Chapter 16: I know who you are and it does me no good at all.

“What’s wrong with me?” Xander asked. “I mean I finally accepted the fact that the only women who are ever interested in me are part demon. But why do they always have to want to kill me?”

“Xander…” Willow began exasperated.

“No, really, Wills. I don’t think you understand. I mean first it was…”

“Xander, STOP. I remember them, all of them. I had a front row seat for every one.” She shook her head. “That and the fact you’ve been talking about nothing but that since we told you what we suspected.

Xander blinked his good eye at her, shocked by her cold response.

Willow sighed heavily and turned away looking out the window. They had been traveling almost non-stop for almost two weeks and everyone was feeling the strain from the trip.

When Giles had debriefed Willow, Xander, Raven and Mimoko on the their suspicions about the Rogues, they had decided that Xander should keep up his new found friendship with Helena, hoping he would be able to find out some information about their planes.

Unfortunately, so far all that had happened was that it gave Xander the time and contact for his feelings to grow.

Willow understood how unfair it was that he finally found someone he cared about and she was probably just trying to figure out how to kill him.

Willow wanted to say something to comfort her friend, but she couldn’t tell him what he wanted to hear. She knew that he was hoping she would tell him that it was possible Helena cared about him and wasn’t just using him to get closer to their team. However, there was too much at stake to for him to drop his guard and they couldn’t afford to let emotions get in the way of what they had to do.

Willow wondered when it was that having emotions and wanting to care about someone became a liability?

She remembered when she, Buffy and Xander used to sit around and talk about who they would wind up with. Even when they suspected they were never going to have the ‘normal’ relationship, they never anticipated that love would treat them as badly as it had.

First there had been Oz’s betrayal and abandonment; that left her empty and doubting herself. Yet that couldn’t even compare to the desolation and rage Willow felt when Tara was killed. She never wanted to open herself up for that kind of pain again.

Especially after what had happened to Buffy.

Willow saw what Buffy experienced, she saw it from Buffy’s own head. She knew that without a doubt, Buffy made a conscious decision to do whatever she had to, to be with Spike. Buffy had been willing to sacrifice everything she believed in for the dream of love, only to find out it had been nothing but an illusion used to break her. It was no wonder the only way she could be sane was to hide deep inside herself, after that.

Willow couldn’t believe that after what he experienced with Anya, Xander was willing to open himself to love and pain again.




Outside the small slit of a window on Xander’s side of the vehicle, the dark landscape moved by quickly while Raven drove. Giles and Mimoko were riding in the second vehicle with Pixie and Helena. They switched up vehicles and drivers at their rest stops, the next one was scheduled in three hours at dawn.

“Xander.” Raven’s soft voice carried over the roar of the engine. “Love is not about choice. There is nothing to say that her feelings for you are not as real as your feelings for her and you can enjoy them in the time you spend together. However, you must not forget our mission. With love comes much risk, now even more so. As long as you realize that at some point you may have to kill that which you love.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Xander asked bitterly.

“It wasn’t supposed to.”

Kill that which they loved. Willow wondered if they were going to have to kill Buffy before this was all over. Had Spike been able to reach her at all? Was it even possible for him to reach her? When Willow saw her right before they got on the plane, she was shocked by the change in her. Before, she had been cold and in control, but it seemed as though sometimes she was struggling for that control, and at that those times there was a war of emotions inside of her. Now there was no struggle. She was in control completely and there were no signs of any emotions.

And what if Spike made a choice as Buffy had? What if he joined the Rogues just so he could be with her? What would that do to their plans that were already as fragile as a house of cards?

Needing to change the thoughts in her head, Willow began to concentrate again on reaching Oz. Spike and Angel suggested she try to reach him somehow, but she couldn’t use a lot of power to do it, since it might attract too much attention. They still had no way of detecting Pixie or and knowledge of the full extent of the powers that were within the two Rogues.

So Willow sent out meditation vibes, hoping Oz could pick up her message, high up in his temple in the Himalayas. She had no way of knowing if she was even projecting in the right direction or if he was still in this part of the world. For all she knew he had moved on.

Still she had to try, this could mean the all the difference to them.

Two and a half more hours until dawn.



Spike sat alone in a dark tunnel. For over a week they had been searching for any signs of the Thunder Dragon’s fortress or army. Yet so far, not a trace had been found.

Over a week spent in this dark drab hole, with nothing but his thoughts and regrets running around in his head.

Over a week with this black hole pressing down inside of him, suffocating him.

It was like the basement of the school all over again. Only this time the voices were just in his head, yet no less real for that. Memories that played over and over again, slowly driving him insane.

He could see Buffy’s face when she realized that it hadn’t been him after she killed Faith. He could feel her crumble, falling to pieces as her sanity broke apart from the guilt of what she had done.

He could hear her cries, screaming out for him to help her, while she was brutally attacked time and time again.

However, it was the sound of her laughter and giggling, from his dream, that haunted him most of all. The carefree, happy, musical sound, that he was now certain he would never get to hear in real life.

He thought he knew it all. He had been so certain. He thought that once he claimed her, won the demon and her heart the rest would fall into place. He thought he would rescue her, put her back together and make her whole again.

His arrogance had cost him the woman he loved.

When he pulled away from her after seeing her demon’s memories of the kidnapping, she believed he was rejecting her. In that moment, the demon destroyed by his disaffection, joined the Slayer in her hatred of him. Also at that moment, any bit of emotion, love, hope, belief was eradicated within her.

Now there was just this cold analytical shell that housed a demon and a Slayer. Of Buffy, the woman he knew and loved, there was no sign.

He had destroyed the last bit of the woman he loved, with his reaction and he had no idea how to go about fixing it.

The ironic thing was that he was now eternally bonded to this husk of a woman he once knew. He was eternally bound to her and the two entities that resided within her, who despised him.

For days he assumed the blank, oppressive hole inside of him was what happened when she shut him out and ignored the claim. It was only when they had run up against some agents of the first, also searching the maze of caves for signs of the Thunder Dragon, that he found out the truth.

Buffy had attacked them on sight, vamping out and tearing into them with a ferociousness Spike had never before witnessed. When she vamped he was suddenly aware of her demons feelings, filling the hole he had been carrying with him.

He could feel the pain and the rage inside of her directed towards him. Then it changed, or she changed. She was still vamped, but he could feel the Slayer side of her strong-willed and powerful. It seemed like their hatred of him gave them something they could agree upon.

It took her almost no time to dispatch the UberVamps. Spike could feel a tension running through her after the fight and the smell of her arousal perfumed the air. Moving without thinking Spike approached her, responding to his mate’s obvious excitement, but she ignored him and walked right past him without a word.

Later on, after they had returned to camp, almost everyone was asleep, except for Illyria and Myoko, who were on watch. Spike was enjoying a pleasant dream. It was raw and sexual, something he hadn’t experienced on this level since the dark year he and Buffy were together. The electric feeling of need that had run between them and their desperate violent couplings. All of that was present in his dream.

It was just as the dream was reaching its climactic peak that his demon recognized it for what it was. Spike leaped up, scaring Mimoko almost to death and rampaged through the camp trying to find his mate. Simon, woke due to the commotion and tried to stop him, but even a Fyarl was no match for him in his blind rage. Spike dropped him quickly with precision. The soldiers moved towards him as one, but they stood even less chance than Simon. Even Angel tried to stop him, get him under control, but nothing was going to get in his way.

It was Buffy, who finally stopped him. She came running out from a side tunnel in, barefoot, wearing only a tank top and her underwear, Shadow’s scent clearly all over her. Spike wasn’t even capable of thought by then, he launched himself at her, intending to remark and claim what was his.

The Slayer was firmly in control, and while the infusions of her blood had increased his strength and skill exponentially, she was still in better shape than he was. The battle lasted longer than their first in encounter in Kathmandu, but the end result was still the same, Buffy bested him and knocked him out cold.

When Spike came to, the emotionless hole was back inside of him and he was able to regain control over his demon.

Shadow and the soldiers deemed him a danger to them and the mission. They ordered Angel or Illyria to keep him under control or they would stake him. Spike wanted nothing to do with any of them. He didn’t speak at all when he woke up and had refused to speak ever since.

He moved off into this cavern away from the others and here he sat for the past three days in the dark and quiet.

He could feel Illyria at the end of the tunnel, probably there to guard him. He let out a hysterical laugh.

Guard him, protect him, keep him from hurting anyone.

Once more he heard it. Her giggle. That carefree laugh.

This was hell, it had to be. Punishment for his sins.



“I say, Dawn? Are you there?” A fuzzy picture of Giles appeared on Dawn’s laptop and flickered a few times.

“I’m here, Giles.” Dawn said. “Can you see me?”

The image of Giles squinted. “I believe I can. I’m afraid our satellite reception isn’t very good right now.”

“I’m getting that.” Dawn answered. “How are things on your end?”

”As well as can be expected. Still no word from our other friends and Xander is rather still rather distraught. Any luck on your end?”

“No.” Dawn said, the frustration clear in her voice. “The one time I really need Andrew and he’s all the way back in England.”

“You think Andrew would be able to help you?”

“I think Andrew and Jason would get along great. I also think Andrew would be able to figure out his password or at the very least be able to distract him long enough for me to figure out his password.”

“What about that program you used to take over my computer last winter?” Giles reminded her. “Could something like that help?”

“You know, that would work. I’ll get in touch with Andrew after I get done talking to you.”

”Be careful, Dawn. Remember, even if he is nothing more than a large child, Jason can be just as deadly as the rest of the Rogues.”

“The only thing deadly about Jason, is his taste in clothing. You should see him walking around here in his Rolling Stones pj pants, his white T-Shirt and his black sports coat.” She rolled her eyes.

Giles didn’t even know what to say to that. “Yes, well, er, any word from the other team?”

“Nothing good. Spike still isn’t talking and they haven’t found any sign of the Thunder Dragon’s original fortress.” Dawn’s image flickered on Giles’ screen. “…yria thinks its…in…ension and only the Thunder…gon would be able to find…”

“Dawn?” Giles said loudly. “Dawn?!”

“Giles? Can you hear me? Giles?”

Giles slapped the computer several times. “Blasted machine. Work, damn you!” After a few more seconds Dawn’s image solidified again and Giles could see her clearly, glaring at him.

“Were you hitting the computer again?” She asked disapprovingly.

“It wasn’t getting good reception!” He said.

“We’ve been over this before. It’s the satellite’s up in the sky that cause that. Hitting the computer won’t do anything.”

“Well it seemed to help.”

Dawn sighed.

“Fine, whatever. Just don’t blame me when you hurt the motherboard and the computer doesn’t work at all. Maybe you should let Willow handle the communications.”

”I certainly will not!” Giles said indignantly.

“Ok, well I’m going to go talk to Andrew. You guys are about to leave Nepal and enter into the India. You have to be careful here, this land is still under dispute between the Chinese and the Indian governments. There are reports that there are still fights being fought here. They may mistake you for military, with your army vehicles.”

“How much longer until we enter into Bhutan?” Giles asked.

“Probably less than a day, then another three days until you meet up with the others.”

“Ok, we’ll talk to you again from Bhutan then.”

“Hopefully. Take care of yourself Giles.”

“You do the same, Dawn.”


Illyria stood at the end of the tunnel. Watching. Waiting.

She had volunteered to stand watch over Spike against the wishes of the rest of the team. They all believed that she would be the one who would be able to locate the Thunder Dragon’s temple and army. What they didn’t understand was the each of the Old One’s was completely different in power. She would have no more luck opening the door to his realm than they would.

Granted, she could sense it. But that didn’t help much because from what she could sense it was all around them. Finding the door and the key to unlock that door was a whole other game. From what she could tell from the clues she noticed scattered throughout the caverns there were locks everywhere, however, only a certain, unique being could open those locks.

From what she could see, they weren’t the only ones running around lost in the darkness. The vampire creatures that were running around, working for the First Evil, appeared to be as lost and confused as they were. Both groups traveled through the same tunnels day after day. They would meet up and fight, neither side gaining much ground, then fall back to do the same thing the next day.

Illyria had the sense that they were just wasting their time and resources.
A moan echoed down the tunnel from Spike and Illyria’s eyes narrowed. She wished she understood human emotions more. Maybe then she would be able to understand the feelings she kept experiencing in regards to the blonde vampire. She understood that their conversation in his room after she had awakened him was the first time since Wesley, that she had interacted with another being like that. She also understood that on some level she enjoyed that interaction.

What she was not prepared for were the other emotions that now came with this. When he lost control in those first few days and went rampaging across their biouac, her first thought wasn’t to contain him, but to help him. She hadn’t known right away what had caused this reaction in him, but she was ready to stand at his side and aid him.

Upon learning from Angel and understanding all the dynamics involved in a vampiric claim, she became angry. She was furious with the damaged Slayer for putting him through this and she was also furious with him for being so weak.

A noise behind her indicated the approach of the Hogosaha.

This was something else that confused Illyria. Every couple of hours the Hogosha would come to her and engage her in light conversation. She would keep her informed of the state of the team, what they had accomplished that day (usually nothing) and the progress of the others in their trek into Bhutan.

As of today there were less than a day from the border, they had been delayed several times now by government officials, not happy about a large group of foreigners moving through their lands in military vehicles claiming no affiliation with any government. Apparently Shadow and Major Finn’s contacts weren’t as reliable as promised.

Although Illyria suspected it was something else.

Illyria never spoke much while the Hogosha related these things to her. She was unsure what was expected of her.

As the girl finished her account, Illyria stared at her for few moments. “I will leave you then.” The girl stood up to go. “If you need anything.” She offered the same way she had since she started coming here.

“Wait.” Illyria commanded her. “Why do you do this?”

“Do what?” The girl answered.

“Why do you come here and tell me these things?”

The girl only looked more confused. “I don’t understand.” She said. “You are our team member. It is unclear to me how much you can know outside of this tunnel. I want to make sure you are aware of everything that is going on, so you can better be prepared for what happens.”

Illyria re-appraised the girl. “You are a warrior with much sense and honor.” She told her.

The girl bowed her head in acknowledgement. “Thank you.”

She turned to walk away, but then stopped and turned back. “If I may she began hesitantly.”

Illyria tilted her head, curious. “It appears that you are very concerned about his well-being…” She indicated the tunnel where Spike was located.

“It is not concern.” Illyria corrected her immediately.

“Oh, I apologize. By your actions, it appeared that you were concerned.” Without finishing her previous statement the girl left, leaving Illyria to ponder on her own.

Was this concern? She felt angry with him, but was that due to the fact that she worried about his well-being? The last time she had felt concern for anything was again when Wesley was still alive and she tried to deny it then to.

If she had done more to help Wesley at that time would it have changed whether or not he survived their encounter with the Black Thorn. Should she do something now to help Spike?

She heard another moan come from the other end of the tunnel. She remembered what he told her about his dream of Buffy. How she was scattered into pieces. Was that what he dreamed of now?

She began to plan. For the first time since her rebirth into this world, it was a plan to help another being, instead of herself.




Chapter 17: Dreaming While Awake is a Frightening Contradiction

Hidden in the darkness of the tunnel, Spike let his eyes blur. Voices drifted through into his consciousness. For a long time he ignored them, wanting to stay as still as possible, hoping that would ease the ache inside himself.

Finally though the voices became too persistent. He lifted his head and was only slightly surprised to see that instead of the tunnel he was in a large toy store. All around him people were gathered talking excitedly.

No, not people, girls. Little girls. As he looked at them, Spike began to recognize features in them that reminded him of the Scoobies and other females he had met since he had first come to Sunnydale.

A little red haired girl with pixie features could be a little Willow. An ash-blonde sat straight up near the front of the group, her eyes were fixed analytically at the store around her reminded him of Anya. A girl with dark hair in a small cheerleader’s outfit filed her nails while sitting in a chair disdainfully identical to the Cheerleader Peaches kept around.

Before Spike could study anymore of the girls a voice came over the loud speaker.

“The moment you have all been waiting for, the future of little girls dolls.” A spotlight came on ahead of him showcasing a red curtain.

“All the girls want to be her, all the boys want her for their girlfriend…” The voice continued, the curtain shifted.

“From Watcher’s Plaything’s, introducing…” The curtain dropped.

“BUFFY!!!”

The curtain dropped and there before them was a life sized plastic doll that looked just like Buffy. She had one hand on her hip, the other hand was raised and brandishing a stake, a backpack was flung over one shoulder. She wore skirt that was so short you could make out the red underwear below it. A short T-shirt exposed her abdomen, while long golden blonde hair cascaded down her back.

Dead silence.

“She even comes with a speech feature.” There was a pause, then Buffy’s voice obviously poorly recorded.

‘Carpe Diem’
‘Hey, that was my favorite skirt.’

Then there was pandemonium. All of the little girls started pressing forward at once. Glass walls appeared around the Buffy doll, but that didn’t stop their advance. The girls all began to surround it pushing against the glass. Their voices filled the air.

“She will be the best friend ever. Always supportive and there for me.” The redhead was saying.

“You call that an outfit? She’s going to need some major fashion help.” The cheerleader said loudly.

“I don’t see why she’s so special.” The girl who had been sitting in the front stated.

Spike noticed more of the little girls now.

One girl was much smaller than the others, she held onto the only adult around fearfully.

“She’s going to be the greatest sister ever!! She’ll share her clothes and spend time with me!”

“Yes sweetheart, and she’ll help around the house and she’ll do well in school.” The woman said, she let go of the Little One’s hand and pushed her way forward until she too was pressing against the glass.

“She’s going to be such a bad ass.” A dark girl with a leather jacket on shouted as she put her full weight against the glass.

Suddenly the glass walls jerked inward and started sliding together. Spike could only watch helplessly as the Buffy dolls limbs began to move as the walls encapsulated her. The glass moved quickly now as the little girls began to get more excited in their yelling. The arm attached to the hand at her hip pushed upwards and popped out of her shoulder joint.

Spike started to move forward, sickened. He had no desire to see Buffy’s features smashed before his eyes, even if it was only a doll.

When he reached the wall of children surrounding her, he couldn’t get them away from the glass to stop its movement. He tried pulling them, but he couldn’t get them to budge without hurting them. When he looked up he realized he was directly in front of her eyes. They seemed to plead with him as they looked out.

The glass was now pressing up against her nose. Panicked, Spike reacted without thinking, he punched at the glass to try and shatter it.

And pulled his hand back painfully. It was much stronger than he though.

Her nose was being pushed in now.

He pulled back, and then with all his strength, he again hit the glass. This time it shattered around his hand, much easier than he expected.

His eyes widened, as he tried to stop the momentum of his hand, but it was no use. A shard of glass got pushed forward by his fist and pushed into center of the Buffy doll’s forehead.

The sound of glass shattering and little girls screaming seemed to go on for hours. The silence that came after it was even more deafening.

Spike stood in the center of the room cradling Buffy’s misshapen head. A thick, bright red liquid oozed out from the puncture from the glass, obviously supposed to be blood.

A wail cut through the air.

“He killed our dolly.” The cheerleader cried. Tears began to run down her face.

“He took my best friend.” The red head also began to sob.

“Mommy.” The smallest bit hiccupped.

Spike grabbed what pieces he could of the broken Buffy doll and searched the room for a way out. Far in the back he saw the red glow of an ‘Exit’ sign. He headed straight for it, juggling the pieces of Buffy, so as not to drop any. Then he felt a tug on his leg. He struggled to look down through the carefully balanced pile in his arms.

“Don’t take my dolly.” A girl screamed, holding onto his leg with all her might to slow him down.

“She’s our dolly.” Another little girl tried to tackle him.

Spike just kept moving. He didn’t have to turn around to know they were all chasing him down now. No longer caring if they got hurt or not, Spike began to kick out his legs, trying to knock them off on racks filled with all sorts of games and toys.

He had just gotten one off when he heard another cry out. “Look, a Dracula play set!! I want to hunt vampires.”

Spike moved along faster gripping Buffy’s parts to him desperately trying not to let go of any of them.

He hit the Exit at the same time a wooden stake flew forward and struck the wall next to him. He didn’t even pause as he threw the door open and leapt forward.

Realizing, too late, what was going to come next.




Dawn listened carefully to assure herself that Jason was still in the kitchen cooking his dinner. She opened up his CD drive on his laptop and inserted the disk.

Andrew had created this program a few years ago, something he had learned from Warren about computers. It combined magic and science, not only to take control of the computer, but also to sit there and collect all the data from the programs the user opened. Then the program would send all the information to the host computer, Andrew’s computer, and he could analyze it in England.

All Dawn had to do was install it.

The drive shut and the disc began to spin. She heard a noise behind her and spun around frantically, but was relieved to find that Jason hadn’t exited the kitchen he was just getting some ingredients from near the doorway.

“Do you want any of this pasta?” He called.

“Um, sure.” Dawn answered, forcing her voice to sound normal. She watched apprehensively as the bar on the screen slowly filled, indicating the program was installing itself.

“Do you want any wine to go with it?” He called again.

“That’s sounds good.” The bar was half filled now and Dawn had her fingers crossed so tight, she wasn’t sure she would be able to use them later.

There was the sound of plates being pulled from cupboards and Dawn knew she didn’t have much time left. She held her breath as the program seemed to jump forward slightly, then more quickly and finally it filled the bar. There was a message saying the program was successfully installed and the drive opened. Dawn quickly grabbed the disk, closed the drive and flew back over to her desk, just as Jason came out carrying two plates.

“I couldn’t get everything, would you go get the glasses of wine?” He asked her. Today he was wearing his Wine colored velvet jacket with, some shimmering silver slacks and a black T-shirt.

“Of course,” Dawn said, a little too cheerfully. She ran into the kitchen and gulped down one of the glasses in relief before pouring herself another one. She entered the living room more slowly this time.

“Here you go.” She said.

“Thanks.”

Neither spoke for a while, both concentrating on their dinner.

“This is actually pretty good.” Dawn said, surprised.

“You don’t have to sound so shocked. I like cooking for people. I used to cook for my friends at college all the time.”

“What college did you go to?” Dawn asked.

“Loyola, in Chicago.”

“That’s a good school.” Dawn took a sip of wine. “I thought about going there, but it was too cold in Chicago.”

“I loved it. I really came out of my shell there. I was the star in most of their musical productions and several plays.”

Dawn looked at him. Yes, she could definitely see him up on a stage. He probably thrived under those spotlights.

“So how did a theatre person wind up working for mercenaries doing computer work?” She asked.

“I was always really good at computers and after my Dad died, I found out that I no longer had money to pay for my tuition. I didn’t want to leave school, so I hacked into the college’s computers and posted that I had paid in full.”

Dawn looked at him, her mouth full of pasta, and her eyes wide. She chewed quickly and swallowed, she opened her mouth to say…what? Sorry your dad died? How did you get past the college’s security?

Jason didn’t even notice her and continued on.

“After that, I decided to see what else I could do. I had a great apartment, the best clothes, and I was still averaging a 3.9 in all my classes.”

“Wow!! You should really teach me some of these tricks.”

“It doesn’t end well, believe me.”

“What happened?” Dawn asked, now captivated by the story.

“One of my good friends went to the college and told them everything.” Jason gave a small smile. “Said it wasn’t right what I was doing. He could understand the college tuition, but not the outright stealing.” He took a deep swallow of wine. “He was going to ‘Save the world’ for the little people. He found my attitudes to be selfish and said I was also exploiting the children who worked in sweat shops in third world countries because of the clothing lines I was wearing.”

Dawn couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re kidding!!”

Jason sighed. “ ‘Fraid not. Now he’s somewhere in India, working with the Peace Corps or one of those organizations.” He gave a small laugh. “He’s going to change the world.” He said without bitterness. “I want to hate him, but I have to respect him. He is one of the few people I know who actually live their beliefs.” He was silent for so long after that, Dawn thought he forgot about her.

“Did they throw you out of school?” She asked timidly.

Jason looked up surprised, but quickly got his equilibrium back.

“Yeah, and since my Dad had died owing a lot of people money, when they took my apartment, I didn’t have anyplace to go.”

“What about your mom? Or those friends you had?”

“My friends all lived in dorms, or in these tiny, dirty, one-roomed…uh…no.” He picked his napkin up off his lap and placed it on the table. “My mom wasn’t really an option.” He stood up quickly. “Shadow found me living on the streets, he offered me great pay and I get to travel a lot. Are you finished?” He asked Dawn pointing to her plate.

“Oh, yeah.” Dawn said, he picked her plate up along with his and carried them to the kitchen.

Dawn sat there and absorbed what she had just been told. Maybe she had been wrong about him. Maybe he wasn’t evil incarnate with a lot of arrogance and annoying qualities thrown in. It sounded like he had a really hard time. She didn’t agree with stealing, but she was surprised no one thought to harness his obvious computer talents.

‘Someone did.’ An internal voice said.

Maybe Jason wasn’t even aware of the worse aspects of the job he was involved. A computer tech didn’t need to know all of the details.

Maybe she could talk to him and he would consider going to work for the Watcher’s Council instead. Although pairing him and Andrew together may be a horrible idea. The two of them were too much alike.

Dawn decided then and there she was going to try and be nicer to him and ignore his more annoying traits. Very similar to how she handled Andrew and he turned out to be one of her best friends.

“Dawn….” Giles’ voice crackled out from the speaker near her computer.

Dawn jumped up and reached for her laptop.

“Dawn, we’ve run into….” Crackling interrupted his voice again.

“…In serious trouble…” more static.

Dawn’s fingers flew over the keyboard as she struggled to get her headset on and plugged in.

“…border…” The connection was getting worse; Dawn could see the signal strength getting weaker.

“Giles!!” She said urgently into the microphone. “Where are you?”

“Oh, dear Lord.” She heard then loud popping noises echoed into her ears.

“GILES!!” She yelled. Her fingers flew as she tried to pull up the GPS locator to find out where they were.

“Jason! I need help.” She pulled up the screen she needed and pushed the update button to refresh the screen and their location. “Jason!” She yelled again.

Where was he?

That was the last thought she had. She felt a jolt go through her, then nothing.

Behind her, Jason stood over her immobile body. For a moment he looked concerned for her, but then he just shook his head.

“Its ok, she’s not a real person.” He seemed to remind himself.

Then he moved, picking her up and grabbing some rope out of his bag.




The strong winds captured him immediately. The pieces of Buffy were scattered from his arms. He had a glimpse of her crushed facial features before they tumbled away into the blackness. He flew through the dark, being pulled towards the center, the same as before and he braced himself for the onslaught of emotions that would soon attack him.

Then he saw something. Out in the darkness was a speck of light and it seemed to be getting closer to him.

The closer it got, the large it became. As he drew near to it he realized it looked like a large bubble of light. Frightened, Spike tried to push himself away from it, but he couldn’t fight the strong winds.

He opened his mouth to scream, but it was too late.

He was sucked inside the bubble.

The impact was nothing like he expected. One minute he was flying through the air the next he landed on his feet with only a slight feeling of inertia. He quickly got his bearings and looked around the room.

He was in a small cabin, a fire was lit up inside a large stone fireplace, and in front of the fireplace was a large animal skin rug. A sofa and two large overstuffed chairs surrounded the rug.

There were windows on either side of the fireplace through which he could see snowflakes floating down outside.

Spike was standing in the kitchen area. Off to his left was a doorway that he assumed led to the bedroom. On the opposite wall was a door that led outside.

A soft giggle brought his attention back to the fireplace. He jerked in surprise at what he saw.

On the rug before him, where previously had just been a bare space, now had two people lying in a naked embrace.

Not just people, but him and Buffy.

He watched himself pull back, reach out and grab a chocolate off a try lying close by and tease Buffy with it. He watched her mouth open as she tried to catch the sweet treat he was holding just out of her reach. The other Spike finally relented and let her catch the chocolate, which had begun to melt under the heat of the fire. Buffy sucked the chocolate free of his fingers, and then sucked them clean. When he pulled his fingers back she reached up and pulled his head down for a deep kiss.

“I never pictured you as the cold weather type, luv.” He commented softly.

A glow appeared next to him and formed into a translucent figure of Buffy.

“One day, after they brought be back, I actually had a week day off from Burger Hell. No one was home, I had the house all to myself, and so I curled up on the couch and turned on TV, for some quality Buffy alone time. There was a soap opera on TV that my mom used to watch, so I decided to watch for a little bit, because it reminded me of her. This was one of the plotlines at the time. Two people who hated each other got stuck in a remote cabin during a blizzard. You can see what happened.”

She smiled at the couple in front of her, laughing and playing together.

“It became my secret daydream. The two of us shut off from the rest of the world. I would play this over and over again in my head. It was my happy place I could go when the real world got too, real.”

Spike watched as the dream versions of themselves curled up against one of the chairs and just watched the fire, talking. Interrupting each other occasionally for kisses.

“I’m sorry.” Spike said finally.

“I believe you.”

“I never meant to reject her.” He shook his head. “Er, you. Or part of you, or…”

“I know you didn’t.” She interrupted; she turned to face him, smiling at him with love.

“I need you back.”

“You have me, it the others.”

“I can’t win against them without you.”

“I told you, you have me. I’m hope and happiness and love. You are my love.” She told him earnestly.

“I need more of you.”

She sighed and her smile dropped a little, he saw her flicker like a bad television connection. “There isn’t any more of me. This is all that’s left.”

“Bollocks!” Spike stared her down with fire in his eyes. “Try that spiel on someone who doesn’t know you. You are full of hope and love.”

She shook her head, the flickering became more pronounced. “Not anymore. This is all that’s left, in a pocket of dream, buried deep inside.”

The floor beneath him began to dissolve and he fell through into the waiting darkness.

“Buffy!” He screamed out, but the cabin and her aspect were gone.

Anguish

This time as he was tossed around the darkness his own feelings of loss and pain cut into him. His demon couldn’t even raise enough strength to battle against the mind searing anguish.

Distress

He could feel himself breaking apart.

Torment

Everything he was was being torn apart and scattered.

Bitterness

Until all that remained were the memories of pain.

Misery

Then even those memories dissolved as well.

He was nothing just an empty vessel filled with just one thing.

Despair

“Buffy!” He whimpered.

Heartache



The impact when he hit the ground sent a physical pain through him in an almost pleasurable contrast to the emotional pain. For a long time he didn’t move, just lay there. He wondered, when linear thought returned, where he was?

Who was he, for that matter?

And why did part of him hurt so much.

These questions finally forced him to open up his eyes. He saw broken concrete all around him. He tried to focus his eyes so he could see farther away.

Blonde hair.

Sightless hazel eyes.

Broken.

Spike pushed himself up quickly, the way his bones and muscles protested he wasn’t sure he could make them work.

“Buffy?” He whispered.

All of his memories flew back into him when he spoke that name. The first one that hit him was the site of her body flying down through the air right before she hit the concrete and the physical pain that came with that was almost as bad as his original landing. Like a dam that had been broken the rest of his memories followed that wave.

He forced himself up on shaky legs, knowing he had to get away from here. For several moments he thought he was going to be physically ill, but he managed to get himself under control.

He stumbled out of the construction site, when he got to the middle of the street in front of it; he pulled out a cigarette and lit it. Only then did he look behind him at the monstrous tower. He noticed that it seemed to be surround by a grayish cloud, just like the one surrounding Buffy’s house.

Almost to reassure himself, Spike breathed in deeply, enjoying the vanilla perfumed air.

A growl, that seemed to shake the air itself ran across the street. Spike cursed wondering why he didn’t sense her before. He looked over his shoulder, and sure enough, there she stood.

The Slayer.

His legs started moving before he turned his head back around so it was a shock to run into another creature. The impact had him falling on his backside.

He looked up in shock to see Buffy’s Vampire Demon in front of him.

Spike growled, a warning to a younger Family member, one she should have to obey.

But she didn’t, instead she reached down, picked him up with one hand and threw him back towards the Slayer.

He managed a very ungraceful roll before coming up into a defensive crouch. He again used that growl, but again the vampire before him didn’t respond in the slightest.

Spike looked over his shoulder and saw the Slayer was approaching behind him. The tower was on his left and these two approached from the front and the rear. He had no choice but to take off down the street, in the only direction left open to him.

He ran forward knowing he couldn’t lose them, he wouldn’t even be able to hide from them. The only thing this would accomplish would be to buy him time. Hopefully, Blue would sense he was in trouble and wake him up again.

He pulled up short when he saw the Slayer suddenly in front of him. He turned towards his right but the vampire was that way. Again he went in the only other direction left available to him without going backwards.

This happened several more times, but it didn’t take Spike that long to realize they were leading him somewhere. He slowed his pace and tried to figure out where he was, hoping for a clue where they were taking him. Unfortunately, Buffy’s dream world wasn’t that detailed or correct.

Then he saw something he knew. The entrance to the Magic Box.

Spike slowed to a walk. He pulled out another cigarette; he dropped the first one when he saw the Slayer. He lit it, then threw open the door in his usual arrogant way.

There she stood with her back to him. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she had on blue jeans and a long sleeved shirt.

“Hello Spike.”

Spike sauntered right up to her. “I suppose you’re the one in charge here.”

She turned and faced him. Her face was devoid of any makeup, but she still looked beautiful.

“You aren’t as stupid as most people think.” She commented.

Spike backed away with a knowing grin. He sat down at one of the research tables and propped his feet up.

“So which aspect are you supposed to be? Courage?”

“I’m logic and reason.” Every sentence she spoke was delivered in the same matter-of-fact tone, completely unemotional.

Spike couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing.

She raised one eyebrow at him. “You find that amusing?” She asked.

“Its not like you’ve ever been know for your thinking skills, luv.” He said, still laughing. “It’s kinda like letting a one armed blind man drive your car, innit?”

“You’re trying to provoke me. It won’t work. I don’t have that capability any longer.”

“Really?” Spike put his legs down and leaned forward. “Then where is that fire? That righteous, holier than thou, indignation? You used to be full of it.”

“Strong emotional responses that would inhibit my mission have been contained.”

“Your mission? And what might that be?”

Just then the Slayer burst through the front door and Vampire Buffy burst through the door to the training room.

The two entities came and stood next to Logic Buffy. Spike shook his head. Why couldn’t he ever fall in love with a woman who wasn’t complicated?

“I have to thank you. I never thought I could get these two to overcome their natural instincts so they could work together.” She looked at the two beings before her.

“Then you rejected her.” She absently reached out and stroked the hair of the Vampire Aspect. “Hatred is an amazing bonding agent.”

“So you’ve brought me here to thank me, have you? Have anything specific in mind?” He raised an eyebrow at her suggestively. Twin growls answered him.

“My baser urges have been contained with those bothersome emotions.” Buffy answered over the growls. “No, I’ve brought you here because I won’t have you trying to enlist any other Aspects of myself into helping you.”

“I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

Buffy looked at him impassively. “I know there’s a bubble of hope out there. Even though there’s only a remote chance you could build her up enough to make a difference, I won’t risk it.”

“Surprised you didn’t contain her.” Spike commented dryly.

“There wasn’t enough of her left to worry about. Until you got re-enlisted into the Scoobies, but even now, you usually do her more harm than good.”

“So what? You won’t let me see her again?”

“Spike, I’m not like everyone else. I KNOW you aren’t stupid and I’m not about to underestimate you. I’m going to kill you instead.”

Spike jumped up so fast he knocked the chair over. The two Aspects on either side of her leaped onto him as one.


Chapter 18: Emotional Responses are as Valuable as Intellectual Responses

The cold barrel of a gun was pressed against his forehead; several sharp pebbles were digging into his kneecaps where he knelt on the ground. The sun was facing him forcing him to keep his eyes lowered to the ground and causing sweat to pour over his forehead.

The voices that were yelling around him had faded into dull beats in the background of his mind. His entire world was focused on the cold barrel of the gun, the needles of pain in his knees and the sweat tickling his cheeks as it ran down.

Rupert Giles could taste his own death and he was terrified.

Not of the possibility of death.

Death didn’t frighten him.

It was what might come after death, which scared him.

Even after all he had seen and all he had done, the fear of oblivion held him in it grip.

He knew that his time was coming close. Was this it? Was this how he was going to die after all this time? On his knees, close to the Indian border, by some common Revolutionary?


They had stopped earlier than he had really wanted to, but it seemed that everyone was beginning to feel the stress of being cooped up together. Personally, the constant bickering between Pixie and Cat was about to drive him up the wall. It was eerily reminiscent of the arguments that used to rage between Buffy and Cordelia, only even those two took a brake from the sniping.

This was a whole different story.

So, it had been a relief for everyone when they had stopped.

Giles tried to set up the equipment to call Dawn, but hadn’t been able to get a signal. He moved a little bit away from the road, thinking maybe, the field a short way off would have better reception. He had crossed through a small line of trees and entered the open area. There was no noise; except for a few birds he saw flying overhead.

He looked back towards the vehicles and saw the others stretching and quietly talking to each other.

He was slightly exasperated when he noticed Xander and Cat had moved off by themselves away from the others. He looked towards Willow, who was supposed to be keeping an eye on that situation, but he found her meditating near the side of the road. Mioko and Raven were working on some excursuses to keep their muscles from getting sore due to inactivity. Of Pixie there was no sign.

Giles shook his head.

‘This wasn’t going to do.’ He thought to himself. ‘Willow and Xander need to be more on task. They needed to know where Shadow’s people were at all times. Willow still had not come up with a way to keep tabs on the sprite and while Xander always knows where Cat is, I doubt he still regards her with objective reasoning.’

Giles moved towards the center of the field determined to get in touch with Dawn and see how things were going on her end. Since their outing to the opium den, Dawn had done an about face.

She was no longer the lost and abandoned young woman. Now Dawn seemed to be very competent and together. She hadn’t made another complaint about having to stay in Katmandu. Also, she seemed to be handling her work with the Shadow’s computer tech remarkably well, considering how annoying the boy was. But then she also worked well with Andrew.

Giles wasn’t sure what had happened to make her grow up seemingly overnight, but he was thankful for the change, no less. It was nice to know there was one area he didn’t have to worry about.

He set the infernal computer on the ground and for a moment he was tempted to kick, just on principal. He managed to resist and instead opened it up and started the communications program. As it searched out a signal he looked around the surrounding area.

That’s when he noticed them.

Off behind him, were several jeeps with quite a few armed men. Several had binoculars out and were looking off in the direction of his team.

The computer dinged to indicate that it had managed a strong enough signal to communicate with Dawn. He looked back and saw one of the scouts from the men seemed to have noticed him. He quickly began to speak into the microphone at Dawn as the men rushed towards him, but whether or not she heard him he was unsure, static was his only response. He continued to try and let Dawn in on his position right up until the moment they shot the computer.


“I swear, if that winged harlot is still alive by the time we reach Bhutan, it will be a miracle!” Helena growled out.

Xander gave a nervous little laugh, disconcerted that the sight of her fangs didn’t frighten him so much as excite him a bit.

God, he was losing it.

“Yeah, well at least you aren’t stuck with the Willow’s constant chanting.” He tried to commiserate with her and not concentrate on her full lips as they closed back over her fangs. “The worst part of that is she doesn’t even know she does it. She’ll tell you she doesn’t need to chant to achieve a higher consciousness, but as soon as she goes under the chanting starts.”

Xander ranted on. “And its not like you can play music or talk to try and drown out the noise. Noo, because that breaks her ‘zone’. Whatever THAT means.”

Helena laughed. “Maybe the next leg we should ride together with the two Hogoshas. Leave your Watcher with the other two.”

“Sounds good to me.” Xander agreed. Then there was an awkward silence as both of them tried to keep on task and ignore the growing attraction between them.

“Hey!” Xander said a little too loudly. “You said you’d teach me that hold you used on the Army dude.” He was happy he had come up with a safe topic of conversation. “You barely had to apply pressure to keep him down.”

“Of course.” Helena agreed. They both got into a fighting stance.

“Its like this.” Moving fluidly, but slow enough so he could see it coming, Helena swept her leg against his knees. She pushed him backwards, but had an arm around his back so he didn’t just fall; instead she guided him down to the ground.

Xander to tried to watch exactly where she had placed her hands without getting distracted by the feeling of said hands. However, before he knew it he was lying on the ground and instead of being pinned in a hold he seemed to have a very clingy Cat in his arms.

“Somehow I remember this move being less personal.” He breathed, noticing just how close those full lips were to his own.

Was this how Buffy felt when she fell for first Angel, then Spike? This attraction combined with a more than slight fear. At any moment Helena could kill him. She could even open those luscious lips and rip his throat out.

A shiver ran through Xander.

True, he always fell for the women who wanted to kill him. But usually he was smart enough to break things off once he realized they might want to kill him. This time, even though he knew he was in danger, he found himself craving her presence.

He was no longer the awkward teenage boy. Through his travels he had his share of woman and it didn’t take long to discover that thanks to Anya, he was more than capable of satisfying any one of them.

However, he hadn’t loved any of them. Usually, they were just women he met when he was passing through their town or city. They were all nice, usually intelligent, and well to do, a couple had even been royalty. But he hadn’t been able to get serious with any of them. He had finally just assumed that part of his heart had died along with Anya.

Then he met Helena, and it was like an electrical jolt went through him.

Part of him resented the way Willow and Giles assumed that even after all this time he was still the naïve and goofy young man. He knew what he was doing. He wouldn’t lose sight of the big picture. He was very well aware that at any moment Helena could turn on them and he would have to face the very real possibility that he would have to kill her. Even still, to have the opportunity to be in love, if only for a moment, wasn’t that worth the pain that would come after.

Only Buffy would really know the answer to that. And it seemed that Buffy was no more.

“I may have tailored it a bit for you.” Helena’s voice purring at him interrupted his thoughts.

Making up his mind, Xander leaned farther up towards her, intent on kissing him.

“Move it Pussy Galore, we have a situation. Code Red.” Pixie’s voice made them both jump up quickly.

“Code Red!” Helena growled. “This better not be a trick.”

Just then gunshots rang out from beyond the line of trees in front of them.


“Giles!!” Xander yelled out. Helena had already started running. Xander pulled out the gun he always carried and followed after her. He saw the Hogoshas and Willow move forward out of the corner of his eye.

As they cleared the line of trees Xander was suddenly aware they weren’t going to make it. He saw a man put a gun to Giles’ forehead so he stopped and tried to line up a shot. Helena was the closest out of all of them, but even if she tried to leap right then, she wouldn’t be able to stop the gunman.

A spark of light ran past him, a burst of power from Willow, but even still Xander cringed in anticipation of the shot he knew was coming.

Then there was a blur of brown knocking Giles out of the way and the gunman to the ground. Cat threw herself at the brown blur, Xander heard the first gunman yell once and then he was silent. Then loud growling noises came out from where Helena had jumped.

The spark from Willow hit a group of gunman running towards them, instead. It knocked them to the ground and Xander could see another group of men approaching.

By this time, Willow had made it Giles’ side, but he seemed unharmed. Xander pointed his gun at another group of men running towards them, with guns pulled. He didn’t fire, however, when he noticed the second group jump start attacking the ones with guns. Suddenly, it was chaos and he didn’t know where he should fire.

A loud screech brought his attention to where Cat was still rolling on the ground with the brown creature. Fur had started flying up as well as some spots of blood.

Willow raised her hands as said something in Latin and the two flew apart. Xander immediately rushed to Cat’s side, while keeping his gun now trained on the other creature on the ground.

The creature growled and stood up.

Willow’s eyes widened. “Oz!!”


The Hogoshas had run past Giles and directly into the fighting. Raven kicked one of the gunmen in the stomach to prevent him from getting a shot off at Willow. Then she noticed the second group of men. They were all barefoot and carried no weapons, yet they seemed more than skilled to take out the gunmen. After a few seconds Raven recognized their style of fighting. It identified them as an ancient order of Monks.

Her study of the monks almost led to her death.

She suddenly noticed a man in front of her with his gun pointed straight at her. She cursed herself for getting distracted. She saw Mioko, out of the corner of her eye, racing towards the gunman, but she wasn’t going to make it.

Raven prepared herself for the blast that was about to come, when suddenly there was a flicker of light.

Standing in front of her was a beautiful woman, naked.

The gunman obviously saw her too, because his mouth dropped open and his grip on his gun relaxed, giving Mioko the time she needed to arrive and dispatch him with a carefully placed kick.

Raven watched as the woman began to glow and then it was Pixie standing before her.

“Men are so easy.” Pixie said derisively, then giggled a light, tinkling giggle. It sounded very cold to Raven.

When she turned Raven noticed her usually bright eyes seemed to glow even brighter.

“Thank you.” Raven said, somewhat shakily.

“Oh please.” Pixie said with a vicious smile. “That was fun.” She looked around. “Unfortunately, it looks like the fun’s over for now.” She pouted prettily.

Raven looked around and saw that the monks had managed to subdue all of the gunmen. The sounds of arguing brought all three female’s attention back to the center of the field.

“You cannot murder that man!” Giles yelled.

“This man would have murdered you!” Helena yelled back. The man, they were fighting over was gripped tightly in her arms; her claws were poised to rip his throat out.

“I don’t care!” Giles yelled. “Aside from the fact we will get more information from questioning him, than killing him, there is the fact WE DON’T KILL HUMANS!”

“No, but you wouldn’t hesitate to kill me, would you?” Helena growled out. “Probably on even less evidence than this one.”

“That really isn’t the point here.” Giles said.

At the same time Xander said. “That isn’t true.”

Xander looked at Giles with surprise and anger when he realized what the other man had basically admitted.

Giles met Xander’s gaze levelly. “I have more than my share of blood on my hands. I am by no means a moral bigot.” He tilted his head at Xander. “I’m also certain, at this point you do as well.” He said without censure. “However, that doesn’t mean I will kill without cause or reason whenever the mood takes me. There is no reason to kill that man and I won’t allow her to do so.”

Xander and Giles stared at each other for another moment. Xander knew perfectly well, that Giles had avoided the issue of Helena in that statement. It wasn’t the time or the place for that discussion.

Xander also knew that Giles was right, there was no reason for the man to die now.

“Let him go, Helena.” Xander said, with just a hint of warning in his voice.

Helena eyes narrowed visibly. “You think you will be able to trust him? There is a darkness within him, you should not underestimate this one.”

“These people aren’t in the business of underestimating ANYONE.” Oz said, with emphasis on anyone. He was fastening a pair of pants one of the monks handed him after he transformed back into his human form.

Helena threw the man away from her violently as Pixie walked up with the Hogoshas. Pixie looked down at the man, then up at Helena questioningly.

“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Helena said, meeting Pixie’s eyes defiantly. Then she turned and stormed off, missing the musing look on Pixie’s face before she followed after her.

Xander knelt down to and began to tie up the prisoner. “So what’s new with you, Oz?” Xander asked conversationally. “I hope you brought your own transportation. Our vehicles are getting smaller by the minute.”

He pulled the prisoner up, threw him over his shoulder and began to carry him back to the vehicles.

Willow drank in the sight of Oz, unprepared for the giddy, happiness that filled her.

“You’re really here.” She said with wonder.

“You asked me to.” Oz said with a small smile.

“Yeah, I did.” A smile broke out across her face and she opened her mouth to say something else, but Giles interrupted her before she could.

“If we are finished ogling each other, maybe we could get around to the tedious business of the Apocalypse.” He said dryly, before softening his gaze and his tone. “It is good to see you Oz. I hope don’t come to regret you’ve come.” He turned to head back towards their vehicles, but stopped when he noticed the shot computer equipment.

“I can’t believe I didn’t get to shoot that damned thing.” He muttered before moving on, leaving Willow to introduce the Hogoshas on the way back.


Meanwhile, at the vehicles Pixie and Helena were engaged in another argument, only this one was much more serious than their usual spats.

“You saw the medallion.” Pixie hissed. “And yet you were still prepared to kill him.”

“He obviously failed, I didn’t want him alive to tell who planned that attack.” Helena spat back.

“Are you sure?” Pixie insisted.

Helena didn’t answer her question. “You know what this means.”

“Better than you obviously. You tried to warn them.”

Helena turned her back on the other woman, but Pixie just blinked and appeared in front of her.

“The time is coming to choose sides, Kitty Cat. Make sure you choose wisely.”

Helena jerked her arm away. “I know where my loyalties are.” Helena growled, before storming away.

“That’s what worries me.” Pixie said to her back.



Illyria had only just decided on a course of action when she felt his turmoil. Then the first whimper came to her. Even though she had decided to do what she could to help him she was unprepared for the reality that was ‘now’.

When the feelings of fear and pain rose dramatically she realized the time for decisions had passed and it was time to act, or he would cease to exist. She grabbed the knife that one of the soldiers had left there, just in case Spike got out of control, not that she really needed it for what she had planned, and moved towards him at the end of the dark tunnel.

Even in the blackness she could make him out clearly, his eyes were wide open with fear staring sightlessly forward. The cords on his neck were standing out as he struggled with something inside himself.

Again, Illyria hesitated. She believed that what she was about to do would be for the best, but she was uncertain to what the actual outcome would be.

Yet, that seemed to be the way these humans and half-breeds handled their affairs. How many times had she watched as Willow, Angel or even Giles acted, only to have the results turn out poorly. The point seemed to be that through acting was how they showed they cared, even if it did not end well for the one the cared about.

Spike let out a ragged gasp and Illyria didn’t need her superior senses to let her know it was his last.

She grabbed the knife, willed a separation in her armor in the meaty part of her arm, and swiftly cut into her flesh. Powerful blue blood, that fueled the vessel, poured down, over her arm. She thrust the bleeding arm into Spike’s mouth and grabbed his throat with her other hand forcing his muscles to swallow.

Almost immediately she began to see results as his body began to jerk and heave, however, she held his mouth tightly against her arm and just continued to force him to drink down her essence.

The skin near his hairline began to turn a shade of blue, then turned back to the pale white again as he fought against the overpowering entity of the Old One.

This was what worried her.

She hoped he was strong enough to maintain his sense of self.

Her blood shouldn’t have been strong enough to change him; he also didn’t have a unique personality trying to take over. She was hoping it was just strong enough to give him enough strength to gain the respect of the Slayer he loved so desperately.

She hoped.

Hope.

Such a human concept.

She removed her arm and watched as he twitched and rolled on the ground in front of her. She heard yelling behind her, and looked back to see Angel racing down the tunnel towards them.

Illyria stepped back as Angel ran towards the younger vampire. He must have sensed the change through the family line.

There was nothing he could do.

It was all in Fate’s hands now.



The Vampire aspect grabbed him around the throat as the Slayer grabbed his waist. It took no time to drag him into the training room. His struggles did nothing to even loosen their grasp on him a little bit. They threw him on the floor of the training room and held him down.
He looked up to see Buffy in all her logical glory standing above him with a stake. He realized this was going to be the end of him. He drew in a deep breath preparing for the pain of the stake when suddenly everything changed.

It felt like red-hot steel was pouring racing threw his veins.

The yell of pain, combined with powerful, uncontrollable jerking of all his limbs shocked the two holding him so much they released their hold on him.

Spike felt changes to his body as the powerful substance race through his body. Alien voices and thoughts crowded into his brain along with images from a time long since past. He fought the voices as they tried to take over, completely forgetting the facets of Buffy looking down at him.

Over and over again he resisted the call that was echoing through his blood into his soul. He focused his mind on all the moments in his life that impacted him the most.

He grasped at the memory of Drusilla turning him.

The murder of his mother, even as painful as it was, he held close to him, to remember himself.

The first night with Buffy, he reached for it and grasped it, trying to keep himself together as the elements within him warred with the alien presence.

Finally, the pain began to subside, as did the internal attack on his personality. His eyes began to clear and instead of feeling like he was just in the fight of his life he felt strong, powerful.

He lifted his head, intending to stand up and test this new powerful feeling inside of himself, when he was shoved roughly back to the ground. The growl that erupted from him was more instinctual than conscious, as was the jerking of his arm that sent the Slayer flying.

He looked up at the Logical Buffy standing before him and saw the shock on her face. He pulled himself upright, shaking the Vamp Buffy’s hold easily.

He opened his mouth to say something, when he felt another strong tug at him. He looked around, but saw the Slayer was now keeping a weary distance from him and the Vampire was looking at him like she wasn’t quite sure what he was.

The pulling came again. This time accompanied by a voice.

“Spike!” Angelus. “Dammit, Spike, wake up!” No, that was Angel.

“Spike!” The training room started to blur and then before he knew it he was sitting on a cold hard floor with Angel shaking him roughly.

“Knock it off you wanker. ‘Got me one ‘ell of a headache right now.” Spike snapped, and was relieved when Angel immediately let go of him.

“Spike, what’s happened to you? What have you become?” Even though he let him go, Angel’s voice was still urgent.

Spike shook his head trying to figure that out himself. He was stronger, much stronger. And he couldn’t just hear the fear in Angel’s voice he could hear it pouring out of him, much stronger than the familial bond.

Who knew Angel cared so much about what happened to him?

He could also feel the concern of someone else. Mimoko?

And beyond that he could feel another presence. Its emotions were alien and primitive, yet very familiar. He looked up and met Illyria’s eyes and suddenly he knew.

“Your eyes!” Angel’s voice again interrupted his thoughts. This time shock radiated out from the vampire.

“What about them?” Spike demanded. “Its not like I can look in a mirror.”

“They look…” Angel began. “They are just like…” Again he didn’t finish, just looked helplessly up at Illyria.

Just then there was a clamor. Spike knew she was coming long before she made the turn into the tunnel.

“What is the meaning of this?” Buffy demanded. Shadow followed close behind her. The soldiers might have been following Simon, but his presence blocked any sort of view into the tunnel behind him.

Spike cracked his neck and made a show of standing up slowly.

“Looks like the Big Bad is finally back, sweetheart.” Spike said with a toothy grin, vamping out. “And you better watch your arse, the days of you kicking me around are over.” Even while vamped his eyes kept their icy blue appearance, there was no white in them at all just an ice blue color that matched Illyria’s eyes. The cold grin, made him look absolutely terrifying. “Unless of course its foreplay.” But his voice and the emotions in it were still Spike.

Buffy looked from him to Illyria, then back to him.

“This changes nothing.” She said before turning and walk away, the effect was slightly lost when she struggled to get around Simon.

“That’s where you’re wrong, luv. Everything’s changed.”