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Before the Madness Begun by Nemo
 
Chapter Fifteen - The Importance of Being Sorry
 
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A/N: As you might have noticed the Buffy in this story is less confident in her slayerhood than in the show and still green with her calling. I just wanted to point this out, it might explain her (re)actions in this chapter better.

A huge thank you to my reviewers and my lovely beta Luxferi! And to everyone who left a comment on my lj - thanks for making me feel so welcome! *hugs*


* * *





A couple of hours earlier

Jenny was sitting in her usual classroom at the teacher’s desk in front of her computer. For an hour or so, she had tried to translate pieces of Angel’s curse but she was getting nowhere. She needed to try, though, there was nothing else she could do.

Her uncle had been killed. Her mind couldn’t grip the fact yet. And she had seen the body, lifeless and cold, she had seen the blood and the twisted neck. She still could not understand it. She didn’t cry, didn’t scream, just sat numb at her desk, her fingers dancing over the keyboard. She expected her uncle to come by like he always used to do, when she was working late, and tell her about the importance of doing what was right for her people, for the elders.

Except none of that mattered anymore.

”Hello, Jenny.”

Jenny jumped, startled in her seat by the sudden voice. She hadn’t noticed anyone entering. It was the weekend and the school was closed and the corridors dark and deserted. When she turned her head and saw Angelus leaning against the doorframe, she went rigid.

”Angel,” she whispered.

”So this is where you’re hiding?”

Jenny didn’t answer. Angelus strolled casually into the dark room.

”Tell me, Jenny, did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” he laughed softly. ”I mean – I’m a vampire!- don’t you think I can tell when some girl keeps following me around? Angel was too much of a loser to confront you though, but here I am!”

Jenny stared at him horrified. She didn’t dare to speak, and although her best chance of getting away was to run, she couldn’t move a muscle.

”The funny thing is, Jenny, I could do the same thing to you and you didn’t suspect a thing, did you? Neither did your uncle. There’s just something about gypsies… the taste, and then there’s the foolishness. You’re just too absorbed with this computer of yours, aren’t you? You trying to save me, Jenny?”

”The curse-”

”You know,” Angelus interrupted and continued casually. ” I’ve been around for a while but I never got the whole thing with computers. I mean you could just-” He grabbed the monitor, chucked the wires out and threw it on the floor. He grabbed the hard disk after and threw it on top of it, and the whole thing exploded. ”-and everything’s gone!”

On the floor in front of them were a reeking pile of burned plastic. Jenny looked horrified at what was left of her only chance of curing Angel. She clutched the armrests of her chair and pressed herself against the back as if somehow it would bring her further away from her foe. She kept quiet, there was simply no words forming in her mouth. Angelus continued.

”That’s what I love about this modern technology, everything destroys so easily. But don’t worry, I won’t finish you off that quickly.”

That was when Jenny noticed the knife in his hand. She let out a small gasp as he raised it and
studied his lack of reflection on the blade for a few seconds. He looked at Jenny, smirking. ”You and I are going to have some fun…”

* * *


”Jenny. Jenny’s dead. He killed her.”

Buffy took a couple of steps back, almost like someone had punched her in the gut and she was stumbling backwards. But she didn’t double over, instead Xander followed her into the hallway and closed the door carefully behind them. Buffy let the hand that was holding the ice cream carton drop to her side, and the cold package slipped through her fingers. It fell to the floor and melted cream ran onto the carpet.

”Angelus?”

The question was a mere whisper, and Xander didn’t answer. For him it was just as possible that Jenny Calendar had been killed by Spike. But he didn’t argue. It was not the time, not what they needed, not now.

”I… She didn’t- She’s dead?”

Confused and mournful eyes found Xander’s. He nodded.

”Yeah. They found her…” Xander swallowed. ”In school. They found her in her classroom.”

”Oh.” Buffy looked blankly at him before she slowly dropped her gaze to the floor, her eyes fixing on the ice cream stain for a few seconds. She looked up at Xander again.

”I-I have to get out there, he’s still around, he could - I need my stake!” Buffy exclaimed suddenly with newly found determination. She spun around and hurried up the stairs with Xander following close behind her.

”Buffy wait-”

When he entered her bedroom she was rummaging through her wardrobe throwing out various pieces of clothing until she found the stake that she was looking for.

”Buffy, don’t you think you should calm down?”

”This one was coated in holy water recently. I could do it again, it should sting extra shouldn’t it?” she said as she got up from the floor and passed by Xander to go downstairs again.

”Wait, Buff-”

”Shoes, need shoes.” Buffy grabbed her usual black boots down in the hallway, and started to put them on, but stopped.

”No. These are wrong. Can’t fight in these. The heels, heels are bad. Need other shoes.”

Buffy hurried upstairs again, and Xander couldn’t do anything but follow.

”Buffy, could you hold on a second! You fight in heels all the time!”

She didn’t listen.

Before Xander had gotten up the stairs again, Buffy was walking out of her bedroom, with a pair of white sneakers in her hand. She went pass Xander and downstairs again, but at the bottom she stopped. Somehow the intense determination had been replaced with hesitance. She stood there for a few seconds before she slowly turned around, and looked at Xander, warily.

“Does Giles know?”

Xander took a deep breath, before he answered, “He was the one who found her.”

That did it for Buffy. It was too much to bear. To Buffy it felt like all of Angelus’ victims’ deaths were literally heaped on her narrow shoulders, wearing her down. Jenny was the last, the straw that broke the camel’s back, and it made her slump to the ground. She couldn’t hold back her tears anymore. They started to run down her cheeks, as she let out a loud sob, but she didn’t mind them.

“Poor Giles...! He..he really liked her... she- “

“I know.”

Xander went up to his friend and put his arms around her. He didn’t know what to do, but he acted on instinct. While Xander hugged her tightly, Buffy just stood there awkwardly, didn’t put her arms around him in return; didn’t let herself enjoy the comfort.

“I yelled at her! When she told me about Angel... I- I was mean-“

“I know.” Xander didn’t know what to tell her to comfort her. He was barely holding back his tears himself. It had been a rough day, the pressure was too heavy on all of them. But for now, it didn’t matter that they had argued more that day than they’d done in a year, it didn’t matter that Xander wanted to lecture her about her relationship with Spike. He just held her. And all was forgotten.

“It doesn’t matter. You didn’t mean anything by it, you were just upset.”

“But what if she-“

“It’s okay, Buffy.” Xander took a step back, held her at arms’ length and gently squeezed her upper arms. He smiled weakly.

“You should... sit down for a while. Get some rest, and we’ll gather the gang in the morning.”

“I haven’t patrolled.”

“Maybe you should take the night off.”

“He’s out there.”

“You can’t fight him now, Buffy. Think about what Giles said earlier.” *Spike might be working with him* he added inwardly. He didn’t dare to tell Buffy that. Xander continued. “He could have strong allies. Minions.”

“Right.” Buffy nodded blankly, turned and went into her kitchen. She sat down on one of the stools.

Xander poured her a glass of water and handed her some paper tissues. It’s what you do when someone is mourning, right? He couldn’t think of anything more to say. He squeezed her shoulder gently. “I need to get home Buffy. Wanted to tell you myself. I’m gonna go to bed, you do the same, right?”

Buffy nodded. And he left.

Buffy sat in her kitchen for a couple of minutes, staring at the glass of water, until the buzzing of the refrigerator, the ticking of the clock on the wall, everything seemed to choke her. She went out and sat down on her back porch. Somehow, the night comforted her, and she could breathe again.

She hadn’t even known Jenny. Never taken enough time to build an opinion about her. She didn’t think it should hit her this hard. But then again, it wasn’t just Jenny, other people had lost their lives that day. Death was a part of her life as a Slayer, but this time it was different. This time Angel was the killer and she was responsible for changing him.

What a fool she’d been. When she thought about it now that entire night seemed unreal. She couldn’t believe she’d actually... done that. Had sex? Seduced him? Attacked him. What had she been trying to prove? Who was she trying to convince? Spike? Angel? Herself? There were too many questions, too many to which she hadn’t come up with the answers yet. Buffy pushed them to the back of her mind.

Jenny. She’d been the coolest, the youngest of the teachers. The one Giles became all nervous and started to stutter, around. Then just the other day, she’d found out about a whole different side to this woman. Did that mean she mourned a stranger? Someone she’d blamed for all this craziness in the first place?

Giles liked her. Even though she had lied to them, Buffy knew that. She couldn’t imagine how he must be feeling. She’d never seen her watcher close to being discouraged and she prayed to God he wasn’t going to be. But she feared he would be and it frightened her.

Buffy hugged her knees tightly to her chest. The chilly night air didn’t bother her, and the darkness was the only comfort. She hid her teary face in her hands and sobbed quietly to herself.

* * *


Spike had left the club aggravated at closing time and was in no way as drunk as he preferred to be. He was walking the streets of Sunnydale looking for something that could distract him from his thoughts. But the streets were empty, there was nothing to kill, nothing to frighten or rob, not even a demon to pick a fight with. A mailbox got to know the wrath of William the Bloody and was left in dangerous splinters on the sidewalk.

The source of his irritation was of course the Slayer, as it had been this last week. He couldn’t get the picture of her dancing out of his mind; the taste of her out of his mouth. He could still feel her breasts pushed against his chest and her sweet scent seemed to surround him. It was driving him insane.

She had kissed him.

Buffy had kissed him. Just like that - without warning. Thought she could just come up to him and assault him with her lips as she wanted. Like they were dating or something equally disturbing. What the hell had that been about?

But the worst thing wasn’t what she had done, it was what he had:

He had forgotten about Drusilla.

From the time he’d entered the club until Buffy had left him standing there with a raging hard-on, the thought of his sire had not crossed his mind.

It was outrageous. She was his sire, she had shown him everything he was, she had been with him for a lifetime, she was his everything! He couldn’t just forget about her, he couldn’t!

But he had. He might as well have shagged the slayer if she’d offered, it would had been just as bad. The thought of it was distasteful. But it made him even more aroused, the thought of him and that young blonde going at it in some dark corner.

It was perverse, obscene even. But he couldn’t deny the effect the small girl had on him.

So he thought the Slayer was hot. Big deal. He had to be blind and a complete faggot to not find her attractive. Attraction - that was all it was, didn’t mean he’d stopped loving Dru. He would confront Buffy about it, shag the life out of her, and it would be out of his system. Right? *Right. Good plan.*

Spike stopped. He realized he was standing outside the Slayer’s home. Apparently his feet had shown him involuntarily what he was thinking about. Spike took a drag of his cigarette when he heard the sound of sobbing.

He couldn’t help it, his feet were walking on their own accord. As he reached the back of the house he saw the heartbreaking sight of the Slayer in tears.

“What’s with the waterworks, luv? Didn’t think you had anymore in you.”

Buffy looked up to stare into his blue eyes.

She didn’t say anything, but Spike could feel the pain practically radiating off her. He changed his tone to genuinely concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it...” she answered meekly and turned her head away.

The thoughts about confronting her about their kiss, had instantly left his mind and he sat carefully down on the porch beside her. He didn’t say anything; but reached his hand out tentatively to rub her back. Spike could feel how the warm muscles beneath his fingers relaxed and she leaned in to his touch. Her crying had ceased.

For minutes they sat there in comfortable silence staring into the night. Just as Spike thought he’d managed to comfort her, Buffy let out another sob and hid her face in her hands.

“Hey, pet,” Spike spoke gently, and pushed a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. “No more cryin’”

“She’s dead,” she sobbed. “They’re all dead... And I’m...”

Spike had no idea who she was talking about, were they the teens she’d confronted him with this morning?

“I didn’t really know her,” she snivelled. “Jenny. And now she’s...gone.”

“I’m sorry, pet.”

As soon as the words left his mouth, Buffy went rigid. She took a couple of seconds, swallowed before answering coldly:

“Sorry? You’re not sorry.”

Buffy stood up, hastily, and looked down at the vampire sitting beneath her. “You’re not sorry!” Spike frowned, obviously confused, but let her continue.

“You don’t care about her, you don’t care about me. You’re a vampire! An evil, dead thing! You don’t care about anyone but yourself!”

The words hit him like a fist in the face. Spike would have probably preferred a fist – pain, he could handle – this? He had never felt so low in his unlife. Never had his own nature been thrown in his face the way the Slayer had just done, and it hurt him more than he thought it should. There was a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach, a feeling he didn’t recognize. Shame?

She’d been right. He was evil, he was dead. He didn’t know this Jenny bird, she could as well had been the girl he tried to kill a couple of hours ago. But she was wrong about one thing. He did care. Not that he wanted to admit it, but he cared because she did.

“That’s not entirely true, luv.”

“Yeah?” she said with disbelief. “ Then tell me Spike, why am I wrong?”

“I care about you.”

His crystal blue eyes found hers again. She could see the seriousness and honesty written all over his face, but that didn’t stop her from simply replying: “No you don’t.”

“Yes I- “ Spike stood up. “Don’t you throw it back in my face! You think I like it? Cos I bloody well don’t! I’ve got Dru to think about! Why am I here then, Buffy? Out of the evilness of my heart?”

“Yeah, Spike, why are you here?”

“I just told you.”

“You care?”

“Yes! Goddamn it! We have something here – attraction!”

“That’s not the same as you being sorry.”

“You can’t deny it. There’s something pulling us together. It’s not supposed to be there, but it is. “

Buffy sighed. “I’m not denying anything.”

“You were the one who kissed me, Buffy.”

“I’m aware of that – can we please not do this now?”

“No, we’re going to bloody talk about it! Now. It’s driving me nuts!”

“Spike. Please. It’s the middle of the night. A friend of mine... had just been killed. And- “ her voice broke into a sob. “and... I’m so tired...”

“Pet, I-“

Spike reached for her, but pulled back quickly when the kitchen door suddenly opened and Buffy’s mother stepped out wearing a pink robe.

“Buffy? What’s going on? Why aren’t you in bed?”

“Mom, I-“

Joyce had just seen Spike. “Well, hello.”

“´lo” Spike glanced at her nervously, his hands in his duster pockets.

“Don’t you think it’s a little late, Buffy? And if I remember correctly a certain young lady was grounded this week and was supposed to stay home tonight.”

“Mom, something came up-“

“Where were you? I was worried. You don’t listen to me at all these days do you? I don’t know where you are, or what you’re up to! Sneaking off in the middle of the night.... And who is this man?!”

“Mom, this is-”

Spike reached out to offer her his hand. “William.”

“Joyce.” She said curtly but didn’t take his hand. “And William - it’s far too late to be out at this time of night.”

“It’s your daughter you should worry about, Joyce, not me. With Angelus around things aren’t-“

“Spike and I are in a band!” Buffy exclaimed and cut Spike off successfully.

Spike rolled his eyes. “You haven’t told her?”

“I sing! And Spike-“

“Told me what? And honey, you know you can’t sing. And who is Spike?”

“You haven’t told your mother. She’s in danger, don’t you think she deserves to know before the Poofter scares her half to death?”

“And since when are you the one all full of wisdom...” Buffy whined.

“You don’t really know me do you, pet?”

“I’m warning you Buffy,” Joyce said sternly, “if you don’t tell me this instant what you are up to, I promise I will call your father and he will not be happy.”

“Mom-”

“Maybe he’ll make you see some sense, I sure don’t know how anymore.”

“Mom-“

“Even your teachers are complaining-“

“Mom! Will you listen to me?” she took a deep breath. This was it. It was now or never. It wouldn’t be like last time, she couldn’t send her away. Spike was here now. Everything would work out. He was right, her mom deserved to know.

“I’m a vampire Slayer.”





A/N: Yeah, I stole the porch scene from Fool For Love (ep 5x07 written by Douglas Petrie). Sorry Doug.

Still liking it? Please let me know what you think
 
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