chapter 25, a tear and a smile – part II

He was circling her; his shoulders hunched forward, each movement in sync with her body. He mirrored her thoughts. She stepped. He stepped. She breathed. He breathed. She shuddered and he smiled. His moist blue eyes fixed on her face, never wavering or blinking.

The predator and his prey in a classic dance of death.

Why was he stalling? What was he waiting for? Maybe, he enjoyed torturing her.

Dawn then recalled the pain-in-her-head game he’d played with her in Sunnydale and decided—yes—that had to be the answer to his tricks.

The Portal Jumper was all about torture.

She stopped moving and exhaled slowly, attempting to squelch the queasiness in her stomach. No point in setting in motion whatever it was they had to begin too soon. She’d take advantage of this wolf and lamb stand-off. Use the time to think and to learn something, any little thing that might help her.

She hadn’t seen him in the daylight before. This was her chance to examine him up close in the sunshine and put a spotlight on what had frightened her so horribly in the shadows.

Dawn marveled at the ugliness of the little man. He was not much taller than her—and extraordinarily thin. His clothes hung from his bones as if he was a suit dangling from a hook at the top of a door.

This skinny tiny thing had filled her head with excruciating pain and trapped her in her home for weeks, screaming in agony, as it prepared her for its bidding.

According to Giles and Willow, he had promised to do life-ending damage to her family and friends to force her to help him. He was the reason everything had changed in her life—this small, blue-eyed man in a dirty stripped suit and mud-covered shoes.

It was hard for Dawn to believe. Her eyes locked with his as she inspected his chalky white face. That’s where she saw his power. It jumped from his eyes and leapt from his quivering lips.

Dawn prayed her legs wouldn’t give out. She couldn't let herself crumble to the ground at his feet, weak and useless, a shuddering heap of tears and fear.

A splintering pain in her head distracted her for an instant.

She weighed her options—bone-crushing anxiety or bone-crushing agony. What would make her hit the ground first? If she concentrated really hard, maybe there would be no passing out. Even if it felt like a two-ton mallet was striking her on one temple and then the other, back and forth in a steady rhythm. No matter what, she wouldn’t fall down. Dawn pressed her fingertips to her temples and bit her lower lip.

My God, the old pain from Sunnydale had come back with an extra special oomph.

“You are so precious, dear.” His voice sounded like a song. “You’re far lovelier than I ever imagined you’d be. And after dreaming of you for an eternity, that is quite the compliment.”

His teeth were floating chunks of crisp, white squares swimming between thin red lips. He was an endless night followed by an endless day, interrupted by rain and sweltering heat. He was constant yet erratic.

There was no getting away from this man. And even if there was, Dawn feared she'd never find how.

He tilted his head and closed his eyes. He seemed to enjoy being looked at by her. She could feel him touching her with his mind, wandering through her soul, carefully picking and choosing what he intended to keep from what he planned on tossing away.

“I am not your precious, anything,” she said too loudly. “What do you want from me?”

“It’s not what I want from you. It’s what you want to give me.” He glided to a standstill and the grin on his face disappeared.

Finally.

“There’s nothing I’d give you.” Dawn said. “You want to kill me, my sister and our friends. Why would I give you anything?”

“It wasn’t me in your home in Sunnydale those many months ago.”

His soft words were unhurried as Dawn felt her heart race in her chest.

“And you’ve always known that. Why didn’t you tell them? When they told you about the thought spell, why didn’t you tell them that it wasn’t the portal jumper who was after them?”

“I don’t know what you mean.” A hiccupping sound came from her mouth and she sighed. She’d swear on a stack of Bibles that there had been nothing near the closet in her Mother’s room but him.

“Isn’t it odd that the thought spell took away your memory of what you were afraid of—but you never forgot me?”

Oh, my God.

He was right. It hadn't been the Portal Jumper in her room. He hadn’t caused her headaches. It wasn’t this dwarf of a killer that had twisted her brain into knots.

“Oh, God!” she said aloud.

“Please let me explain, dear.”

A thin white hand touched her face and she reared backward. He was next to her without her seeing him move. She’d been too lost in her memories—and she suddenly realized that was what this exercise had been about. Dawn getting back that thought, the memory Willow and Giles had taken from her.

“You gave me back my thought.” Her stunned voice repeated the words in her head.

Dawn hesitated for a moment, but then placed her hand in the Portal Jumper’s and felt a chill travel through her body as he closed his fingers around her.

“Let’s go sit over there.” He nodded toward a wooden bench in front of a row of dark green bushes sprinkled with yellow and pink roses. Dawn followed him piecing together in her mind what she was beginning to understand in her heart.

She had known it wasn’t the Portal Jumper the morning her sister and the others had explained about the thought spell and leaving Sunnydale. Giles said she and Buffy would have to go away together—alone. Just the two of them and Dawn had wanted that—badly. So she’d kept what she’d known to herself.

“The black fog in the room, the pain in my head, wasn’t you,” she said, not making it sound like a question.

“That’s right, and you knew that before the thought spell took away your fear of the black fog.”

“I remember.”

“Why didn’t you tell them? When they were sitting around, explaining about the Portal Jumper and the dangers he held for your sister and your friends? Why didn’t you speak up?”

“I wanted—.”

“What did you want?” His lips nearly touched her face.

“To be alone with Buffy, just me and her, so she’d remember she loved me and wanted to be with me.”

“And why was that, darling.”

“Because I knew this had to do with Glory and even though Glory was gone, I was still the Key.” She dug her fingernails into the palm he wasn't holding. She still didn’t know if being the Key meant she was good or bad. But like Spike said, he wasn’t good and he was okay. And so was she. Besides Spike was good. He just didn’t know it all the time. Maybe that was true about her, too.

“Yes, you are exactly that and so much more.” He squeezed her hand gently but then released it as he shifted his body and placed a knee on the bench, all cozy-like.

“I don’t have the kind of power that did this to you and your friends. I kill. That’s all I’ve done since forever.” He chuckled, a harsh humorless sound. “I’m good at it and I enjoy it. But I’m bored. I mean seriously. After an eternity of blood and destruction, I need a break .” He added with a weariness that surprised Dawn. He was pure evil, but sounded as if he had to get away and take a vacation from killing. Perhaps, even a spawn from hell needed a few days off.

“Okay—I guess that makes sense.”

“Don’t be sarcastic.” He leaned forward, nearly touching her forehead with his, but she scooted away, out of reach. “If I give my gifts away, I can stop, but I’ll need the Key to get me back to my home.”

“But—.” Dawn paused, shaking her head in disbelief. “How did Giles and Willow make such a big mistake?” She looked directly into the Portal Jumper’s eyes. “Why did they think it was you?”

“It’s what Shemhazi wanted.” He reached out, grabbed her hand and massaged it slowly with his fingertips.

“Think of him as the Devil, the powerful ruler of his own hell. He used his incredible will to convince a Watcher, turned shopkeeper, into believing he could help his Slayer after years of being useless. Then he became superfluous after a young witch brought her back to life without consulting him. Do you know what that means?”

“Giles wouldn’t hurt us,” said Dawn.

"Do you know what that means?" He raised his voice. "Unnecessary."

"He wouldn't hurt us!" Dawn shouted.

“No, not consciously. But he got mad after the arrogant little Witch succeeded at playing God. As the Watcher might say, she was too bloody good at it.” He slapped his knee, apparently pleased with his effort at English cursing. “She brought your sister back to life, and presto, Shemhazi’s back in the game.”

“So, Giles and Willow got tricked by this Lucifer guy?”

“No, not Lucifer, completely different fallen angel,” The Portal Jumper said politely. “But yeah, they were duped. Royally.”

“But what does Shemhazi have to do with you and me , and your thinking I’m gonna get you home?”

“He’s my father.” His eyebrows arched in apology. “Classic tale. Raped my mother and she gave birth to an evil soulless creature.” He laughed.

Dawn wrinkled her nose and snatched her hand from his grasp.

She wasn’t as afraid of him for some reason. Not now that she knew he wasn’t the Devil, just his murdering son. Maybe it was something about being close to him that made him less threatening. The way he talked to her, too, as if he was chatting with an old friend as they sat in the park on a Saturday afternoon.

“This is very tragic and all, but I don’t care about how you became a monster. I want you to go away and leave me—leave all of us. Alone!”

“Listen child,” he said. “I’m just one of the players in Shemhazi’s game. You and your sister and your band of demon fighters destroyed Shemhazi’s favorite hell God. Glorificus cared about Shemhazi, treated him with care and love, and then Giles murdered her.”

“What do you mean? Giles didn’t murder Glory. She was destroyed after the tower fell.” Dawn crossed her legs and tucked a strain of hair behind her ear . After seeing Buffy's body stretched over on a pile of twisted steel and rocks, torn and broken, she hadn’t thought about Glory. All her mind kept repeating was my sister is dead, my sister is dead. Not until she saw Buffy again that night at the end of summer back at the crumbling tower had she been able to think about anything else.

“I won’t argue with you about the particulars.” The Portal Jumper crossed his legs, the same direction as hers and pressed his back against the bench. “The deal is Glory is gone. And Shemhazi’s pissed and he wants to play.”

“I don’t care about games!” she shouted. “I want to know why you think I’d do anything for you.

“Only the Key can help me get home once I’ve given away my gifts.”

“Why would I do that? Get you home.”

“To save your sister’s life.”


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“Where’s Buffy?” Fear made Dawn's legs twitch uncontrollably and she placed both feet firmly on the ground as she sat on the bench next to the Portal Jumper. She’d been so lost in their conversation that she hadn’t thought about her sister in terms of where she was at that moment.

The Portal Jumper waved his hand and a fifteen-inch wide; fifteen-inch long black hole appeared in front of them, blocking their view of the green grass, rose bushes and a patch of sunshine. Dawn judged it was the same size as the monitor of her laptop.

He then snapped his fingers and the screen turned on like a television set.

Buffy was lying in the filthy alley behind Mom’s Restaurant clutching at her throat as if she was choking. Her body was covered with blood. Her clothing was soaked with the red stuff and a large bruise covered one side of her face, which was puffy and black with splotches of red. Dawn gasped and looked from the picture show to the Portal Jumper as she felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.

Then Buffy dropped her hands to her chest as her eyes fluttered shut.

“What have you done to her?” Dawn barely got the words out.

“Shush and watch.”

The scene panned away from Buffy.

Willow and the Angel were facing each other, locked in some kind of mental battle, Dawn imagined, as they stood squared off in the middle of the alley. The two of them were surrounded by a black fog—the same that Dawn had seen that fateful day in her mother’s bedroom, slithering malevolently near the closet door.

“She’s in bad shape and neither the witch nor Shemhazi care about her plight,” said the Portal Jumper. “Those two kids are much more interested in playing their head games than taking care of a dying Slayer.”

“Dying!” exclaimed Dawn. “Oh, God. Please help her. Please,” she begged.

“Patience. Patience—just keep watching, young lady. You may learn something.”

The screen shifted and standing near Buffy, slightly behind a large steel dumpster, was Spike. He didn’t look that much better than Buffy, thought Dawn, except he was on his feet and his eyes were wide open. He wasn’t looking at Buffy, though. He seemed mesmerized by Willow and Shemhazi. But as Dawn watched, he did sneak a peek at Buffy, and she saw the fear in his eyes. He then turned away as if he had no other choice but to watch Willow and Shemhazi do whatever it was they were doing.

“What’s wrong with Spike?” she asked. “Why isn’t he helping Buffy?”

“He can’t break free of Willow’s hold on him,” said the Portal Jumper. “He has too much of me in him.”

“What?”

“I gave the Blond some of my gifts. The other Aurelian was greedy. I don’t like greed, so I only gave him a little,” said the Portal Jumper. “But the Blond hadn’t even considered the possibility of debt and reward. He cares about you and your sister. Nothing else.”

“Then give him more of your gifts so he can help Buffy,” demanded Dawn.

“Okay.” He smiled, stood up and rubbed his hands together. “But why would I do that.”

Dawn was thinking about the long summer without her sister and how much she’d missed her. Then she thought about her mom. Those memories were too hard, so she pushed them aside.

The summer after Buffy died she had stayed awake all night, nearly every night, trying to sleep, but she couldn’t. Instead, she listened to Spike as he cried softly while sitting in the living room on the sofa waiting for her to fall asleep. He never knew she could hear him, especially not from the bedroom. But she could and she listened to the vampire sitting in her living room, wrapped in her sister's blanket, crying, and after a while, she'd fall asleep.

It was probably the Key thing that made it possible for her to hear him, but she never mentioned it. Didn’t want him to feel any worse than he already did. She couldn’t lose Buffy again and she was certain Spike wouldn’t want to live if Buffy died again. And Dawn couldn’t lose them both.

She raised her head and looked squarely into the Portal Jumper’s eyes. “I will help you get home.” Her voice didn’t crack, which was good. He had to know her words were an oath. She’d get him no matter what as long as Buffy was safe.

“See. I told you, you’d make me an offer.” He stood up and tilted his head as he placed his hands on his hips and swayed back and forth, gleefully. “Yes, good. Perfect.”

“Take my hand.” He reached out to her. “We’ll go to the alley and I’ll give your Spike the rest of my gifts and off we go.”

“No.” she stopped. “Do it from here. I want to see Spike in your little TV trick take Buffy away from that alley, and I want to see it now, or you’ll never get home. Not if you expect me to take you there.”

“I can’t—.”

“You’d better.” Dawn said defiantly.

“Okay, then. I guess I’ll have to.”

The screen came to life again and Dawn saw Spike turn away from Willow and Shemhazi and drop to his knees and crawl to Buffy. He pulled her into his arms, and then he raised his eyes to the sky, and mumbled words she couldn’t hear. The Portal Jumper’s toy didn’t come with audio. Next thing she knew Spike and Buffy had disappeared.

“Where’d they go?” She turned to the Portal Jumper.

“He took her some place safe, a place where she’ll be able to heal.”

“How can I trust you?”

“How can you not?” He smirked. “But I’m telling the truth.”

Dawn stood up and took the Portal Jumper’s hand. “What’s your name?”

“Luke.”

“Where is your home?”

She saw tears in his eyes and watched the knot in his throat bob up and down. He was moved, she guessed.

“My Muse, we’ve got to pick up my Muse. She has my memory of home. She’ll give it to you, and you’ll take me home.”

Dawn squeezed his hand as she took another look at the black screen. Spike had whisked Buffy away and he’d make certain she’d be okay. All summer he’d made it clear to her that he loved Buffy—really loved her. Buffy wouldn’t have to jump off a tower to save Dawn this time.

She raised her eyes and noticed the sky turning dark. An entire day had come and gone and now it was evening. She’d not made it back to Revello Drive, but she had taken care of business. Being the Key had finally paid off.

“Dawn! Dawn!” She turned.

A tall man was rushing toward them from across the grass. He waved his hands frantically as he rumbled toward them. “Dawn! Stop!”

The portal was growing larger, sucking in bits of debris and grass and snatching flowers from the bushes behind the wooden bench. She stared at the man coming toward them. He looked like Giles.

Dawn narrowed her eyes, straining to make out the face. This time she knew it wasn't the Portal Jumper. He was standing next to her.

It was Giles and he was less than fifty feet away.

The portal churned and she held onto to Luke’s hand.

“Now,” Luke said. “Now,” she turned and called out quickly. “Giles, find Carlo. Find him, and keep him safe.”

The portal closed around her and the portal jumper as she saw the look in Giles’ eyes.

Crazy, but she couldn’t help thinking he looked relieved.

to be continued...


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