IN THE INTERREGNUM-

Joni tried to apologize for what she’d done. All she wanted to do was see them again. She wanted her parents to love her the way her Uncle couldn’t, or wouldn’t. And now because of her mistake she would have to cause her mother and Daddy more pain. Hadn’t they been through enough?

She couldn’t look her mother in the eye, “I’m sorry, Mommy. I know it hurts to go through this all again, because of me.”

Buffy looked at Joni’s soft eyes and her open face and knew that Joni felt her pain, “Oh, I know Sweetie. But you remember how Slayer dreams work, don’t you? They can be brutal. They can feel so real, and that’s what she needs right now. She needs to know what’s coming. She needs to know how Angel is involved in this now. And, as much as I hate to admit it, subtlety never worked on me, or Angel, for that matter,” Buffy shook her head in thought, “No,” she sighed, “It needs to be this way. She needs to know what you and your Dad went through. This is the only way to do it.”

“But Mom, you went through it too.”

“Not like you did. Once I let go, it was over for me. But you, and your Dad had to go on. She has to know what it was like for you. It’s the only way to prepare her to fight this thing.”

Joni kissed her mother lightly on the cheek, “Okay Mom. If that’s what you think will help. I’m off to play sandman again,” Joni winced visibly, “How is Daddy doing with Uncle Angel?”

Buffy sighed, “Well you know the two of them. There could be a whole lot of yelling and some cowering and glaring, but your Dad will get through to him. He always has before.”
***********************

Angel blinked. He hadn’t gone away. How was this even possible?

A look of pain crossed Spike’s face and he took on a petulant look, “No Angel,” he shook his head, “you’re not going to get rid of me that easily,” he leaned in closer and reveled in how heady it was to be doing this again. It had been so long, but as he told someone once, it’s not like you forget how. Spike could almost taste the fear as it tumbled off of him.

He smirked, “Oh come on, Angel. It’s not like I haven’t been a ghost before. Don’t look so terror-stricken,” an eyebrow went up and Spike’s head tilted in thought. His eyes gleamed with glee as he said, “On second thought, keep it up. That look on your face is one of the few pleasures I have now. So, keep at it.”

Angel swallowed the lump in his throat, “What do you want?” he whispered.

“To congratulate Buffy on her right hook,” Spike shook his head and chuckled, “Black and blue really is a good look for you,” his face pulled into a grimace, “But all kidding aside, I’m here to make sure you tell Buffy what you know.”

“I don’t know anything.”

Blue eyes glinted back at him, sharp as knives, “We both know that’s a lie. You know what you know, and so do I. You saw it, Angel. You know what I went through. You know what Buffy went through. And, you can stop it! Be the hero you always claimed to be…and tell her.”

“No, I can’t. It wasn’t real!”

Spike’s eyes narrowed, “Of course it was real,” he bit out, “I remember every moment of it. I remember watching them all die, one by one. And so do you. I remember how brave she was. She tried to brush it off. Tried to…” he hated seeming weak in front of Angel, but he had to understand what he’d done, before it really was too late. Spike wrapped his arms around himself. Even in this ethereal state, he felt himself starting to quake uncontrollably at the memories Angel denied. The last thing Spike needed right now was to have Angel see just how much his Grandsire could still affect him, “She tried to be brave…for me. She knew what it would do to me when she…died. She knew what it would do to Jonina.”

Angel watched as the doppelganger of William Dustin, his victim, his ally and, of late, his tormenter, glided toward the window. Angel knew something ominous was happening here. The specter looked too much like what he’d seen in the Hell dimension. But he wasn’t in that Hell anymore. He was here. So why did the sight of this ghost freeze his heart? Could it all have been real, somehow? Did it all happen?

The specter’s hand seemed to touch the windowpane, as if to absorb the early morning light that still hung in the sky. He turned his head again, looking back at him with eyes that seemed older than he ever was, “Do you know that you were right?” blue eyes shimmered with rage, “And, don’t you dare be smug!” Spike tried to control the tremor in his voice. A tremor of loss, and rage, “My little girl was the key. But, she was the key to saving the Slayers. Saving her. But like everything else, you jumped in, without the full picture, and you mucked it up! You made a bad situation, a situation that wasn’t even due to hit for seven more years mind you, even worse! Buffy and I had it contained. Even after Joni…we had it contained. We did. But, you had to go and play ‘hero. You had to ‘save’ me from the pain of losing her. But guess what Angelus, you can’t save anyone from life. Pain is a part of that. So, whether she’s forty or four hundred when it happens, it’s still going to hurt! There’s nothing you can do to stop it. In trying to control everything in your world,” a sadness came over him as he relived all the death and destruction, “you blew it to bits, Angel.”

Angel listened. And, he knew, deep down that what he was saying was true. Still, he didn’t want to believe it, “No,” he had to deny it; it couldn’t be true, “You’re lying! I didn’t…”

Spike whirled on him, and despite himself Angel’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the wrath that those eyes rained down on him. Before Angel knew what was happening, blue fire swamped his vision and Spike’s voice boomed in the small space, “Oh, but you did. Don’t tell me you don’t remember! I know you do.”

Angel tried to stand his ground. It had all been a dream, a side effect of being human. Humans had nightmares all the time. That was all this doppelganger was, right?

Angel didn’t want to think of his time in Hell. It was just too painful. But there was something in Spike’s eyes that transported him there and made him relive the pain he’d caused them. The pain he couldn’t stop.
******************************************
NOVEMBER 11, 2027-

The house was dark, as it always was now. He remembered when she was smaller how hard he’d tried to bring light into the house. Spike had spent thousands of dollars to refit the house with necro-tempered glass just so that she could be a normal young lady. So she wouldn’t have to worry about her father. So she would be able to live in the light.

Together, they’d raised her to be a happy, healthy, and well-adjusted child. This house had been a house of laughter and joy.

On the rare occasions that he would pull himself out of his self-imposed exile long enough to speak to his niece, Angel grew to hate the beatific look of love her eyes held as she told him about her life. Her eyes would shine, as if she lived in a fairy tale. She would tell him about love and laughing, and dancing. She would tell him, in a breathless voice, how safe she felt when she heard her father sing her to sleep at night and how warm she felt in her parents’ arms.

She was happy. And, he hated her for it. What’s more, he hated Spike for falling so effortlessly into the role of father. A role he felt so inadequate in. A role he’d abdicated in favor of a lonely, solitary existence.

Then two years ago, the Shanshu was fulfilled. William was the one who came out on top.

Ever since then, Spike had nearly begged Angel to be there for her, to take care of her. It was as if he knew his time was short.

Angel didn’t want the responsibility. He didn’t know if he could do it.

But all that was useless now. Walking into this house, Angel could feel the grip of death here.

His gaze roamed around the house. Everything seemed heavy. The house that was usually lively was slowing down, becoming colder, just as he was.

He still had a vampire’s hearing, but Angel didn’t need it now. The sorrow in this house was so loud that it was unavoidable.

Angel wandered into the dining room and saw Willow, Georgina, Dawn and Xander huddled close to one another around the table. They all sensed his presence and looked up at him.

Willow quietly left her place at the table and walked up to him. The look on her face told him all he needed to know, even without the soft sobbing coming from the sickroom.

Angel kept his eyes down. He didn’t want to see the pain he’d caused them, “How is he, Willow?”

Willow’s voice was icy, “He’s dying Angel. You remember what it was like for Buffy. How do you think he’s doing?”

Angel suddenly felt humbled, “I know. I wish there was something I could do for him, and for her.”

“Really?” Willow seemed genuinely surprised, “Because I remember how desperate he was, we all were, when the Slayers first started getting ill. He would have done anything,” her voice was rising unnaturally, “anything to keep from leaving Joni without a mother! I know because he even came to me and begged me to rescind the spell. Believe me, I wanted to, but once something that pernicious is released on the fabric of the universe, you can’t take it back. I’m betting Wolfram and Hart knew that. And, I’m sure they knew how desperate we were, back in Sunnydale. That’s why they made that deal with you. They knew if they gave you a little power, you wouldn’t ask questions. They were right. You didn’t, and we were foolish not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I know Spike would have made a deal with Satin himself if he knew it would save his family pain,” her eyes hardened, accusing him, “I’m sure he even came to you for help.”

“He did,” Angel stated grimly, “But I couldn’t subject Connor to that. I love him too much.”

“Angel, if we all defined love the way you do, we’d all be dead.”

He was shamed by her words, “I know, Willow. Can I see him?”

Willow’s voice was hollow and without feeling, “You can try, Angel. But, I don’t know if he’s aware anymore, or even if she’ll let you in the room.”

“I still have to try,” he said.
**********************************

Angel remembered, and he remembered well. His body had been weak and frail. But his will, oh God, his will was so strong. He was still trying to set things right. Still trying to correct a mistake that wasn’t his.

The rest of his body had begun to still. As if it were trying to prepare itself for his final death. But William’s eyes still flashed, defiant as ever. It seemed to Angel, at the time, as if something remained of the vampire he had been. If it were at all possible, and even if it wasn’t possible, Spike wasn’t going to go down, for the final time, without one Hell of a brawl.

Suddenly Angel found himself flung back into the present, with ghostly azure eyes boring into him, “It was all true, wasn’t it?” he was clearly shaken by what he’d seen.

The fire that accused him was ebbed by sorrow, “Yes it was all true. Joni saved me. But, I couldn’t save her. I had everything you have now,” Spike’s voice drifted, lost in time, “but I gave it all up to spare her. You see,” mournful blue eyes glistened at him, “she couldn’t take one more drop of loss. She was broken. She was just doing what she could to be whole again. I don’t blame her for that. To make her whole again, I’d split myself into a thousand pieces and scatter them on the wind, if it would help. And, I did that. I took back her mistake. But now, because of you, everything I’ve done is for naught.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You let Wolfram and Hart pour their poison in your ear. You let them take Joni. You hold the key to my, and Joni’s, prison. You know what to do. All you have to do is tell Buffy. Tell Buffy, and this all goes away, and I leave you to sleep in peace. Take the offer, Angel, it’s more than you’ve ever given me.”
******************************************************

The Slayer dreams had shaken her to the core. They were bad before he left, but now they were so much worse.

Spike must have known he would need some kind of connection to her, because before he left and before Joni had been kidnapped, on their night of celebration, he’d asked her to drink from him:

Buffy stared at the blood as it oozed slowly out of the vein in his wrist. She was mildly alarmed, “Spike, are you all right? This isn’t like you. Are you sure you’re not drunk?” she looked back up at his glistening eyes, and knew he was not drunk. He was deadly serious.

“No Love, I’m not drunk. And don’t ask me how I know because I don’t…know. I need you to do this for me. Please, Love?”

She nodded, gently pressing her lips to his wrist. This made her feel so close to him, “I love you, Spike,” she murmured as she fell to sleep again.

She vaguely remembered hearing him whisper to her, “I love you too, Buffy. Don’t want to lose you. Not when I just found you.”

Now the Slayer dreams were back, and they all pointed to Angel. So, now she was back where she didn’t want to be, in the hospital, visiting Angel. No, she wasn’t visiting. She was here to demand answers, answers she knew he alone could supply.
*****************************

Spike had only intended to shake him up a little, make him confess what he knew and so that he could be free to help Joni. But, this was almost delicious.

Here he was, the “Champion of the People,” prostrate on the floor at his feet. Begging him, “…Please Spike! That’s just it. I know I should tell her. I know that Connor’s DNA could help. But, I’m not as strong as you. I can’t give this up. If I tell Buffy what I know, they’ll take this all away from me. This way I can be in Connor’s life,” Angel looked down at his swollen and bruised flesh and he suddenly knew the price he’d paid for it, “I know you hate me. But if I tell Buffy what I know, they’ll take this all away from me. I’ll be a vampire again,” Angel was sobbing; his speech was almost unintelligible, “I can’t do it again, Spike. I’m so sorry, but I can’t. If that means that you’ll haunt me for the rest of forever, then I’ll take that,” he shook violently, never taking his gaze off of Spike’s ethereal feet, “I can’t go back to that, Spike. I can’t go back to the shadows.”

Spike’s tone was bitter, “But you would send me there, back to the shadows? So I see they’ve found your price and I’ve been sold out for thirty pieces of silver.”

“But you’ll survive, Spike. I know you will. You always have. You’re better than me. I know that now.”

As Buffy walked down the hall toward the room, she could hear Angel sobbing, talking feverishly to Spike.

Buffy quickened her pace. Had Spike come back to her? Not wanting to startle Angel into silence she stayed in the doorway, watching the pathetic display.

She could see Angel, lying face down on the floor of his hospital room, sobbing uncontrollably and taking to thin air. Talking to Spike as if he were in the room with him. But it wasn’t the sight that made Buffy break her silence; it was the things he was saying.


Spike became aware that Buffy was near and took his eyes off of the disgusting scene of the fallen champion at his feet. His eyes were drawn to the doorway, “Hello, Love.”

“What does your son have to do with the Slayer illness, Angel?”

Angel gulped air and looked blindly toward the door. How much had she heard, “What?”

She stepped into the room and scooped Angel up off the floor, “You heard me. What does your son have to do with the illness? And, what do you know about where my husband and child are?”
********************************************************

Speed limits had no meaning as Buffy raced back to the old nightclub, “Giles, you heard me,” she snapped at the air as she sped down the highway, “Check into demon DNA. It might be the cure for this thing. Stephen Riley’s flying over there right now. He’s agreed to be you guinea pig. He should be there by morning.”

Cars were a blur in her windows as she raced to save him, “I’ll find you Spike,” she promised, “I swear, I’ll find you, and Joni. Just hang on.”
*****************************************

Homer knelt next to the still form in the darkened crypt, “I got that skeleton key for you,” he whispered, his voice seemed loud in the silent crypt, “All we need now is…”

“Buffy,” Spike moaned.

“Yes, Buffy,” Homer agreed, “She’s on her way. I promise.”