Chapter 12: Protect Me From What I Want

For the second time in his existence Spike felt the uniquely excruciating experience of dissolving into ash. Only this time he didn’t have the luxury of losing consciousness. This time even though he knew it shouldn’t be possible, he still had full awareness of himself, in all his pieces and particles, and all of them were in sheer torment.

He wanted to scream, but of course he had no mouth to scream. Of course he didn’t have any ears with, but it seemed as though he could hear.

“WAKE UP!!!” A voice demanded.

Spike sat straight up, every muscle in his body was thick with tension. His mouth was opened wide, but even his vocal chords seemed to be taut with fear.

“Wake up half-breed.” The voice demanded again.

There was disorientation, then flying through the air, than an abrupt and painful stop.

This was getting to be a bit repetitive.

Spike shook himself as he got his bearings. Solid floor underneath him, the same one as when he went to bed.

His body was solid, not translucent, and it appeared as though all his parts and pieces were still attached. He quickly pulled up his zipper when he noticed his pants were still undone.

A snort escaped him, followed by a chuckle, then a full-bodied laugh.

“I did not hit you hard enough that your mind should have been damaged.” Spike looked over at Illyria standing next to his bed and started laughing even harder.

Illyria turned her head to the side trying to understand what was happening to him. “Is this what they call hysterical laughter?”

Spike couldn’t answer her, he was laughing so hard.

It took him several minutes, but he finally managed to calm down and stop laughing. “Don’t look so alarmed, I’m all right.” He stood up and began to look for his cigarettes. “Just a nightmare, is all.” He finally found them and lit one up, smoking with relish.

“A nightmare caused you that amount of terror?”

Spike didn’t answer her; instead he began to look through his bags for a clean T-shirt to throw on.

“I could feel your fear across the house.” He persisted.

Spike found a simple black T and threw it on.

“What time is it?” He asked still ignoring her questions. “Anyone else up yet?”

“The Hogoshas left a while ago. I heard them talking, they did not think I understood their language; they were going to the hospital to check on the wounded soldier. Xander has not left Willow’s side since he awoke; she still has not regained consciousness. Angel has not yet gone to bed he has been up making travel arrangements.”

“Travel arrangements? He going someplace?” Spike grabbed his bag with the clothing in it, he had been astonished when he went to pack for this trip how many of his black T’s had been replaced with dress shirts and jackets. He grabbed a few more before they had left, and Raven had bought him some grey and white T’s to wear as well. He slipped on one of the grey ones now.

“No they are for his son.”

Spike looked at her quizzically. Angel didn’t have a son, something there must have gotten lost in the translation.

“The Watcher?”

“I believe he is still resting.” Illyria wondered if she should mention the Watcher’s illness to the vampire.

“The Rouges?”

“The males have been closeted away with the soldiers, except for the young human. He is with Dawn pretending to translate the prophecy. I do not know where the Cat has gone. I also do not know where the flying creature is. She worries me, I have no sense of her.”

“What do you mean?”

“She does not appear to me in any way except when I see her. She has no residual signature I can read.”

“So if you don’t see her, you don’t see her?”

“Correct.”

“And with her ability to take other forms and shrink to a spec of light that could be a problem.”

“Again, correct.”

Spike sighed, one more thing to worry about.

“Has Buffy…?”

“The damaged Slayer is in the training room working on meditations type exercises as well as her fighting skills.”

“Really?” Spike smiled. “Good, I need to have a chat with her.”

It was Illyria’s turn to laugh now. “You really do have a death wish don’t you?”

Spike studied her for a moment. It was true he was the first to accept that Fred was gone and Illyria had taken her place. He had mourned the loss of his friend, still missed her, but he had been able to move on from that. He didn’t even really blame Illyria for what happened. She didn’t pick the shell she was going to be reborn in. That was all that idiot Knox.

However, whenever he heard Illyria laugh he always was struck with a sharp pain of loss that rivaled the pain he experienced when they first lost Fred.

She had always been such a happy and hopeful person. The sound of her laugh had been contagious and had brought a smile to his face on several occasions. To hear such a similar sound come from Illyria, only with out the warmth, made him feel her loss profoundly.

“When you took over Fred’s body you said she was gone.”

“That is correct, her spirit was destroyed with her physical organs.”

“Then how do you explain the lingering emotions you still have that belonged to Fred?” Spike questioned her.

“Ghosts created by the memories that are still inside.” Illyria answered succinctly.

“Isn’t that part of Fred, though, her memories and emotions?”

“Why are you asking these questions?” Her voice came out suspicious and angry. No one had inquired about the shell’s previous occupant since Wesley had been killed.

Spike raised one eyebrow at her and Illyria felt her anger grow. He acted like she had just proven something to him.

Spike saw her face darken and sighed. “Look, that dream I had last night was about Buffy. I’m not even sure it was a dream.” He sat on the bed and looked up at Illyria. “I was like I was inside her head and she her personality was broken up into theses pieces. Slayer, vampire, and then there was this little ghosty Buffy. Whenever she was making with the happy thoughts she would turn all solid, then if anything upset her she would fade away.” Illyria’s anger faded and she began to feel something else as he confided in her.

“I was just wondering if, given the chance, the remnants of Fred’s emotions you feel grew would Fred’s presence grow too?”

Illyria hesitated in answering. It was unusual for someone one to initiate conversation with her. Even though she worked by Angel’s side day after day, he usually ignored her unless they were talking about the mission at hand.

The one eyed human tried to be friendly towards her, but she believed that was because he saw similarities between her and his deceased fiancée. For someone to not only confide in her, but then ask her opinion was quite a novelty. It was almost like a friendship.

She weighed the possible outcomes of sharing honestly with him. He could use this information to try and get rid of her in an attempt to restore Fred to this shell.

Yet that did not seem likely. He was too caught up in trying to win back the damaged Slayer. Plus he was the only who treated her fairly and she knew he did not hold her responsible for Fred’s demise.

She decided to trust him.

“If given the opportunity, these emotions could grow. I do not believe Fred would return, but I would become more like her in all probability.”

Spike nodded. “Thanks.” He thought over what she said.

“I would be willing to help you. If you desire it.” He looked at her surprised.

“Help me?”

“With the damaged Slayer.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“I may still make you my pet someday. I like my pets to be happy.”

Spike burst out laughing. “Blue, you cracked a joke.” He stood up and opened the door. “And a funny one, at that.” He gestured for her to go before him in a rare display of the gentleman he once was.

“It was not a joke.” Illyria protested.

“Sure it was.” Spike answered as they walked down the hall to the stairs. “And to answer your question, yes, I could use your help. Wanna come train with me?”

“How will this help you win the damaged Slayer?”

Spike winced. “Could you maybe not call her ‘the damaged Slayer’? Buffy or just Slayer will do. I’ll know who you mean.” They went down the stairs. “I just want you to spar with me so I can get in some training and read Buffy’s emotions and such when I talk to her. Then let me know if you sense anything later on.”

He saw Xander walking towards them from the kitchen, the cat woman was next to him with a steaming cup in her hands.

“Harris.” He greeted the other man. He eyed the Cat Woman, wondering what they were doing together. Spike hadn’t had a chance yet to tell them about their theories of who the Rogues were really working for. He hoped Dawn had.

“You missed it, Mate, Blue here cracked a joke.”

“A joke, really. And I missed it.” Xander shook his head, with regret. “But was it funny.”

“It was not a joke.” Illyria repeated her earlier denial.

“Sure it was.” Spike answered her the same way, much to her irritation. “It was pretty funny.”

“I always miss the funny ones.”

Spike found that now that wasn’t acting like an ass he actually liked Harris. Actually, now that they were no longer openly hostile to him, he found himself becoming quite fond of all the Scoobies. He understood why they had always been such and important support for Buffy.

“How’s Red doing?”

“She still hasn’t woken up.” Xander said tiredly. “She’s started crying in her sleep again. Last night Helena made this tea that helped her rest easier, so we’re going to try it again.”

Spike again eyed the Cat Woman suspiciously.

“Blue and I are head for a bit of training, if you need us for anything.” He directed his words at Xander, but his eyes never left Helena’s. She tilted her head, acknowledging the fact that he was suspicious of her.

Xander was as always oblivious.

“Ok. Have fun getting beat up.” Xander said, before starting to climb the stairs.

“Better watch out Illyria, he has a tendency to develop crushes on women who beat him up.”

Spike growled. Well, most of the time Harris wasn’t an ass to him.


“He doesn’t trust me.” Helena commented to Xander as they walked back up the stairs to Willow’s room.

“Well, it isn’t like you guys have done much to earn our trust. Spike is going to be one of the hardest to convince about your intentions. He tends to get a bit protective where the Summers girls are concerned.”

”He once had a relationship with the Slayer? Isn’t that unusual for a Slayer to be involved with a vampire.”

“You want unusual, try the fact that she also used to be involved with Angel, but I’m sure you know all about that.”

“No, we do not communicate outside of mission parameters. Each of my teammates is a stranger to me. Often we won’t see each other, but for a few times a year for the bigger missions. Usually we work alone.”

“Oh. So you guys aren’t all friends?”

“No, I don’t have any friends.”

Xander looked at her strangely. “That must be a lonely kind of life.” He commented.

Helena just shrugged. “Before I was changed I had many friends among my tribe, but afterwards they were all afraid of me. That is the case with most humans, they are afraid of what they do not understand.”

”Don’t I know that.” Xander commented wryly.

They walked the rest of the way to the room in silence. Just before they entered Xander turned to face Helena. “I just wanted to thank you. Willow is my best friend, has been forever. There’s this whole story involving yellow crayons, but I won’t bore you with that. The thing is, you helping her like this means a lot. And if you aren’t actually plotting to kill us, then hey, double bonus.”

“I do not always understand your English.”

”Neither do most Americans.” They opened the door and heard Willow whimpering in her sleep. Xander rushed to her side and helped her to swallow the tea.

“You are a very devoted boyfriend.” Helena commented as she watched him.

“Thanks, but I’m not her boyfriend. Will isn’t really into guys.”

“Oh!!” Helena’s eyes got wide. “I’m sorry I just assumed.”

“Its ok. I haven’t played the dating game since my last date was a demon, who tried to kill. I finally just gave up.”

“That is a shame.” Helena said quietly.

Xander looked up at her and they shared a smile.



Locked away in Shadow’s library, Shadow, Simon, and the still bound soldiers sat and spoke with a dark figure.

“So they refused to help us?” The figure asked his voice sent sparks of fear through the soldiers.

“That is correct, they claim to run a fair establishment. Now, I find out that there is an association between the owner and the vampire. If he is now aware of what we tried to do, he will be less likely to trust us.” Shadow said.

“I will take care of this matter, then. The vampire cannot be allowed to live.” If his voice was frightening before, it was downright terrifying now. One of the soldiers was openly weeping.

“I fail to see how this one vampire can be such a threat to your plan.”

“This vampire has proved to be very troublesome in the past.” The figured let out what could be considered a sigh. “Has he had a chance to interact with the Slayer?”

“Yes.” Shadow replied, knowing that he wasn’t going to be happy with that.

“And was there a problem?”

“She almost killed him.” Shadow said, with pride. “I, however, stopped her, not knowing what your plans for him were.”

“Be glad you are my son, if you weren’t you would be killed for that offense.”

“Not anticipating your whims? No wonder it has taken you this long to mount a good offensive.”

“Remember your place, Shadow.” The being hissed. “You were born from the darkness for this purpose and you can be returned there as well.”

“I am doing everything you ask, Father.” Shadow sneered. “Just make sure you remember what you promised me.”

“It has already been agreed upon. You will be the consort to the Thunder Dragon after it is reborn into the Slayer and your Fyarl will head up the extermination of the human race.”

“Now I must go call on an old acquaintance regarding the vampire.”

“Should I make a point to keep him away from the Slayer?”

“Not if she’s going to do our work for us.”

Shadow smiled. “Before you go there is the matter of the soldiers to attend to.”

“Oh yes, the soldiers.” The figure walked over towards them. When it leaned down the both began sobbing into their gags. It held up both its hands, there was a rushing noise and both the soldiers slumped forward. “Matter attended to.” With that it collapsed on itself and disappeared.

Shadow walked over to them and lifted their heads by their chins. He watched as blackness coated their eyes and seeped inside of them. When it had run its course the whole way through their bodies, their eyes returned to their normal color.

“Now, gentlemen we have some things to discuss.” Shadow told them.

In one of the upper corners a tiny sparkle of light bounced slightly.



Spike and Illyria entered the training room and saw Buffy using a punching bag in the far corner. Even though she had to have sensed them, she did not turn to acknowledge either one.

Spike smiled wide at the sight of her. “Morning, luv, or afternoon by now.” He greeted her cheerfully. She never even paused in her movements.

“What do you want now Spike?” She asked him.

Spike’s confidence grew; she couldn’t even ignore him for very long. “Well, Blue and I were just going to do a little training. I thought I’d take someone’s advice and get m’self back up to par.” Spike began stretching out. “I bet that dose of Slayer blood I had last night is going to help right along with that.”

He was pleased to note, when she slipped and missed the bag entirely.

He turned back to Illyria. “You ready, pet?” He asked Illyria with glee, he knew that calling her that would incite her.

Turns out he was right. He once again lost contact with the ground and flew backwards.

‘Should start collecting frequent flyer miles.’ He thought to himself.

He looked up and saw Buffy looking down at him; he landed only a few feet away from her.

Blue had good aim at least.

“Looks like you’re going to need a lot of work.”

“That’s the thing pet, I don’t have too many options in sparring partners, at least not if I want to improve. Blue is about the best I’ve got.” He stood up and looked at her, considering. “I don’t suppose you would want to help me get back into shape.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes at him. “You have actually hit a new low on pathetic.”

“Hear that Blue? Now that is comedic genius right there. Keep up with those jokes and soon you’re tongue will be as sharp as this one’s is.”

Spike sauntered up to her. “You should give the training thing another think through, Slayer.”

“Why is that?”

“Because it would be mutually beneficial to us both.”

“How do you figure that?” She said, with something close to amusement in her voice, as she turned back to the punching bag.

“You can get me back in shape and I’ll help you get that demon of yours to behave better.”

Buffy turned back towards him slowly. “How do you propose to do that? Seducing it?”

“No, although I can’t help it if it knows a great catch when it sees it. I was talking about getting you to the point where you don’t have to keep it under such tight control. If you can get it to work with you, then you can relax a bit. And believe me, after watching you fight, you need to relax.”

“You don’t ever make sense do you?” She was getting exasperated.

“You don’t have the grace you once did when you fought. You are holding yourself back too much. It isn’t going to give you any trouble unless you go up against a serious adversary, but when you do it will mean your loss.”

Buffy didn’t say anything processing what he said.

“I’ll state right now, that if you get me up to speed I could take you in a fair fight simply because you lost the passion you once felt for the dance. It took away your creativity and to someone with a good eye your moves can be anticipated. You have the superior speed thing going for you so that isn’t usually a problem, but it could be.”

“And how are you going to help me train it?”

“It will listen to me. You can let it out and let it run. I will make sure nothing gets out of hand, and if you don’t trust me, then Blue can chaperone.”

“I’m certain that this is just some attempt on your part to be close to me in the hopes of winning me over.” Buffy stated.

“I won’t deny I want to be around you. Nothing new there.” Spike wasn’t going to hide his intentions. There wasn’t any need. “I can’t even promise that nothing will happen even with Blue here to chaperone.” He raised one eyebrow and smirked at her in invitation. “But you have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“No, not even in trying to help me?”

“I thought you learning to work with your demon and being able to relax would be a sort of a compromise. It can be a great asset, to you.”

”You mean you don’t actually think it would be better off if I were just dead?” Buffy asked him. He knew she was referring to Angel.

“No.”

“I wonder if you would still feel the same if you knew all our deep dark secrets.” She told him enigmatically.

“There is nothing you could tell me that would change how I feel about you.”

“We’ll see.” Then before the conversation could continue.

“Ok, lets try this.” She said.

They both moved into the center of the room and stood facing each other. Spike’s features shifted as he pulled his game face on.

“Your turn.” He told her.

It took a couple of seconds, but Buffy did release her iron grip on her vampire side and slowly her face shifted as well.

She sniffed at the air and looked around, she appeared to be excited. Her eyes seemed to glow a brighter gold when she took notice of Spike. With a happy growl she leapt towards him.

He caught her before she could pounce on him. She whined when he held her away from his body. “Sorry.” He threw her back onto the mats and took up a defensive stance.

Buffy rolled up easily from the light toss. She narrowed her eyes catching on to what was happening her. She gave him a fierce, toothy smile and attacked. At first she was beating him easily. She landed punches and kicks, knocking him backwards. Then he seemed to pick up on her rhythm and started attacking her back. He moved slowly, but he kept performing difficult maneuvers to throw her off track. She tried to follow him, but she found herself unable to. Frustrated she tried pushing herself again.

“You are going to have to let her go, if you want her to learn what she’s capable of.” Spike said in a loud voice.

Just like that the limits were gone. She could move faster, her body more agile. Spike noticed immediately. “That’s it.” She came after him with a series of spinning kicks that she ended with a leg sweep. He just barely managed to jump in time.

She decided she was having fun.

Spike was having a blast.

He began to get lost in the fight, with her, also releasing the controls on his demon.

She was still better trained than he was, but they were able to tailor the fight so it was a workout for both of them and she wasn’t wiping the floor with him. Back and forth they went across the room.

Even Illyria couldn’t help be impressed with them. They did move together perfectly, it did look like a well-choreographed dance. They didn’t even notice the crowd that gathered to watch them.

His ex lover and her friends entered first. Aside from a faint look of sadness that crossed her face, Raven did not appear to be very affected by their separation. Illyria noticed that a there was also a look of pride and respect on her features after a few minutes of watching them. The other two girls were simply in awe.

The Slayer’s sister came in next; she got a happy smile on her face and sat down to watch the two of them intently.

Twenty minutes later Shadow arrived.

They were still fighting ferociously, neither one showing any signs of fatigue. Illyria felt his presence before he formed out of the shadows next to her.

“What’s going on?” He sounded excited and eager, she noted.

“They have decided to train together. They believe it will help them to overcome their current shortcomings in regards to their fighting skills.” She answered him.

She watched as his demeanor changed.

“It appears she lost control over her demon.” He commented.

“No, that is what they are working on, training the demon so she doesn’t have to have such a tight control over it.”

His face tightened and he walked towards them. “Slayer, I need a word with you.”

Both fighters stopped, Buffy looked at Spike questioningly. “Time to go back in.” He told her sadly. This time there was no struggle on her face as Buffy shifted back to her human form.

“That was a first.” She said.

“I hope I’m not interrupting.” Shadow when he walked up, his voice was as tight as his face.

“He was teaching me to work with my demon.” Buffy said. “Is there a problem?”

“Surely you don’t have a problem with me helping your girl out with her skills.”

Shadow ignored him. “I would think letting the demon out like that would cause the Slayer no small amount of upset.”

“Not so far, but I hadn’t thought of that.” She admitted.

“Maybe it would be best to consider all of the possible outcomes before deciding to try something like this.” He suggested. “I would like to meet with everyone in the living room area. There are some complications we need to discuss.”

Buffy nodded.





Buffy stood on the mezzanine looking down at the fight below her. All around her people sat at tables and chairs set close to the high metal fence that ran up to the ceiling, keeping the onlookers from interfering with the fights in a anyway. Below the mezzanine was stadium style seating were the general public was seated; the mezzanine was reserved for the rich and powerful.

Beside Buffy, stood the Japanese girls, Giles, Illyria, & Angel talking to the club’s owner Henri; Shadow stood to the other side of her. Giles and the others were talking amongst themselves as they watched the fight.

Spike stood on one side of the caged arena, he was shirtless, his uniform of black jeans was replaced with a loose fitting pair of pants that were apparently standard issue for anyone participating in the fights, who needed some sort of clothing. Across from him, was his competitor, Andhaka.

Andhaka was nothing more than a skeleton, but he had a wicked looking sword and some of the bones protruding from his body were filed into sharp points. So far the fight had been pretty one sided, Spike unsure of how to damage to a skeleton, and having no weapons, was limited in his means of attack. Andhaka had managed to land several blows with his sword and also managed to stab Spike in the side with one of his barbed elbows.

“Why was he the one who had to do this?” Raven asked, trying not to let her worry show.

“He volunteered.” Angel commented dryly. Both he and Giles had tried to talk Spike out of volunteering for this when Shadow had ‘explained’ that this was the only way to get the vehicles they needed to get their mission started, but Spike had been adamant. Even the fact that not even Shadow seemed to want him to fight now dissuaded him.

Spike had pointed out to them later that whether this fight was a set up or not he needed the practice to hone his skills before they got out into the field and couldn’t hold his own. Buffy’s comments had bothered him a lot more than he was willing to let on. He was actually ashamed at how badly he had let himself go while he was living his normal little life.

Andhaka started swinging his sword expertly. He spun and twirled the blade moving closer to the vampire who was tensed, looking for an opening of some sort. When he got close enough Spike rolled and tried to come up behind Mr. Bones, but the demon was faster and once again struck Spike with his sword. This time a line of blood formed across his chest.

“We need to get him out there.” Raven said. “He’s going to get himself killed.”

Buffy looked over at her in disbelief. “Are you kidding me? You obviously have no idea what Spike is capable of, he hasn’t even gotten started yet.” Raven didn’t answer her, but she did glare at her hatefully. Buffy responded by smiling at her winningly the other girl looked away in disgust, back down at the fight.

As if to prove Buffy’s assertation, Spike chose that moment to change into his demon guise. He let out a growl and then launched himself at Andhaka, knocking the sword from his hand. Spike had a hold of one arm so he could get stabbed again from and elbow. He used his strength to crush the bones under his hand. Soon enough he ripped the entire arm from Andhaka’s body.

Without his sword and missing an arm, the demon’s fighting skills were severely impaired. Spike kept moving keeping him off balance; whenever there was an opening he dove in and crushed another bone off of its body.

Finally starting to find a rhythm and enjoy himself, Spike started in with the comments that usually accompanied his fights.

“Well we know what the wrist bone was connected to. Let’s go for the hip bone next.” After he said this he lunged forward and snapped Andhaka’s femur. The demon fell to the floor. The crowd went wild, everyone was on their feet cheering loudly. Spike made a graceful bow, before he turned and looked upwards. His eyes didn’t even have to search for her, sensing exactly where she was. He met Buffy’s eyes and with a triumphant smirk he gave her a little two-fingered salute, still in his demon face.

“Your steadfast admirer.” Shadow commented.

“You aren’t jealous are you?” Buffy asked lightly, but her eyes never left the vampire below her.

“Are relationship isn’t based on thing such as jealousy.” Shadow answered. “I am however concerned about you allowing him to have the access he does.”

Buffy finally looked away from Spike to look at Shadow. “You think he means me harm?” She asked, genuinely curious. After the years she spent working with him, she had come to respect Shadows instincts.

Shadow hesitated before answering, if he lied and told her he did suspect him of wanting to harm her, she would probably catch him on it. “Whether or not he means to, you are giving him far too large of an opportunity.” He decided to be noncommittal. “Remember what happened with the other one.” Shadow leaned his head indicating Angel. “What would happen if he were to find out all of the skeletons in your closet?”

Buffy tightened her lips as she thought on what Shadow said. “You’re right. She admitted, but I’m not letting him get too close.”

“I’m sure you know what’s best for you.” Shadow said out loud. Inside he was cursing. He hoped his father had indeed found a way to destroy the vampire.

“How many more battles are there until we have won?” Illyria asked.

“Only five more.” Henri answered behind them. “Here comes the next challenger now.”

They all looked down to see a large misshapen form slide into the arena. It had no legs, several tentacles for arms and three eyes around its body so it could see from almost any angle. Spike watched it warily for a second, and then held up the blade he had taken from the previous fighter. Without wasting anymore time, he was in the air, the blade twisting and turning. When he landed again, he looked back at the creature as it slowly slid apart from the deep slashes he made in it. Again the crowd roared as it jumped to his feet.

“Four more, now.” Henri said.


Spike defeated his next four challengers with the same amount of ease. After every victory he continued his ritual of saluting Buffy.

The crowd didn’t even bother to sit back down for the last two fights, but remained on their feet cheering his name. Even Henri stood through the last battle, watching the action below intently.

“I had always been told his fighting skills were amazing, but I never really believed.” Henri murmured more to himself than anyone in particular.

“I knew he was good, but I didn’t know he was that good.” Rave said.

“I did.” Buffy couldn’t help but drive that point home again. She really didn’t know why she felt the need to antagonize the Japanese girl. It wasn’t as if the girl were some kind of threat to her.

When Spike finished off the last fight, Henri descended into the arena to announce him the winner.

“For the first time in several years, we have a new champion, William the Bloody, a vampire from the line of Aurelius. For his winning he has chosen the Saracen ACP, assault vehicle and the Damler Ferret. Everyone else may now collect their winnings at the booths in the main lobby. Thank you all for coming.” The crowd cheered as Henri and Spike left the arena together.

“You did wonderfully my friend.” Henri practically gushed as they entered into the locker room area that was provided for the fighters. “I was slightly worried when you were fighting Andhaka, but then it was like someone flipped on a switch and you were just tearing him apart.”

“He was the hardest one, but once I figured out how to hurt him, it was a breeze.” Spike grabbed a towel and headed towards one of the showers. “What kind of demon was he anyway?” He yelled over the now running water.

“Andhaka was the son of Shiva and Parvati, he was created from a drop of his father’s and mother’s combined sweat. He was born blind.”

“Really?” Spike said.

“Yes, he was actually almost a cousin to me because he was raised by my uncle, Hiranyaksha.”

Spike finished washing off and cleaning his wounds. He turned off the water and wrapped the towel around his waist. “Sorry, about that, Mate. I didn’t mean to kill your family.”

“Oh, you didn’t kill him.” Henri said. Spike looked at him surprised. “He can’t be killed.” Henri continued. “Long ago he prayed to Lord Brahma, he did not eat or drink for millions of years, chopping off his body parts and offering it to the sacrificial fire until there was no more meat on his body. Then Lord Brahma came and offered him a boon. Andhaka asked that his sight be returned to him and that gods, demons, and humans could not kill him. Even the great Vishnu could not kill him. The only way he can die is if he ever desires to marry a woman who is like a mother to him.”

“That’s one hell of a boon.”

“Yes, many of my family have been granted such boons. My father cannot be killed on Earth or in space, by fire or water, during the day or night, either inside or outside and not by the hand of a human, god, animal or any other animate or inanimate species.”

”Bloody hell, that’s quite a gift. Must be handy fellow to have around, your father.” Spike commented as he began to get dressed.

“I have not seen him in several millennia. He seeks my death because of my loyalty to Lord Vishnu. My father believes himself to be the supreme lord of the universe. I changed my name and my appearance to help hide from him.”

“I have the same situation in my family.” Spike said with a chuckle, thinking of Angelus. Spike pulled on his jeans and T-shirt. “So what happens now?”

”Now we have a feast to celebrate your victory and then we discuss the terms of your rewards.”

“Sounds good to me.” Spike said as they walked out of the locker room area to find the others gathered and waiting for him. “Everyone up for a bit of a party? Celebrate the fact I avoided certain death, AGAIN?” Spike was almost dancing around them by this point and he made sure to say the ‘again’ part quite loud in Shadow’s ear.

“We really should get back and continue to research…” Giles began.

“Bollocks.” Spike interrupted him. “This fella here,” he said pointing at Henri. “Knows some big wigs in the Hindu hierarchy, you can probably learn just as much about the way things work in this part of the world by asking him.”

“Really?” Giles’ curiosity was peaked. “Well, I wouldn’t say no to a good meal.”

Spike walked up to Buffy. “How ‘bout it, luv? You were the one to help get me in shape for this, want to have a seat next to the guest of honor?” He grinned at her.

She just rolled his eyes. “At least we know you ego survived intact.” Spike’s grinned widened. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He offered her his arm and she surprised both of them by taking it. The group followed Henri out of the fight club area and into the lush garden that Spike and the others had been in the night before. This reminded Spike of something else.

“Henri, do me a favor and keep your magic pipe to yourself tonight, ok?” Henri grinned back at the vampire.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. I had enough crazy dreams last night to last me a few lifetimes.” He said, shooting a look over at Buffy, but she didn’t react at all.


Dawn sat next to Willow, talking softly to her. She had relieved Xander and Helena when she couldn’t take anymore of Jason’s know-it-all attitude. He would probably get along real well with Andrew. The two of them could sit there and debate about movies and comic books and other things like that.

The last argument that he had felt the need to pull her into had finally driven Dawn upstairs seeking refuge. Dawn blamed herself for starting the whole thing, she should have known better than to ask any questions.

When he had rebooted his computer a message had flashed up on the screen saying ‘The Tangent Universe collapsed 1304 days, 16 hours and 26 minutes ago.’

“What’s that mean?” Dawn asked worried about what that meant.

“It’s only from one of the best movies of all time.” Jason had told sanctimoniously. “Donnie Darko.” He added at her blank look. “And I liked it way before it was ‘cool’ to like it.” He always felt the need to make the ditto motions with his hands when he talked.

“The movie with the scary bunny costume? That movie didn’t make any sense.”

”It made sense you just have to be intelligent enough to understand it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s so simple.”

“Explain it to me then.” Dawn demanded.

”You can’t explain it to someone, you either get it or you don’t.” He said.

“Well I guess I just don’t get it then.”

”That’s probably why it takes you so long to translate things.” Jason said, he sounded like he pitied her. Dawn decided it was best to walk away then before she smashed his laptop over his head.

The others had already left for the fight club. Dawn was still angry at Spike for volunteering himself as the sacrificial lamb. Why that stupid vampire would jump at the chance to get himself killed was beyond her. She made a point to tell him if he died she would personally call his spirit back and make him do her bidding for all eternity. He had just smiled, gave her a quick hug and told her not to worry.

Like that was even an option.

Not knowing what else to do with herself she wandered upstairs to see if there was any change in Willow. She found Xander and Helena involved in a conversation that looked awfully flirty to her eyes. She offered to watch Willow for a while if they wanted to go out and get some food; the only requirement was that they bring her back something. They left not long after that and she had been sitting here since then, by her watch about three hours had gone by.

“Hey, Will. Are you sure you don’t want to wake up? You’ve been out for almost twenty-four hours now. People are starting to get worried.” She told the red haired witch gently as she stroked her hair.

She snatched her hand back when a whimper escaped Willow. She looked nervously at the pot of tea Helena had left in case Willow began crying in her sleep again. Dawn hated to give it to her if she was actually waking up though.

While Dawn’s eyes were focused on the teapot Willow’s eyes shot open and she sat up quickly. Dawn was so surprised by the sudden movement she fell backwards off the bed and onto the floor.

“Goddess.” Willow cried. “Buffy what have you done?” She cried out as tears began to course down her face again. Dawn didn’t know what to say, she just stared up at her in shock.


On the outskirts of the city, where there happened to be more monkeys than humans, Pixie landed in a moonlit garden that had been abandoned for years and become wild with neglect. She knelt down by a pool that had the moon captured in its reflection. She said some words in an ancient language. Had anyone been around to hear her they would have noticed the words she spoke sounded a lot like Celtic.

The pool began to glow with a silver light and a blurry figure took shape in its center.

“You have a report?” An imperious female’s voice asked.

”Yes. Things are beginning to move along quite quickly now.” She said.

“Any indications as to which side will emerge victorious?” The woman asked.

“It’s still too early to tell. I can report that the First Evil has taken it upon itself to destroy the vampire I told you about.”

”Do we know what his role is yet?”

“He is in love with the Slayer; I think they fear he can change her destiny.”

“Do you believe him able to do such a thing?”

“I don’t know. Love is a powerful force, but the so are the other forces at work.”

“I see.” The woman thought for a moment. “Do nothing at this time, but observe and keep reporting. We don’t want to involve ourselves in this matter unless it becomes necessary.”

“I understand.” Pixie nodded.

“If it does become necessary, then heaven above help the mortal realm.” The woman said and then she was gone.


The meal, while comprised of foods that they weren’t really used to, was actually quite tasty and filling to the Americans. The wine was flowing freely and Henri had dancers on the floor in front of them performing for their entertainment. Everyone was laughing and having a good time. Spike even managed to get a real smile out of Buffy at one point. Shadow was the only one who didn’t appear happy with the situation. He picked at the food and kept a close eye on Spike and Buffy.

Giles and Henri were at the far end of the table in deep conversation. Spike was hoping that Giles wasn’t being too annoying with all his bloody questions.

“That was a nice move.” Buffy’s comment caused Spike to focus again on the dancers before him.

It was a man and woman, both dressed similar, their dance looked more like a simulated fight than the other dances had. As the music progressed so did the vigor with which they fought. Spike agreed with Buffy though, they did have a great grasp on the basic fighting moves.

The more he watched the more Spike didn’t see the two dancers, instead it was he and Buffy he saw on the floor, coming together again and again, as if they were under some sort of magnetic pull.

Spike wanted to reach out and touch the woman next to him, try to initiate some kind of physical contact with her. He had been craving her touch since he finished the battle, but watching the now borderline erotic show before him, the craving was overpowering. He was just reaching for her hand when Shadow stepped between them.

“I don’t mean to interrupt everyone’s fun, but it almost dawn and we should see about heading back.” He reached out his hand to Buffy who took it obediently.

Rage boiled up in Spike and he fought the growl that wanted to break free from his throat. Instead he stood up quickly.

“I imagine you two want to get back and get in some quality shagging time.” He said angrily. “I’ll just head out now, if it’s all the same to you.” He walked across the room and out the door. He heard Raven running after him, but didn’t slow his pace.

“Are you all right?”

“Fine.” He said through gritted teeth.

“Are you just going to let her go then?”

”Should I force her to leave with me instead?” He growled.

“No, but you could give her the option.”

Spike shook his head and just moved on into the night. Raven could do nothing, but stand there and watch him go.

“Stubborn vampire.” She muttered.

Spike moved back towards the house, in a fog. He kept replaying the day over in his mind, from his awakening by Illyria, to his training with Buffy, to the fight club itself. However, that was just a distraction. He could still see the dancers moving sinuously on the floor and he could still imagine it was them out there.

God, he forgot how all encompassing it was to love this woman and how frustrating it was that she couldn’t feel the connection between them.

A loud scraping noise distracted him from his thoughts. He turned towards the source and found himself face to face with a large man, carrying a long sword.

“Do you yield to me?” The man asked him.

“Who the bloody hell are you?” Spike asked.

“I am Hiranyakashipu. I am the supreme lord of the universe, bow down to me now and I will spare your life.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Spike said.

“You refuse me?” The man’s eyes narrowed and he started moving closer to Spike. “Then I was told correctly, you side with Vishnu to thwart my rule.”

“I don’t have any idea what the hell you are talking about.” Spike said, as the man moved forward Spike could sense a power in him. It felt similar to Henri, but it was much stronger. “You’re Henri’s father aren’t you?” Spike asked. He began to get worried, remembering what Henri had told him about his Father’s immortality conditions.

The man stopped and considered. “You know my son? You know Prahlada?”

Spike shook his head. “No, must’ve been my bad. The fella I’m talking about goes by Henri.”

“You side with my son against me?” He roared at Spike lifting his blade and running at him.


A/N: I have completely butchered some Hindu religious figures in this chapter, although I tried to be as factual as possible. I mean no disrespect with the changes I made.

My references on Hinduism were:
The A to Z of Hinduism/Bruce M. Sullivan and
Encyclopedic Dictionary of Hinduism: Its Mythology, Religion, History, Literature and Pantheon/edited by Subodh Kapoor.
Both books published by Vedams Press in New Delhi, India.




Chapter 14: What Urge Will Save Us If Sex Won’t

“Oh Bloody Hell.” Spike muttered before Hiranyakashipu raised his sword and ran at him.

Spike managed to dodge the sword point and get a punch in to the back of his head, but it only stunned him for a second and he quickly slashed out with his sword immediately after recovering. Spike tried to move out of the way, but he wasn’t quick enough and the sword caught him across his stomach.

Thankfully, he had moved in time to avoid being impaled on it.

Spike roared in pain and let his demon come out. He knew he would need its strength and abilities if he had any hope of surviving this.

Dawn was approaching fast.

If Henri was right about his father’s immortality, all Spike could hope for, was to incapacitate him, long enough to make a safe escape. He just wasn’t having too much luck with that, since he was currently too busy trying to dodge the sword long enough to even be able to get in a punch. He dove for the ground next to him, completed a roll, spun and stood up swinging.

He felt as well, as heard, a couple of ribs crack under the force of his blow, to the demon’s side. Hiranyakashipu shouted out in pain, but Spike followed up with an uppercut to his chin forcing him back and silencing him. Spike tried to keep his momentum going, but when he tried a spin kick, once again, he found he wasn’t fast enough. Hiranyakashipu grabbed his ankle twisted it roughly and shoved him, sending him flying backwards. Spike looked up in time to see Hiranyakashipu bearing down on him with his sword again and just barely had time to twist away.

This time he felt the fire race along his upper arm as the sword cut down into his flesh.

“I’ll take you a piece at a time if I have to little half breed.” Hiranyakashipu laughed at him.

Spike noticed the sky had started turning from indigo to a light gray color. He could feel the dawn’s approach acutely. He looked around desperately and spied an archway the probably led into someone’s garden. He stood and tried to race for it while his ankle snapped in protest. He hoped the covered area would offer some protection from the light that would soon be filling the sky. He hadn’t gotten more than a few steps before he heard the swing behind him. He ducked just in time to avoid decapitation.

“Where are you running off to?” Hiranyakashipu asked. “We aren’t done here.”

Spike closed his eyes as he launched himself towards the entryway and turned. He took a deep breath and faced his attacker, he let out a menacing growl and crouched in a defensive position, ready to make his last stand.



Buffy and Shadow led the tired group back to the house. Henri had asked them to stay a while longer and offered them a ride back, but Shadow had insisted they had to leave right then.

Angel and Illyria followed behind everyone scanning the area for any sign of danger.

“Raven, do you know where Spike went?” Angel asked.

While he would never admit to worrying about the blonde, there was an odd feeling in the air that made him nervous. He hoped that after everything that had happened over the past few days Spike had all of his senses on alert. He cursed the impulsive younger vampire for running off alone into the night, when he knew there were several parties who wanted him dead.

Raven glared at Buffy’s back. “I think he got some sort of indigestion from the display he was forced to endure. I’m sure he’ll be ok.” She said that as much to convince herself as Angel. “Unless maybe you think you should go look for him?” She said hopefully.

Myoko said something in Japanese.

“You have actually seen a two headed ass before?” Illyria asked her. Raven turned to her in surprise.

“You understand Japanese?”

“The noises that come human’s mouths are so primitive it isn’t hard to understand all the languages on this world.” Illyria responded.

In the front Buffy stopped suddenly.

“Is something wrong?” Giles asked, but she didn’t answer her.

“Slayer?” Shadow asked. He also felt the strangeness in the air this morning, but there wasn’t anything he could point out.

Buffy turned to Angel and Illyria. “Make sure everyone gets back to the house safe.” Without another word she ran off into the fading night.

“What just happened here?” Angel asked. Then he felt it. Spike was in trouble. Even though the bond between them was weak, due to their mutual apathy towards each other and their time apart, he could still feel when his grandechilde was in grave danger.

Angel turned to race off after Buffy, but Illyria stopped him.

“We need to get everyone back safely first.” She reminded him.

“But we don’t know if they can handle it alone.” Angel protested.

“You have seen them fight together, if it is something they cannot defeat together, what chance will you have?” She insisted. “Especially with dawn less than an hour away?”

A car suddenly appeared from the way they came and approached them quickly. It pulled up next to the group and Henri jumped out. “I just received word that my father is out in the city, please let me get you back to your residence safely.”

He urged them in the car quickly. “Where is Spike?” He asked when he noticed he wasn’t among them.

“We don’t know.” Giles said. “We think he is in trouble.”

Henri spoke quickly under his breath then looked towards Giles. “I have said a prayer for him to Vishnu, hopefully that can keep him safe until we can get to him.” Once they were all in the car, Henri peeled off towards the house.

“Is your father a dangerous man?” Shadow inquired.

Henri smiled bitterly. “He is not a man, he is a demon king who won over all three worlds of Heaven, Earth and Hell. He demanded that everyone worship him instead of Gods or Deities. When I refused he tried to have me killed by throwing me off a cliff, only my faith in Vishnu saved me.”

“My lord.” Giles gasped, realizing who Henri really was.

Henri misunderstood, though, thinking he was reacting to his tale. “Yes.” He continued on. “After that he tried to get his sister to trick me and have me burn to death, but again my faith in Vishnu saved me.” Henri sighed. “He has tried many, many times to kill me. So far he has been unsuccessful, thanks to Vishnu.” He finished reverently.

“But that would mean that you are actually Prahlad, son of Hiranyakashipu.” Giles said in amazement.

“Oh, you have heard of me?” Henri asked innocently. Giles’ eyes almost bugged out of his head.



Spike wasn’t faring to well. He was trying to defend the small entryway, but unarmed against someone at least twice his size and as tired as he was, he was covered with deep cuts and stab wounds from Hiranyakashipu’s sword. He cursed for letting himself go so badly, had he been in better shape he could have easily avoided most of the wounds he had received so far.

“You could just give up little half-breed.” Hiranyakashipu said in glee. “Or you could recant and acknowledge me as the ultimate being in the universe.”

Spike snorted. “Please, I can’t even acknowledge you as the ultimate asshole of the universe.” Hiranyakashipu roared and speared Spike through his shoulder. He winced in agony, certain that his time was up this time.

He was so caught up in his pain he never even felt Buffy’s approach.

“I told you, you needed to be faster if you were going to be out in the field with us.” She commented lightly as she hit Hiranyakashipu and knocked him away from the archway. She quickly crossed to Spike. She saw the dullness in his eyes and knew he wasn’t far away from passing out in pain. She pushed him back gently and he fell on a bench that was located under the arch. “Now let the professional handle this.” She turned back to face Hiranyakashipu as Spike watched her.

“Who are you? A half-breed, like him?” Hiranyakashipu asked her as he approached. “Will you be smarter than your friend and declare me the Supreme Lord of the Universe?”

Buffy laughed. “I, sooo don’t think so.” She taunted him.

When he ran at her in anger she easily kicked the sword out of his grasp. “Now lets see how tough you are.” She commented punching him in the face. He grabbed her around the throat and picked her up, shook her roughly and threw her back onto Spike. They both grunted at the impact.

“Not so easy is it?” Spike asked her blearily. She jumped up and let go of her control on her demon half, she wanted to enjoy kicking this creep’s ass.

She ran towards him as he faced her and they began to beat each other back and forth. Spike watched her move in admiration. Although he was in serious pain, nothing could stop the affect watching Buffy fight had on him.

Once again he was struck with the thought that she belonged to him. This magnificent creature belonged to him. She just didn’t know it yet.

She managed to grab Hiranyakashipu and roll backwards, flipping him over her head. Unfortunately, she threw him so he was in reaching distance of his sword and between her and Spike.

The sky was now pink as the sun prepared to rise above the horizon in the distance.

Hiranyakashipu grinned at her coldly. “Let’s get rid of your sweetheart first, then we can concentrate on each other.” He said.

He turned preparing to decapitate Spike, thinking he was almost unconscious by now.

He was surprised to see the vampire standing before him.

“Sorry that doesn’t work for me.” Spike said before punching him hard enough to spin him around. Buffy was waiting on the other side and punched him again. Spike went to kick the sword away from him again, but when he did Hiranyakashipu shoved him back onto the bench. Then he turned to slash at Buffy, but she was too quick for him and pushed him backwards to avoid the blade. Her shove sent him back onto Spike.

“This is what you call saving me?” He snarled at her. She just shrugged as she approached them, while Spike struggled to push the demon off his lap.

Hiranyakashipu made another swipe at Buffy with the sword while he grabbed Spike around the throat to try and pull himself upright. Seeing him try to attack Buffy, Spike moved instinctually, he grabbed the demon king’s head and wrenched his neck to the side. Too late he remembered how ineffectual that was the last time.

Just as the first rays of the sun crested the horizon there was a loud cracking noise that seemed to echo throughout the city.

Dawn had arrived.

Spike finally pushed Hiranyakashipu off of him and he tumbled to the ground before Spike realized he was no longer moving.

Spike stared at him unbelieving.

‘My father cannot be killed on earth or in space…’ Henri’s voice echoed in his head. Well the bloke had been on his lap.

‘…during the day or night….’ Dawn didn’t count as either one.

‘…either inside or outside…’ Spike looked at the archway they were in.

‘…and not by the hand of a human, god, animal, or any other animate or inanimate species…’ That kind of described him.

Spike let out a chuckle. “Thanks be to Vishnu.” He muttered. Buffy tilted her head and looked at him quizzically.

“And here I thought I was the one who saved your ass.” She said cockily. He snapped his head up and looked directly at her. She stood before him still in her vampire face, breathing heavily from the exertion of the fight. Spike remembered the feeling he had watching her and Shadow earlier and before he could even think he pressed her tight against the wall as his demon growled at her possessively.

He knew she had enough control over herself that she could have pushed him away if she wanted to, instead, golden eyes met his and she tilted her head to the side in invitation. Spike wasted no time and bit into her neck like a man starving. He heard her gasp in pleasure when his fangs broke the skin and she held his head tightly against her.

He swallowed her blood greedily, feeling it starting to heal his wounds almost instantly. As he began to feel stronger, his libido came back and his hands moved with a mind of their own, reaching for the fastenings on her pants.



When the car pulled up to the house, it was almost dawn. Everyone jumped out and ran for the front door..

“You’ll probably need some blankets with the day approaching.” Giles said. “It might be a good idea if you stay here, Angel.”

“No.” Angel said. “I’m going with them.” Giles nodded as they entered the house. Dawn ran down the stairs as they came.

“Willow’s awake.” Giles and Angel stopped in surprise; both hesitated for a minute, before Giles looked towards Angel.

“Go.” Angel said. “I’ll get the blankets and we’ll go get Spike and Buffy and be back soon.” Angel moved forward to grab a throw off the couch. Shadow appeared out of the floor in front of him causing him to stop short.

“I thought about sending Simon out with you, or Helena, but I think you can handle this can’t you?” He asked. Angel glared at him as he tried to step around him to get the throw, but Shadow kept stepping in front of him.

“I’m sure we can.” He tried again to reach around the man, but again Shadow moved in front of him.

“I have no doubt. Buffy probably already took care of the problem already. Are you sure you want to go out there?” Shadow asked.

“Yes, I am.” Angel said through gritted teeth. “Now if you would just get out of my way.” He went to push him away, but his hands met with nothingness as he did. Shadow had disappeared. Angel grabbed the blanket and rushed back towards the door. He passed Raven on the way. “Don’t worry we’ll bring him back.” He tried to assure her.

“Hopefully in one piece.” She said.

None of the Hogoshas noticed the flickering light that headed out the door ahead of Angel.



Spike had only one thought in his mind: to make Buffy his once and for all. Nothing else even registered with him as he ripped open her pants and pulled them down. She obviously didn’t have a problem with his treatment, though, because her only reaction was to hold his head closer to her as and to remove on leg from her pants and wrap it around his waist pulling him closer to her. She finally released her tight grip on his hair when she felt the denim that he still wore rub against her naked skin. She pushed him back slightly to undo his pants.

Spike stopped drinking and looked up at her when she did this. “Mine.” He growled at her menacingly daring her to refuse him. She ripped his pants open and gave him a toothy grin, but she didn’t accept his claim. She wrapped her other leg around his waist and raised herself up, using their momentum she turned them so Spike was now pressed against the wall while she was poised above him. She grabbed his hard cock with one hand and lowered herself onto him at the same time she struck for his neck. He howled out in passion and grabbed her bottom tightly trying to get deeper inside of her. She raised her head and looked at him triumphantly. “Mine.” She growled at him.

He released his grip on her ass and brought his hands up to cup her face, making sure she was looking directly into his eyes. “Always and forever.” He whispered.

She kissed him desperately, her fangs cut into his lips making them bleed as she raised and lowered her hips onto him feverishly. Spike released her face and grabbed her hips, leaning more of his weight against the wall and helping her to move on him.

Pleasure carried him off in waves as he reveled in the familiar feeling of being inside of this woman. He could feel her blood coursing through his body, just as he could now feel her essence strong inside of him. Their movements became more frantic as they pushed forward together towards that peak that only the other could bring them to. Buffy began to contract her internal muscles causing more friction on his movements. She knew he was so close. She pulled back to look into his eyes.

“Mine.” They hissed at the same time and dove for each other’s necks again, this time making sure to cover any pre-existing marks from anyone else. Spike lost himself as he came inside her violently.

All he knew was her.

Buffy.

The Girl.

The Woman.

The Slayer.

The Vampire.

He saw it all. Saw what had happened to her in Italy, saw her travels, saw the kidnapping, saw…

The pleasure left abruptly. He pushed Buffy away from him violently and bent gasping as horror and pain gripped him so tightly he began to shake.

It didn’t stop the visions though. They just kept coming.

Dry heaves racked his body as he coughed and sobbed at the same time. He fought to get himself under control and looked up towards her. That was when he realized what a mistake he had made.

“Buffy…” He pleaded with the woman who now stood before him completely closed off.

“What?” She asked him simply, she had the tight, controlled smile glued to her face.

“Wait, please.” He practically begged her.

“I’m not going anywhere.” She sounded smug. “When you offered to help me control my demon I didn’t think this was what you meant.” She commented.

“I didn’t mean…” Spike tried to calm himself and talk to her. “That wasn’t towards you.”

“Of course it wasn’t.” She agreed with him, but her tone indicated she didn’t believe that at all.

“You don’t understand, I didn’t mean to…” Again she interrupted him.

“Didn’t mean to what? Reject your mate so violently that now the demon is going to reject emotions the same way I do?” She shrugged. “Well, it all turned out the same. No more conflicted Buffy.” She put her pants back on and fastened them up.

They both heard a car approaching. Spike hurriedly fastened his pants as well. The car screeched to a halt and Henri and Illyria got out. The sun now lit up the sky, so Angel waited in the car upon seeing both Buffy and Spike standing.

“You killed him.” Henri said reverently.

Spike remembered the body for the first time. “I think your Vishnu helped out a bit on that one.”

Buffy didn’t say anything, just headed for the car. Angel noticed the new bite marks on her neck right away and immediately sensed Spike’s claim.

“You let him claim you.” He said as she sat down in the front seat.

“I am not a vampire Angel.” She almost growled at him. “Your traditions hold no weight with me.”

Angel looked at her confused. It felt like a mutual claim when she walked up, yet why would she claim him if she didn’t acknowledge claims.

Spike never took his eyes off of Buffy as she got in the car. He tried to answer Henri’s questions as best he could, but his mind was obviously some place else. Finally, Henri gave up.

“You must be exhausted after your night, we will talk of this later then?”

“Thanks.” Spike nodded.

“We brought you this to get back to the house.” Henri handed him the small blanket.

Spike took it and nodded his thanks; he threw it over his head and dashed to the back seat of the car, jumping in next to Angel.

After they had left Pixie morphed into her natural form and walked towards the body on the ground. “This isn’t good.” She said as she watched the car disappear around the corner. “This isn’t good at all. She has destroyed her last bit of emotion, we aren’t going to be able to do anything.” She transformed again into a small light and hurried back to the house.



It was a silent ride back in the car, broken only by Henri calling one of his people to come and collect his father’s body.

When they arrived back at the house, Buffy jumped from the car almost before it stopped moving. Spike wanted to jump out after her, but he still didn’t have the foggiest idea what he could say to make it right.

“I must have a service for my father.” Henri said, “After that I would like to speak more of your battle.”

Spike nodded absently before getting out of the car and dashing for the door. Angel ran in behind him with his own blanket. Illyria followed them both inside and shut the door.

“We need to look at your wounds and then go check on the witch.” She said.

“Willow’s awake?” Spike seemed alert for the first time since the found him.

“She evidently woke up last night.” Angel didn’t even finish before Spike was racing up the stairs towards Willow’s room.

“He needs to stop doing that.” Angel said irritated.

Illyria didn’t answer him, just watched Spike with interest.


Spike burst into Willow’s room, startling everyone inside.

“You’re ok.” Dawn said in relief. Spike looked at her and nodded.

“I’m still not dust, at least.” He told her, and then he looked back towards Willow. He noticed her pulse pick up as he looked at her. “How are you feeling Red?” She dropped her eyes.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Willow hasn’t been able to tell us anything about what she saw yet.” Giles said.

“With the way it affected her, I’m thinking that’s a good thing.” Xander said.

Spike opened his mouth to dispute that, but then he noticed Helena sitting near Xander. He decided to wait until they were alone before he said anything. He didn’t know how much the Rogue’s knew about Buffy’s past, but he didn’t want to give them anything they didn’t already have.

“We should probably let you get some sleep.” Giles said, noticing Willow’s more subdued attitude since Spike arrived.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired.” Willow mumbled.

Everyone stood up to leave and told her to get some rest. As they all began to filter out the door Xander noticed Spike didn’t move.

“You coming?” He asked the vampire.

Spike shook his head. “I need to talk to Red.” Willow looked up at him startled.

“She’s been through a lot, Spike.” Xander warned him.

“It’s important, Whelp.” Spike’s tone told him that he wasn’t going to argue with him.

“Fine, but try not to upset her, Ok?”

Spike nodded and waved Xander out.

He finally left and then Spike and Willow were alone, alone and staring at each other.

“You know.” Willow said.

“Do you hate me?”

“Hate you? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Really? I think it was.” Spike began pacing and felt tears burning behind his eyes. “Because of me she did that.” He said more to himself than to her. “Because of what I told her before, she believed it.”

Willow closed her eyes. “I don’t know what happened before Spike, but I know that she made a choice. I don’t blame her for it, because of the circumstances, but she did make the choice.”

Spike wasn’t ready to hear that yet, though. He just shook his head in denial

“How did you find out? Did you try and get inside her mind too?” Willow asked him

He let out a bitter laugh. “No, she let me in.” He touched the mark on his neck ruefully.

“You marked her? She let you?” Willow’s eyes opened wide. “You got through to her!” She said happily.

“Oh, I got through all right. I got through and the demon showed it all to me and I pushed her away.”

“What?”

“I didn’t mean to. It was just all of sudden, I saw what happened and I…” He shook his head as the tears crested. “FUCK!!” He yelled. “I’ve messed it all up again. I told her there was nothing she could do that would change how I felt about her and the first thing I do when she opens up to me is push her away in horror.” He looked at Willow. “That was the first emotion she felt through our bond. She thought I felt that about her, she didn’t understand.”

“You have to fix this.” Willow told him angrily. “Spike, she needs you.”

“Yeah, look what I do to her.”

”Oh get over your self-pity already; we don’t have time for that. Whatever is going on here, I think Buffy is at the center of it. She needs someone she can trust by her side. You are the one person she trusts more than anything…”

”Not anymore.” He said sadly.

“Then fix this.” Willow ordered. Spike almost expected her eyes to turn black with the tone she used on him. “She’s your mate now. That should make it easier.”

“Not exactly. She cut off all the demon’s emotions now too.” Spike sighed and ran his hands through his hair tiredly. “Your right. I need to fix this and I will.”

“I’ll try and help you find a way. You can’t give up on her.”

“I won’t. I am not about to let her go.” Spike said. “Why didn’t you tell the others?” He asked her.

“Dawn doesn’t need to hear that and neither does Xander.”

“Are you going to tell Rupert?”

“I don’t know. I think there is something wrong with him.”

“He’s sick.” Spike said.

“That’s what I was afraid of.” Willow said.

Spike didn’t know what to say. Why couldn’t ANYTHING be simple?

“I’m going to get some shut eye.” He said. “Facing a Hindu Demon King tends to wear you out.”

“I heard you got us some vehicles to ride in.”

“Yeah, we’re leaving tonight and the rest of you will leave the next day. We’ll meet up in a weeks time at the rendezvous point.”

“Provided we’re all still alive.” Spike said.

“Yeah.”


Her voice stopped him before he left the room.

“Do you still love her?” Willow asked him.

“More than ever.” He replied.



Downstairs Shadow sat in his office and face his father. “The vampire appears to still be walking the Earth. A mistake on your part?” He couldn’t help but gloat.

“You are a fool.” The dark shape hissed at him. “The vampire managed to turn her away on his own and in doing so helped our cause. She is now ready, she has shut out all of her emotions on all levels. We must leave soon so she can awaken the army of the Thunder Dragon and we can start her transformation.”

“Soon we will rule this world and I will have her by my side as my queen.” Shadow commented with glee.

“Victory shall be ours, thanks to the one that was supposed to be the hope for this war.” The dark figured let out a terrifying laugh. “And maybe if the vampire is still around when take power we can take our time and torture him through the next millennia.”


Chapter 14: I Am Awake in a Place Where Women Die

WARNING: IN CASE ANYONE MISSED IT, THIS IS A DARK AND VIOLENT STORY!! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DESCRIPTIONS OF RAPE & TORTURE OF A MAIN CHARACTER! IF THIS MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, THEN DON’T READ IT!!


They all sat in the belly of the large airplane Riley had arranged to meet them at the airport. There were ten of them. Spike, Illyria, and Angel were gathered at one end. Raven had insisted that Myoko also go with them, wanting someone with good sense to be with Spike.

At the other end Shadow, Simon, Buffy and the three soldiers sat.

Spike and Angel wondered how Thomas had managed to get better so fast. Shadow just insisted that he had a good healer work on him.

Illyria sensed something strange about the soldiers now, but she couldn’t tell what it was that was so different. Had she been in Sunnydale that last year she would have recognized the signature immediately, it was the same feeling she would have felt if she ever met Caleb.

Conversation was impossible over the roar of the engine, not like anyone felt like talking, anyway. Even though no on spoke, the tensions and emotions were running wild, Illyria could practically see the angst running through the air.

She had asked Spike, what had transpire between him and the damaged Slayer. She could see that they were now bonded in some sort of way, but the bond was incomplete and by the way they were now acting something horrible must have occurred. However, the vampire…
Spike, she corrected herself. She was still trying to get used to referring to him by his name, something she was trying to do because of their ‘friendly’ status, would not say anything.

Whatever happened had a profound effect on him, his emotions were in such turmoil, it was difficult for her to be around him for any length of time. He was staring at his Mate intently, almost as if he could force her to acknowledge him just by gazing at her hard enough.

Illyria shook her head in disgust, while he was one of the most perceptive of the beings she had met so far, he could still be an imbecile about some things. The damaged Slayer being foremost.

The damaged Slayer did not show any signs of turmoil or distress, she sat there and watched the wall of the plane, blankly. There was absolutely nothing from her emotionally; even the fragments Illyria had sensed when they first arrived were gone. She believed that to be the cause of the incomplete bond, you couldn’t have any kind of bond if one of the parties didn’t have emotions.

The other vampire was almost as bad, he was filled with worry and concern. Illyria knew it was concerning his son, she also knew that so far she was the only one who knew about his son. Wesley had explained it all to her after he broke the orb that held his memories.

Finally, frustrated with all of it, Illyria moved to sit next to the Japanese Slayer who had been meditating almost since they boarded. If nothing else the calm coming from her would help shut out the others anxiety.



Spike watched Buffy. Except for the marks on her neck that were visible for anyone to see, there was no indication at all of what had occurred between. He had tried numerous times to speak with her before they left, but whenever he got close one of the Rogues would get in the way. The one time he had cornered for all of five minutes, she didn’t hear a word he said, just stood there and looked at him completely closed off. Just when his patience had finally broken and he was ready to grab her and shake her, Giles had called him away for one final meeting before they left.

Now here they sat.

Spike couldn’t sleep, the memories of what he saw followed him into slumber making anything even remotely restful, near impossible. Not that being awake chased the visions. Over and over again they replayed in his head while he tried to make sense out of what he saw and tried to deal with his feelings of disgust with himself.

He leaned his head back, never losing sight of the woman who had completely shut him out again. No matter what she thought, he was going to get through to her, even if it killed him. After what had happened he would never give up on her again.


South America 5 years earlier

The pain came before consciousness.

Even as hurt and abused as she was, there were certain injuries that she felt more acutely than others. She could feel one bite mark out of the hundreds that covered her, on her left thigh. She assumed the vampire who made that mark must have pinched a nerve, for some reason the dried blood caked around the wound seemed to aggravate it. Her wrists felt as though they were on fire and she could feel the blood that had dripped down her forearms and dried there from her struggling to free herself from her chains. The muscles in her abdomen practically screamed with every breath she took, a side effect from the numerous violations, each one more violent than the last.

At one point in her life she would have given anything just to feel, trapped in a bubble of numbness. Now she wanted nothing more than for it all to end.

“My pretty princess came back to us again.” Drusilla clapped her hands excitedly. “Goody, we have even more fun in store today. More and more kiddies want to play with the Golden Light. They want to feel what its like to touch the sun, just like my Spike did.” Drusilla moved closer to Buffy, running a sharp fingernail over her breast bone. “Do you think he would still want you if he could see you now?”

Buffy didn’t answer, hoping her silence would for once cause the vampiress to lose interest in this game.

“I have told you he still lives, haven’t I?” She chuckled and tilted her head into Buffy’s neck. “Our naughty boy, hiding from both his girls.” She slipped her fangs into Buffy’s neck and took long hard pulls from her. Tears that she refused to let fall burned in Buffy’s eyes and she struggle again with her chains, hoping that somehow she managed to loosen them from her constant pulling.

Drusilla pulled back when she had drank her fill; her lips were stained with blood. She ran her tongue over Buffy’s lips. “Mmmm, you taste so good. No wonder my boys wanted you so much.”

The taste of blood so on her mouth had Buffy’s demon struggling inside of her to get free, causing the Slayer to struggle with it, refusing to allow it dominance. It felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside. Every cell in her body was crying out for blood and lots of it. The demon needed it, craved it. The Slayer did everything it could to deny the demon.

“Now, now. No fighting the urges. Give in to it.” Drusilla crooned to her. “Once you are fully one of us the boys will come back and we can all be a family again.”

Buffy gagged and choked even as she tried to swallow the small bit of her own blood. The physical pain was horrible, but this pain inside her was unbearable and she screamed out in agony. The Slayer in her roared and fought desperately against the demon that had invaded its body. Blood flowed down her arms, the flesh on her wrists torn down to the bone as she tried to wrench herself free. The need to die overwhelmed her and she cried out in frustration at her inability to succeed.

Drusilla’s tormenting laughter drove her farther into her abyss and her screaming grew even louder, drowning out the sounds from the other vampires that entered her prison. It took few moments for Buffy to notice them, when she did become aware of what was happening they had already started licking the blood from her arms and thighs, two of them had already bit down and were drinking from her. Blackness started to form around her vision from the loss of blood, and she prayed that this time she would be allowed the death she so desperately wanted.

Before she lost consciousness one of the vampires shoved the others aside and pulled her head up by her hair. He also had her blood dripping from his mouth, her demon began to struggle again, wanting to come out and play.

“I want to see what all the fuss is about.” The vampire was smelly and ugly. “I want to try out the Aurelius whore.” He growled and forced himself into her. Buffy almost bit through her lip in an effort not to scream out. A blinding pain ripped through her and she could feel moisture she knew had to be blood dripping between her legs. It felt like someone took a rough file and was running it up and down inside her. She couldn’t hold back the tears any longer and whimpers of pain began to escape from behind her closed lips. She looked up and met the eyes of her attacker, the glee she saw in them made her want to throw up.

This was rape in its most violent and extreme form. This wasn’t a love sick vampire, with too much to drink, who would stop once he realized he was actually hurting her. No this was real. This vampire was getting off on her pain and misery as much as he was getting off on the act itself.

Then came the cruelest part, her demon began to respond to the rough treatment. She could feel sparks of pleasure run counterpoint to the pain. She tried to shut down her mind, unwilling to give into the sensations. Not wanting to give this monster the satisfaction of making her come against her will. Tears poured down her face, leaving tracks on her dirty cheeks.

She felt her face change as the demon took over more and more, its bloodlust giving it the edge it needed over the Slayer side.

The Slayer rampaged within her at the offenses that were being committed against it.

Buffy sought solace in her mind as the pleasure began to build, disgust with her self driving her deep inside, wanting to hide away from this reality, lose herself in memories and dreams of what could have been.

Anything but this degradation.

She was in her basement sitting on Spike’s lap their foreheads touching while they talked quietly throughout the night. The feelings of security, love and warmth that surrounded her were like nothing she ever experienced before. In her mind, however, there was no battle with the First to fight, there was no impending apocalypse. It was just the two of them and in her dream when she finally said the words ‘I love you’, he responded by lowering her down on the tiny cot and worshipping every inch of her, whispering to her all the while of his love for her.

The vampires grunt followed by his fangs ripping a large chunk of flesh out of her neck ripped her from her fantasy. Her body jerked in a paroxysm of pleasure and agony. Her scream of self loathing and misery echoed throughout the chamber.

The other vampires followed the example of the first and sunk their fangs into her arms and thighs, also ripping out chunks of her flesh. Her scream rose in volume and pitch until it became a sobbing wail. The vampires paid her no mind, however, they just continued to drink until her cry dwindled off and she slumped in her restraints.

Dead.

Drusilla called the vampires away from Buffy’s now limp form. Her minions led them out of the chamber.

Once they were alone again Drusilla began to hum and dance around in front of Buffy. She cut her wrist with one of her fingernails, pried Buffy’s lips apart and began dripping blood down her throat. “The boys are just going to love you.” Drusilla whispered as she waited for the next time her new doll awoke.


Whispers brought Buffy back. She could hear them at the edge of her vision, but she couldn’t get her eyes to open enough to see who was near. It was actually a relief that her eyelids didn’t work, because the rest of her body wasn’t working yet either. It was a luxurious feeling not to be inundated with pain for a few moments.

“They have to come.” Drusilla’s voice rose up to a volume that Buffy could hear her. “They wouldn’t leave both the princesses.”

A voice answered her, but Buffy couldn’t make out what it was saying because the pain was starting to wake along with her body. Her demon’s hunger caused her stomach to cramp painfully. She couldn’t contain the groan that escaped her.

Her face was jerked upwards hard, her eyes opened to slits and she saw Drusilla staring at her. The madness inside of her could easily be seen in her face.

“They don’t even know you are gone yet.” She hissed at Buffy. “But the others do. They sent bad little Slayers to bring you back.”

Buffy felt hope rise in her chest, she thought that due to her own negligence in keeping in touch with Giles and the others, by the time they noticed she was missing it would be too late. Now with Dru’s words, she began to think maybe, just maybe she would get out of this with her sanity.

Then she heard the cries. She looked past Drusilla to see her minions dragging in two young Slayers. Buffy had met them when she first got to this country. Simone and Aline were their names. They were both nice girls, if a bit innocent and naïve.

“Let them go, Dru.” Her voice came out as nothing more than a whisper.

“Naughty girl. You don’t tell your mummy what to do.” She squeezed the hand gripped her chin sinking her nails into the tender flesh of Buffy’s cheeks.

Buffy heard the girls gasp and cry out when they saw her hanging naked on the wall, covered in bloody wounds and injuries. Buffy wanted to offer them something, but she had nothing left inside of her to give anyone else.

Dru stepped back away from Buffy and began to laugh.

Buffy wanted to collapse from the pain that ripped through her. She could feel the demon inside of her, it rumbled warily, trying to figure out the best plan of attack to take control of her. The Slayer inside watched it closely, but it was getting tired from the constant blood loss.

“Hungry, my little one?” Dru cooed to Buffy. Buffy just ignored her, so Drusilla let out a growl. Just like that the demon pushed aside the Slayer and took control, desperate for a connection with its Sire. In its hunger it snapped its fangs at the air around it. Drusilla continued to laugh and dance around her, while she desperately reached out to her.

“Wouldn’t you like a nice rich Slayer snack?” Dru grabbed Simone and pulled her close to Buffy so her neck was right next to Buffy’s fangs. Instantly both Buffy and the Slayer were fighting to push back the demon, with limited success, angering Drusilla.

“Bad!” Drusilla admonished her with a slap across the face. “It isn’t nice to refuse a perfectly good meal. And this is gourmet.”

Buffy still fought. She wouldn’t kill an innocent, especially not a Slayer. Seeing that she still resisted Drusilla grabbed on of the spots where the vampires had previously ripped the flesh from and jammed a sharp nail into the open wound. Buffy howled out in pain.

Simone continued to cry next to her.

“Drink!” Drusilla commanded, using the same fingernail to slice open a vein on Simone’s neck. The rich, fragrant blood spilled out and over her dark toned skin. The demon renewed its battle to take control and it was all Buffy and the Slayer could do to keep it back.

Buffy didn’t know how long this new form of torture lasted. Drusilla tempting her with what was considered the Cristal of blood by most vampires, and Buffy fighting her demon while enduring the pain, exhaustion and hunger. Finally, disgusted with her, Drusilla threw Simone to the ground and stormed out.
Inside her, the demon yowled in anguish, as its Sire walked away from it, while both Buffy and the Slayer fell into an exhausted state.

Some time later.

Who could really tell how much time passed when there was nothing but constant torment?
A voice brought Buffy awake abruptly.

“Slayer.” She opened her eyes and there stood Spike before her. Her lips moved, but no sound came out. “Come on, luv, gotta wake up. I need to talk to you.” He said.

“Spike?”

“Come on, pet. Gotta wake up the whole way.” She shook her head trying to dispel the hallucination in front of her, but he didn’t go away. She looked at the Slayers, now tied up on the ground near her, but neither one could tell her anything since they were also gagged.

“You aren’t real.” She whispered.

“No more real than you are, I suspect.” He said with a smirk. “We don’t have much time now and this is important.” He spoke earnestly.

“Spike?” She asked again, still trying to wrap her head around the fact that he was indeed still alive and standing in front of her. She tried to reach out her senses, knowing she could always recognize Spike’s unique feel inside of her, but she was too worn out to be able to sense anything conclusive.

“Yeah, pet.”

Tears welled up in Buffy’s eyes. “You’re here to rescue me.” She said. “Oh god, Spike…” She couldn’t continue as her tears overwhelmed her.

“Shhh.” Spike soothed her. “I’m going to try and get you out, but it isn’t that simple.”

“What do you mean?” She cried. “Just let me down and we’ll fight our way out.”

“We won’t make it. Too many vamps have been feeding off you, they are all much stronger than they would be normally.”

“So what do we do?” She whispered.

He looked at her regretfully. “Do you love me?” He asked suddenly.

She was confused about the topic change, but not about her answer. “With all my heart.”

“Enough to actually be with me this time? In my world?”

Buffy hesitated. What did he mean by that?

“Well, is your love conditional? Do you only love me when its on your terms?”

She shook her head, making the wounds on her neck pulse with pain.

“Will you stay with me? Live you unlife with me?”

“What are you asking me?” She cried.

“You need to feed.” He said.

“What?”

He gestured to the bound Slayers. “They aren’t going to let you go, pet. Your only hope of freedom is to be what they want. Feed. Take the Slayers, give up this ‘better than everyone else, stick up your ass’ attitude and become the demon you are.”

Buffy shook her head ‘no’ vigorously, no longer capable of speech.

Spike leaned in close to her. “I can’t save you. You have to save yourself, only you can do it. You have to decide what’s worse, taking the life of two girls who will die anyway or enduring the constant torture.”

Buffy’s face was crumpled up as she cried, she gasped for breath as the pain in her chest seemed to radiate out into her limbs making all of her injuries throb with every inhalation.

“Noo.” She cried. “I can’t.”

“Then you will stay here until you change your mind.” He told her simply, before turning and walking away from her.

“No, Spike wait!!” She cried out desperately. “Don’t leave me here like this. Please! Spike!”

But he either didn’t hear her or didn’t care because he didn’t come back. Drusilla’s minions did, however. The led in the next group of vampires who paid good money to have a go at the famous Slayer.

She was still crying out for Spike when the first one latched onto the soft flesh above her hipbone, another one unzipped his pants and pushed himself inside her and it all began again.

When they were done they left her hanging there.

The two girls on the floor, cried through the whole incident, terrified by what they watched. Afraid they would be next. When they weren’t petrified with fear, they wondered if Buffy had already lost her mind. There was no one else in the chamber with them when she had been talking to ‘Spike’.

Blood. Life sustaining, refreshing blood. The magical elixir that now fueled her. It trickled down her throat from the small droplets Drusilla let fall into her mouth. It called her demon from the darkness and it rushed forward before the other parts of her had fully realized what was going on.

With a growl the demon opened its eyes and looked at its Sire with longing. How it wanted to sink its teeth into her porcelin skin and drink the rich liquid of its Sire. It wanted the luxurious feeling it knew would come from taking nourishment from the one who made it.

It also knew this was not going to be allowed. It never was.

This time, however, instead of pulling back and leaving it desperately hungry, Drusilla instead picked up one of the girls off the floor and pushed her head to the side. She offered the girls neck to Buffy.

Just as the demon was about to sink its teeth in though, the humanity in Buffy reared up and fought it down, calling on the Slayer to help it. To avoid the temptation of the blood that was just within reach Buffy closed her eyes trying to shut out the sight before her.

Drusilla, had other plans though. She forced Buffy’s head up and made her look at her, even as Buffy struggled against her. Once Drusilla caught her eyes Buffy froze, getting lost in the endless brown depths.

The next thing she knew, it was Spike standing before her holding the girl up to Buffy’s mouth while Drusilla spun and danced in the background.

“Come on, luv.” Spike urged. “Just a little taste. You know you want it, if you just do this, things will be so much easier on you.”

Buffy shook her head no afraid to speak. Spike reached out a hand and gently caressed her cheek. “Don’t you want us to be together? You said you would love me no matter what. Was that just a line?”

“I-I can’t do this.” She stuttered.

“Sure you can.” He soothed her. He brought out his fangs and sunk them into the girls soft neck. Buffy could the noise it made as he punctured the skin, then noise of him sucking and swallowing her blood.

She felt her own fangs tingling, wanting to emerge as well. The Slayer was still fighting against the demon, but now the human side of Buffy was wavering. She just wanted it all to stop. Now here was Spike, telling her they could be together. No more responsibility, no more duty, no more interfereing friends or disapproving Watcher. Just the two of them. She was so tired. She was so worn down. She couldn’t die, but she didn’t want to live for an eternity like this. Now Spike offered her a way out.

The Slayer raged at her, hating her for her irresolution, knowing that it couldn’t hold off the demon on its own and if she decided to join it, then it would all be over.

Buffy watched the blood run down the girl’s neck. She couldn’t even remember her name anymore.

“If you don’t do it someone else here will.” Spike told her. “Shouldn’t it be you who takes her strength into yourself? Think about it. You’ll be able to heal.” He urged her.

Buffy wavered, then faltered, that was all the demon needed. It took control and dove into the girls neck, ignoring the squeal the came from behind her gag. It quickly swallowed down the blood that poured into its mouth



It wasn’t Spike. It had never been Spike.

She killed Faith.

It had been Drusilla.

She had ripped Faith’s throat out and drained her.

Drusilla who had touched her.

She drank every drop of blood in her.

Drusilla who had encouraged her to drain the two young Slayers.

She sank her fangs into Faith’s throat and killed her.

Drusilla who made her cum.

Faith was dead because she killed her.

Two other Slayers dead because she killed them.

She was abandoned by her Sire.

Her Sire left her.

Her Sire didn’t want her.

Over and over the thoughts ran through her head, overlapping, circling. Over and over. She growled and screamed at the same time, trying to yell the pain out of her. She reached up with one of her clawed hands and was about to rip her own throat out when Willow burst into the chamber. She took one look at the scene before her and spoke in a different language. Blackness engulfed Buffy and she fell to the ground.