SECTION 4 - YOU'RE THE ONE

When the cold wind blows
And the rain keeps tumbling down
And there's no one there
And the morning light shines on

You're the one to lend a hand
You're the one who understands
You're the one to comfort me
The keeper of my heart

(Clannad, Album - anam, Words and lyrics A. Brennan, Additional lyrics M. Brennan)



Chapter 4.03
Tuesday, May 14th, 2002

"Look, I mean I know I overreacted a bit, but we are not talking minor league PDA. He was practically dry humping her into the wall. And her leg was like somewhere it should only go in a yoga class." The teenager sucked a mouthful of her diet coke through a straw.

"But now you're all not talking to each other," Brandon laid aside his burrito to concentrate on their conversation. He looked considerably less rebellious than he had when he was at The Bronze. His hair was no longer spiky and his nails were bereft of polish. He wore a lightweight black button down with his jeans and New Rock boots. His leather jacket was hidden away in his locker for the day. "This is the same sister and her cool boyfriend that you were so keen for me to meet on Friday?"

"That was before they decided they were going to embarrass me at every opportunity."

"Look, I get that you don't want to be walking in on them all the time, but if this guy's just lost someone close to him, then it could be a reaction to that. Grief affects some people that way, like a reaffirmation of life, or so I'm told."

"Yeah, I know, that's what he said. It's just, like I knew I was being a brat, but like I couldn't just back down either. I mean, he knew I was upset but he more or less just said, 'screw you'."

"That doesn't really fit with how he was acting on Friday. I mean, I know they had that errand to run so they weren't there for a chunk of the night, but I was sure as hell getting a big brother sort of vibe off him when he was there. In a sort of 'mess with her and you've got me to deal with' way, not an 'Orwell' way. He didn't come across like he wasn't bothered about you."

"Well, no. I didn't say he didn't care. It's just, the pair of them, they're so wrapped up in each other, and I know they don't mean to, but I feel like I'm kinda shut out, and Spike was my friend. I mean Buffy wouldn't give him the time of day last year, but we used to hang out."

"I think we just hit what's really bugging you, sunshine. And if I wasn't inordinately secure, I might feel jealous." Those pale, cat-green eyes sparkled with teasing laughter.

"Yeah, right. My Spike crush lasted all of five minutes."

"So you admit there was crushage?"

Dawn giggled. "That is so of the past. I'm back to the tallish, dark and handsome motif. In a big way."

"Well, hey, if I didn't know how much you object to PDA's I might just have had to kiss you for that." Instead, the youth took her hand in a loose grip his fingers brushing against her palm and sending frissons of electricity through her body.

"With your dad on the other side of the cafeteria?"

"Some things are worth a bit of an ear-bending." The brunette gave a lopsided smile before he continued.

"So, how about we pick up something for the pair of them while we're at the mall, and then maybe you get to mend your fences without having to actually say you're sorry?"

Dawn looked at him curiously. "How'd you get so good at this?"

"Seven years of dad dating on and off. You learn how to meet in the middle without making the big climb downs."

 

---

 

The water almost overflowed the sides of the bath when they got in, Spike getting in first and then Buffy slipping between his legs, so that when she leant back she was supported against his chest. By silent consent they relaxed in the hot water, barely moving till the overflow allowed some of the excess water to drain away.

"So," she asked, "anything else you want to get off your chest about this weekend while I'm in a good mood?"

"That depends. I'm guessin' you've already seen the worst there is to tell in glorious Technicolor."

"Well, we did get a copy of a short film that would give Hammer House of Horror a run for its money, but you can thank Clem for getting you off on that one."

"Clem?"

"Clem and your musical friend. At least, we came to the conclusion you weren't going along with her of your own accord. Other than that we're still pretty much in the dark. So, if you want to fill in the details."

"Not much to tell. When she started with the holy water, I kinda played her at her own game. Said some stuff she didn't particularly want to hear. Next thing we knew, she drags this bint in and before we could even say 'owt, she just snapped her neck like a twig." Spike shrugged. "They said they had a bunch more. If I didn't give them what they wanted, then they'd just keep doing the same till I did."

"So that's when she got you to do your bit for Masterpiece Theatre?" Buffy asked.

"Actually, that was when I told the pair of them to sod off."

Buffy rolled her eyes and tilted her head back until she could see his face, and then another thought occurred to her. "The pair of them?"

"Yeah, Dru and the bint that owned the place. Least that's what our green friend reckoned."

"Okay, I guess that's an extra name on the Enemies of Buffy list."

"I didn't think any of your enemies lasted long enough to make a list."

Buffy blew an indelicate raspberry. "How do you explain the fact that you're still around then?"

"Well, that one's simple. Fate. Destiny. We can probably rule out kharma, seein' as how I've never done anything that good, but I think you get my drift."

"So, we have Dru and one of her protégées and they're torturing you, and they've killed one kid, but undeterred, you tell them to go away in colourful idiom. So what am I missing? Why were there still half a dozen kids there when we went to get Lorne? Why didn't they just kill them all?"

"'Cause I told them they couldn't use 'em for hostages if they were basically a bunch of happy meals as they were goin' to eat anyway. So next thing we're eight to a room and they're filming their wildlife special."

"And you and Dru?"

"Worst as happened was on the tape, love. S' far as I remember anyways, though there might have been some wandering hands while I was still half asleep." His hands reached up to stroke her face as she lay back against him.

"I guess when they did the spell I passed out for a bit, 'cause next thing I remember is wakin' up in bed with her stark bollock naked, and maybe if I'd been in best of health I'd have more to apologise for. As it was I was too busy tryin' to work out what the hell I'd missed."

"And plotting to kill me."

"That too. Forgive me?"

"For falling foul of a spell that made you forget the last four years? For doing things you didn't want to do, so that some total strangers who you had no reason to feel responsible for had a better chance?"

"But, pet, I did want to do them. I wanted to do them so bad. I wanted to feel that kid's flesh tear between my jaws. I wanted to feel her warm blood in my mouth, and the only reason I didn't do it straight away was because I wasn't prepared to lose you. That and sheer bloody-mindedness. Love, I don't know whether I did those things because I wanted to and the other kids just gave me an excuse, or because they backed me into a corner."

"Then, I guess your mate Clem knows you better than either of us. He didn't have the least doubt about why you would do it.

I mean, I said it was faked, that you weren't like that any more. Clem said you would. He said if your alternative was something that would hurt me more, you would do it in an instant."

Spike shook his head in disbelief. "Reckon he's probably right at that."

Buffy reached up to cover his hand on her cheek with her own. "I take for granted just how much you go against what you are to be who you are. You aren't a monster, but the only reason you aren't is because you make a superhuman effort not to be."

"No, pet, the only reason I'm not a monster is you. You're the reason I do what I do. You're the reason I can do it."

"That doesn't explain last summer."

"Sure it does. You trusted me to look after her. You loved her so much you were willing to trade the whole world for her, but you trusted me to look after her. An' I let you down on the day, but that doesn't mean I forgot what I promised or that I ever will."

"Spike, you didn't let me down."

"Sure, I did."

"Spike, no one wins every battle. Not even that Prince Naseem guy. But you didn't give up, you fought to the end and then you kept on looking after her even after I was gone, and thanks to you, as of this weekend 'Doc' is no more."

"You what?"

"Turns out our Mr Holliday shifted shop to LA. So, we sent Angel's crew in, got the info on how to work round the wards that were messing with Will and Tara's location mojo and then those of us with some grudges to settle, came in and helped finish him off. But if it hadn't been for you, I would never have known to burn his head. He woulda probably just put himself back together after we left and next we would have known he'd probably be getting his hands on that Axle of Python thing and fetching Glory back from wherever she ended up when Ben died."

"I'll take your word for the last bit, pet, though I'm fairly certain that isn't really what your magic doohickey's called. Just so long as you're sure he's dead."

"One less name on the 'Enemies of Spike' list."

"I thought that was the 'Enemies of Buffy' list."

"Same thing isn't it?" the slayer asked, leaning her head right back against his shoulder.

Spike's mind turned once more to Drusilla. "Most of the time, love, most of the time."

Buffy knew she had lost him to his guilt again, and she rolled so that she could lie on top of him with her forearms resting against his chest. "It really wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could have done except die in her place. The hotel was a sanctuary. Even if the chip didn't stop you, the spell would have. When you all walked in, you were just offering yourselves up like sacrifices. It was just a matter of trying to get you back before the others realised."

"You're rationalising, pet. And emotions don't work that way."

"No, they don't. I still feel like if I'd just come back from college quicker that day, then I could have saved mom. But I don't feel that way as often now as I did a year ago. And in time, maybe I'll eventually accept what the doctors said, that it happened so quick there was nothing anyone could do, but not quite yet. So, I guess that's one more thing we have in common."

That was it. They both knew that no amount of logic could make either one of them let go of their guilt. Nevertheless, it helped just to know that they understood each other.

Buffy debated whether she should tell him about her dream earlier that morning. It had been so vivid she had almost worried it was a slayer dream. However, she knew it was just rooted in her fears that Drusilla's death would somehow manage to drive a rift between them, that Spike's guilt over how it had happened might not allow him to grasp the happiness that came their way.

"What's up, love?" Cobalt eyes searched her face for a clue to the fear he felt coming from her.

"It's nothing," Buffy downplayed her worries. "It's stupid and if I tell you it just makes it more real."

"No walls, pet. No secrets. I know something's got you runnin' scared, and if you won't tell me what it is then it's goin' to make me scared, too."

"It's nothing. Just some funky dream I had this morning. We were just walking but Drusilla was following us, only we didn't notice till she grabbed you." Buffy trailed off unwilling to give voice to the dream's climax.

"And I staked her. She turned to dust in my hands." Spike finished her thoughts for her.

The two looked at each other in wonder as they realised the significance of Spike's revelation, and a little voice in Buffy's head told her, 'Woo, boy, is Giles going to love this.'