A/N: Thanks to my super beta Luxferi

* * *

Buffy stood holding the small white card for what felt like minutes. It was from him, and it was cruel. In a matter of seconds she had gone from happily surprised to absolutely terrified; she could literally hear her heart pounding in her chest.

A bouquet of roses. It was a harmless thing - a beautiful thing, but still Buffy felt the chill creeping up her spine. They were from Angelus - she knew it, and she couldn’t interpret it as anything but a threat.

She grabbed the vase of flowers, flung the kitchen door open and threw the bouquet out on the lawn.

”Buffy!” Joyce exclaimed, surprised. Why would her daughter throw away such a lovely gift?

Buffy walked pass her mother without a word, up the stairs to her bedroom. She had just thrown off her stained peach colored shirt when something caught her eye: Spike’s black T-shirt. The black fabric distinguished itself among the pink and the baby blue clothes lying in a heap on the floor. Buffy didn’t even remember putting it there.

She pulled on another tank top before she grabbed both her’s and Spike’s stained shirts and headed down to the basement.

With both of the garments in the laundry basket she made her way back to the Brit’s place.

* * *

When Buffy got back to Giles’ apartment, she found her friends in full research mode. Willow was present and busily going through book after book, enthusiastically. Xander seemed to have fulfilled his duties as doughnut delivery boy and was passing a large box to Cordelia.

”Hey guys.”

”Buffy!” Willow’s face lit up with a smile when she saw her friend.

”Hello,” Giles said as he came out of the kitchen, a cup of tea in his hand.

Buffy sat down next to Willow on the sofa and grabbed one of the many books on the table in front of her.

”So what are we looking for?”

”You’re not even going to tell us where you went?” Xander asked defensively, before anyone had the chance to answer her question. He hadn’t forgotten their previous argument.

”Why? I said there was something I needed to do.”

”Yeah, something you needed to do,” Xander said sarcastically.

”Please, Xan. Can we not do this?” Buffy pleaded.

”Did it involve Spike? Angel? How can we know these days Buff, since you’re keeping everything a secret.”

”I don’t keep everything a secret!” Buffy objected, but turned to ask Willow. ”Do I?”

The redhead responded with a sympathetic smile.

”I’m just saying; first we saw you with Angel from time to time, in the Bronze,” Xander explained ”and then all of sudden you’re…sleeping with him. Then Spike shows up and you know him too, but you refused to say how…And if anyone think it’s creepy, please raise your hand!”

Xander put his hand up and so did Cordelia. Willow looked unsure of what to do.

”Look Xan, you don’t have to know everything, okay? What happened between me and Angel is my business, same goes for me and Spike.”

”So there is a ’you and Spike’? You just went to see him didn’t you? He’s a killer Buffy, I think you’re taking this whole bad boy thing a bit too far.”

Buffy was getting more and more angry with Xander. He didn’t know anything, how could he just assume things! Like she was just interested in Spike because he was cool or something… And if she happened to be interested in him, it wouldn’t be because he was a ’bad boy,’ she had seen through that exterior the first time she’d met him!

”You don’t know the first thing about me and Spike!”

”He’s a vampire Buffy, I don’t need to know! But if you met him just now I hope you introduced him to your stake.”

”You don’t get to tell me how to do my job.”

”I think I do when people are dying, Buffy, and we’re doing nothing!”

”He has a point,” Cordelia agreed.

”Giles, you’re her watcher, please tell her.” Xander tried to get the old man’s support.

”Frankly, Buffy, I don’t know what to tell you. But I don’t expect you to do anything as rash as trying to take out Angelus or even Spike, for that matter, before we know what to make of this situation. They are both old, very powerful vampires. Not to mention Drusilla. If they’re working together I’d say we’re in trouble. ”

”Spike hates Angelus,” Buffy said grumpily, and folded her arms over her chest. ”He wouldn’t work with him.”

”We can’t be sure of that. Ever since I learned about your…um, acquaintance with William the Bloody, I’ve been interested in details about your meeting that may reveal his agenda, but you haven’t been very forthcoming. You must understand your friend’s frustration.”

”You don’t want me to see him, do you?”

”If I thought that forbidding you from seeing him, would prevent you from doing so, I would,” Giles said and took a sip of his tea. ”I trust you can take care of yourself, Buffy, it’s your feelings I’m worried about. Your behavior in the library, if something, tells me that. He’s still a vampire, whatever you think you know about him; don’t believe in what he says.”

”Can everybody just stop telling me what to do! Spike has his reasons for disliking Angelus, and I trust that.”

”Why, Buffy? Maybe you should tell us…” Willow asked her friend gently.

”Duh!” Cordelia exclaimed and made the others jump in surprise and turn to look at her. ”Isn’t it obvious! She’s got like a crush on him! What is it with you and dead guys?! I mean – ew!”

”I dont-”

”Then what?” Xander asked exasperated. There was a moment of silence before Buffy admitted:

”Yes, I saw Spike today … I gave him three bags of pig’s blood. That’s all.”

”You gave him blood?” Giles asked surprised. ”And he accepted it?”

”No, I made him eat it,” Buffy answered flatly, and almost made Giles wonder if she was being sarcastic.

”You made him- That’s extraordinary!”

”Why go through the trouble Buff?” Xander asked. ”Why don’t just kill his sorry ass?”

”Because-” Buffy was getting frustrated. She’d told them where she went, couldn’t they just leave her alone? Hadn’t the argument about the dead teenagers been enough? ”I don’t want him dead, and he won’t leave town.”

She said it. The second the words were out of her mouth Buffy knew she had meant them. She didn’t want Spike dusted. She might have wanted to kill him, but she didn’t want him dusted.

The room became quiet. The statement that the Slayer didn’t want a vampire, besides Angel of course, dusted, seemed to have taken them by surprise. Everyone was watching Buffy and silently urging her to go on.

”If it wasn’t for Spike I wouldn’t be here, that’s why.”

”What do you mean Buffy?” Willow asked.

”I wouldn’t be here…Sunnydale, with you guys. I’d still be in there. Locked up.”

”What are you talking about?” It was Xander’s turn to be confused.

Buffy sighed. She understood she needed to explain herself. She didn’t look forward to it, but she had said too much to take it back. She just hoped her friends would understand.

”Two years ago, when I first got chosen, I told my parents about it. They freaked. Thought I was crazy and sent me to a mental institution. I didn’t know what to believe, I mean, vampires? You know how it sounds. The only one that knew I was telling the truth was Merrick, my watcher, and when he came to visit me he told me I was making things up. Patronized me.”

”That’s awful Buffy. Why didn’t you tell us?” Willow said with a hint of hurt.

”I’m telling you now. Anyway, I met Spike there one night.”

”He was locked up too?”

”No. He convinced me I wasn’t crazy. So if it wasn’t for him, I’d still be in that place.”

”You can’t be sure of that-” Giles said, but he was interrupted.

”I’m sure.”

That was when the phone rang. The loud ring cut through the serious atmosphere, and forced everyone to ease up a bit.

”Someone’s calling Giles?” Xander said in mock surprise ”Who’s calling? We’re all here!”

”Oh! Maybe Giles has a secret admirer!” Willow cried.

”Very funny.”

Buffy felt relieved. Xander was back to his old self: the constant joker. But the fact that they’d had two arguments in one day, made Buffy feel uncomfortable. She didn’t want to argue, and Xander was one of her best friends. He was usually so sweet and supportive, why couldn’t he just let her handle her own business? When Buffy thought about it, he never did. She thought about that time when she was new in school and Jesse, a friend of Xander’s, had been captured by vampires. She’d told him to stay out of it, but Xander had followed her, even though he’d just found out about demons and was terrified. That was just Xander in a nutshell; he doesn’t stay out of your business, he does what he thinks is right.

As Giles took the call the teenagers turned their attention back to the old texts they were trying to decipher. Xander was uncharacteristically quiet, made a few half-hearted jokes but didn’t mention Spike nor Angel again. Buffy was glad; she didn’t have most answers herself.

When Giles hooked up the phone, he stood quiet in his living room, still holding his tea cup, with a blank expression on his face. Finally, Willow noticed the quiet watcher.

”Who was it?”

”Um, it was... Jenny.” Giles took off his glasses and started to clean the lenses in his usual fashion.

”Jenny? Way to go man!” encouraged Xander.

”I- yes, it was Jenny on the phone, but the circumstances are quite unfortunate, I’m afraid. Her uncle was found murdered outside his flat a short while ago.”

”Oh my god…” Willow whispered.

”This is the gypsy uncle that told her to go all James Bond on Angel?” Xander asked.

”Yes, that would be the uncle.”

”So this was him?” Buffy asked quietly, not daring to look at her watcher in the eye. There was no question about who ’him’ was. No one answered, it only brought up the other humans that had lost their lives that day. Soon the question was forgotten.

The rest of the afternoon passed in silence. Everyone, even Cordelia, that usually was left unaffected by the deaths on the Hellmouth, seemed discouraged by the murders and the subject of Angelus’ killings did not come up again.

The gang flipped through book after book, but they couldn’t find anything of value. There were spells on how to extract one’s soul, how to speak to the souls of the deceased, but nothing about resouling a vampire. Since Angel was the only known souled vampire in the world, they didn’t expect as much either.

Soon, it was getting dark outside, and the teens settled for going to the Bronze before Buffy went out on patrol. Something was needed to ease the situation, and the Scoobies figured their favorite hangout might just do the trick

* * *

The young man’s blood rushed down his throat and seemed to fill his dead body with new life. A soft moan escaped the victim’s lips before his heart stopped beating and he collapsed, lifeless to the ground. Nearby, the sound of sobbing and soft pleas seemed to go unnoticed by this creature of the night that was satisfying his need for blood.

Spike dried off the blood at the corner of his mouth with the back of his palm. He burped and let out a contented sigh before he turned his attention to the woman curled up between the brick wall in front of him and a trash can.

”Please….please don’t hurt me.”

”Now why would I go and do that? Oh right. I’m a vampire! It’s what I do!”

”Don’t…please! Just let me go… I-I can give you money…please!”

She was practically crawling to him, to his feet, begging. A young girl, couldn’t be older than 20, blond hair, pretty face, about to face her death. Spike gloated in her fear.

He grabbed her by the throat and tilted her head so that the tanned neck was exposed to him. She screamed and tried to fight him off, but he was stronger, and even as his grip slid from her neck to the side of her head, he held on strong. She sobbed as his fangs penetrated her skin and into her artery.

Human blood. Spike drank with deep pulls. He appreciated it even more now that he had tasted the inferior pig’s blood. Just as his latest victim was turning unconscious, a scent reached his nostrils and it startled him. It was the sweet scent of flowers on a summer’s day, tinged with something else…Vanilla. For a vampire such a scent was rare, and Spike instantly realized where he recognized it from: Buffy. He stopped drinking and released his hold on the woman dying in his arms. She fell to the ground and moaned softly as her head hit the hard pavement. Spike took a step back.

Buffy. The goddamn slayer! How dare she interfere with his feeding! She had told him not to kill, but he had never meant to follow her orders. He was a vampire for Christ’s sake! Yet here he was, couldn’t even finish the poor bird off because she smelled like that cheerleader!

Spike realized the girl he had almost killed was probably just wearing the same perfume the slayer had worn when she was crying in his hotel room. A stupid perfume was the reason for this impotence? It was outrageous!

Spike growled as he grabbed the girl again. He could kill her, just watch.

But as he was about to sink his fangs into her throat again, he felt her blonde hair beneath his fingers and it reminded him of her again. He threw her body back on the ground and started to pace the dark alley.

It was wrong. She was wrong. Her smell wasn’t the same, he could feel it now. Her hair wasn’t as smooth, not as shiny. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t make himself kill her.

Spike roared as he kicked a trash can in rage, and threw another against the wall. He kicked the man he’d just killed in the stomach, but he never touched the girl again.

Spike took an unnecessary breath and exhaled shakily before turning around and heading towards the local club.

He was in desperate need of a drink.








A/N: Okay... *ducks flying tomatoes* Don't kill me, okay? *lol*

So a lot of you guys are probably getting tired of waiting for the spuffiness, but I assure you this is a spuffy fic, they will be together, just keep in mind that this is season 2, people. Spike is still evil, still with Dru, to get him to fall in love with Buffy at this time isn't always easy, but it will happen. I hope you'll stay with me. Thanks
~Nina