CHAPTER ONE

Losing Heaven – Chapter One

A/N: This chapter has now been betaed. Thanks to my fabulous Beta the RevDororthyL. I love you!

Buffy felt as though the softest cotton blankets surrounded her. Warm. Protected. Safe. It was something entirely new to her. Something she hadn’t felt – ever. Not even before she was called.

She also felt loved. Completely surrounded by love. This was something she hadn’t really felt since her mother died. In fact, as she stretched out her senses she thought she felt her mother’s presence.

“Mommy?” she called softly, hoping not to startle the presence she felt. In no way did she want it to leave. To her surprise and infinite delight the presence drew closer to her and she felt as if she was being enveloped in love.

“I’m here, baby girl.”

Buffy gasped as the presence of her mother surrounded her. Neither she nor her mother had physical form but she knew without a doubt that her mother was there.

“Where are we, Mommy? Is this Heaven? Can I rest?”

“Yes, baby, it is and yes you can. I’m so proud of you and what you did for Dawnie.”

Buffy thought she would feel sad thinking of her sister but she was filled with the knowledge that her sister was safe and protected.

“I couldn’t let her die, Mommy. She has so much to live for, and I was so tired. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, baby. You don’t have to worry; everything is going to be fine. Your dad is coming to get Dawn. He’ll take care of her.”

“Mommy, he didn’t come when you died. Are you sure he’ll come now?”

“Yes, he couldn’t come before. The Powers kept him away. You had to confront and defeat Glory so Dawn could be safe. You were the only one who could do that, and he wasn’t allowed to come until you did.”

Despite the utter peace and contentment surrounding her Buffy felt sad that her father hadn’t been allowed to come to her, but also grateful that he hadn’t really chosen to stay away.

Time passed, but she wasn’t sure how much time. It could have been a day or it could have been eternity. Time just didn’t seem to matter here. She spent most of her time with her mother, but sometimes she liked to be alone. When she was alone she would relax into the peace that surrounded her.

It never occurred to Buffy that eternity could end. It never occurred to her that anyone would want to disturb what she’d come to think of as her reward for all the pain she’d suffered in her short life. No, it never occurred to her, because she was completely and utterly at peace.

Suddenly Buffy felt a pain like she’d never known before and began to scream. She was instantly surrounded by her mother’s presence but it wasn’t enough. Her essence was pulled away by some unknown force.

When Buffy came to herself she felt cold and sore. What shocked her most was that she felt at all. Her arms ached. Her legs ached. But most especially her chest ached from drawing in air. Tentatively she reached out her hands and encountered a soft satin material. She carefully stretched out and found herself surrounded by the same soft material on all sides and suddenly she knew exactly where she was – her coffin.

Buffy’s breath began to come in panicked bursts as she started to beat on the lid of her coffin, using all her strength to bust out. Words tumbled from her lips in a horrified refrain.

“Buriedalive!Ohgod!Ohgod!Buriedalive!Gottagetout!” She repeated the words over and over in growing desperation as she finally broke through the lid of her prison and into the dirt above. As soon as she did, the dirt began to pour in on top of her, and she struggled harder, digging her way up and out of her grave.

Finally she broke free, collapsed on the ground and sucked in the cool night air. Even though Buffy knew it was night, everything seemed bright, harsh and distorted. Buffy slowly raised her head and looked out into the night but only saw blurry images, nothing distinct.

She pushed herself to her feet and stood on shaky legs. She had no idea where she was or what she should do, so she just stood there with tears running down her face, streaking the dirt collected on her skin. The tears cleared her vision, and suddenly she realized where she was. A cemetery. A very familiar cemetery, in Sunnydale.

“Oh god!” she gasped, turning in all directions trying to identify which of Sunnydale’s many cemeteries she’d been buried in. Then she realized it must be Sunnydale Cemetery. She’d probably been buried next to her mother. Buffy turned back to her grave and slowly made her way to her headstone and silently read it to herself. Turning to her right she saw the headstone marking the location of her mother’s grave.

Suddenly it was too much, and Buffy fell to the ground again clutching her fist to her mouth in an attempt to keep in the sobs trying to escape. Buffy’s other hand clutched at the ground and encountered several objects. She looked down and saw a circle of candles surrounding her grave and the broken shards of an urn. She also noticed a strange feeling in the air, a feeling of power, a feeling of magic.

The feeling shocked her. She’d never been able to feel magic before, but now the remains of whatever spell had been cast here coursed through her system. It was almost as if her spidey sense had been retuned. Now she not only felt vampires and demons but magic as well.

Instinctively, she knew that whatever spell had been cast here tonight was responsible for bringing her back, and anger began to build inside her. ‘How dare they! How dare they do this to me!’ she thought to herself. Her eyes began to darken and the air began to crackle with electricity.

Buffy almost jumped out of her skin at the sensations running through her body. “What the hell did they do to me?”

As she stood there wondering what she should do next the back of her neck began to tingle. ‘Vampire. Strong, definitely not a fledge,’ she thought immediately. ‘Oh shit! How did I know that?’ Buffy was in shock. Before her death she’d been able to sense the difference between a vampire and other demons, but she’d never been able to tell the difference between a fledge and a Master Vampire.

Buffy quickly looked around and found a broken branch lying on the ground. She picked it up, broke it in half and stood in a fighting stance. As she stood there she felt power surge through her blood as if readying herself for the coming fight. ‘Woah, more new stuff. I wonder what else I got brought back with?’

The approaching vampire stepped out from behind a nearby crypt, and the moonlight shone down on his platinum blonde head.

Spike stopped dead when he saw the woman standing at the slayer’s grave. He knew instinctively that this wasn’t the bot. He felt a wave of power like nothing he’d ever experienced coming off the small woman standing a few feet before him. He gasped an unneeded breath, “Buffy?”

Suddenly it was too much for her, and another sob escaped her lips as she cried out desperately, “Spike!”

Spike was frozen in place. He’d heard her speak, but he was too shocked to reply.

“Spike, please,” Buffy pleaded. She wasn’t sure what she was pleading for but she knew, whatever had brought her here and whatever was to come, the man before her would keep her safe. Before she died she hadn’t wanted or needed anyone to protect her, but now she desperately needed someone to make her feel safe because she felt so terribly lost.

It was her second cry that freed him from his stupor and forced him into motion. Spike quickly moved to the small trembling woman and took her in his arms, just as she began to shake convulsively.

“Ohgod!Ohgod!Ohgod!” She mumbled over and over as he held her. Spike rubbed slow circles on her back, trying to calm the woman in his arms. As he held her he breathed in her scent. Buffy smelled of earth, decay and, underneath it all, power.

Spike pulled back and looked into Buffy’s eyes, “What happened, pet?”

“I’m not sure. One minute everything was warm, soft, and the next everything was cold and painful. I reached up and felt satin all around me.” At this her voice broke, “Nooo! Oh no! I was in my coffin! Oh god!”

The tears came again but she didn’t stop speaking. “Had to dig my way out. Everything was so blurry and it hurt. I started to cry and my vision cleared. Then I saw my grave and my mom’s. Oh mommy! Why did they take me? Why?”

“Pet, what do you mean ‘took you’?” Spike couldn’t help the question, even though he had a horrible feeling he knew what she’d meant by being taken.

“I was safe. I was happy. But then there was pain and tearing. Someone cast a spell to bring me back.”

Spike gave a low growl that at any other time might have made Buffy nervous, but now it only comforted her. Spike wasn’t angry with her. He was angry with the people who’d hurt her.

“How do you know a spell was cast?”

“I found the remnants – the candles, an urn – but I can also feel the magic in the air. It’s strong. Whoever did the casting is powerful. They used some very dark, powerful magic to do this. It’s in the air all around us. Spike, why would someone do this to me?”

Spike pulled Buffy closer to him again and held her tightly. “I don’t know, sweetheart, but I’m sure as hell going to help you find out.”