A/N: Some things taken from the episode "Surprise" written by Marti Noxon, I do not own it. The chapter title happens to be the same as a great song by Ursula Rucker/The Roots, I don't own that one either. As always, huge thanks to my beta Luxferi!


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Buffy woke up the morning after on Angel’s bedroom floor. Or more correctly: the feeling of being pushed off the bed and landing on the bedroom floor - that was what had woken her up. She sat up, only to discover that she was completely naked. She felt sore and was freezing, the fact that she was sitting on the cold stone floor didn’t make things better. She reached for the covers, dragging them down to the floor and pulling them close to her chest to cover herself. On the bed beside her, Angel was sitting, putting a pair of black shiny pants on.

”Angel?”

”What pumpkin?”

”Did you…?” *throw me out of the bed?* she finished in her mind. No, that was crazy. She must have rolled off. She noticed him getting dressed. ”Are you going?”

”Well, you didn’t expect me to stick around did you?” He didn’t look at her, only continued to put on his clothes.

”I…well it’s your place.” Buffy didn’t know what to reply. What was going on? She was sure that this shouldn’t be the way her first time should have gone. She had rushed it, he had tried to slow her down but she hadn’t listened, and now…he wasn’t supposed to run off.

”Don’t tell me you expected me to stay and snuggle?” He laughed, before continuing, shaking his head. ”You’re unbeliveable, Buffy.”

This wasn’t happening. This wasn’t happening. What was going on? Why was he acting like this? Hadn’t she been good enough? Her next question came out in a whisper:

”Did... did I do something wrong?”

”Wrong?” He laughed at her again. ”You didn’t do anything at all! I knew you were new at this, but seriously, you have a lot to learn about men, kiddo.”

Buffy was staring at him with a blank expression on her face. This was not Angel. It couldn’t be. How could he treat her like this?

”Maybe I should get me some minions and let you practice, I hear you’re really into vampires.” He turned his back on her and started to put on his shoes.

Buffy got up, still clutching the covers to her chest. ”Stop it.”

”What is it about them that gets you off, Buffy? Is it the danger? You want some ’bad’ in your boy?”

”Stop it!”

”Stop what?”

”You’re scaring me, Angel.”

”Nothing to be scared of princess, it’s just me.”

”You said you loved me.”

”Oh come on! You didn’t really believe that, did you?”

She had. She had believed him, and he knew it. She could feel the tears building behind her eyes. She tried her best not to let them fall but it was useless. Angel saw the look on her face and exclaimed:

”Hell, I must be getting better at this over the years!”

”I... I don’t understand.”

”It was fun! Or at least I thought it could be. Let’s not make a big deal out of it.”

”It is a big deal!”

”I should have known this was going to happen.” He sighed. ”Look, I’ve played your little lap dog long enough, I got what I wanted, not that it was much to have.”

”Why are you doing this?! How can you say this to me?”

She didn’t want to sound so desperate, but she did. One time a couple of years ago, she had promised herself not to beg. Never to be that pathetic girl who humiliates herself by begging the guy to come back. She would walk out with pride, not letting him get to her. That was how she’d pictured it. But now, she didn’t care about the fact that she was crying, that her voice was cracking and that she was desperate. She just wanted answers.

”Lighten up, will ya? I guess Spike was right about you, you can’t take ’no’ for an answer, he didn’t say how pathetic you were though.”

”Shut up!” Buffy shouted. She was sobbing now and searched desperately around the room for her clothes.

”You crying now Buffy? Please, you were the one who jumped me last night. So eager! Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now? This is what you came here for! We both got what we wanted.”

Buffy put on the clothes she’d been able to find as fast as she could. Bra. Jeans. Blouse. She left her socks and took her shoes in one hand. She didn’t care that she’d put her blouse on inside out and that she couldn’t find her panties. She just wanted out. Now. She was sobbing loudly as she ran past Angel and out of the apartment. Angel was standing there laughing, watching her retrieving form.

* * *

It was still early in the morning, just after dawn, when Buffy was running down the streets of Sunnydale towards her home. She was still crying and shaking as she tried to climb up the tree and get into her room through her bedroom window. She was still grounded and if her mother found out she’d been out all night, she wasn’t going to get off easy. Luckily, Joyce Summers had no idea her daughter had sneaked out the night before, and was sleeping peacefully in her bedroom.

Buffy fell through the window and landed on her butt on her bedroom floor with a loud thud. She listened carefully. Her mother didn’t seem to have noticed. Relieved, Buffy climbed into her bed, hid under the covers and curled up into a fetal position. Two hours later, the crying had given her a headache and the alarm clock rang. It was time for school.

* * *

The gang was gathered in the library that afternoon, Buffy, along with Willow and Xander, but their presence in the library was ignored by everyone, except maybe for Giles. No other students were to be seen at the moment, and half of the collection of books on the shelves were about demons, magic or vampires. Not a typical collection of a school library.

Buffy hadn’t told her friends about what had happened earlier that day. Willow would be the person she would confide in, but Buffy felt too ashamed to tell her anything at all. She had gone through the day, trying to forget about what had happened, cut off from the rest of the world. When her friends had asked her what was up, she had plastered a fake smile on her lips and told them that everything was fine. She was far from fine.

Since Buffy was still grounded she had to stay in school after her classes had ended, and her Watcher thought of course that this was a perfect opportunity for some slayer training, much to Buffy’s chagrin. At the moment, he was going through common ingredients for spells and potions, something that Buffy found extremely boring. Willow, though, was listening to him attentively while taking notes in a small book. On the table in front of them were different kinds of herbs and roots, talismans, some dark liquid in a small bottle and bowls with white powder that made Xander joke about Giles being a drug addict.

”This?” Giles asked Buffy, holding up a sprig of some herb.

”Er..sage?”

”Yes. Used for?

”I don’t know Giles, why don’t you tell me.”

”What about this one?”

”Eh…”

”I know, I know!” Willow piped up excitedly from behind them.

”Motherwort,” Giles stated.

”Right, Motherwort, wort of mothers. Got it.”

”Used in?”

”Spells to make your mother disappear?” Buffy tried meekly.

”Truth spells.”

”Right.”

Just as Giles was about to pick up a piece of mornox root, the library doors swung open and Spike stormed in. He was fuming, and not just literally.

”What did you do?!” He was staring at Buffy.

Xander stood up and quickly stepped backwards, pressing his back against the bookshelf. He was clearly scared but pretended not to be. If there was something he didn’t like it was vampires, and this one was no exception.

Willow picked up the cross she had in her bag, the one she had to hide from her parents, since they didn’t appreciate the christian symbol. She felt bad about that, but the cross was useful in situations like these, and she held it in front of her. Giles had also found a cross that he held up at arms length with a stern look on his face.

”Excuse me, but what are you doing here?” Buffy asked. She didn’t seem to worry about the fact that there was a vampire in her school, her tone was about the same as when talking to an annoying sibling.

”What did you do, you selfish brat?!”

”What?!”

”Care to tell me the reason why your lap dog came by today and figured out he’s a killer?”

”Are you talking about Angel? Have you talked to him again? I’m gonna kill you!” Buffy searched through her purse trying to find the stake she always carried with her. He wasn’t going to get away this time.

”No, I’m not talking about the poof, I’m talking about Angelus.”

”Wait,” Giles said, taking off his glasses and fiercely rubbed them with the hem of his shirt. ”Are you saying that Angel has returned to his former self?” Giles seemed to be the only one that had noticed Spike’s use of both ’killer’ and ’Angelus’ about the souled vampire.

”Bloody hell I am! I don’t know what you did, but you’re going to change it back.” Spike pointed at Buffy.

”Oh dear lord.” Giles was beyond worried. He started to rummage through his books but it wasn’t easy with a cross in one hand and glasses in the other. He decided to put his glasses back on.

”Wait. What does that mean exactly?” Xander asked.

”It means he’s started killing again?” Willow asked the watcher.

Xander took a deep breath. ”Okay let me say this once and get it over with:” he turned to Buffy ”I told you so.”

”He’s…evil.” Buffy looked at Spike.

”Buffy, listen to me-” Giles tried to explain.

”You should be happy then. Right?” she asked Spike.

”Happy? I’d rather have him brooding and playing the slayer’s lap dog than having him around Drusilla.”

She stared at him with a blank expression on her face. Drusilla? Dru. His girlfriend. She hadn’t even considered the option of Spike not being alone. Wait. She’s in Sunnydale?

”Get the mojo working, change him back.”

”You’re asking us to curse him again?” Giles looked up, surprised at the vampire.

”Yes! You people are slow!”

”I... I’m afraid it’s not that simple. The curse the romanis used have been lost for generations – are you sure that he is-”

”It’s him,” Buffy answered.

”You met him? When was this? Why didn’t you -”

”I didn’t know it was him at the time.”

”But you do now? Gee, good job Buffy.” Xander looked around at the others ”Is anyone thinking what I’m thinking? Don’t answer that. Angel is an evil vampire. Buffy’s the slayer. The job description isn’t exactly fuzzy.”

”Well…I... I still don’t understand how this could have happened, the magic he was cursed with was strong, there must have been some kind of a triggering event-”

Good old Giles. Always trying to find an explaination to everything. This time Buffy didn’t want him to ask. She would rather not tell him this time.

”Maybe the soul came with an expiry date, like ’best before 1997.’ Either way you know what you have to do Buff,” Xander said simply.

”Isn’t there some way we could soul him again? I mean-” Willow said. She had been quiet, clutching the wooden cross before her, when she felt she had to say something. She knew how much Buffy cared about Angel.

”No you didn’t.” Spike was ignoring the conversation between the watcher and the teenagers and didn’t take his eyes off Buffy.

”What?” Willow answered

”Tell me you didn’t do it, slayer,” Spike said. She had done it. Somehow he could see it. He didn’t have to be a seer like his sire to tell. There is a lot you can find out about a person by just studying them while they aren’t looking. Small things, like what they do with their hands and where they are looking. Spike knew what to look for when someone was hiding something. This time it was easy. ”Bloody brilliant!” he exclaimed sarcastically.

”What bleach boy?” Xander asked irritated. Why wasn’t Buffy fighting this guy?

”You shagged him, didn’t you?!”

”What?!” Xander exclaimed loudly. Buffy quickly looked down at her feet to hide the blush that was covering her cheeks. How did he know? She was starting to panic.

”Bloody priceless is what it is! The slayer shags her precious brooding boy toy and he turns into a sadistic bastard! Now that’s entertainment!”

”Shut up!”

”What you gonna do now slayer? Kill him?”

”Kill..?” She looked up at him with the most innocent look on her face. Like the thought of killing Angel hadn’t even crossed her mind. She panicked. ”I, I…I can’t do this.” Buffy grabbed her purse and started to run out of the library. She couldn’t get far before Spike got hold of her arm.

”Where are you going? He’ll find you, pet. He’ll kill every last one of you.”

”Stop it! He’s not…”

”Yes he is. ”

”I…”

”Going home to mummy? Well he’s got an all access to your house, doesn’t he, slayer?”

”I didn’t know…”

”He’ll start with your friends. Kill everyone you care about. Torture them, making you watch, follow you around until you’re driven insane. That’s when he’ll kill you, luv. Slowly and painfully.”

Willow and Xander watched him with horror. She gulped loudly and the boy looked around, as if expecting to see the older vampire lurking in the shadows behind a bookshelf. Buffy was crying.

”I didn’t mean to…I didn’t know!”

”You never know do you?! Stupid bint!”

”He was so mean!” She was sobbing even harder now, wanted most of all to run and hide somewhere. Escape to denial-land, run to mommy - anywhere, but Spike wasn’t letting her, the grip on her arm was still firm. She could see her friends at the corner of her eye. How scared they were. She had betrayed them. She was the one who should have kept them safe. Now everyone was in danger, because of one stupid decision. Because she couldn’t keep her hands to herself. Because she wanted to prove a point. But all she had proven was the fact that she was the slut, hadn’t she? That Angel was right from the start. And she got a vampire lunatic in the bargain.

Before she really noticed what she did, she leant into Spike, resting her forehead against his shoulder, hiding her tears from the others. She didn’t want them to see her this way, this weak.

It was easy falling back into old habits. Spike couldn’t help it. He was irritated beyond words, but the small girl had an effect on him he didn’t want to think any harder about. He slowly let go of her arm and patted her head awkwardly. Her soft hair was like silk underneath his fingers, he had never felt anything so soft, and it calmed him down.

”Stop crying, will you?” His tone was harsher than he intended it to be, and he softened it before adding, ”You know how I can’t stand it when you cry.”

”He was so mean…”

Spike stayed silent. He wasn’t sure how to act. Should he comfort her? He wasn’t sure about what to tell a crying young girl. It was a long time since anyone had whispered sweet nothings in his ear, and he had forgotten how to say them as well.

”He told me he loved me.”

”That’s mean?”

”No, not that, he said it before. Didn’t he mean it?”

”Sounds like a typical thing the poof would say. I’m sure he meant it.”

Buffy leaned in closer to him, resting her cheek against his chest, facing away from her friends. Since he was a vampire she couln’t hear a heartbeat, but she was used to it and found it oddly comforting. What was more odd was the relief she felt when being so close to him. Just like that time two years ago, when she was broken by her father leaving, he could comfort her by doing nothing at all. This time it was another man that had let her down, and another whose love she desperately seeked, but Spike was still the one that she could lean on.

Soon the room fell silent. Not even Xander dared to speak. The teenagers and Rupert Giles were staring at the couple in front of them, not believing their eyes. Sure, the vampire had obviously did not come there to kill them, but they did not expect to see him so close to the young girl. For once they all did the right thing: they didn’t interfere with Buffy’s life.







A/N: Sorry about the angst. This fic was supposed to be funny, and now...well it's only getting darker. I promise more fluff in the next one, I'm getting depressed ...*lol*

Let me know what you think, leave a review! Thanks