when her sobbing subsided. “Go on. Go find her, talk to her. Figure out your answers. We don’t have time for this bullshit,” She told him as she wiped the tears off her face with determination. “We have to save the world.”

Spike couldn’t help but laugh. “I do love you.” He told her earnestly, before kissing her lightly.

“You should remember that.” She told him.

Spike walked to the window located across the room and started climbing out onto the roof.

“They have doors, you know.” She told him wryly.

“Red and Harris already know where she went, I think. I’ll be able to track all three of them quicker if I take rooftops.” With that he was gone.

Raven stood in the middle of the room for a long time, feeling much like the silk sheers that hung over the window, flapping in the cool night air.



Out in the city, Spike crept along the rooftops extending his senses for any sign of Buffy, Willow or Xander. With the heavy incense from the temples and the opium and hash coming out of the cafés below it was hard to discern the scents of any of the ones he was looking for. After several minutes, he headed off in the direction Willow and Xander had headed in, thinking he could smell a faint trace of the lilac perfume Willow had on earlier.

He found them cornered down a back alley, but made no move to help them knowing that Willow was more than capable of handling the situation.

Plus he suddenly had the tingling in his spine accompanied by the warm feeling in his chest meant that Buffy was in the vicinity. He watched as she dropped down in front of the would-be robbers and began to attack.

While Willow and Xander were appalled by the ruthlessness she used to deal with the men, Spike, as well as his demon, were thrilled at getting to watch her in action once again. He was amazed at the way her skills had developed over the years; she was much faster than she had been and she seemed to be much stronger as well. He also noticed that her movements weren’t as fluid as they once were and she didn’t have the joy she once did when she engaged the enemy.

When she was younger, even when she was trying to deny her nature, he could tell just by watching her fight that she loved it. The way she moved and the way she would offer up the quips as she fought he knew she enjoyed the violence almost as much as the creatures she was created to destroy. Now it was as if she had bridled that in some way. He wondered if it came from denying the emotions inside of her.

Spike watched Willow set off her light show and he knew she was afraid that the Slayer would take things too far with the humans below. Spike was afraid of that himself, she was fighting them the same way she would fight a demon or vampire.

He paid close attention to the awkward conversation that followed with her friends and noticed immediately when her eyes started to scan the alleyway looking for something. When she looked directly at the rooftop he was crouched on he knew she was aware he was there, but he waited until she told the others to head back before he dropped down, and he didn’t step out of the shadows until she called to him.

“Hello, Buffy.”

She stared at him for a few moments and he searched her eyes for any sign that the woman he fell in love existed somewhere inside her. He was disappointed to see nothing in her eyes, but careful consideration along with a annoyance.

“Willow and Xander chasing me down to be my friend and you lurking in the shadows making moon eyes.” She walked over to the wall and leaned against it. “Just like old times.”

“Not exactly, luv. You seem to be a bit different.” Spike responded, as he got closer to her he noticed that while she still felt the same to him there was something new to that feeling. It was confusing him because it seemed familiar, but at the same time he didn’t recognize it as having to do with Buffy.

“What do you want, Spike?”

The sweet smell of the flowery shampoos and soaps was gone; in its place was a clean, medicinal smell indicating the change in her appearance didn’t just stop with the hair and clothing. Not even the abrasive smell of her cleaning products, could hide the smell of her sweat and the sweet smell of her arousal, probably due from the fight, that he knew so well. He could also very faintly still pick up the smell of vanilla, as if it permeated her skin at some point or was just naturally a part of her.

All thoughts of Raven and his life for the past seven years flew right out of his head and he was only aware of the woman before him. His Slayer. He cursed himself for ever staying away from her and wished more than anything that he had been there for her when she needed him so he could have kept her safe from Drusilla.

“Did you track me down to stare at me all night?” The annoyance in her eyes carried over into her voice.

“I wanted to know….” He said moving closer, not even realizing he was doing so, the urge to touch her, hold her tight and never let her go was overwhelming him. Inside him his demon was also reacting to her presence distracting him. “I wanted to know if you were all right.”

She looked deep into his eyes. “I don’t seem all right?”

“You don’t seem like, Buffy.” Even though she smelled like Buffy and felt like Buffy he could tell she just wasn’t herself. It was like she wasn’t whole.

She smiled slightly at him, but her smile was too calculating to be considered warm. “So its not whether or not I’m ok, its whether or not I fit your image of Buffy?” She nodded as if he just confirmed something she already knew. “Maybe you don’t seem like Spike, the Slayer of Slayers, all domesticated and business owner-like. However, I know it’s none of my business and I don’t really care who you are now, just like it’s none of your business who I am.”

”Really?”

“Yes.”

”And you are happy like this?”

“Happiness isn’t a factor.”

“Happiness isn’t a factor and you don’t care about anyone? Seems quite sad to me.”

“Does it?” Again there was the slight smile. “You know what I think is sad? Someone who CHOSE to keep me out of his life for 8 years suddenly showing up with a guilty conscience wanting to know if I’m still the same person.”

“I was trying to make sure you could have the normal life you always wanted so badly!!” Suddenly it hit him what the additional feeling was that he was getting from her. It was the same feeling he got when Angel was near, his demon recognized her as family and since it seemed the demon already considered her his, it was crawling inside of him to be let out.

Buffy stepped away from the wall and pushed up against him. He felt his body react to her close proximity and he knew she had to feel it as well. He felt like he couldn’t catch his breath, before remembering he didn’t need to breath. He looked into her eyes and found himself surprised to see how cold they were. She ran her hand up over his chest and he almost purred at the contact. Confusion was racing though his brain as he tried to separate the lust from the rational part of his brain so he could concentrate on her words. “That’s not why you stayed away.” She told him softly. “You were afraid. I finally told you I loved you and you got scared.”

With the feeling of her soft warm body pressed against his, fitting into him like she was made for him it took a moment for her words to register in his mind.

“Then while you lived the normal life,” Her voice was still soft and sweet while she her hands rubbed over the muscles on his chest. “Owned a business, got a girlfriend, I was chained to a wall raped, beaten and turned by your demented ex-girlfriend all because you once professed to love me.” Her voice turned hard by the end and her words pierced his mind in sharp contrast to the soft caresses. He tried to pull away from her and was surprised to find her grip on him was as strong as steel.

The feeling that screamed ‘family’ inside him got much stronger as she changed into game face. “This is the normal life I have.” She told him through her fangs. He could feel the demon inside her raging and he knew it was also responding to his close proximity. He could feel the tight control she was keeping over it to make sure it couldn’t overpower her. “I don’t get to die, I don’t get to grow old, I have to drink blood now and I have to constantly have control over two warring supernatural entities inside of me or they will rip me apart.”

She pushed him back suddenly and he stumbled and almost fell. “And you think it’s sad because I don’t look for happiness. Rainbows and unicorns are for people who get happy endings or Harmony. I have enough to deal with without emotions complicating things.” She tried to put her demon face away, but he could see it was a struggle to get it under control. Her eyes flickered between gold and hazel before they settled on hazel. She turned and walked away from him obviously thinking the conversation was at an end.

Spike was having none of it. Especially not when she showed him a weakness he could use to get to her. He let his demon go and let out a large growl as he darted after her and spun her around.

“What happened to you?” He grabbed her arm and spun her around. Angry at being man handled and probably suspecting what he was trying to do, Buffy let a fist fly directly into his face.

“You mean other than what Drusilla did to me?” She snapped irritated. She managed to avoid the punch he threw back at her. “Domestic life has mad you slow.” She commented, then grunted when he landed a punch to her ribs.

”What Dru put you through would have been horrible, but it wouldn’t be enough to send you running that deep into yourself. You’re a vampire now; your demon could have helped you through the pain. What is it you’re really hiding from?”

Spike dodged one of her heavy boots aimed for his face, then tried to follow through with her to land a kick to her back. She seemed to anticipate this, however, and twisted around so she was facing him instead. She grabbed his foot and threw him onto his back.

“I’m not hiding from anything. I just finally learned that emotions were distracting and of no use, the same thing I learned about depending on people.” Spike rolled quickly to avoid the kick she was aiming at his privates.

“Is that why you couldn’t even acknowledge your sister when she tried to talk to you?” He demanded as he stood up.

Blank confusion crossed her face. “You mean Dawn?”

“Yes, Dawn!!” He yelled. He used her distraction to sweep her legs out from under her. “You have another sister?”

“It didn’t occur to me and she’s not really my sister.” Spike’s jaw dropped at the casual way she said that as she leaped back to her feet and she took advantage of his dismay and punched him in the face again. He recoiled, but quickly recovered to grab her shoulder and yank her close to him. “What do you mean she’s not your sister?” He barked at her.

Buffy brought her hands up and broke his grasp, grabbing onto his shoulders. “She’s a ball of energy some monks made me think was my sister, remember?” She threw him across the alleyway and he slammed into the stone wall.

As he lay there looking up, Spike was filled with rage, not only because of her denial of her sister, but also because he could see the truth of her words in her eyes. He realized in that moment that the woman he loved was truly gone. She had squashed her emotions and her sense of self until she was nothing more than an empty shell that housed two demons. He felt hatred and disgust boiling inside of him, furious with her for giving up like that.

He launched himself back at her and the two began to fight in earnest. There were no more words spoken between them, both of them were concentrating wholly on the fight. Unfortunately for him, Spike had been right in his earlier assessment of her capabilities. She was much faster and stronger and while her loss of inane grace was sad, it really wouldn’t affect the outcome of this fight too much. Sparring with Raven a few times a week over the past few years didn’t put Spike in the top physical shape he had been in and against Buffy he didn’t have a prayer.

That was fine; he had one more card up his sleeve.

He let her take him down and did nothing when she straddled his waist obviously thinking she had won. As it always did when engaged in a good fight, especially with his Slayer, his body reacted and he knew she could feel his erection as she pinned him down.

“You better get a whole lot better fast, or maybe we should take Xander instead of you on the air drop.” She taunted him.

Spike let out a growl and she froze. He saw her eyes flicker for a moment so he growled again and she changed into her demon. It was something elder vampires did to the younger ones to keep them in line and remind them of the hierarchy. He knew that with the fight and the close proximity of family for the first time in years, her control over the demon had been tenuous at best and it only took a little push to bring it out to the surface.

He studied the young vampire before him. She was quite possibly the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. The ridges couldn’t hide her delicate features, which were made all the more alluring by the sharp fangs protruding from her gums.

He pushed himself into a sitting position so she was now straddling his lap, her face inches away from his. Spike knew he probably didn’t have long before she re-established control over her demon and Spike wanted to make an impression on her before that could happen.

He ran his hand gently over her face, he heard her breath in deeply and he knew she was enjoying the gentle caress. From experience he knew how important family connections were to young vampires. They craved that connection from their sire more than they craved blood. It helped teach them, calm them, gave them a sense of security and made them feel loved. The most important way they achieved that connection was to share blood. Everything he had been told about her ordeal he was certain she had never been able to enjoy this connection.

Also, for him to bite her it would establish his dominance over her, which meant he would have some control over her demon when she let it out. He was hoping that if he could get her demon to trust him then she might open up a little bit more and learn to feel again as a human.

As Spike leaned into her neck, her scent consumed him, he could smell her arousal more strongly now and he could also smell the vanilla scent of her skin better through the soap products. He felt her start to shake when he opened his mouth and breathed lightly against her neck. He could sense that her demon was impatient. It wanted to move, speak or urge him on in some other way, but it instinctively knew that wasn’t allowed.

He ran his fangs lightly up and down her jugular; teasing her, as he watched it pump the blood quickly through her body, she was whimpering slightly now in anticipation of what was to come. She was trying to move closer to him without making it obvious she was moving. Finally, he gently laid his fangs against her and lightly broke her skin causing her to gasp in pleasure. He listened to her heart beating quickly inside her as he slowly began drawing out her blood.

As soon as the rich liquid hit his tongue he almost swooned with pleasure. He had tasted Slayer blood before, and he was well aware of the power of it, but this was Buffy’s blood. She tasted as wonderful as she smelled, like sunlight and vanilla along with the feeling of concentrated power.

Connected to her like this he could feel her demons emotions clearly; the rage and loneliness it felt bombarded him and made him draw her tighter into his embrace trying to chase away all the dark feelings from before. She clung tightly to him just as unwilling to let him go. He could also feel her demon’s confusion, it was mistrustful of any other vampires, probably due to its past experiences and the fact that it wasn’t a true vampire, yet it also felt some kind of emotional link towards him. Possibly a remnant of feeling left over from Buffy’s feelings. Even while he savored her blood and the demon’s feelings for him, he was disappointed to find nothing resembling human emotions inside of her. He could feel the person she had become struggling in the background to reestablish control over herself and he could also feel the powerful force of the Slayer waiting at the edges to be released, but there was no sign of the person her once knew inside of her.

She was gasping and moaning now lost in the pulling feeling on her neck that she felt all the way down to her groin. She had let go of her mistrust and rage and relaxed enough to just enjoy the feelings he was pulling out of her, feelings her demon had never experienced before. He pulled back just before she lost herself and actually had an orgasm, not wanting her to relax too much and give her rational side an opening.

His heart melted when he looked into her eyes and he saw the gratitude, lust and pleading for him to continue in her amber eyes. Even though his Buffy was gone, he was aware that he had already lost himself to her all over again.

He ran a hand through her short dark hair and down towards the back of her neck while looking tenderly into her eyes. He felt her stiffen slightly when he pulled her forward gently towards his own neck. He sensed her demons surprise at this gesture, as it knew instinctively this was not commonly done, a master wouldn’t offer his blood to a younger vamp unless it was their sire or they were mated. It was also still confused by his gentle treatment, even though now it wanted to. Unsure whether or not this was a trick and not knowing whether or not she could trust him Buffy struck hard and fast at his neck as if she were afraid he would change his mind. Her teeth were clamped on his neck and she drinking forcefully from him causing him some pain, but it wasn’t much and the pleasure he felt just having her there far outweighed the pain. Instead of punishing her for her eagerness and impertinence as he should have, he petted her short locks while making soothing purring noises to calm and reassure her. He hissed in pleasure when he felt her relax her grip on his neck with her teeth and slowly started licking and suckling on him instead. He tried to focus his feelings of love and admiration for her to the front of his mind he wanted her to feel how deeply he cared for her, hoping it may color her view of him once her rational side regained its control.

At that moment he wanted nothing more than to let go of the humanity inside of him and let his demon have full control. He wanted to take her right there in that alley make her remember what it was like between them, he wanted to mark her and make her his officially and then he wanted to take her away; he didn’t care where, someplace where they could hunt and feed and live together where nothing could separate them again.

That was just a stupid daydream, their reality would be nothing like that.

He knew he was going to have to order her to stop drinking soon and after that he would have to deal with consequences of his actions. He wondered how Buffy would deal with losing control over herself like this. It seemed that control was something very important to her now.

Buffy seemed to know instinctively that it was time for her to stop and her drinking slowed until she was just licking the puncture wounds closed. She pulled back to look at him, he saw the rage and loneliness in her eyes and in its place was the deep confusion. She didn’t understand why he would do this for her, her demon had only known the pain and torture from Drusilla and the other vampires, then the constant leash that Buffy kept it on. It was actually a miracle her demon hadn’t become as twisted as Angelus under the influence of the soul.

He leaned forward and licked the blood from the corner of her mouth while staring deep into her amber eyes. “You may have killed every ounce of humanity inside to rid yourself of all your emotions, but even now you still have them inside you. Possibly even stronger than before. You should know better than anyone how well demons can love.” He kissed her lightly. “I still love you, Buffy. There is nothing you could ever do to yourself that would make me stop.” Even as he said the words he knew they were true, she was his soul mate. Years ago he told her love wasn’t brains, yet somehow he had forgotten that. He had chosen Raven to be his mate like it was a conscious decision to be made, instead of the magnetic pull he felt when he was with this woman that made him want to forsake everything he had and was for her.

He saw the emotions swimming deep in her eyes before they flickered and he prepared himself for her anger.

He wasn’t prepared for the smoky white color her eyes turned or the tingling in his spine that grew stronger than he ever felt before. Spike felt alarm when he realized he was face to face with the essence of the Slayer. A very pissed off Slayer.

This was no younger demon like the vampire within her. This demon was as old as time and he couldn’t hope to assert control over it.

She grabbed him by the throat and hauled him up as she stood up a stake pressed against his chest. She still had the ability to pull a stake from nowhere he thought to himself with grim amusement.

It was then he realized he was going to die. He could see it in her eyes. He had pushed her too far counting on some lingering feeling lying dormant inside her, that apparently wasn’t there, to help him and now he was going to die for that miscalculation.

He stared directly into her eyes unwilling to look away when she cast the killing blow and thought that it was so appropriate that the Slayer of Slayers was now going to die by the hand of the Slayer he fell in love with.

“That’s enough!!” A British voice yelled across the alley. “Buffy get yourself under control.”

Shadow was suddenly next to Spike trying to get Buffy’s attention. “You can control it, it doesn’t control, you remember that.” He told her. Spike felt a tremor run through her, then the tingling within his spine lessened as Buffy’s eyes turned back to their normal hazel color. Her grip on the stake didn’t loosen however and looking into those cold eyes Spike knew there was still a good chance he was going to end up dust.

“He called my demon out and I almost couldn’t get it back under control.” She informed Shadow flatly.

“I’m sure he didn’t realize what he was doing and now that he understands I’m sure he won’t do it again. Isn’t that right, Spike?”

“Wouldn’t dream of making you lose control again sweetheart.” Spike told her, but his tone of voice clearly said that he didn’t mean it.

Buffy eyes grew colder still and she threw him away from her before she turned to face Shadow stiffly. “I told you it was a bad idea to take this mission.”

“You should head back and get some rest. We leave tomorrow night.”

Without a backwards glance at Spike, she turned and left the alley.

Shadow waited until she was far enough away she couldn’t hear them before he turned to Spike. “Do you understand how much concentration it takes for her to keep those demons under control? You cannot incite them like that.”

“Maybe it would be more beneficial if she learned to integrate them so she wouldn’t have to control them.” Spike snapped back at him. “Hey! Maybe then she could actually allow herself the luxury of feelings again.” He finished sarcastically.

“The emotional part of her is completely insane. She would have no chance to control herself much less her demons.”

“So instead of trying to help her you let her stay the way she is? A perfect fighting and killing machine?” Spike questioned him.

“You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.” Shadow reminded him.

“And doesn’t it work out nicely for you. You get to make money off of her and you get to fuck her as well.” Spike growled.

“Why, I do believe you’re jealous.” Shadow grinned widely. “Whatever would that sweet Hogosha say?”

Spike made to move against him, but Shadow melted away as always, appearing farther down the alley. “I don’t really think you are in the best shape to be picking any more fights tonight, do you?” Before he left Shadow gave this final parting comment. “I was able to save you from her this time, I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to do it again if you insist on pushing her.” Then he too left, leaving Spike alone in the alley.

Grief and pain that had been building inside of him since he first learned of Buffy’s fate came boiling over. He turned and began tearing into the wall, beating it with his fists until they were raw and bloody, but still he didn’t stop until exhausted, he slumped to the ground, his body shaking with harsh sobs.